Double Clutch

by Liz Reinhardt

  The restaurant was dim and warmly romantic, complete with a bubbling mountain fountain peppered with little porcelain pagoda houses and Chinese fishermen and women all over it. Red paper lanterns with gold symbols and tassels hung from the ceilings, and there were two walls of tiny booths and a few tables scattered in the middle of the room. A girl with shiny black hair and large yellow teeth brought us to one of the booths and set menus in front of us.

  Jake shrugged out of his coat, and I watched the way he moved out of his clothes with a particular interest that reflected deeper things I wanted and felt.

  “Do you come here a lot?” He glanced around at the scrolls on the walls and the glossy menus.

  “No. When I was younger we did. Thorsten thinks they serve cat meat.” I flipped open the menu and thought about what delicious meal I wanted, unworried about my stepfather’s culinary prejudices.

  “Thorsten?”

  “My dad,” I said, not realizing I referred to Fa by his given name. That’s just how I thought of him.

  “Is he your real dad?” Jake moved the silverware back and forth with his fingertips.

  I was almost offended, but I reminded myself this was Jake asking me. There was no one who deserved to know more about me than he did. “No. I’ve never met my real dad. Mom and Thorsten got together when I was in elementary school. He’s awesome.” My words came out really clipped, even though I didn’t mean for them to. Jake poured his heart out to me two nights before; I could certainly fill him in on the basics without getting snippy.

  “I bet he’s cool. I mean, he picked you and your mom, right? Obviously smart.” He studied the menu with serious eyes.

  “You’ve never met my mom,” I pointed out.

  “I saw her today.” He never took his eyes off of the menu.

  “No.” I shook my head. “You weren’t there until after she dropped me off. You couldn’t have seen her.”

  He looked up from the menu and right at me. “I was there.”

  “But you didn’t come out to meet me.” I felt a little burr of nastiness. “I looked for you.”

  “I was watching you.” His eyes were dark and serious.

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re pretty.” He stated it like it was simple fact. It made me feel a warm, tingly rash over my skin. “Because I love the way you walk and how your hair is.”

  “How it is?” I teased.

  “Like long and always moving around. Like a wave. Or grass. Long grass. It doesn’t sound flattering, not like I meant it to.” His face showed the frustration I imagined he felt.

  “I’m pretty flattered.” I blushed at the difficulty of talking this honestly about things you don’t usually talk about. “I love when the wind blows the grass and it all ripples in a pattern. It’s beautiful.”

  “I’m sorry you have to take my weird compliments and try to make them sound normal.” He cleared his throat and pointed to the menu. “Did you ever eat the spring rolls here?”

  “I completely love your weird compliments.” I contemplated the menu, squinting a little as if I could make the tastiest thing pop out from the paper. “The spring rolls here are the best. Let’s get two combo platters.”

  “Alright.”

  “We’ll share. I want cream cheese wontons and sweet and sour chicken. What do you want?” I looked at Jake, and he looked uncomfortable, like he’d never ordered a plate of food from a restaurant. “Do you want me to recommend something?”

  “Just order for me.” He leaned across the table and spoke low, his eyes pleading.

  The waitress came over, and I nodded to Jake. “Hello,” I greeted her. “We’ll have two combo platters, please. I would like cream cheese wontons and sweet and sour chicken. The gentleman will have the spring rolls and beef and broccoli. And we’ll both have Cokes. Thank you.”

  His body actually sagged with relief as she walked away from the table. “Thank you. I get so freaked out at restaurants.”

  “Really?” I was completely shocked to hear this confession. “Don’t you race dirt bikes? How could that be less scary than ordering food?”

  “I’ve hardly ever been out to a restaurant, but I got my first dirt bike when I was four.” He unrolled his napkin and balled up the paper napkin holder. “So I guess it’s just what I’m comfortable with.”

  Mom and Thorsten took me out at least a few times a month, and I had eaten in some of the fanciest restaurants in the country, the ones that had extremely serious, trained waiters, professional runners for your food, and people whose only job was to refill your water.

