My Blue River

by Leslie Trammell

  ********

  That evening my mom fed us a wonderful meal that Harrison excessively complimented. Harrison asked what plans we had for the break. What I really wanted to say was, “Well, you’ve screwed my plans so I have no idea.” But that wouldn’t be right so I announced that for starters, we’d be going to The Barn tonight. I kept telling him it was a bit dumpy and he should keep his expectations low.

  Once we finished dinner, he and I washed the dishes, which completely impressed my mother. My dad wasn’t saying very much. I think Dad had a certain sense about Harrison because he seemed to avoid mentioning Jack. Aaron was in his usual position on the sofa, attached to his iPod. It was amazing what hadn’t changed with him. I still wanted to get the full details on Jack’s whereabouts but there never seemed to be a moment to ask. I even wanted to know the last time he’d used drugs but again, there never seemed to be the right moment.

  I excused myself to touch-up my hair and makeup. Harrison said he wanted to change clothes. When we met up again downstairs, I couldn’t help but notice how much Harrison would stick out like a sore thumb. He wore a pink Polo shirt, and khakis that fit more like skinny jeans. He had them rolled up to his ankles and was wearing boat shoes without socks. Just as I was noticing him, he was noticing me and my toned down attire, looking much more like someone who lived here. I hadn’t planned on seeing Harrison this entire break so I was certain my casual clothes didn’t fit the ideal image he had of me, which was confirmed when he scanned me from head-to-toe, ending with a slight look of disgust.

  “I’ll be right back,” I announced, leaving Harrison by the front door to go find Aaron. “Hey, twerp. Are you going with us?” I asked Aaron after I yanked his headphones out of his ears.

  “To where?” asked Aaron.

  “To The Barn, remember. I mentioned it at dinner.”

  “Oh…OH!” Aaron’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes nearly popped out of his head. “Dude, I totally forgot to tell you that Jack plans to be there tonight. He knows you’re coming home. Dad told him. I think Claire did, too,” he whispered, a little too loudly to truly fall into the definition of a whisper.

  My mouth fell open as I smacked him upside the head. “Crap! Aaron! How did you forget? Crap, crap, crap,” I huffed as I paced back and forth.

  “What’s the big deal? Just go, introduce them and be done with it. Why do you care anyway, Addy?”

  I knew why I cared. I was still totally and completely in love with Jack but all that love would never matter. We would always be thirteen hundred miles apart for nine months out of the year. Not only that, I had no plans of returning to Montana for a career, ever, so it would never work for us. We would just have to suffer through the pain of a love lost.

  “Aaron, you said everything was good at the airport! I thought you knew exactly where Jack was so when I mentioned going to The Barn with Harrison, and you didn’t stop me, I assumed you knew Jack wouldn’t be there, you idiot!”

  “You’re an idiot! I’m not the one who came home with another dude,” he retorted.

  “I didn’t! Mom set that up! Crap!”

  He let out a sinful laugh. “Oh, that’s right. You should have heard Mom and Dad fight about that one!” His eyes drifted off as he recalled the argument. “When you asked if everything was good I thought you meant something else.”

  “Something else? What else could I have possibly meant?”

  “Like maybe how I was doing? Like maybe you actually cared if I was good or not?”

  Oh, snap. That sucks. I’m so selfish!

  “Aaron, I do care. I’m sorry. I just hope we don’t run into Jack tonight.”

  “I’m pretty sure you’ll see Jack tonight.”

  My heart was torn between excitement and anguish.

  I heard approaching footsteps. “Excuse me for interrupting but I would like to know if you are ready, Adelaide,” inquired Harrison.

  I had come to know he would never call me Addy. He thought it sounded like a little girl’s name. He had other quirks, too, like often telling me how I should dress. He preferred that I dress more upscale so what I was wearing tonight had to be killing him. I dismissed it as harmless but right now, his presence bugged me. I suddenly struck me that he and I were incompatible.

  “Uh, yeah. Let’s get going,” I tried to recompose myself, forcing excitement into my voice, “I can’t wait for you to meet my friends.” I turned back to Aaron. “Are you coming?” I asked one last time.

  “I’m going with Jeff and Troy. I’ll see ya down there later…after the storm calms,” he snickered. I shot him a nasty look and turned to leave with Harrison.

  “Are we expecting a storm?” asked Harrison, who was completely clueless.

  ********

  As we arrived at The Barn, my eyes scanned the parking lot for that familiar Jeep Wrangler—the Jeep that just over a year ago, the mere sight of would make me tingle. The Jeep that made my heart lurch each time I saw it because its driver was so incredibly wonderful. I shook my head to dismiss romantic thoughts of Jack. Focus on Harrison, Addy. Focus.

  Harrison cracked a few jokes about never seeing so many trucks with gun racks in one place at one time. He asked if he should worry about his safety. I offered a nervous laugh. As we entered The Barn, I held my breath. I had to prepare myself for the possibility Jack would be here. I heard a scream from my left and turned to find Claire flying toward me with her arms wide open.

  “Addy!” she exclaimed.

