My Blue River

by Leslie Trammell

  I lay back on the blanket and looked up. I didn’t even need to ask what we were looking for because I saw it instantly. Never in my life had I seen stars shine so brightly. The night sky sparkled like it had been sprayed with glitter. It was beautiful. It was not until now that I realized how much the city lights had blocked the twinkling beauty of the stars. I wondered if a picture would turn out. I ran to Jack’s Jeep, grabbed my camera from my bag and returned to my spot on the blanket. I snapped a few photos. I had to admit, this was awesome. If only it were “vacation” awesome—something you get to see and experience, but not have to live with.

  “Another point for Montana,” I whispered.

  “What’s that?” asked Jack.

  “Oh, I just said, another point for Montana.”

  “I didn’t know you were keeping points. What’s the score?”

  “Let’s see, I gave one point for the privacy at our new house and a point for this fabulous view, so that’s Montana two but California still has a trillion.” Secretly, I gave another 500 points for Jack being here, but he’d never know.

  Jack laughed. “California can’t be that terrific—a trillion?”

  “Okay, I’m probably exaggerating, but I can’t help it. It’s where I grew up and it’s where I want to settle down someday. I love it there.”

  “I know what you mean. I grew up here. It’s where I want to raise a family. I can’t even imagine leaving Blue River.”

  “Hey, you just never know. Maybe you’d like California, too.”

  “Ha! I doubt it. Can I ride a horse through the middle of town?”

  “Uh, probably not.”

  “Then there you go—I wouldn’t like it.”

  “But you can camp on the beach, surf, dolphin watch, go to Disneyland in a matter of hours,” I wheedled. “You can’t do that here.”

  “I could camp on this beach.”

  “I mean a real beach, silly.”

  “I can watch for trout on this beach.”

  I cocked my head to the side. “Oh, that’s right. I forgot that trout watching is exciting,” I sarcastically replied.

  Reluctantly, Jack admitted a tiny secret. “You got me on the Disneyland thing though. I would actually like to go there, even though I’m not a little boy anymore.”

  “Trust me. Disneyland brings out your inner kid. No one is ever too old for Disneyland.

  We both started laughing until we succumbed to the silence of our own thoughts. I found it interesting and confusing all in one breath that I was finding a best friend in Jack. I was beginning to enjoy his company more than I did Sheridan’s. She was so edgy and negative all the time. I never realized until this moment how much of my energy she sucked from me. But I was also deeply attracted to Jack, and that wasn’t something people who were just friends should share. A bundle of emotions resided in my heart and they were in a word, perplexing. I assumed it was all part of growing up and I wasn’t sure I liked it. I had always heard that sometimes love finds you—you don’t find it. I had a feeling that expression fit with what was happening to me and Jack.

  Talking about Disneyland with Jack made me remember the simpler times, the happier times of my family, before Aaron lost his way. It was always so exciting to walk through the front gates of Disneyland. It was truly magical—truly “the happiest place on earth.” I thought about the stunt I pulled when I was eight years old. I called it the immoveable statue. I wanted to stay so badly that I plopped down, right in the middle of Main Street, and refused to leave the park. I tried it again the day we left California. I chuckled out loud at the thought. I must have looked ridiculous both times.

  “What’s so funny?” Jack asked.

  “Oh, I was just remembering my Disneyland protest. You would have thought I was saving a tree or something. I refused to leave when I was eight. I made a big scene. I can still remember the look on my mom’s face. I thought the vein in her forehead would explode.”

  At first Jack was grinning but then his expression became somber. “You sure like to push your mom’s buttons.” He said matter-of-factly. Typical Jack, he’s about to call me out on my crap.

  “I…uh…well…yeah, now that you mention it, it kind of seems that way, doesn’t it?” I paused because I was about to make a confession and that wasn’t something I did very often. “Honestly, I don’t know why I push her buttons.” I stared straight up at the sky, refusing to meet Jack’s gaze. “We used to get along, but then I began to get a mind of my own and that apparently didn’t go over too well with her.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Hmm. What?”

  “I don’t know. That just doesn’t strike me as your mom’s personality.”

  That comment made my head snap in his direction. I may have felt slightly ashamed, but I was confident that I understood my mom’s personality and motives more than he did. “Oh, trust me, she likes to be the one in control and it drives me insane. My dad is a saint for putting up with her because she is a complete and total control freak.” I looked away because I knew he would challenge my words.

  “Okay, okay. Geez, settle down. I just think that maybe someday you’ll understand when you’re a mom.”

  “Ha! Okay, first, I’m not sure I’ll ever be a mom. Just because I have the right chromosomes and body parts, doesn’t mean I want to do it!” I snuck a peek at Jack to get his response.