  “Well, next time we go out, you’ll have to practice ordering.” I folded my hands on the table like I just made an executive business decision.

  “So are you asking me on a second date?” He crossed his arms and leaned back, a huge smile on his face.

  “Oh yeah.” I narrowed my eyes and gave him an evil grin. “But just as a charity thing. You know, take a clueless guy out and teach him how to order food at a restaurant. You’re practically community service for me.”

  He laughed, and when the waitress set our glasses down, he blew the straw wrapper at me.

  It was nice to eat with him, scooping things off of his plate across the table and showing him how to hold the chopsticks I’d requested. I laughed every time they leapt out of his hands and flew across the table.

  “I’d starve to death in China.” He picked up the thin pieces of wood for the thousandth time.

  “C’mon, you’re not so bad.” I watched him grab a piece of broccoli and open his mouth, only to have it slip out of the grasp of his sticks before he could get it in. I reached across the table and grabbed the piece tightly with my chopsticks, then lifted it helpfully to his mouth. He opened obligingly and ate.

  “I might not starve if you were there to toss things in my mouth every once in a while.” He wiped some soy sauce off the side of his mouth with a napkin.

  “I’d do it for you. That’s just how much I like you.” I pointed my chopsticks at him. “You’d better be willing to do something for me in return.”

  I saw a gleam in his eyes that made me realize he was thinking something completely different than what I meant. “Oh, I think I’d be able to figure something out.”

  “Maybe you can support us in China by being, like, a male geisha,” I suggested and raised my eyebrows.

  “What’s a geisha?” His face was adorably suspicious.

  “It’s like an entertaining woman, and they‘re actually Japanese. You know, the ones who wear the white face paint and kimonos. They hang out with important men and sing and joke and play instruments.”

  “But they’re girls,” he said uncertainly.

  “Yes,” I sighed. “But they’re supposed to be really attractive and people pay good money to have them around. That’s why you’d be a good one. Cause you’re a little bit of a man whore.”

  He laughed. “Not anymore. Do geishas sleep with the guys?”

  “No. I mean, they’re not nuns, but they aren’t expected to sleep with any clients unless they want to.” I placed the chopsticks neatly on the edge of my plate, empty except for a few grains of soy-sauce-soaked rice.

  The waitress brought us the bill with two fortune cookies on top. I snapped it up, and knew I could afford it all with the tip because I had ordered everything. I put the twenty down and got up to leave.

  “So what will you do while I’m a male geisha in China?” He helped me into my coat and wrapped my scarf around my neck.

  “I’ll teach little Chinese kids to speak English.” I put my hat on my head and walked out the door Jake held for me.

  “That doesn’t really sound fair.” He put his hand on the small of my back, keeping me from getting too close to the curb I was nowhere near too close to.

  “Look, you have to shake what your mama gave you, in every sense. You’re the looks, so I’ll have to be the brains. Or the muscle.” I closed my fist and popped my tiny bicep. Jake squeezed it appreciatively.


  “I guess you could take a few thugs out with those.” He wrapped his arms around me and his body blocked the cutting wind.

  We were just about to kiss again when I heard Kelsie’s voice.

  “Hey Brenna! Jake! What happened? Did you feel okay?” The Chinese food place was right down the street from the theater, and we must have timed our meal perfectly with the end of the movie.

  “Brenna felt dizzy. I thought she might need a meal,” Jake covered for me.

  “That was nice of you to watch out for Brenna,” Kelsie said, her voice overly sweet. I scowled at her. Her smile widened.

  “No problem,” he mumbled.

  “I know you guys ate, but we were going to head out and get something to eat at the diner. Do you guys want to come just to hang out?” I saw Chris and the other guy whose name I couldn’t remember. Kelsie noticed me looking right away. “Saxon and those two girls he dragged along left before the movie started. We thought they might have gone with you two, but I guess not.” She shrugged. “You two in?”

  “I can stay longer.” Jake looked at me.

