“I don’t expect you to, and it wouldn’t matter anyway, since he already knows.”
I let out a heavy breath, thank God I wouldn’t be breaking that shit to him, but I refused to keep a secret like that. “Why would you cheat on Dad?”
“Six years ago, your dad and I went through a separation. We lived together, but we weren’t together. Anyway, he brought home a Sweetbutt one night, and it about killed me. I wanted to get back at him, so I went and met William at a bar. We talked; exchanged numbers. It felt nice to be pursued again. Anyway, with things still at odds between your father and I, William and I had a fling.”
She wiped tears from her eyes. “I didn’t know he was married. I never would have gone after him if I had known. It was a fling that lasted a few weeks. After that night in his office, I came home to your dad. I told him about my fling, and how much he hurt me bringing a Sweetbutt home.
“He told me later he never slept with the girl. He brought her home simply to get my head out of my ass. I cried my eyes out – my heart broken, and guilt for what I’d done consumed me. Then, I heard about Janine’s car accident. I wanted to die.” I tried to think back to six years ago, and I remembered her going on an extended visit to see Uncle Luke.
“That’s when you went to see Uncle Luke?”
“I told you that was where I was going, but no, I didn’t go anywhere. I stayed at a hotel for a week. Most of the time I was crying and drinking.”
There was so much I didn’t know. I listened as Mom finished telling me what happened and how she and Dad got back together.
“What are you going to do about Will?” she asked me softly.
“I don’t know. He brought all of this up, and was going to destroy the gym.” ‘Not to mention he used me as a pawn,’ I said to myself.
That was what hurt the most; he used me as a pawn to get revenge on Mom. He said I wasn’t a pawn, and yet, that’s exactly how he used me.
Mom stood up. “Striker may have started dating you for the wrong reasons, Leah, but I believe he came to care for you. Same goes with Will. It’s up to you to make your happiness. If being alone makes you happy, then that’s great, but if it doesn’t, then you have two options. Both men messed up, and they should apologize for it, but Leah, it’s up to you which one will make you truly happy, if either. Just learn from my mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and everybody messes up. If your dad hadn’t forgiven me, and I him, our lives would be so different today.”
Mom left quietly, shutting the door behind her. I sat there in my chair staring at the walls and the emptiness of my home. For the first time the silence was oppressive and annoying. I’d gotten so used to it over the years that it didn’t even register anymore.
I finished my beer and went to the fridge, grabbing another one. It was then I noticed how empty my fridge was. I lived like a damn bachelor; beer and an old pizza box were the only things in my refrigerator. The icebox had a bottle of Jack, ice, and a box of frozen waffles.
With new eyes, I went through my cabinets and pantry. There was very little food because I ate out most of the time, and the plates I did have all had Dixie written in the middle. Fuck. I looked around the living room; a couch, a TV, and my chair, but nothing else. My bedroom had my bed and my dresser. My laptop was on the bedside table with a lamp and my ereader.
My house, my life; it was empty. When I was home, I watched TV or read books. The only time I left the house was to work or eat. I spent more time at work than I did at home, and now I know why. I did it to escape being alone.
I grabbed the keys to my car and headed for the store. It had been a while since I came to the store for anything but beer or a frozen dinner. In fact, I can’t really remember the last time I cooked myself a real meal, or for someone other than myself.
I walked the aisles of the grocery store, planning dinners in my head. Every damn one of them would make more than enough for one person. To make spaghetti, I’d be eating on it for days. Steak: who fires up a grill for a single slab of beef?
This was why I ate out all the time – why I didn’t cook. I stopped in the aisle and called Papa. “Hey, Pebbles.” He answered gruffly, like I woke him from a nap.
“Hey Papa, you want to come over for dinner tonight?” I wasn’t ready to see Mom or Dad again yet, and I was pretty much a loner, so I didn’t have many friends. Papa was a good choice for someone to cook for.
“Are you sick?” His voice went on full alert and he seemed genuinely worried.
“No. Why?”
“Are you trying to tell me I’m going to be a great grandfather?” I paused. What the hell?
I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. “No, Papa, I just wanted to know if you wanted to come over for dinner. I’m healthy as a horse, and I’m not pregnant; I don’t think.” I thought back to the shower. We hadn’t used protection, but my period was irregular at best, nonexistent most of the time. The likelihood of me being pregnant was slim to none.
“Ok. What time do you want me there?” He seemed to relax a bit.
“I’ll have it done by six,” I said. “I’m at the grocery store now, and I’m going to run an errand after I put the groceries away.
“Alright, see you tonight, Pebbles.”
I hung up and finished grabbing my groceries. There was enough food to last me the rest of the week, and probably into next week too.
I drove back home and put everything away as quickly as I could. There was one more thing that I had been wanting to do for a while, but hadn’t done. I just didn’t feel like I had the time to devote to it, so I was hesitant. Now, I was ready to make time.
It was a tough decision as I looked through the glass. I could go big or small, but the one in the middle caught my eye. The dark coloring was flawless. It looked happy and playful, with big brown eyes.
I went into the shop and walked to the large plastic crate that held the little dog I saw from outside. It was up on its hind legs with its tail wagging; waiting for me.