  “Really?” Jack’s eyebrows furrowed. “That’s too bad. I can totally see you having kids.”

  “Then you need glasses.”

  Jack didn’t respond. In fact, an awkward feeling hung in the air. Clearly, he felt it too and quickly changed the subject. We talked about school and Claire until we landed on the subject of Zeek and Sallie.

  “I think Zeek likes Sallie,” I said.

  “Oh, yeah, definitely. Zeek has liked Sallie since she moved here in the eighth grade.”

  “Well, she either doesn’t notice, or she is doing really well at ignoring it.”

  “She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body so I know she’s not ignoring it and he is just too shy to make a move. Actually, they are both really shy.”

  “That’s too bad. They would make a good couple.”

  “Yeah, they would. So…um…can I ask you a question?”

  “Strawberries,” I answered.

  “What?”

  “I was guessing that you would ask what my favorite fruit is.”

  He laughed. “So I guess that’s a “no” to me asking you a question? You’d rather talk about fruit? Okay, well, I have told you about my mom’s garden. She makes this huge garden every year. Do you want to know how she fertilizes the soil?”

  I snickered. “No! Please ask me a question! I can’t promise you that I’ll answer though.” I somewhat feared what his question would be.

  “Well, I was wondering, do you…think…do you think if a guy likes a girl, he should tell her?”

  I felt myself blush because I wasn’t sure we were still talking about Zeek and Sallie so I chose my next words carefully. Before I could answer, Jack continued on, “Or maybe if a girl likes a guy, she should make the move. We are, as you have pointed out, in the twenty-first century.”

  Whew. A question I can handle. This is cake. “Sometimes, girls like guys, but they know the relationship can never go anywhere, so they just forget it and enjoy the view from a distance,” I said, trying to sound like I was all knowing on the subject.

  “Really?” His voiced raised an octave and sounded like a little boy’s. It was so cute it tugged at my heart. “Please explain.”

  I was certain he, too, wondered if we were still talking about Zeek and Sallie. I decided to explain, knowing I was giving away my feelings but I almost didn’t care. It was secretly a thrill to have him know I was attracted to him. It could make the next year very interesting.

  “Well, for example, me and you. You’re a perfectly wonderful guy I could picture dating, but I’m leaving in a year so it doesn’t make sense to date and leave with a bro
ken heart next August. It’s best we’re just friends.”

  “You can picture dating me?” His eyebrows arched and his grin was broad.

  “Yeah.” I was almost afraid to ask, but had to know. “Can you picture dating me?” My heart started to beat faster in anticipation of his answer.

  He rolled to his side to clearly face me. I rolled to face him in response. If his pause was for dramatic effect it worked. His eyes searched mine and when he spoke, his voice was soft and no longer up an octave. “I would love nothing more than to date you, Addy Davis.”

  My skin prickled. It felt like someone had just squeezed my heart. I loved knowing he would want nothing more than to date me. As quickly as I knew I loved it, I hated myself. I have got to stop torturing myself!

  He continued with a forced, upbeat tone, “But I guess you’ve made it clear you won’t date me, so I’m happy with our “just friends” status.” He rolled onto his back. “But I’d never break your heart,” he nearly whispered the words.

  My face froze as I stared at him. He continued staring at the sky, ignoring the feel of my gaze. I couldn’t find words that would fit the moment, so I rolled back as well. Somehow we had both managed to find positions a little closer to each other. I could now feel the heat of his body. The temptation almost overwhelmed me.

  The CD began playing a song and the lyrics included “kiss me slowly.” I was afraid I would roll over and plant a huge kiss on his full, beautiful lips so I scooted my body away from his.

  I sat up and suggested we use the telescope. He gave nothing away. I couldn’t read his expression the slightest bit and I couldn’t help but wonder how disappointed he was or if disappointment was even the feeling he felt right now. We marveled at the sky, taking turns looking through the telescope until I started to shiver. Even though it was summer, in Montana it cooled off at night.

  “Are you cold?” asked Jack.

  “Yeah, a little,” I said, wrapping my arms around my body.

  He grabbed a small blanket and put it around my shoulders. He must have predicted this moment but what he didn’t predict was the touch of his hands to my shoulders causing more shivers.

  “Wow. You are shivering! I can’t believe how thin your California blood is!” he exclaimed.

  I pretended not to hear his comment. “So how’s your astronomy?” I asked.

  “Pretty good, actually. I know all of the constellations. I know Saturn is over there.” He pointed in what I assumed was the right direction. “How’s yours?” he asked.

  “Well, I know that’s the Big Dipper.” He turned to see where I was pointing, only to find I was pointing at him.

  “Wow. You just totally slammed me.”

  We both laughed as he playfully smacked my finger away.

