I left my glass of water on the counter knowing it would piss Ben off.
Upstairs, I changed and washed my face, refusing to look at myself in the mirror. Because I knew what I was going to do next.
I checked the email and there was one waiting from Brice. As though he were right on cue… just knowing I would be checking. Just knowing I would be desperate to read his words.
Kins -
I don’t know what we both expected tonight. Which is why I get the way it happened. I chose the place because I needed to feel comfort and you chose a friend for the same reason. But you know damn well we both ended up away from those two things. Alone. Staring at each other. Feeling everything that’s real. You know nothing has changed. Your hair might be longer. I might have a scruffy woodsman look to myself. But our eyes are the same as always. I’m the only one who can see into your eyes and know what you’re thinking. And you’re the only one who can do that to me.
I’ll never intentionally hurt anyone… but if I know for even just a fraction of a second that your heart felt like mine did, then I won’t give up. I’ll wait forever, if that’s what you ask me to do.
But I just need to know.
Did you feel it too?
I blinked away fresh tears as I exhaled a shaky breath. I looked around the bedroom. The bed I didn’t pick out. The sheets I didn’t pick out. The curtains that were bought to match the paint that I didn’t have a say in. At that time, it was all fine with me. Just going with the flow to keep things moving forward, because that was the safest direction from the past.
But now…
I shut my eyes and wrote my response to Brice.
12
First Snow
Brice
YES
The single word that kept me up at night. The single word that ran through my mind throughout the day. I hadn’t replied to her yet and wasn’t sure how I wanted to do it. If what we were feeling had a chance of being real, then emails were useless.
I thought about the man she was with, but I couldn’t let guilt get in the way of the truth. And that truth was that in my heart, Kinsley and I never stopped being together. Our situation got the best of us for some time and now that time was up. There was never anyone who could come close to Kinsley. Many tried, and nobody succeeded. Even with the Milo situation hanging over my head… but that was something different. That was a promise I had to hold steady on for the moment.
After closing the bar the night before, I slept on the couch with a fire in the fireplace. My body ached for Kinsley to be there with me. Right there on the couch, an old blanket thrown over us, staring at the dancing flames, just doing nothing but killing some time together.
Alone I slept and alone I woke.
Walking around the cozy cabin, my feet freezing on the floor as I waited for the heat from the fresh fire to do its job, I poured a cup of coffee and walked to the window in the kitchen. As I stood there, I saw a few snowflakes begin to fall. It brought a smile to my face and brought Kinsley back into my mind. Not that she had gone very far.
A few snowflakes turned into plenty more. Heavier by the minute until it became hard to see as far as the first tree outside the window. I put my coffee mug down and used my phone to take a picture of the winter wonderland. By the time I took the picture, there was a decent coating on the branches and the ground.
My first instinct was to send the picture to Kinsley.
I wished I could have called her from the couch to walk into the kitchen with me. And then stand there with my hands wrapped around her perfectly curved body and watch the snow fall until we both finally looked at each other and realized we were better off on the couch… or maybe making our way to bed.
Morning Kins,
Had to send you this picture. This is the first real snowfall for me this year. And it came out of nowhere. Funny how that happens, right? Just a few random flakes of snow and then it’s a snowstorm. One second you can see and the next second you can’t. There’s something serene about it, if you’re just looking. But if you have to walk or drive through it, it’s a different situation. I’m happy I get to just stand here and watch it right now. I don’t know if it's snowing where you are though, Kins. I’m a little bit away here in the woods. Hidden from the world, just making each day count as a notch on the belt of survival. I know that’s what you’re doing too. It’s your beautiful mind, heart, and soul doing all it can to heal and hide so you don’t get hurt again.
The only thing you need to remember is that the hurt is a reminder of feeling things.
I never got the chance to hold you until the end of it all. That burns in me.
So right now, I’m watching the prettiest snowfall I’ve seen in a long time.
And all I can think about is you.
I wish you were right here with me.
Maybe soon, love.
Brice
I put the phone down on the counter and casually refreshed the email every ten seconds, waiting for Kinsley to reply.
A reply never came through.
I finished my coffee. The quick snow squall came to an end. By the time I made myself something to eat for breakfast, the sun was out and most of the snow had melted, leaving only traces of the snowfall in the shadowed crooks of branches and between piles of leaves.
I promised I would help Lucky with a few little projects around the bar and then I promised to pick up Milo from school and take him home.
The rest of the day was consumed by the dream of Kinsley. What we had. What we lost. What I wanted us to have again. I told myself that if she gave the word that she was truly happy in her current position in life, I would leave her alone unless she needed me. But that felt like a rotten lie.
I was under one of the sinks in the back of the bar, loosening a clogged pipe when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I jumped so hard and fast that the wrench popped free and fell to the floor with loud bang. I sat up and smashed the top of my head into the sink.