  “I told Mom we might head out to eat after the movie.” I was still reeling a little from the news of Saxon’s exit. Did he see me and Jake leave? Did he have it planned from the start? Had I made a decision to outsmart Saxon only to get outsmarted?

  I was more than a little disgusted. My point had been to not think of him at all and then gloat about it to his face.

  We walked along the sidewalk, towards the diner. The guys discussed the upcoming Folly show.

  “I listened to your album the other day,” I said to Chris. “I thought it was really good.”

  “Awesome.” He pointed at me. “I hear you’re a crazy artist.”

  “Maybe. I heard you need some designs.” I felt a swell of pride when I thought about myself as an artist. I liked it.

  “Yeah, people have been asking for shirts at our shows. If you’ve even got a sketch or a digital image, we can get them screen printed, and we’d give you a cut of anything we make. Like royalties.” Chris pushed his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose, and I saw what attracted Kelsie to him. He was handsome in that lean, serious-faced, artistic way.

  “I’ll have something to you by the end of the week.” A job! I had an actual job that I was excited about.

  “Cool.” He looked at me like he had confidence in my promise to deliver. “I’ll introduce you to the band when we see each other at school.”

  He responded to something Kelsie said, and I noticed Jake hanging back.

  “You okay?” I took his hand in mine.

  “Yeah.” He squeezed my hand. “You’re going to be famous soon, huh?”

  “My design might be,” I said breezily. “Are you already buckling under the pressure of being part of a celebrity couple?”

  Whoops. The words were out of my mouth before I thought much about them. Honestly, it was just a funny thing to say. I looked at Jake, wondering what I should say now. We were at the diner, and I motioned for Kelsie to go in without us.

  “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend, Brenna?” Jake’s face was way too delighted for his own good.

  “Nope.” I turned my nose up at him. “I never ask guys out.”

  “Really? Because I think you just asked me out.”

  “No I did not. You misinterpreted. That happens a lot. My jokes are very high brow.”

  “Or just not that funny.”

  I jabbed him with my elbow and he laughed.

  And that’s when I knew for sure we should be dating.

  “I did not ask you out. But I would seriously think about not shooting you down if you asked me. Nicely.” I had to keep my pride.

  He took both of my hands in his. “Brenna Blixen will you be my girlfriend, please.” He held up one of my hands and kissed my knuckles smoothly. “Pretty please. With sugar on top.”

  “That was really nice.” I tried to keep my voice light and calm, but there was a knot in my throat. “I’ll do it.”

  “Let’s celebrate,” he suggested, his voice low and perfect. He pulled me close and kissed me, and his mouth felt extra warm and soft in the bitter autumn wind outside of the diner. We kept it relatively quick. We were on the sidewalk outside of a diner for God’s sake!

  “I like a celebration kiss, but some celebration pie would be even better. But I’m broke.” I remembered too late that I was tapped.

  “Good thing your new boyfriend is a high roller.” Jake’s smile so big and happy I was starting to forget what his expression looked like when he wasn’t smiling that big, goofy grin. We sat at the table with the others, and a young waitress in extremely tight pants hurried over as soon as she saw Jake sit.

  “Can I help you?” She leaned over to better expose her already overexposed cleavage.

  He looked right at me and winked. Then he took a deep breath and smiled at the waitress. “The lady and I will each have a slice of apple pie a la mode. And two Cokes please.” He handed her the menus with that goofy grin still overwhelming his entire face.

  Kelsie gave me a curious glance, but all I could do was mouth ‘later’ across the table. Under the glossy, black-speckled laminate booth top, Jake grabbed my hand and squeezed it in his hard. We ate our celebratory pie and joked with the others, and soon it was time to leave. I had to call Mom, even though I just wanted to stay with Jake all day. And all night, too, if I was honest about it.

  But that wasn’t possible, and I knew Mom would have already been home most of today by herself. It was horrible to think about her eating all alone. So I told Jake I had to call her, and I did.