  “Yes, I did.” It was a silly joke to basically call him a “dip” as if he were stupid, but he took it all in good fun.

  “Very clever, Adelaide.”

  “Oooh! That’s serious. You called me Adelaide.”

  “Hey, I just realized, I don’t know your middle name.”

  “Mary. My middle name is Mary. What’s your middle name?”

  “A. It’s just the initial A.”

  “No middle name, huh? Why?”

  “My parents couldn’t agree on a name but agreed on the A, so I’m just Jackson A. Cooper.”

  “I like it. Jackson A. Cooper. It sounds like an attorney’s name. Jackson A. Cooper, Attorney at Law.”

  “Oh, no. I’ll never be an attorney. I’m not college material, remember?”

  “So just what type of material are you? I mean, you have to have some type of life plan, right?”

  “I haven’t figured it out yet, but I’m pretty sure college isn’t for me.”

  “Well, you better get going! You’re about to be a senior in high school!”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll figure it out. I’m good with my hands.”

  I looked away and muttered, “I’ll bet.”

  “What’s that?” asked Jack as he raised one eyebrow. Did he catch what I said?

  “Oh, I was just saying, I bet you’ll get a plan for your life.”

  “Oh, I just thought…never mind…well…anyway, I’ll be fine. I can always farm with my dad, but I’m not sure that’s what I want to do for the rest of my life. It would be okay for starters and my dad can use the help. I’m pretty easy going. I don’t stress about things like life plans. I’m just happy to be alive.”

  I shook my head in disbelief. It was unbelievable how completely different Jack and I were from one another. We were like oil and water but then again, oil and water combined with an egg and dry cake mix could make something quite delicious. It just took a few other ingredients to make it work.

  I laid back to gaze at the sky. I started to sing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.”

  “Addy, you might want to keep your day job,” he chided.

  “What?” I pretended to look hurt but I knew I couldn’t sing or at least, not as well as Jack could. “I think I sound great. Besides, at least I have a real job.”

  “I have a real job, too, missy, or did you forget I work for your mom and dad?”

  “Missy? Dude, do NOT start calling me missy,” I said as I poked him in the side. He jumped from my touch.

  “And you don’t start calling me dude.”

  “I could call you worse.”

  “You could, but you won’t.”

  We bantered back and forth for a while until we succumbed to laughter then something caught my eye.

  “Look! A falling star!” I exclaimed as I pointed to the sky.

  “Quick! Make a wish!” exclaimed Jack.

  We both silently made our wishes.

  I sighed and declared, “This is an amazing view. I have never seen anything so beautiful.”

  “Me either.”

  I glanced in his direction and found his eyes fixed on me.

  ********

  Jack’s Journal

  Sunday, August 29

  I would like to say I went star gazing tonight but it was more like Addy gazing. It was like last night. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. The starlit sky paled in comparison to her. I had a small moment of hope when we started to talk about dating. It began as a conversation about Zeek and Sallie—which by the way, somebody should really get those two together. Anyway, it turned into a conversation about whether we should date. I was honest. I want nothing more than to date her. But she was honest, too. She leaves after graduation and doesn’t want her heart broken.

  If she would only give me a chance, I could make her love Montana, make her want to stay, and hopefully, make her love me, too. Why am I talking about love? I guess for now, I will settle for her friendship and value each and every moment we get to spend together. We wished upon a falling star tonight. In one year, we’ll see if I get my wish.

  11. Summer Blowout

  “There’s no way your parents won’t let you go. Have you even asked? You’ll be with me and they love me,” said Jack.

  He had been planning an end-of-summer camping trip. He had even named it the summer blowout. It was amazing how fast the last two months had flown by when I had envisioned a miserably long summer. We were already approaching Labor Day weekend and right after that would be the first day of school.

  Jack’s usual group of friends would be there—Zeek, Mac, Sallie, Claire, Mimi—Sallie was bringing her cousin, Miranda, who was going to be a junior at a high school in Wyoming but other than her, everyone else was about to be a senior at Blue River High School. I had to admit it was a comforting thought that no one was a couple. I hated feeling like a third, fourth, or fifth wheel.

  Not comforting was the idea of camping in the mountains of Montana with Grizzly Bears. The only camping I had ever done was what my family referred to as “hotel camping.” We never camped—we didn’t even own a tent or a camper. We hung out at the beach with bonfires a lot, but never spent the night.

  “I don’t know, Jack. It sounds dir
ty, and buggy, and cold. Did I mention dirty? I mean, I know it’s the summer but—hello? It still gets pretty cold at night.” I sounded whiney and I knew it, but couldn’t help myself because this time, I really did have mixed emotions.

  “You’ll stay warm. Trust me.”

  I wished he would stop the “trust me” talk. I knew I could trust him; I just wouldn’t admit that to him.