My Blue River

by Leslie Trammell

  We began climbing a trail with a sign indicating it would lead to Castle Peak Falls. I was managing to hike much better than I anticipated. I guessed the natural adrenaline rush of being with Jack was helping. It was either that or my determination that hiking would not be my epic fail.

  When we rounded a bend in the trail twenty minutes later, it wasn’t the hike that took my breath away but rather the amazing sight that a Montana autumn could offer. I thought the Aspen at The Beach were beautiful, but they were nothing compared to what lay before me now.

  Ordinarily, I would consider a color palate of deep forest green in combination with gold and orange something of the seventies that should be banned for life, but this was a beautiful, jaw—dropping sight. The enormous pine trees were varying shades of green. The Aspen trees offered more variety than at The Beach, with vast amounts of gold, red, and orange. They carpeted each side of the canyon. When the wind blew, the leaves appeared to shimmer. I stopped dead in my tracks, and moments later, Jack finally realized I wasn’t moving. Or had he? Because when I looked at him, he too held a camera and was taking pictures of me.

  “What…are…you…doing?” I asked incredulously.

  “I had to capture this moment. I knew you would be speechless and since that doesn’t happen very often, I had to memorialize it.” He chuckled, pleased with his joke.

  “Since what doesn’t happen very often?”

  “Addy Davis being speechless is what doesn’t happen very often!”

  I made a face then smiled. I started taking pictures and said, “You are so right.” I turned around, and around, taking it all in, looking at every angle and direction of this beautiful canyon.

  “That and…” He paused. “I can’t help it, I like beautiful pictures.”

  I cocked my head to one side. Why does he always have to be so charming and adorable? Before he had time to think, I brought my camera up to capture an image of him, as well.

  “What’s that about?”

  “Well, I like silly pictures.” I jested.

  He laughed and replied, “You’re so bad, Adelaide.”

  “I’m so bad I’m good, Jackson.” I took several photos; it felt like a photo shoot for an outdoor magazine. It was an amazing feeling. I glanced at Jack then quickly went back to work capturing the magic with my camera.

  He had opened his mouth to speak then snapped his jaw shut. He displayed a deeply mischievous grin. I could only imagine what he had been thinking. I turned back to Jack. Simultaneously, we began taking steps toward each other. When we met in the middle, we merely stared into each other’s eyes. Was this the moment? Was this how we would share our first kiss? When had I even determined there would ever even be a first kiss shared between us?

  My skin began to prickle and I felt a surge of blood course through my veins as he stopped just in front of me. His eyes searched mine. Was he looking for confirmation that I wanted him to touch me? To kiss me? He held out his hand and I took it. He pulled me a step closer, leaned in and said, “You have a gigantic leaf in your hair.” He raised his hand, removing a big, brown leaf.

  I felt foolish. I had actually thought about abandoning my laws of logic and engaging in a romantic kiss, but all he had seen was a leaf in my hair.

  I said, “Oh, geez, thanks for getting that out. I must’ve looked like an idiot.”

  “Not any more than usual,” he laughed. “I’m just teasin’ ya.”

  “Ha. Ha. Very funny,” I retorted.

  We were still standing in very close proximity to each other. Jack admitted, “There’s actually something I want to tell you.”

  “Really?” My heart began to thump again at the possibilities of his next words. I sucked in a breath and held it.

  “This is just the beginning.” He didn’t appear to be waiting for a response. “There’s plenty more to see up here.” He pointed in the direction of the highest peak in the valley.

  I let out the breath I had been holding and my heart deflated.

  “Oh.” I hoped my face didn’t bare an expression of disappointment. “Great!” I attempted to sound excited, masking what I really felt. “More to see…that’s…great.”

  We turned and continued hiking through the canyon, admiring the Aspen and Pine trees along the way, enjoying the fresh smell of mountain air, enjoying the view. I particularly enjoyed my view, as Jack led the way. I smiled in spite of myself. We hiked in silence, which was a blessing. I needed to sort out my feelings. Why did I want him to kiss me so badly? What am I feeling? Why did I dare to allow myself near these thoughts or feelings? Am I normal? The same conflict played out in my mind: It’s far too dangerous. I’ll get hurt. I’m leaving Blue River. I had to leave—it was my destiny. But had destiny brought Jack into my life, too? Just as I was hiking a path to Castle Peak Falls, was there also a path laid out long ago that would lead me to Jack? Was I now on that path? But I knew there couldn’t possibly be a long-term union between Jack and I? Unless there could be? I’m losing my mind!

  Before long, we had reached the top of the trail to Castle Peak Falls. It was a magnificent view. I envied the owners of the few homes that had been built up here. The roof tops barely poked above the Pine trees. Each chimney had a trickle of rising smoke. It had become chilly enough for a fire, and I shivered at the realization. I struggled to remove the backpack and soon felt Jack’s hand on my shoulder.

  “Here, let me get that for you,” he offered.

  “Okay. Thanks.”

  I shrugged my shoulders into the jacket I had tied at my waist.

