My Blue River

by Leslie Trammell

  “Come on, cowgirl up,” he jokingly demanded.

  “Really? You still haven’t noticed I’m not a cowgirl?”

  He cocked his head to the side and asked, “Is it exhausting?”

  “Is what exhausting?” I rolled onto my side and shot a perplexed look in his direction. We had taken a break from apple picking in my family’s orchard and spread ourselves out on the lawn, gazing at the big, blue sky.

  Jack rolled to face me. “Is it exhausting to be so difficult all the time?” he chortled.

  I actually felt offended and could feel an overreaction coming on. I rolled onto my back. “Wow! You did NOT just say that. I’m not difficult.” I spat.

  “Yes, you are difficult. Just let go and have some fun.” He reached out and touched my arm and with that one touch, I let go of feeling offended. “Quit worrying about whether you’ll get cold or dirty or bug bitten…just have fun. I won’t have fun if you’re not there.”

  I let out an over exaggerated sigh. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?” I said with resignation.

  “No, I’m not. Besides, I already asked your parents. I believe their response was, well, you are almost eighteen and you are going in a group and we know you’ll be responsible, blah, blah, blah...oh, and then I told them my parents were chaperoning and that clinched the deal. They said it was fine with them, but it was up to you,” he explained.

  I turned to face him. His hopeful expression tugged at my heart.

  “Please, Addy.” Jack’s puppy dog, brown eyes were pleading with me.

  I let out another heavy sigh. “Fine, I’ll go,” I relented. “But I refuse to share a tent with Mimi.”

  “Deal.”

  ********

  Two days later we were headed to a heavily wooded campground two hours from Blue River that was near a lake. Those who owned Jet-Skis had them in tow. I sensed this would actually be a lot of fun, but I would never admit it to anyone. I took my camera to capture each moment. Memorializing my time in Montana was actually beginning to be a rather thick scrapbook and I was really enjoying every photo I took.

  I got a lesson in tent assembly when we set up camp. Jack laughed at my lack of skills. I was thrilled Claire had decided to go, or rather, that Ethan “allowed” her to go, so we could share a tent. I was also thrilled that her less than appealing boyfriend wouldn’t be showing up to put her on an emotional rollercoaster. Maybe just once, she could actually have some fun. I glanced over at her as we rather clumsily worked on the tent. When we caught each other’s eyes we started to laugh at how ridiculous we must have looked. She was really growing on me and something told me we would share a lifelong friendship.

  Before long our camp area resembled an outdoor recreation resort—Montana style. Some of the guys put up a volleyball net and built a horseshoe pit. I had never in my life tossed a horseshoe. It sounded laborious and boring. I did look forward to some time in and on the water—boating, jet-skiing, water-skiing—those were the activities I knew and loved. But it didn’t take long to learn that the temperature of this Montana lake wasn’t as warm as I thought it would be. I decided it was time to take a break and resume my photography.

  “Ready?” asked Jack. He stood in front of me, holding up a bronze, heavy looking, U-shaped object.

  “Excuse me?” I wearily asked.

  “Are you ready to play a game of horseshoes?”

  “I don’t think so, Jack. I’ve never played it before but I’m sure that’s not my type of game.”

  “Oh, come on. Give it a try,” he pleaded.

  “That looks heavy and the…um, “sport” looks boring.” Sheesh, I’ve become my air quoting mother!

  He mumbled something about me being difficult again. I was beginning to hate that he knew how to get under my skin and work everything to his favor.

  “Fine. I’ll give it a try.” He held out his hand and helped me up.

  After a few brief instructions of the game, I gave the horseshoe a toss. It was such a feeble attempt I felt embarrassed. It landed halfway between each pit which was exactly why I didn’t even want to try this foolish game.

  “Wow! That stunk! I guess I should show you the right way to toss that thing,” Jack offered.

  I wanted to object to his offer but when he stood behind me, he was so close I could feel his naked chest against my bikini covered torso. He could have just reached for my hand; instead he slowly slid his hand down the length of my arm until he reached my hand. I felt his hot breath on my neck as he gave me instructions. It felt so nice to be close to him.

  “…and then you release…” What? Crap! I had gotten so lost in my fantasy about Jack—lost in thoughts I shouldn’t be having—that I wasn’t listening. I had only heard his last few words.

  “I’m sorry. What did you say?” I asked.

  “Weren’t you listening?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “Yeah, I…uh…I mean no, it’s just that it will be tough for you to hold my attention about something so boring.” I was thankful the flush of summer heat could mask my embarrassment.

  “Well, excuse me, Ms. Big City. Sorry this game is so boring for you. Why don’t we see if you learned anything,” I was relieved he followed his words with a laugh.

  “Okay, cowboy, back off. Let me show you how a city girl does it.”

  “Yeah, can’t wait,” Jack chuckled, and then mumbled something about loving to know just how a city girl does anything.

  I’ll let that go.

