Shadow of Love: Love Changes Everything! Book 5 (The Shadow Series)

by Barbara Goss

  “It all starts in the heart,” Billy said. “God made us with pure hearts, but then when Adam and Eve sinned in the garden, our hearts became evil and sinful. When you give your heart to Jesus, it changes the heart. After accepting Christ as your personal savior, the first thing you’ll feel is euphoria and a love for your fellow man. If, and I stress if, you truly gave your heart to God, there's no pretending in order to look good to the rest of the church—God can see into your heart, and He knows whose hearts are His.”

  He recited the sinner’s prayer once more, and invited anyone who said the prayer, and truly gave their heart to God, to see him in his office after church to follow up with their decision.

  Anna noticed some people wiping their eyes, which showed Anna they were deeply moved by her husband’s sermon. She felt so proud of him. Her heart was bursting with pride and a budding fondness for Billy.

  When Miles offered her a lift home, she refused. “I’ll wait for Billy today, but thank you anyway, Miles.”

  Anna made her way down to the office and noticed that five people were standing in line to see Billy. She waited, and when the last person came out of his office, she entered and closed the door. Billy was straightening papers on his desk, but he raised his head when Anna entered the room.

  “Did you see them, Anna? Five today! I feel so good inside that I am able to serve God in this way, to lead people to Him like that. I can’t explain the feeling. Five souls were saved today!”

  “Six,” she said softly, but doubted he’d heard her.

  “You didn’t go home with Miles?”

  “No,” she said. “I came for a follow-up on the commitment I made after your sermon. I gave my heart to God today, along with the others.”

  She watched Billy’s mouth drop in surprise, and then he gave her the biggest and brightest smile ever. “I’m so glad! I’m sorry…I never thought…I just assumed you’d already…oh, never mind. I’m thrilled.”

  “Let’s go to Pete’s for dinner and celebrate—after I give you some follow-up. Oh, I can do that at home. Let’s go,” he said.

  “It’s a beautiful summer day, let’s go on a picnic,” Anna said with excitement. “I’ll pack some of that chicken Dora made last night and some other things, and we’ll pick a spot where we can enjoy nature.” She smiled. “And then you can give me that follow-up.”

  “That’s a great idea! Nothing can dampen my mood today, nothing!” he exclaimed. “And I know the perfect spot for our picnic—by the river, where there’s a park-like area. It will be perfect.” He winked at her. “Great idea, Anna.”

  She’d never seen Billy so excited, and now she finally understood him and the object of his passion. She understood his mission in life, and his inability to cope with distractions that would take him away from his purpose.

  Billy steered the buggy toward the Smoky Hill River, while Anna held the picnic basket on her lap. When they reached the river, Billy turned and stopped at a grassy area above the rocks, and they alighted the buggy. He took the basket from her.

  “Over here,” Billy called. Anna followed.

  He led her to a green area, under a large tree; this spot had a perfect view of the river. Anna opened the basket and removed a large tablecloth, and she spread it under the tree. She took out the chicken, pickled beets, and crackers and cheese. She also handed Billy a jar of lemonade. The tablecloth was large enough for Billy to sit on one side of the basket, while she sat on the other, facing the river.

  As they ate, Anna remarked several times about the lovely scenery. Every so often a barge would float by.

  “What a lovely day!” Billy said. “I haven’t felt this carefree in a long time.”

  When they were finished eating, Billy helped Anna clear up the food and dishes. He moved the basket onto his other side, so they'd be able to sit side by side.

  “Several things happen after saying the sinner’s prayer and meaning it. We have access to God’s grace. Ephesians 2:8: For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Ephesians 2:18: For through him we both have access by one Spirit unto the Father.

  “We possess eternal life. John 10:28: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.

  "We have a personal relationship with God. John 15:15: Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

  “How do you remember all those verses?” Anna asked.

  “Ah, in the seminary we were required to memorize them. We were given verses to memorize daily and recite them to our teacher. You can’t give a sermon or counsel to anyone without backing up your words with scripture, so it’s a vital tool,” he said.

  “So, is there anything else I need to do, besides saying the prayer?” she asked.

  “No. You are now saved, if you truly meant it. Now all you have to do is to reinforce your faith by going to church, which should be easy, since your husband is the minister,” he winked again, “and having Christian fellowship, and by prayer. You’ll grow as a Christian and soon you will crave the word, like you crave dessert after a meal,” he said with a smile.

  For some reason, Billy felt drawn to Anna since she'd become saved. It was like she was his sheep and he was the shepherd. It was a feeling of protectiveness. He looked into her sincere, brown eyes, and told her again, “I’m so glad you are saved. I feel closer to you now.”

  “Do you also feel close to the others who were saved?” she asked.

  “Yes,” he said, drawing the word out slowly, “but with you it’s different, maybe because you’re my wife.” He looked at her from head to foot when she wasn’t looking and thought for the first time how lucky he was. She was a mighty fine looking woman, and she was his wife.

  Anna looked out over the river, and said, “I feel closer to you as well, because if it weren’t for you, I’d be unsaved, working upstairs in Lucy’s boarding house, and I wouldn't be happy with my life at all.”