  She sounded glad to hear from me, and she said she’d be happy to pick me up at the diner. She would be there in fifteen minutes. Everyone else was slowly starting to trickle out and go home, too.

  Jake sat in the diner lobby with me, facing the windows so I could see Mom’s car when she pulled up. He put his arm around my shoulders.

  “Awesome day.” He took a deep breath and looked very self-satisfied.

  “It was pretty good.” I grabbed him and squeezed him hard. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

  “You’re not calling me tonight?” He looked surprised.

  “I’ll call, but we can’t talk too long. And I have to call after Mom goes to bed. We watch shows on TV together and talk, and I can’t miss out on that.” I wanted to, and felt ridden with guilt for even thinking that way. My mother had raised me for fifteen years; I had known Jake for less than a week. It wasn’t a question of loyalty, because Mom would win hands down. It was just who I had a craving to be with. Guilty as it made me feel, that was definitely Jake.

  “I wouldn’t want you to.” Suddenly he moved away from me. “Mom’s here.” He kissed my cheek quickly. “Get going.”

  “How are you getting home?” I asked as I put my scarf and hat on.

  “I’m getting a ride,” he said vaguely. “Take care, Brenna. I’ll talk to you later.”

  I didn’t like his answer, but that was nothing new. Jake was always giving me answers I didn’t like, or I was always coming to conclusions about him that were probably right, but that made me sad.

  “Take care.” I cupped his face and kissed him quickly on the lips before I hurried out to Mom’s car. When I glanced back at the windows of the diner, they were so reflective I couldn’t see anything but my own face staring back at me. That was good because it meant Mom hadn’t seen Jake or his kiss, but it also meant I couldn’t see Jake as we pulled away.

  “Was it fun?” Mom asked after I slid in and buckled my seatbelt securely.

  “Yeah. It was really cool to see the movies on the big screen.”

  “Who went?” Mom asked.

  “Kelsie and a bunch of kids from school she knows. We didn’t get to talk too much because we were in a theatre.” It was easier to lie to my mom if some of what I lied about was true.

  “I’m glad you’re hanging out with friends already.” Mom paused. “Bren, I’ve been
thinking about something and I wanted to run it by you.”

  “Okay.” I could tell she was nervous from the way she held tight to the steering wheel.

  “I think I might like to take a job at the community college.” Mom glanced in the rearview mirror, then over at me.

  “Mom that’s great!” Mom had gotten her Masters in Art History before we left for Denmark, and she had been working towards her PhD for a long time. “Maybe you can work on finishing your thesis.”

  “I thought that. The thing is, I would have to pick up a night class or two, and I hate for you to be alone until after nine on a school night.” Her perfect eyebrows pulled together on her forehead.

  “Mom, it’s fine,” I assured her. “I’ll have homework most nights anyway. And I’ve been thinking about joining track. I might not be around all that much.”

  “But you still need me,” Mom said, and I felt a lump in my throat, because I knew she loved that aspect of our relationship.

  “You’re my mom.” I wanted to reassure her how much I loved her. “I’ll need you forever. But I don’t need you every minute. And you and I have cell phones. The community college is only twenty minutes away from our house. And I know all of the neighbors. You have to do this, Mom. You’re such a good teacher, and the community college kids especially need really good professors.”

  Her forehead smoothed and her eyebrows returned to their rightful place like twin birds’ wings over her blue-gray eyes. “You’re the best, Bren. How’d I get such an excellent kid?”

  “Good genes?”

  She reached across the center console and patted me on the knee. “You got that right.”

  We got home and I did some reading in my Kingsolver, since I hadn’t had a chance before. My room looked amazing. I was so impressed with how it had turned out, and having a really beautiful room made it much easier to hole up in there. Not that I needed any excuse. I’d loved being alone in my room since long before I’d had a boy to moon over. I popped open my laptop and transferred the picture of Jake from my phone to the computer, then ran it through my photoshop program. I cleaned it up and made it black and white since the color was terrible. I hooked my laptop to my photo printer and printed it out.