  Determination fueled my swing and I managed to get the horseshoe near the pit at the opposite end. After several tosses, I became better, even making what was called a “ringer.” When my arm, hand, and fingers began to feel numb from the pain, I was done. I exercised muscles in my hand that I didn’t even know I had. These Montanans played way too hard for me and I couldn’t keep up.

  “I’m done. You happy now?” I asked.

  Jack grinned. “Actually, I am happy and maybe even a little impressed. I do believe you deserve a break so maybe we should eat.” He declared our next move and grabbed my hand, pulling me in the direction of the picnic table. I flushed as I felt several eyes on us, noticing Jack’s hand holding mine.

  “Hey everyone! Gather ‘round. It’s time to eat!” yelled Jack’s mom.

  Everyone stopped what they were doing and gathered together at the picnic table like a pack of famished wolves. I held back for fear I’d lose a hand if I reached in for a sandwich. At the rate Zeek was grabbing food, I wasn’t sure anything would be left but that was okay by me. This was becoming one of my favorite summer memories. Everyone was having such a good time I thought our laughter could have been heard from our campground back to Blue River. I smiled as I watched the buzz of activity around me. Even Mimi let her guard down at times. “Real” was the only word that came to mind. There was no pretense or hidden agenda about them or the friendship they offered.

  It felt like time flew by after we ate lunch and by the end of the day, we were ready to settle into some down-time by the campfire. We made s’mores and someone struck up campfire songs, none of which I knew. I did, however, enjoy watching Jack play his guitar. The way his fingers strummed the strings mesmerized me. I shook my head in amazement—how is he so good at so many different things?

  “Jack is so hot,” Miranda whispered to Sallie. They were both sitting behind me on a huge log. Her words caught my attention and I immediately sat up straight as if that would somehow improve my hearing.

  “Don’t bother. I think he’s taken,” Sallie whispered back.

  “By who?”

  I turned my head to the side and waved at a phantom someone across the campfire so I could use my peripheral vision. At that moment, I could see Sallie nod her head in my direction. To think Jack was taken by me was quite exciting.

  When the group exhausted themselves of songs, Zeek began to tell spooky campfire stories that were far from scary but greatly amusing. He was unbelievably funny. Whether he was telling a story, a joke
, or dancing, Zeek always managed to make us laugh. I stole a glance at Jack and saw he was looking at me. He winked and my heart leaped. Dang you Jackson Cooper! Quit making my heart do that!

  I was becoming entranced by the flickering flames of the fire when I heard Claire say, “So, I saw the wink.” She settled down beside me on the log.

  “Excuse me?” I asked.

  “The wink, I saw Jack wink at you.”

  “Oh, that—that’s nothing. That is just Jack being Jack.”

  She shook her head in disagreement. “No, you don’t know him well enough yet to say that. Jack doesn’t wink at just anyone. I’ve known him for like, forever and I can tell he’s crazy about you.”

  I paused. What can I say? I know he likes me and I like him, too, but I couldn’t allow a relationship right now, especially one that would break my heart into a million pieces.

  “Claire, I…” I fumbled for an explanation. She held up her hand to cut me off, rescue me really.

  “Hey, I know this is hard. He’s a great guy but you plan to leave. I prefer it this way myself. He’s like a brother to me and I would hate to see him get hurt. He’ll be crushed as it is. I’ve never seen him so…so…happy.”

  “Really? Jack strikes me as the type of guy who is always happy, no matter what.”

  “Well, in a way he is, but in another way, I know he wants to find love.”

  “Oh…love. So he gets serious fast?”

  “No, I’m saying he’s dated and lots of girls have loved him, or so they think, but he has never fallen in love with any of them. Jack is different.”

  “Yeah, I’m finding that out.” Our conversation was making me feel gloomy because the selfish part of me wanted to know if Jack could love me. It took Claire a few minutes to say anything. It was like she wanted to let her words sit and stew in my mind and she had no idea how right she would be.

  “Addy, Jack will be fine. Besides, look at him. He’s bound to meet someone to fill the void. Who wouldn’t want to be with him?” Now she seemed to be taunting me into recognizing how much I wanted to be with Jack, yet she was also very serious about not wanting her dear friend to get hurt.

  “I won’t hurt Jack. I promise,” I insisted, but I got the feeling I had just inadvertently lied.

  “He has a genuine…affection for you. I mean, honestly, I think it began as a fascination. I’ll never forget him telling me how he almost wrecked one of the most expensive cars and the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.”

  “He told you that?” I found myself surprised.

  “Yeah, I think it was literally right after it happened. He carried on and on until I finally told him to give it a rest or go and find you.”

  I sat in stunned silence. He seemed so angry that day I didn’t think he even noticed anything besides my license plate and how poorly I was at backing out of a parking space.

  “It’s fun to have you around. Hey, by the way, I’d love to hear more about your college plans. Maybe I’ll join you. I don’t care what it costs me, I’m leaving Blue River,” declared Claire.

  I knew she was just being gracious in changing the subject and I was grateful. I perked up at the mention of California and college.

  “Sure! I would love to tell you about my plans. We can look at them online at my house sometime if you want,” I offered.

  “Great. We should apply this fall, right?” asked Claire.