  “Claire!” I exclaimed.

  I ran to her and we hugged and jumped up and down like little girls.

  “I have missed you so much!” she exclaimed.

  “I’ve missed you, too. Being a mom must be keeping you busy. I hardly hear from you. I’m glad you could come tonight.” I stepped back and pulled Harrison forward. I may as well get this introduction over with.

  I began, “Claire, this is Harrison. Harrison, this is Claire.” They shook hands. Harrison as usual responded with his upper class-flare. It was lost on Claire. She didn’t care. She shot me a glance that said, “He’s no Jack.”

  “I um…didn’t know you were bringing a friend with you,” she said.

  “I didn’t either. Harrison and my mom thought it would be fun to surprise me.” Something about my odd sing-song voice and the way I opened my eyes wide told her I wasn’t very happy with this surprise either.

  “Dear Clarise, I do believe you meant to say, boyfriend. You didn’t know she was bringing her boyfriend with her,” Harrison corrected.

  This time Claire’s eyes opened wide. “Um…I do believe you meant to call me by my name, Claire…not Clarise.”

  “My apologies.” His apology didn’t seem sincere.

  It was awkward, but we managed to make small talk for a while then worked the room, finding Zeek and Sallie. Since Zeek and Sallie were at the same college and both majoring in education, they saw each other often. Zeek was beaming as he told me that he ran into Sallie all the time on their campus and in their co-ed dorm. I could tell that he believed the future held incredible possibilities. I envy his optimism. We greeted more people and I made introductions. Mimi was there, floating her cute little body through the room. Cosmetology school had taught her how to properly apply her makeup and style her hair. The 80s look she once had in high school was now in her past. I had to admit, she looked really pretty. There was no way Harrison didn’t find her attractive, but if he stole any glances at her backside, he concealed it well. I never caught him looking. I almost wished I had.

  Zeek was attempting to have a conversation with Harrison when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around. There he was—Jack. His wavy, sandy blond hair was lying in every direction. His chocolate brown eyes were looking intently into mine. My heart skipped a beat. Thank God Zeek was demanding Harrison’s attention. I felt my face flush as Jack flashed me that smile that brought out his dimples. We gave each other an awkward hug, and I tried to pull away before Harrison could turn around and see us. Even
though I had already told Harrison I had a friend named Jack, I couldn’t help but think if he saw us embracing, the chemistry would be palpable and who knew how awkward it might be after that.

  “Hey, Addy,” Jack nearly whispered my name.

  “Hey, Jack,” I equally whispered back.

  “I’m sorry we haven’t talked,” He pulled me away from the crowd of people behind me.

  Jack went on, “I…I…wondered if you’d be here. Your dad said you were coming…home…I mean back. I know how you hate it when people call Montana your home.”

  “It’s okay. My family is here so I guess this could be my second home. So…um…I need to tell you something…”

  “I need to tell you something, too,” he quickly interjected; his voice sounded urgent.

  We were interrupted by Harrison. “Hello, Adelaide. May I ask who your friend is?” He was at my side, wrapping his arm around my waist, examining Jack from head-to-toe. I tried to step to the side but Harrison pulled me closer.

  Jack looked stunned. He looked as if someone had just punched him in the gut and he wasn’t quite recovering nor did he know how to respond. Harrison, however, was extending his hand and offering, “Hello. I am Adelaide’s boyfriend, Harrison Winthorpe.”

  Harrison stood with his hand extended for what felt like an eternity but Jack didn’t move. He didn’t raise his hand the slightest bit. It was almost as if his entire body had been frozen by shock.

  I finally spoke. “Harrison, this is my friend, Jackson Cooper. Jackson this is Harrison.”

  My breathing was uneven while my heart pounded nervously. We were both trying to compose ourselves. Jack finally shook it off and joined the conversation.

  “Um…Jack…just call me Jack,” I couldn’t help it. I flash-backed to the day Jack had spoken the very same words to me—to the first time we officially met. My dad introduced us and Jack said, “Just call me Jack.” He was nobody to me back then. Today, he meant everything to me. He was also the person I could not share my life with because life was unfair. I couldn’t allow myself the pleasure because I knew I didn’t deserve Jack’s love. I nervously ran my fingers through my hair. This is so painful.

  “Jack. Well then, just Jack,” he chuckled. “How do you know my Adelaide?”

  Jack visibly winced at his words then glanced at me to read my expression, which I could only assume I looked scared. He knew at that exact moment I had never told Harrison about him and thankfully, he played along.

  “I went to school with Addy. I first met her when I did some work for her parents,” he replied.

  “Oh, Yes. I have heard of you. You are the handyman, correct? Adelaide told me about you,” said Harrison.

  Jack’s eyebrows shot up. He smirked slightly then said, “Yeah, I’m Jack the handyman. I’m just the handyman.” I could hear the hurt and sarcasm culminating into something that would soon explode. “Well, nice to meet you Harry.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry. No, it’s Harrison, not Harry.”

