Hedging His Bets

by Laura Carter

  That isn’t what happened with Jake and me. I knew from the moment I signed that lease to share the apartment with him and Alex, there was a danger I could fall for him. I knew from the fact he quickly became the person I wanted to spend every spare second with, that I adored him, all of him.

  But I can point to one moment and say, definitively, that is when I fell in love with Jake Harrington.

  It was a Friday night, six months ago….

  “Jess? Babes?” Jake called as I heard the door to the apartment close behind him. “I got held up at work.” His voice grew louder as his footsteps moved along the hallway to my bedroom.

  He knocked on the door but entered anyway. He’d caught me in my underwear enough times for him to have decided he might as well invade my space whenever he felt like it. At least, that’s what I used to tell him. In reality, I never felt like Jake was intruding in my space. Hmm, except that one time, when I was in a bit of a precarious position and I had been thinking of him…doing what I was doing… Yep, that was an awkward moment.

  “Whoa! Why are you in bed, babe?”

  I blew my sore nose as a demonstration of why I was wrapped in my duvet at seven p.m. on a Friday night, instead of getting dressed to go out. “I’ve been wiped out by woman flu,” I said. The words came out more like, “Ibe een iped out by uman blew.”

  He came to sit on the edge of the bed, dipping the double mattress toward him. “You have uman blew?”

  Despite the razor blades slicing my throat, the throbbing of my head at the base of my skull, my aching muscles and my stinging nose, I laughed.

  He leaned across my legs, his white shirt pulled tight over his toned hips, showing me that little bit where his muscles cut in. “But I need my tequila partner,” he said.

  “I’m sorry, Jake, you’re going to have to take one for the team tonight. How about I promise to clean away my snot rags and tomorrow, when you’re hungover from drinking tequila for both of us, we can suffer together watching crap movies? I’ll even succumb to those American humor ones that aren’t funny at all.”

  “Ted?”

  I chuckled. “Yes, we can watch Ted.”

  He took me by surprise, reaching up to stroke my cheek. “You have a temperature. Maybe you should take a few layers off? Is that my hoody?”

  I looked down at the oversized black sweatshirt. “Oh, yeah. I needed something cozy.”

  Something about that made him pause. He kept his hand on my cheek and his eyes seemed to fill with warmth. His mouth curved at one side. The smile I loved on him. It was distinctly Jake. I loved all things distinctly Jake.

  “I don’t want to go out without you.”

  “Stop being a baby. You’ll find some tart in a mini skirt, probably leather, to drink tequila with you. And I’ll be so wiped out on Night Nurse capsules I won’t even hear you making her squeak and squeal her way through sex.”

  He gave a short laugh but not the kind he would usually give me for a crude comment.

  “You’re the only woman I drink tequila with. If you aren’t there, the tequila team isn’t turning up.”

  “Then you’ll have to drink beer with Alex and belch all night.”

  His laughter was short again and the genuine look of disappointment on his face made me feel even worse than I already felt. “Maybe I can try.”

  I wiggled my legs free from under him and pulled back the covers. I sat upright, placed my feet on the floor, and stood. As I did, yellow, purple, green and blue spots moved into my vision.

  “Whoa, whoa. Jess.” I felt Jake’s arms wrap around me. He caught me and brought me back down to the bed. “Have you eaten today?”

  I shook my head as he laid me down and brought the covers back over me, tucking them up to my chin.

  He stroked my hair, which must have felt awful against my clammy temples, and he pressed his lips to my forehead. “The Tequila Queen has temporarily vacated her throne,” he whispered.

  My lips curved up before I closed my eyes. I could still feel his weight on the bed and the gentle touch of his fingers as I drifted into darkness.

  I woke a couple of hours later. In the light of the bedside lamp, I could see I was alone. But my used tissues had been cleared away and Jake’s laptop was on the bed next to me, paused on a scene I recognized from the movie Hacksaw Ridge.

  I dragged myself up to sit, still feeling weak and shitty but a little better than before my nap. As if by magic, the bedroom door opened slowly and Jake stood in the doorway, holding a tray.

  “You were stirring. I figured you would be awake soon.”

  “Why aren’t you out?”

  He didn’t answer, just moved toward me, placing the tray down on the bed. “Broccoli and stilton soup. The bread is still warm if you can manage it. Orange juice for that essential vitamin C, and water, because apparently Woman Flu can be severely dehydrating.”

  I wanted to smile at his kindness. I wanted to thank him. But the lump in my throat that had nothing to do with my sickness wouldn’t let me speak.

  “You stayed in on a Friday night to make me soup?”