  “I’ve already applied, but it isn’t too late for you. You should come over soon so we can make a plan.”

  “Yeah, I should do that.”

  “You know, you’d love my friend, Sheridan. We could all room together in the dorms.” Something in the back of mind told me Sheridan wouldn’t like any of my new friends nor would they like her, but it was nice to pretend.

  “Great!” Claire enthusiastically replied.

  “In fact, Sheridan is coming for spring break. I’ll introduce you then.”

  I was so happy our conversation took me back to reality and back to my plan. It may seem like an endlessly long Montana school year, but eventually my day would come. I would return to California and maybe even with a new friend. I thought about the crash of ocean waves and palm trees—until I stole another glance at Jack. He was laughing at something Zeek said and just like ripples across the water, there was another ripple of excitement in my heart.

  12. First Impressions

  The first day of school was the Tuesday after Labor Day weekend. Thank God this isn’t a full week of school! I began doubting my ability to handle such a small school and found myself oddly concerned about what the people of this little dot-on-a-map school would think of me. I knew my nerves were getting the best of me. This is ridiculous! Why do I care? They won’t even matter to me in a year. My time at this school would be just a blip on their radars, too. I had to admit I liked a few people—Jack, Claire, Sallie and of course, Zeek—but that was it—I swore off any more attachments. I had come to know Mac was pretty arrogant—nice—but arrogant, so he would be easy to leave. Mimi had grown on me a little, too, but still, I wouldn’t miss her and I assumed we wouldn’t keep in touch.

  It was only September and the air was already crisp. I had never before experienced quite the feel or smell of Montana’s fall air and although I couldn’t quite describe the scent, everyone else kept saying “It smells like football weather.” I guess like everything else, this is something new to me.

  My class schedule seemed typical of any senior year in high school, but I kept my expectations low. I questioned whether this school would challenge me academically but I had no idea the other challenges that lay before me.

  By some miracle, Aaron had survived the summer. I had been so consumed with Jack it was like Aaron didn’t even exist and for just a fraction of time I forgot why we were even in Montana. Aaron and I shared a minimal amount of arguing, which I found pleasantly surprising. As I suspected, he still managed to find connections for marijuana and alcohol. Every time we went to The Barn over the summer, he hooked up with two boys, Jeff and Troy. I would try to stop him but it wasn’t like I was going to physically tackle him to the ground. Ultimately, he would run off with them and get stoned. I swore I wouldn’t cover for him, but I never needed to. He had superb acting skills. My parents never seemed to realize the difference between when he was high and when he wasn’t.

  I knew I was right about this move to Montana and how it wouldn’t “fix” Aaron and his addiction. I wanted to blurt out “I told you so”, yet I found myself hoping he would get his life together. I also had to admit I did worry that someday he would do something really dumb and maybe even get hurt or hurt someone else in a horrible way. Life in Blue River was becoming quite the emotional twist of fate.

  Aaron and I didn’t want to be at the school an entire hour early, so we refused to ride with Mom. Who wants to show up with the school counselor? But we lacked other travel options and were stuck with the big, yellow school bus. We were way too cool to sit together but we did keep shooting funny glances at each other every time the bus made a stop. We had read each other’s minds—look at the hillbillies. The most popular store in town was clearly the store called Western Apparel. We both repeatedly attempted to stifle our laughs, but sometimes we just had to let them out.

  Jack offered to give me a ride to school, but I declined, a decision I deeply regretted the minute I stepped onto the school bus. First of all, we picked up elementary and middle school students along the way then dropped them at their appropriate schools. It was a long ride listening to obnoxious eleven year-old-boys. I softly banged my head against the window which made Aaron erupt into laughter, which in turn made me laugh.

  When the bus stopped for the Cahill boys, I quickly covered my nostrils. Their family owned a pig farm and although they couldn’t help it, every inch of them and their clothing smelled like pig shit. Aaron overtly pinched his nostrils. After spending the entire summer bragging about my impending departure, I didn’t want anyone to think Jack and I were d
ating, but after getting a whiff of the Cahill boys, I made a mental note to accept all future invitations.

  One night at The Barn, I overheard some girls talking so I knew there was already speculation about our relationship. We had been pretty cozy so I knew the rumor mill was up and running. Arriving together on the first day of school would have been a poor choice on my part and besides, the big sister in me felt responsible for Aaron. I wanted to make sure he actually showed up to his first day of school. If given the opportunity, he would ditch school. Both Mom and I would be able to keep track of him now that our days would be spent at such a small school in a small town. For half a second, I understood where my parents were coming from in their efforts.

  We stepped off the last step of the bus and followed the herd of students through the back entrance of the school. The building was a deep-red brick, two-story building. It was obvious that at some point, it had been built onto because the newer brick didn’t match the older building. It was the smallest school I had ever seen. There was a separate, newer building for the cafeteria. It was such a polar opposite of any other high school I had ever seen that I almost laughed out loud. My elementary school hadn’t even been this small. Since I didn’t want to engage in a conversation to answer, “What’s so funny?” I choked back my giggle.