She was precious. The second I picked her up, I fell in love. She was wriggling in my arms and licking at my face. Her small body was shaking with excitement.
“She’s been here for a while. Her siblings were all snatched up quick.”
“She’s adorable,” I said, petting and kissing the small puppy.
“She’s a chocolate lab/dachshund mix. She’s been fixed and is ready for a good home.”
“I’ll take her,” I said, holding her close. I spent the next thirty minutes filling out paperwork and buying every damn thing she would need: toys, food, collar, leash. Everything she needed, I bought.
When we got back home, I set up all her things. Her kennel went in my room with her bed and toys. I put her bowls in the kitchen, and her leash by the bed. “Welcome home, Fidget,” I said, stroking the dog’s back as she chowed down on her kibble.
A dog was small, but she was a big change for my empty apartment. Already my house felt more alive – not so lonely. I got the steaks I bought at the store and put them in my cast iron skillet. The smell of pan-seared meat filled the apartment and made my stomach grumble.
I didn’t get to finish my lunch, so I was hungry. The smells just made it worse, but I was going to get used to cooking for more than one person. Mom was right; I was alone because I kept myself that way.
No more. I was going to get a life. Tonight was just my first day living a new way. I was just not sure what direction my love life would take me. All I knew for certain was I didn’t want to come home to an empty apartment anymore.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Will
It killed me to watch her walk away, and when I followed her home, I waited for her to get to her door before driving away. It took everything in me not to turn around and go back to her place. I wanted to make her listen, but I knew it wasn’t going to help.
When I got back to the house, Mom had cleaned up what was left of lunch. I heard the radio playing softly, so I went upstairs to work on the guest rooms. They had finis
hed my room that morning, and the other upstairs bath had already been completed. All that was left to do was stuff I was taking care of on my own and could be done at my own pace.
Painting the room was a mindless task, but it helped me to try and focus on something other than the fact that Leah may have walked out of my life forever.
I had two walls finished before I stopped to take a break and get some water. My muscles were stiff from stress and the repetitive movements of painting just increased the tension in my neck and shoulders.
When I went back downstairs, I saw Mom lying out on the couch. The music was replaced by the low sound of the TV. Her eyes were closed, but I knew she was still awake.
“I’m sorry, Will. I didn’t mean to cause problems.” She didn’t open her eyes, she didn’t move, she just spoke knowing I was there.
“It’s ok, Mom. If there is any hope for us, she would have needed to know anyway.”
“There had to be a better way to tell her though.” She sat up and looked blankly toward the sound of my voice.
“There’s no right way to tell someone news like that. Keeping it from her any longer would have made things worse.”
“How are you going to fix it?” she asked softly. Her expression was one of concern and sadness.
“I’m going to go work out in the morning.” I turned to go to the kitchen so I could grab some water.
“Your dad called.” Her words made me freeze as I was walking toward the kitchen. I turned around, my arms rigid, and the knots in my shoulders were tightening up even more.
“What did he want?” I hated the man. He may be my dad, and I unfortunately carried his name, but he and I were nothing alike. He was a pompous, arrogant asshole, a liar, and a cheater.
“A divorce,” she said simply, with a shrug of her shoulders.
“Good. Let him have it,” I said, relaxing a bit and moving to sit down next to her. “We can be done with him fully then.”
“He also wanted to know when you were coming back to work. Your cases need handling.”
I laughed. “I will go in long enough to put in my letter of resignation from the firm. I’ve already emailed my clients that I’m leaving the firm.”
“Will, are you sure this is what you want?”
“Yes. I’m going to go off on my own. Take the clients I want to take and work with. No more forcing myself to go to the fucking country club to meet puffed up assholes and women that want to know your bank account standing before they know your name.”
“They aren’t all bad,” Mom said with a drastic roll of her eyes.
“Perhaps not, but I don’t want that kind of life.”
Mom laughed a bit. “For a rich guy, you are kind of a rich snob.”
I laughed. She was right. I lived in a modest home. Though my car was a classic and cost quite a bit. I could have bought something much more expensive. My bike wasn’t new, but rather a couple scrap boxes I grabbed and put together with parts I’d gotten at junk yards.
“Maybe.” I sat quietly for a moment. “Now that you’re out of Dad’s house, do you want to get you a dog?” Mom had talked about it before, but my dad adamantly said he didn’t want a dog around the house.
“Are you sure this is what you want, Will? I can find somewhere else to go. I’m sure they have places that will help me.”
“This is your home, Mom. I’d always intended for you to have the bedroom downstairs in case you ever left him.” She gasped. “He’s an asshole. I hate that I call him my father. He more than provided for us, but you basically raised me single handedly. The only time he ever took any interest in my life was when it came to school. Then he pushed me into law school, never asking what it was I wanted.”
Tears filled her eyes. “Will,” she said, pain and sorrow etched in her voice. “You could have switched majors at any time. I would have supported you.”
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “I have no doubt you would have supported me, but Dad wouldn’t have. I guess he never told you he pulled me into his office my senior year and told me where I was going to college and what I was majoring in. He said if I didn’t comply, I could get the fuck out of his house and forget about any support or assistance.”