  He moved around the bed and sat down where I assumed he had been sitting while I slept. He hit play on Hacksaw Ridge and shuffled the laptop to a position where we could both watch it.

  “I hope you like the soup. My mom had to talk me through making it on Skype.”

  The lump was so big it was almost choking me. “You called your mum? You went out and bought ingredients?”

  “Oh shit, babes. Why are you crying? Are you hurting? What can I do?”

  It was right then. That was the moment I fell in love with Jake Harrington. As he held me to him. As I cried because he’d made me soup. As I cried because he was the first person who had ever truly wanted to take care of me since I was a girl. As I let him hold me the way my mum used to hold me when I was sick.

  “My throat hurts really bad,” I sobbed.

  He kissed my scalp until I pulled myself together. I ate my soup and we watched what was left of Hacksaw Ridge. The whole time my heartbeat grew stronger and faster.

  No. No, Jess. You cannot be in love with Jake. He means too much. He’s too good. You can’t love him because it will be the end of you both.

  Chapter 19

  Jake

  A hand on my shoulder wakes me. I lift my head from the breakfast counter and immediately look at the phone in my hand. She hasn’t returned any of my calls. She hasn’t replied to my text messages asking where the hell she is and why she ran out without speaking to me. Nothing.

  “Brooks and Drew are dragging my ass for a run,” Kit said. “You want to come and clear your head?”

  I flex the knuckles of my right hand and wince. Kit could be asking if I want to clear my head after punching Brandon last night. But the fact he doesn’t ask why I was sleeping at the breakfast counter in the clothes I was wearing last night tells me he knows Jess has gone.

  Maybe he knew she packed up her things. Maybe he saw her leave in a cab. Or maybe he heard me shouting her name in the middle of the street as her cab drove away.

  Being with Jess like we were yesterday was everything. What cuts me more than the fact she ran, is that I think I’d take the churning in my gut right now a thousand times again to have had yesterday just once.

  I massage my right knuckles with my left hand and bring my hands to my chin as I replay every perfect moment of yesterday. I get to walking onto the deck last night and ruining everything.

  She thinks I fought for Emily. Even though I told her I’m not into Emily like that, I’m not an idiot, I can see how it must have looked.

  Jess’s default mindset is to find every reason not to fall in love. And fuck if I didn’t give her the biggest reason to hate me.

  I spent a day showing her in every way how much I wanted her. Doing everything short of saying the three words
I feel with every beat of my heart. She would have been scared enough. Then I acted like a jackass and really blew it.

  “Jake?”

  I dart my head to Kit. “Ah, yeah, give me five.”

  Upstairs, I change into my sweats and check my cell one last time. Still nothing.

  All I do know is, she can’t have gone far because our flight is Sunday. I’d bank on her still taking that same flight home.

  I fire another message:

  JESS, PLEASE. STOP RUNNING. TALK TO ME. I’M SORRY.

  I meet Brooks, Drew and Kit on the driveway. “Do you want to talk about it?” Drew asks.

  I crack my neck and bend my foot up to my butt to stretch my quads. “How about you guys make me run until I’m only thinking about my next breath?”

  “Hell, yeah, I can do that,” Brooks says. “Let’s go, Jakey.”

  For the first four clicks, all I think about is Jess. About yesterday. About every amazing day since I’ve met her. Wondering whether she’s in love with me. If she didn’t feel something, she wouldn’t have cared whether I fought over Emily, would she?

  I thank the running gods when Brooks picks up his pace and we drive forward, pounding the streets harder, until my ability to think clearly is gone.

  You can always rely on Brooks to take you out of your head when you need him.

  We finish the run along the beach, the sand putting the final nail in the coffin for our dead thighs. Kit keeps up relatively well, either because he’s getting in shape, or because a week of indulgent food and booze mean Brooks, Drew and I were slower than usual, but he’s still blowing smoke out of his ass and breathing like he smoked sixty cigars this morning. Brooks, Drew and I are breathing hard too, and I’m sweating from places I never knew I could sweat from.

  Cold water and all, we take off our sneakers and caps and throw ourselves into the ocean.

  I dunk my head under the water and flick my wet hair from my eyes as I surface.

  “So, are we going to talk about why Jess left last night?” Kit asks. “Am I the only one who can see the huge, enormous, fat fucking elephant in the room?”

  “Ah, that was ripe for a Fat Kit joke,” Brooks says, rubbing his hands over his face. “It’s a shame we got you thin.”

  For the first time this morning, something amuses me. “It seems pretty obvious why she left. I crossed the line with her, made us something more than we agreed we would be; then she assumed I struck out at Brandon because I’m still into Emily. She thinks I played her and it fucking kills me.”