  I kept opening my mouth to speak—perhaps to explain—but nothing came out. I looked back and forth between Harrison and Jack, not knowing how to react. We stood in an uncomfortable silence until Jack could no longer stand it. “Well, again, nice to meet you. If you’ll excuse me…” Jack turned and walked away muttering, “Harrison Winthorpe—sounds like a damn law firm.”

  Harrison tipped his head and furrowed his brows, wondering if that’s what he had just heard. He then called out, “Nice to meet you, too.” Jack was already off in another direction.

  “Excuse me, Adelaide,” said Harrison, “I’ll be right back.” I assumed he needed the restroom. Where else would he go? It’s not like he knows anyone.

  I absently muttered, “Sure, no problem.” I didn’t watch him leave, keeping my eyes on Jack’s departure. Why am I so stubborn? There were a number of ways I could have let Jack know about Harrison!

  I felt someone at my side. “Hey, what’s wrong?” asked Claire.

  I replied, “I’m so stupid.”

  Claire laughed as if I had just told a joke. “No, you’re not. You’re a girl in love. That’s the part that makes our brains numb. Let’s talk.”

  She put her arm around me and guided me over to a table. We took a seat and I talked her ear off about how horrible I felt. I told her how I had never meant for Jack to find out about Harrison this way. I told her I was actually finding Harrison to be a complete turn off, how he’d gotten into my cell phone and how he conspired with my Mom to crash my spring break trip. Everything he did had put the nail in this relationship’s coffin. I carried on and on about the whole sordid affair until finally she smiled and stated, “You love him.”

  “No, I don’t. Didn’t you hear me? I am totally turned off by him. We haven’t even dated for very long so seriously, there’s no way I love him,” I insisted.

  “I don’t mean Harrison, you silly girl,” she added a snobbish flare to his name. “I mean, Jack. It’s written all over your face. You still love him.” She was beaming because she knew she was right.

  She was right but I didn’t have a chance to respond to her because Harrison had come back from what seemed like an extremely long restroom break. I was suddenly curious as to where he had been.

  “Where did you go?” I asked.

  “I was with your brother. He wanted a six pack of beer so I hooked him up,” he replied.

  “WHAT?!” I exclaimed as I stood to face him. “Why would you do that? I told you he’s an addict!”

  “Relax, Adelaide. It is just a beer…or two…maybe three,” he snickered which further infuriated me.

  “I won’t relax, Harrison, and it’s not just beer. Anything—beer, whiskey, pot—it doesn’t matter. It’s a problem for Aaron. His mind and body don’t know how to control drinking or smoking!” I knew I was drawing the attention of those around us but I didn’t care.

  Harrison’s eyes flashed sparks of anger. For the second time today, his eyes turned dark and scary only in this moment, it was even more frightening. He grabbed me by the arm—he grabbed me hard. My eyes flickered to Claire, who had one eyebrow raised and was looking straight at Harrison’s firm grasp. He changed personalities in a fraction of a second and honestly, I felt frightened.

  Harrison met Claire’s glare. “Would you please excuse us, Connie?”

  I was trying to resist Harrison’s tug as he pulled me outside and around the side of The Barn.

  “Do not ever embarrass me like that again, Adelaide,” he warned.

  “Excuse me?” I was shocked at his words; shocked by his actions. The tone of his voice was mean and nasty.

  His personality had changed in the blink of an eye and in this moment, I had no idea who he was and what he was capable of doing. As he leaned into my face, I smelled liquor on his breath. He didn’t just buy beer for Aaron, he sat and had a beer or two with Aaron.

  “The way you reprimanded me in front of your friend, Connie, was embarrassing,” he spat.

  “Okay, first of all, her name is Claire. Secondly, I can’t believe you went off drinking with my brother, the very brother I told you has a drinking problem! You’re twenty-one. He’s seventeen. What were you thinking?” I yelled in his face. The smell of his breath sickened me but the anger in his eyes frightened me enough that I backed off. We stood face-to-face. I have a feeling he’ll win this stare-down.

  Behind me I heard, “Is there a problem?” It was Jack. His voice was calm but firm. When I turned to face him he looked prepared to defend me. I let out a sigh of relief.

  “No, Jackson, no problem at all. I am just having…a…moment…with my girl.” Harrison’s speech was slurred.

  Jack took a few more steps toward us. Harrison forced himself upright to appear more in control of the situation but in all reality, he was beginning to look less upper-class and more like a pitiful drunk.

  “Addy?” Jack searched my face. I knew he wouldn’t leave unless I convinced him I was safe.

  “We’re fine, Jack,
really, everything is fine,” I assured. My voice sounded clear and controlled but inside my stomach was churning.

  Jack took a moment to decide if what I said was true or not. Moments later, Aaron was at Jack’s side. He had a goofy look on his face and was probably only here to find Harrison and more liquor. Jack turned and whispered something in Aaron’s ear. Whatever Jack said quickly made Aaron’s ridiculous expression fade and they walked off together. Jack made one last glance back toward us. I waved back, trying to convince him there was no need for concern, but he knew me so well there was no way he believed me.