She gasped and trembled. Sobs wracked her; her heart breaking in front of me. I almost hated myself for telling her, but she needed to know she was better off without him.
“It’s ok, Mom. I promise.”
“What do you want to do?” Her watery voice and hiccups tore at me.
“Keep practicing law, though with fewer clients. One or two major clients that will give me enough work to pay for a paralegal, but not keep me at the office all the time.”
“How do you plan to get that?”
“I already have it. Three of my clients from Dad’s firm have already called me saying they won’t work with anyone but me.”
“Isn’t that against your contract?”
“Dad never made me sign one. I don’t think he thought I would ever leave, so I’m under no contracts with the firm.” Dad’s was a small but lucrative firm. He didn’t have partners like the major firms because he didn’t want to leave anything in anybody else’s hands. In that way, we were alike.
I didn’t want to join a major firm and work my way up. No. Like my father, I wanted to be in charge. Unlike my father, I didn’t want a lot of underlings doing the work for me. I wanted to do the work myself.
“I informed my clients that I would be leaving the firm soon and their cases would be distributed among the other associates. I have the emails to back up that not one of them did I ask to leave with me, so he can’t take me up to the ethics board.”
“So, you’re leaving with the clients in hand?”
“Only three. More asked to go with me, but I told the ones I didn’t take that they would be more than taken care of with Weise and Maloney.”
“Your dad won’t like this.”
“I stopped caring what Dad liked years ago, Mom. You were the only reason I stuck around. You were the reason I moved above the garage. I knew he wouldn’t be around enough to help you out or keep you company.”
“You’re a good son.”
“I have a good mother,” I said, tears filled her eyes again – only this time they were happy. “Go get some sleep. I’ll see you before I head to the gym in the morning.”
“You’re going to the gym?”
“Yeah, that’s where Leah is.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Leah
I went in earlier than I was supposed to. There was no point in me staying home since I wasn’t sleeping anyway. My mind wouldn’t stay quiet. Fidget didn’t seem to have a problem at all. She was curled into a ball on the pillow next to me, snoring.
Sleep was illusive at best, so I gave up. Instead of leaving Fidget at home all day, I got my travel crate I’d bought at the store and took her with me. She was sniffing anything and everything as she explored the gym.
With all the turmoil I was feeling, it felt more like a metal kind of day, so I grabbed my Asking Alexandria CD and popped it in, then went to work on the big bag.
I didn’t worry about gloves today. Instead, I simply wrapped my hands. The pain I would feel with every strike would be cathartic. Boxing was fun for most of the guys here. They beat the shit out of each other for shits and giggles or as a show of how big their dicks were.
For me, it was more than that. Boxing was therapy. I lost myself in the music and the rhythm of moving with the bag. After a while, I didn’t feel the pain, all I felt was the release. The release of my anger, my worry, my frustration, and my hurt. Nothing else mattered, and I was unaware of anything around me.
My breaths were ragged and panting. The muscles in my arms and shoulders were sore, but I kept pounding through the ache. I was unaware of the tears flowing from my eyes, and the blood covering my knuckles.
It wasn’t until I felt an arm snake around my waist and pull me back that I even realized someone was in the gym
with me. My legs kicked out, and I grabbed the muscled forearm around me.
“Shhhh. Baby, I got you.” It was Will, his voice was low and comforting, and as much as I didn’t want to melt in his arms, I did – for a split second.
“Let go of me, and don’t call me ‘Baby’.” I needed to hit something. I moved toward the bag again, but Will caught my wrist and pushed it behind my back. Instinct kicked in, and I tried to hit him with my other hand, but he blocked it and pushed it behind me with the other.
Our bodies were flush against each other, my breasts flattened against his chest. Fire and hunger burned in his eyes, but I didn’t trust it. “What are you doing here, Will?”
“I came to work out and saw you beating the hell out of the bag.”
“Why the fuck would you get in the way then?” I snapped, irritated that I could feel my core tingling and my nipples tightening in response to his nearness.
I wasn’t fighting the hold he had on me. If I wanted to, I could have kneed him in the groin to get away. The truth was, I didn’t want to get away.
“You didn’t seem aware that your knuckles are bleeding.” When he said it, I could feel the dampness of the wrap. It wasn’t the first time I’d lost all feeling in my hands as I took emotions out on the bag. It wouldn’t be the last time either.
“You can let go now,” I said flatly. When he let loose a little, I placed my hands on his chest and pushed, even as I backed up. I needed space between us – as much as I could get, because my body was betraying me.
Fidget was still trying to get my attention. I bent and scooped her up, noting he was right and my knuckles were cracked. There was nothing I could say to him. Everything in me was at odds. Part of me wanted to cry and beat his chest, and the other part of me wanted to slug him as I had the bag then kick his ass out. I did neither.
Instead, I ignored him. I went to my office and got out the first aid kit. Fidget went to grab a bone the second I set her down. My eyes strayed to Will, who was starting his workout, and I felt the tears prick my eyes again. “Stupid man,” I grumbled and started unwrapping my bloody fingers.
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