  Billy felt sincere sympathy for Anna. He reached over and put his hand on hers, lying on the tablecloth. “I’m glad, too, Anna. You’ve been a sensational wife so far, in every way, and I’m proud of you.”

  “Except when I yelled at the drunk man,” she reminded.

  “Okay, except then,” he said.

  “And the time you scolded me for being a polite hostess to Michael Green.”

  “I’m truly sorry for that. I did apologize, didn’t I?”

  “No, you never did.”

  “I meant to. You see, Anna, being saved doesn’t make you perfect. Being a minister doesn’t make you perfect, either. As Christians we are not perfect, but we do try hard to be so. We're always trying,” he said.

  She smiled at him. “I’ll try harder to be what I know you want me to be,” she said.

  “I have to tell you, honestly,” he said, “I couldn’t have picked a better wife if I’d have tried. You are perfect. Despite your few mistakes, which are understandable, since you are human, after all.

  “Considering your background, you’ve made much progress, and I’m very proud of you,” he said.

  Billy watched her cast her eyes downward and blush, and he suddenly felt the urge to kiss her. Where did that come from? He fought the urge and prayed about it, but it didn’t go away. He truly wanted to kiss her. She looked so lovely sitting there, gazing out at the view. He knew how hard she was trying to be a good wife, and he felt something pulling him toward her. He stood.

  “We should get back.”

  “Oh,” she said, “but I love it here.”

  “I promise we’ll come back and do this again. Maybe we’ll do this every Sunday after church,” he said.

  “Really? I’d love that.”

  As they rode home, Anna asked him, “How can I learn more about God and the Bible? If I’m to eventually teach a Sunday school class, how wil
l I ever learn enough?”

  “Good question. I tell every family who comes to me for counseling to hold family devotions and Bible studies together, so maybe we can start doing that. Don’t worry too much about the Sunday school class. I’ll make sure you teach only the youngest children.”

  “I’d like that,” she said.

  “Every night, after supper, we’ll have our Bible study.”

  Anna wondered how giving her heart to God had already made her life better. Billy’s whole attitude toward her had changed. He was happier; he didn’t avoid her, and keep himself locked in his office most of the time like he had been doing.

  She did notice him acting a bit strange at times, though, like looking at her oddly, and then moving away from her suddenly, or suddenly changing the topic of conversation. She hoped it wasn't because she was doing something wrong.

  The evening devotions were going well, and she enjoyed their time together. Dora had started to join them, but then, after two days, she'd stopped coming. Anna thought it was Dora’s way of giving her time alone with Billy.

  During meals, Billy seemed to make more eye contact with her, and he relayed stories of his childhood, which Anna loved to hear. Before, they’d eaten in almost complete silence. Dora had started ducking out on eating meals with them, as well. Anna was sure this was her way of helping Anna and Billy’s marriage along.

  Anna was in the kitchen talking to Dora, as Dora washed dishes, when someone knocked at the door. She answered it to find Michael Green at the door. She invited him in, but Dora hadn’t seen him yet. She pointed to a kitchen chair, and quietly left the room. She knew if she didn’t hear any noise, all was probably going well for them.

  She took a seat in the sitting room and held her breath. Suddenly, Dora came scurrying out of the kitchen and flew up the stairs. Anna felt disappointed. She’d hoped that Dora would forgive Michael and they’d become a couple.

  She walked back to the kitchen to find Michael with his head in his hands.

  “I take it that it didn’t go well?” Anna said.

  “It went horribly wrong,” he said. “She turned around, saw me and darted off before I could tell her how much I loved her.”

  “Why don’t you write her a love letter?” Anna suggested.

  “That’s a great idea—but I’m not too good with words. Will you tell me what to write?” he asked.

  “In a way, I will. If you tell me what you want to convey, I’ll put it into words, and you can write it down—it has to be your feelings in your writing.”

  When they’d finished the letter, Anna gave him an envelope. He put the letter inside it, and handed it back to Anna so she could put it where Dora would find it.

  Writing the letter seemed to make Michael feel much better. When Anna walked him to the door, he put his arms around her, and gave her a brotherly hug. “Thank you,” he whispered in her ear, and went out the door.

  Anna turned to see Billy in the doorway to the sitting room, standing there, staring. A moment later he silently turned his back to her, went back to his office, and slammed the door behind him.

  She could imagine what he was thinking. She had to go and explain. She slipped the letter into her pocket and knocked on his door.

  “Not now, I’m busy,” he said, abruptly.

  Anna turned, and then Violet walked in for her reading lesson. Her problem with Billy had to be forgotten for a time, as she had to concentrate on her lessons.

  Chapter 9

  Billy brooded. Could Anna be falling for that Green fellow? Why was he hugging his wife? Had he come here to see Dora or Anna?

  He’d almost said something to Anna, but he feared saying something in anger. He had to cool down. He felt hurt, angry and sick all at once. He was sure he felt this way because of the humiliation it would cause if people discovered his wife was in love with another man, it would be a disgrace. Yet, somehow he thought it might be more than just the fear of disgrace that gave him the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

  Michael Green’s hugging Anna had forced him to the conclusion that he was falling in love with his own wife, slowly but surely. He felt heartbroken because he thought that perhaps she’d begun to feel the same.