  “You’re cold?” He smirked at what seemed like a biological imperfection to a Montana cowboy.

  “I am. Thin blood, remember?”

  He laughed and shook his head as if feeling cold was unrealistic. He was nowhere near cold, nor had he even broken a sweat on the climb, and now at a standstill, he didn’t seem to feel the slightest chill.

  Over the last few hundred feet of the trail I thought I had been hearing wind blow through the canyon, but now came to realize it was the sound of rushing water.

  “Addy, over here.” Jack summoned me in his direction. His smile told me he was again about to make another big reveal.

  I moved to where he stood and discovered a massive waterfall. As the water hit the base, it became a huge cloud of white foam. I had never seen a waterfall like this before. It was an amazing sight. This day just keeps getting better. As we stood gazing over the edge near the waterfall Jack said, “Addy, I’m sorry. I’ve been a total jerk lately.”

  My head snapped in his direction. I was briefly taken aback by his apology. It seemed a little out of place and was definitely unexpected. I considered my words. If I were true to myself, I would admit I, too, had been less than nice. My behavior had been that of the little girl who hits a boy with a rock because in all reality, she likes him. I am a little girl wanting this boy’s attention. I was almost embarrassed of my actions. I had wondered for weeks why I had really accepted Mac’s offer to the homecoming dance. Did I want to avoid Jack or did I in fact want to make him jealous? I reasoned it over and over that it was best to keep my relationship with Jack strictly on a friendship basis but standing here right now, right here in this moment, they all seemed like really lame excuses.

  Honesty won.

  “Jack, it’s not just you. I haven’t been very nice or honest for that matter. I don’t know how to explain it. I just…let me just say, I would never want to hurt you and I really do consider you a friend. You have made my time in Blue River…enjoyable. I never anticipated I would survive a single moment of life here. You’ve made that happen, Jack. You.” I pointed one finger at him like a dart hitting a bull’s-eye. I then surprised myself by saying, “Honestly, I do feel more than friendship for you, but it just can’t happen.”

  He offered a strangled smile seemingly unsurprised by my confession. Jack was no fool. He knew what I felt, but he also knew that once I committed to a decision it was nearly written in stone. His expression se
emed conflicted between wanting to say more or letting it go—letting ME go. Although my heart sunk there were no words passed “friendship.”

  I didn’t know what else to say or do so I simply suggested, “I should take some pictures.”

  I moved slowly along the edge, snapping photo after photo. I became so focused on my photography that I tripped on a rock, lost my footing and nearly tumbled over the edge. I was stumbling, yelling profanities, and reaching for any branch that my grappling hands could find. Jack was immediately at my side, pulling me from the cliff’s edge quicker than I could have imagined possible. I never could have moved that fast had the tables been turned.

  “Are you okay? You scared me! You were too close to the edge!” He was panting from the adrenaline rush.

  I was just as breathless as I uttered, “Yeah, yeah, I am. Thanks for saving me.” I caught my breath and went on, “Guess you shouldn’t leave me alone.”

  Jack gave a nervous chuckle but his face became very serious. “I would love nothing more than to never leave you alone, Addy.” His words were clear and direct and he meant each one.

  He was holding my hands, pulling me away from the edge of the falls while metaphorically, pulling me to a new edge. He stopped walking, but I kept closing the distance between us. Something about this near-death experience was making me realize I really wanted at least one kiss from Jackson Cooper before I left Blue River. I wanted it before I left the top of this peak.

  I regained my composure even though my heart still beat quickly. My steps finally filled the gap and we were standing very close to one another when I said, “Jack.” My voice sounded so adult and so sultry I shocked myself, but I liked it.

  “Addy.” His reply told me he liked it, too.

  “I almost died, Jack. Shouldn’t you want to hold me and comfort me or something?” I shocked myself again but there was no stopping me now. I had spent so much time on the friendship argument that I was exhausted of it. Maybe it was the altitude and my head wasn’t clear and in the morning, I would regret it, but right now, I wanted to kiss him. I also knew it didn’t mean I would be his girlfriend, but I wanted nothing more than to be close to him, touch him, and feel his lips on mine. I simply could no longer deny how I felt.

  “You know how I feel, Addy.” He took a couple steps away from me.

  This really isn’t the moment I want him to honor my wishes.

  “Addy, you amaze and fascinate me and it’s not just because you’re not from Blue River, Montana. It’s because you’re you…you’re smart, funny, pretty…I even love your little sarcastic attitude. I love our banter. You excite me. You make me laugh. You make me think. You’re...it for me.”

  I wanted to say, “Jack, you’re rambling,” but I couldn’t say anything other than, “And?”

  Jack brought those two steps back to me and professed, “And you’re the one I want.” His voice cracked a bit on those last words. It was a sweet reminder of his youth. Now, if someone would just remind me of my youth that would be great, because at this moment, I feel very much like a woman and know with certainty my next move.

  I placed one finger on his lips, smiled and grabbed his hands, pulling him closer to me. We couldn’t have been any closer. I pulled his arms until they wrapped around my waist. I could feel him clasp his fingers behind my back. His eyes looked uncertain as they searched mine.