“Fuck,” I growled as I wrestled to get my phone out of my pocket.
I had no idea what I was thinking moving that fast. It wasn’t an email. It was a text message.
From April, reminding me to get Milo from school.
I didn’t need the reminder, but I didn’t tell April that. Her heart had the best intentions for Milo and she had definitely moved into a protective role in his young life.
The easiest thing to do was to reply with a thumbs up and go back to work.
“You okay back here?” Lucky’s voice boomed.
“Yeah,” I said.
I put the wrench back on the pipe and gave one more push. The wrench finally moved as I grunted, winning the battle between man and pipe.
I crawled out from under the sink. “All set.”
“Unclogged?” Lucky asked.
“No,” I said grabbing a towel that hung over the side of the sink. “Loosened. You can do the rest.”
“Like hell,” he said. “Where are you going?”
“I have to get Milo,” I said.
“Ah, right. The kid thing.”
“Yeah. The kid thing, Lucky.”
“Hey, I never really understood that situation.”
“You don’t need to,” I said as I slapped the towel back onto the sink. “Don’t run the water into this sink. It’ll flood the floor.”
“Are you coming back, Brice?” Lucky asked.
“Probably not. Just slide it out and clean it out. Probably full of gunk from all the shit you wash down there. Clean it and put it back together. Then tighten it.”
“You were really a big help, huh?”
I ignored the comment and hurried to get out of there to go get Milo. My plan had been to come to this little town and try to keep life simple. Probably try to do the same thing Kinsley was doing. Yet I knew how close I was to where we once lived. And if she really intended on finding a new life to hide from her old one, she wouldn’t have been so close to where our lives once existed.
There were a lot of fals
ehoods floating around in the air at that moment, but one thing we both knew was true.
We belonged together.
I sat next to Milo and watched him work on math problems. He was quick. He was smart. The only two mistakes he made were because he was going too quickly. His eyes kept moving to the clock on the microwave. Desperate to finish up schoolwork so he could get outside and play. I respected it, even more now that the days were getting shorter.
He finished the last math problem with a crooked two as his answer, which was right, and he slammed his folder shut, jumped off the bar stool, grabbed his coat from the back of a chair at the table, and was out the back door.
I laughed to myself as I stood up and put his book bag back together.
I looked around the kitchen.
The house and everything outside and inside had the appeal and assumption of being a normal functioning house. Even though it was far from it. April lived here alone, well, now with Milo. She did nursing for those who were at home, which gave her a slightly more flexible schedule.
“Sorry about that,” April said as she hurried into the kitchen. “There was an issue with the rotation… where’s Milo?”
“Outside.”
“He needs to do his homework,” she snapped.
“It’s done,” I said.
“You checked it?”
“Twice.”
“Brice…”
“He finished it,” I said. “Bag is packed and on the table if you want to check my checking.”
“Thanks,” April said with a sigh. She put thumb near her mouth.
“What is it?” I asked. “You look scared to death over there. Is it June?”
“A little,” she said.
“What now?”
“She wants to talk to you,” she said. “Before you get upset, just listen. She’s doing good. She sounds happy. All she wants right now is to talk to you. It might not be the worst idea ever. As a reward for her.”
“A reward?” I asked. I stood up, my nostrils flaring. “After what she did…”
“Brice,” April said.
I shut my mouth. My heart slammed inside my chest.
“She can’t have my number,” I said. “I don’t want her bothering me.”
“Use my phone,” she said. She held her hand out. “She’s calling in a couple of minutes.”
“What?” I asked.
“She’s calling to say hi to me,” April said.
“Did you tell her I’d be here?”
April’s silence was the answer.
“Christ,” I said and slapped the counter.
“Don’t be mad,” she said. “I didn’t say you were going to talk to her.”
“She knows I’m here,” I said. “And what about her son?”
“I’m taking care of Milo,” she said.
“And I’m not helping?”
“You are. And I appreciate that. Please just talk to her for a minute.”
I stood in silence until April’s phone lit up with a phone call. She waited for me to make a move. I clenched my teeth and walked toward her. I took the phone out of April’s hand and walked out of the kitchen to the front door.
Last thing I needed were these memories clouding the memories of Kinsley. I tried that once before and it blew up in my face.
I answered the call. “Hey, June.”
There was silence.
“Hello?” I asked.
I heard someone sniffle.
Ah, shit…
“Brice,” a voice whispered. “Is that really you?”
“It’s really me,” I said. “April said you wanted to talk to me.”
I stood on the front porch as twilight started to take over what had been a perfectly clear, blue, cold day.
“I just need to hear your voice for a second,” June said.
You just did. Your second is up.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“Good,” she said. “Much better than the last time you saw me.”
“That’s a good thing to hear,” I said.
“Did you find somewhere to stay?”
I gritted my teeth again. “I’m doing just fine, June. Please don’t worry about me. Don’t even think about me, okay? You need to take care of yourself. Yourself and nobody else. Okay?”