  As a minister, his options were few. He couldn’t call the man out or fight with him. What could he do?

  Anna knocked on his door but he was afraid to let her in. He was sure she was going to confess her love for Green, now that he’d caught them together.

  All he could do now was pray.

  After Miles picked Violet up, Anna decided to try Billy’s office door again, but then she remembered the letter in her pocket. Where should she leave it? She decided to put it on Dora’s pillow. She went upstairs, but didn’t see Dora. She looked out the back window and saw her taking clothes down from the line. She slipped into Dora’s bedroom and put the letter on top of her pillow, where she'd see it right before she went to bed.

  Anna went downstairs and knocked on Billy’s office door, but he didn’t answer. Perhaps he’d gone out. She turned and made her way to her own room where she took out her books to practice her reading. She wondered if Billy would show up for dinner or to hold their nightly Bible studies.

  Prayer and much thought had brought what Billy thought was common sense back to him. Of course he couldn’t possibly love Anna. He merely felt protective of her because of his position in the church. A scandal would ruin his career; therefore it was important to speak to her about the situation. He prayed he would be able to do so without displaying anger. He continued praying until dinnertime. When he came out of his room and sat down at the table already set for dinner, Dora was in the process of putting food platters onto the table.

  When Dora put the last dish on the table she asked, “Where’s Anna?”

  “I’m not sure. She's probably in her room reading,” he said.

  “I’ll get her,” Dora said with a sigh that made him wonder if she thought he should have called her to dinner. He would have, but not when he was so unsure of his welcome.

  Dora brought Anna to the table, filled a plate, and excused herself. Sometimes Dora ate with them, but Billy knew that tonight Dora had sensed they should be left alone. “I’ll eat upstairs tonight. I have a bit of a headache,” Dora said.

  “On, no, Dora, please sit with us,” Anna pleaded.

  “No, darlin’, not tonight.” She blew Anna a kiss and left the room.

  Anna folded her hands and Billy began the before meal prayer. He blessed the food and asked God to bless the two of them, and their marriage. After he said amen, Anna looked at him curiously. He knew she was surprised at his asking God to bless their marriage, as he’d never prayed for that before, at least, not out loud.

  “Billy,” she began, “about what you saw today—it isn’t at all what you think.”

  “Really?” Billy asked as he reached for the meat, slapped a hunk on his plate, and placed a piece on her plate. “Where I come from, a hug is an affectionate gesture, and you led me to believe his interest was in Dora, and not in you.” He was proud he’d kept his voice calm and even throughout.

  “It is on Dora—” she was cut off by Dora, who came scurrying into the room waving a piece of paper.

  “Anna, look at what Michael wrote me! Read it and tell me if you think he’s sincere.”

  “I don’t have to read it, Dora. I know what he says. I helped him write it.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes. He loves you, Dora,” Anna said.

  Dora wiped a tear away from her eye. “Are you sure you didn’t add things he didn’t really want to say?” she asked.

  “No, and he told me much the same, even before we'd written the letter. I only helped him draw out his feelings by asking him questions, which he answered, and then I told him to write it down.”

  Dora glanced at Anna and Billy, noticed they hadn’t eaten a bite yet, and excused herself again, but she looked as if she was dancing on air, and wore a smile reaching practically from
ear to ear.

  Billy and Anna finished their dinner without saying another word. Billy felt foolish for having thought Anna would ever do something like carry on with someone else behind his back. Anna wasn’t saying anything, though he thought she was probably thinking about what a mistake she’d made marrying a man she didn’t know, especially one who was so quick to jump to conclusions.

  Anna wasn’t sure if she was flattered by Billy’s suspicion, or angry about it. She knew what he’d thought, and now that he knew the truth, did he apologize? No, and that was what made her so angry.

  She pushed her plate away and stood.

  “Don’t forget our Bible studies,” Billy said.

  “All right,” she said, and walked to the sitting room where she waited for him on the sofa. She loved their nightly Bible studies, and was glad he'd decided to have it tonight, despite their differences.

  Rather than sit in his usual armchair in the sitting room, he sat down on the sofa beside her.

  “Before we start, I need to apologize. I’m sorry for believing the worst when I saw Michael hugging you. I assume he was thanking you for the help?”

  Anna nodded. “It wasn’t even an affectionate hug, like Miles gave me, or like you gave me that once. It was very measured, and expressed gratitude to me, and nothing more. When I saw the look on your face I knew you thought the worst, and I tried to explain, but you wouldn’t open your door. That made me angry.”

  “Miles hugged you, too?” he said in surprise.

  “Yes, he did. When he first met me, to welcome me to the family.”

  “Oh,” he said. “The reason the hug bothered me is that, being a minister’s wife—”

  “I understand,” she interrupted. “I know what my duty is as your wife. You explained it clearly, and so did Julia. I’d never do anything to cause you to lose your job. I love living in this house. To me, it’s a mansion…a castle, and I’m the princess, married to the prince.” She gave him a very sad look. “A very misguided prince, sometimes, but a prince, nonetheless.”