  I smiled. “Hey, Jack?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Shut up and kiss me.”

  A broad smile stole his lips. I knew he was as excited as I was and yet he very gingerly and patiently brought his lips to mine. His kiss was slow and gentle at first, until I pulled his body closer to mine, if that were possible. It was as though my actions were the answer he needed to an unasked question. Jack’s kiss was more sensual than I had ever experienced. I had kissed a few toads and knew Jack was truly the prince. We held each other desperately. I could feel the heat of his body as he ran his hands up my back, stopping at my hair, then pulled away, moving his hands to hold my face as gently as fine China. He searched my face—hoping for an answer I knew I wouldn’t be able to give. Would this lead to the relationship he had been hoping for? But I just wanted to live this moment. Our chests were rising and falling in excitement until our eyes locked and searched each other’s expressions. We again found each other’s lips.

  I had found not one, but two falls today and just as the mountain’s water couldn’t stop itself from spilling over the cliff’s edge, I couldn’t help but spill over with desire for Jack. Also like the waterfall, there was no going back. I had jumped off the edge I had been balancing on for so long. I had just needed a little nudge to realize I had already fallen for Jack.

  ********

  Jack’s Journal

  Sunday, October 24

  Hiking was everything I wanted it to be today. I took Addy to see the falls at Castle Peak. I got more than I bargained for, but all that I had hoped for. I think Addy fell for me. In fact, I know she did. She can’t deny it now. It had to be divine intervention that nearly threw her over the cliff’s edge; otherwise, I’m not sure she would have ended up in my arms today, and I don’t think our lips would have found one another’s. She tempted me and she knew it, but I never would have kissed her if she hadn’t told me to. As of today, I am all for a woman telling a man exactly what she wants! When Addy said, “Shut up and kiss me” I had to count to five in my head or I probably would have kissed her too quickly and too hard and I really wanted our first kiss to be special. Actually, I wondered if I ever would get a first kiss from her! But I loved every moment. She is so completely amazing and everything I will ever want. I can’t let her leave Blue River. Please God, give me the wisdom to productively use the next ten months to change her mind! I know we shared more than just a first kiss. It’s the start of something real.

  19. Cold as Ice

  I pulled my comforter up and snuggled it to my chin. I’ve never felt this cold! I shivered and my eyes popped open. I hopped out of bed, pulling my comforter along with me, and shuffled to the window. I rubbed away the frost with the palm of my hand in the center of the window to reveal the outdoors. The ground was blanketed with snow—more than I had ever seen in my entire life. For half a second, I forgot how cold I felt then shivered again. The snow was thick and parts of the yard was covered with drifts. As the sun touched the snow, it sparkled like a trillion tiny diamonds. Excitement came over me. Jack had been talking for weeks about going downhill skiing and this much snow had to mean we were close to doing that.

  It had been a month since our kiss at Castle Peak Falls and we were yet to talk about where our relationship now stood. For a while, I tried to tell myself that it was just a kiss and would never lead to anything more, but the only person I wanted in my life was Jack. Even though he also hadn’t said anything about the kiss, he didn’t date anyone else and spent every waking moment with me. It seemed to be an unnecessary conversation. Every kiss we shared since the falls had been short and less passionate but I knew this was real. Why should we put a label on our relationship?

  When the house phone rang I opened my bedroom door and yelled down the stairs, “I got it!” These days it was usually for me and it was usually Jack. To my surprise, on this day, it was Sheridan.

  “Sheridan! What a surprise!” I exclaimed. The excitement of the snowy weather and impending ski trip overflowed into this moment.

  “I know. I haven’t talked to you in forever. Did your cell die or something? I can never reach you!”

  “No. Sorry. I’ve been super busy. What’s up?”

  “Well, I’ve got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”

  “You know me. I like fairy-tale, happy endings so the good news comes last.”

  “I can’t come for spring break.”

  My heart sunk. “What? Why?” I had been so excited to show Sheridan off to my new friends, even though I suspected they wouldn’t be the best fit. Realistically, Sheridan wouldn’t leave Blue River wit
h any pen pals.

  “My parents want to take me to Europe since it’s my last year in high school.” I felt a twinge of jealousy. Europe! My parents could afford a trip like that, but they would never do it. They would deem that unnecessary at this point in my life.

  “Well, this sucks. The good news had better be really, really good news.”

  “It is. I can come for winter break if your parents say it is okay.”

  My heart rose from the sinking. “Awesome! I’m sure they’ll be fine with it. I’ll call you tonight and we can make plans.”

  As expected, my parents didn’t have a problem with Sheridan coming for winter break. I called her that night and we began to strategize. She would arrive just as winter break began. She was ecstatic because this trip meant she needed to shop for not only winter clothes, but an entire ski outfit. For a family like Sheridan’s, money was no object so buying ski gear that would most likely never be used again was no big deal. After I talked to Sheridan, I called Jack to ask how he felt about the ski trip being the third weekend in December.