“You’re too sweet,” June said. “I miss you. I miss you saying those things to me.”
“I haven’t said anything sweet in a long time,” I said. “You know that.”
“I’m forgetting about the moments before it all exploded, Brice. Those don’t count.”
“They don’t count?”
“No. That wasn’t me. The real me. And it definitely wasn’t the real you. That much we can agree on.”
“I don’t want to talk about that right now,” I said.
“I think I’m supposed to though.”
“I’ll say it again, June. You need to focus on yourself. And Milo.”
She was quiet. Way too quiet.
That pissed me off.
I rubbed my jaw and reminded myself where she was and why she was there. Saying what I wanted to say and picking a fight would only hurt everyone.
“Brice, I’m sorry for what happened,” June said. “I never said that before.”
“I appreciate you saying that,” I said. “You’re doing the right thing. You’re in the right place. Everything here is taken care of. Your sister is an amazing person, June. She’s taking care of Milo. He’s happy. He’s doing good in school. I just finished his math homework with him. He’s playing soccer. Everything-”
“Did you fuck her?”
“What?” I asked.
“April. Did you fuck her?”
“Are you serious right now?”
“Answer my fucking question,” June said.
I moved toward the steps of the porch, nodding.
Same old June, huh?
“You know I would never do that,” I said. “That’s not why I’m here.”
“Say the words, Brice. Or else I won’t believe you.”
“I did not fuck your sister, June,” I said. “I can’t believe I just said that. I did not want to talk to you and this is why. You twist everything up and make it into your tragedy. Your sister is raising your son. I moved my life to try and help so you could get help. And you think I’m sleeping with April.”
“Why wouldn’t you sleep with her?” June asked. “You two are together all the time…”
“Just stop,” I said. “I’m going to get off the phone now. I’m happy you’re feeling better. I hope you keep getting better, okay? But us talking is a bad idea, June.”
“Brice, please,” she said. “I love you. I love you so much.”
“Love you back,” I said and ended the call.
I shut my eyes, feeling the disgusting taste of a lie in my mouth.
I turned, and April stood with the front door open.
Our eyes met.
“Happy?” I asked, tossing her phone to her.
“Brice…”
“I’m going to go say goodbye to Milo. I have to get out of here.”
“I’m sorry for what she said,” April called out as I walked down the porch steps.
I glanced back, knowing there was plenty I could say to her as a friend and as someone who knew the wrath of June. Because what June said to me… that had probably been said to April more than once. All the while June didn’t give one damn about her son.
I watched Milo in the backyard for a minute as he pretended to be a cop, chasing down an invisible criminal, making the arrest, yelling at the perp as he put it, making me laugh because I could only imagine what shows he watched when April wasn’t looking.
As a precaution, I made sure to keep my hands visible as I approached Detective Milo and said goodbye.
At my truck, April stood there waiting for me.
“I’m not talking about anything,” I said.
“I didn’t ask you to talk about anything. Forgot to give y
ou something.”
“What’s that?”
“There’s an event next weekend in town,” April said. “Like a Thanksgiving-slash-Christmas thing. They shut down the main street and vendors set up tables. Crafts and stuff. I’m taking Milo. Figured I’d throw it to you.”
She handed me a white flyer.
I’d seen it around town the last week or so but never paid much attention to it. Small towns loved doing this kind of thing. Each holiday got its own little event. An excuse for churches to hand out free pens and kids could throw a ball in a bucket to win a lollipop. Definitely not my kind of thing.
Until something caught my attention at the bottom of the form.
I saw Kinsley’s name. And the veterinarian practice she owned.
I gave a nod. “I’ll be there.”
Brice -
I think I need to talk about what happened the other night. And what I wrote to you. The question you asked and that I was caught up in a moment. Of course I feel something too, Brice. You know that. That’s totally implied between us.
Yeah, maybe there are things I haven’t told everyone about when it comes to my life, but when did that become everyone’s business?
It was my life and my business. Well, it was our life and business, Brice. And don’t think for a second that I don’t know that or understand that. My life right now is different. Very different. Seeing you proved that more than I already knew. The question is… is that good or bad?
That part I can’t answer.
Writing emails back and forth is one thing. Seeing each other is another. There’s a part of me that wonders if we could ever just stay apart and let time keep us apart. Because that would honestly be the best for everyone. If we get too close, we’ll get hurt. People around us will get hurt. My mind is already spinning with thoughts that feel so wrong, but I can’t stop. Just like right now. I’m standing in the garage as I type this email. It’s cold in here. I don’t have socks or slippers on so my feet are freezing. And I have this crazy urge to smoke a cigarette. I can’t tell you the last time I had one or really wanted one. You’re a terrible influence, even when you’re not near me.
Somebody Else (Somebody, Nobody Duet Book 1) Page 13