  “Is she right?” Drew asks.

  “No, man. She couldn’t be more wrong. I just needed to… Brandon and I had unfinished business, that’s all last night was. And, by the way, I’m sorry for messing up your night like that. I’ll apologize to the girls when they’re up.”

  “Hey, don’t worry about it. People pay good money to watch shit like that and we had free ringside seats,” Kit says, making me chuckle.

  “Yeah, well, it’s not exactly what you want on a night away with your friends, so I am sorry.” Then a thought occurs to me. “Shit, Drew, last night wasn’t the big night, was it?”

  “Big night?” Kit asks as Drew raises a brow at me.

  “Aaaand that’s the real fat elephant in the room. Sorry two times, bro.”

  Drew smashes water at me.

  “Oh, is this the part where you tell me the purpose of this week is for you to propose to Becky?” Kit asks.

  “What the…?” Drew lifts his hands from the water as if he’s raising the roof.

  “Ah, come on, Drew, it’s obvious. It’s been in the cards since you fell for her cakes. And I mean cakes, that wasn’t some kind of reference to soggy bottoms or cream centers.”

  “What the hell goes on in your head, man?” Drew asks Kit. “Yes, all right. I’m proposing to Becky this week. And, if it’s not too much trouble, could you all be around and not cause any bloody beach fights at the party I have planned tomorrow night?”

  “Party?” I ask. “You assume she’ll say yes, huh?”

  I get dunked this time as Drew pushes his entire body weight down on my shoulders. I wrestle back up and dunk him in return.

  “I have a party planned on the assumption she’ll say yes but that’s why I haven’t told you about it. It’s nothing over the top, Becky would hate that. I’ve just got caterers coming in to the house to make sure she can relax. And I had to forewarn Mom and Millie. Can you imagine if I didn’t let Mom in on the secret and she found out I’d celebrated with you bunch of jackasses?”

  I whistle. “Ohhhh, you’d have been in hell.”

  “Seriously, though, Drew,” Brooks says. “It’s Friday, buddy, time is running out.”

  “I know. Tonight is the night. If slippery tongue can keep his mouth shut for a few hours, we should be all good.”

  “Slippery tongue?” Kit asks. “Is that supposed to be me? Man, name one secret I’ve ever shared of yours.”

  “Let me see… When I had a crush on Lana Jonson in sophomore year? When I stole the cheer squad’s pom-poms with the rest of the football team? When I bet you Marty would lose his first case in court? When…”

  “All right, I get it. I can’t hold my water. I guess you’d better get a move on in that case.” Kit winks and Brooks and I laugh, more at the fear that takes over Drew’s face than Kit’s words.

  “Just don’t put the ring in a glass of champagne or something,” I say, as we walk out of the water. “I’ve heard of people choking and having to get the diamond flushed out of them in the ER.”

  “Yeah, I wouldn’t go for putting it in a cake either,” Brooks says. “Becky would kick your ass if you ruined a good cake.”

  “Plus, she might crack a tooth or something on the size of the rock I imagine you’ve got for her,” Kit adds.

  “Thanks, guys. Like I wasn’t fucking nervous enough. I feel like I’m about to pitch my first little league game and the rest of the team is ten years older than me.”

  “While I appreciate the sentiment, that makes no fucking sense, Drew,” I tell him.

  “Damn it, sometimes I wish I hadn’t put you through college and given you a brain, kid. There was a time you would hang on every word I said.”

  * * * *

  By noon, there’s still no word from Jess. I shoot her another text message as we all sit around the pool. The others are starting their first round of margaritas.

  AT LEAST LET ME KNOW YOU ARE SAFE.

  Dots appear across the screen as if she’s typing. Then they disappear. I sit up, straddling the lounger, hopeful. The dots come again and disappear again. All the while, I gawp at my cell. They come again, then…

  I’M SAFE.

  “I’m safe? That’s fucking it!”

  I growl and flop back on the sunbed, turning up the music in my ears to drown out the chatter of the others and pulling my cap over my face, half because I’m frustrated and hurt and so enraged with myself for being such an idiot I could cry. Half because I want to be alone, in darkness, where I can think.

  Is that what you’re doing, Jess? Do you just need time to think?

  Argh, thinking is dangerous! What if she thinks she doesn’t want anything more than to be my friend? How could we possibly go back? God knows I would, if that’s what it takes for me to keep her. But can I pretend I don’t have feelings for her when what I do feel is tearing me apart? What if she’s thinking she’ll move on, run to another city or country, or the other side of the world, like she’s done so many times before? The thought is like taking a round from an AK-47 to my torso—it hurts going in, it blows me apart as it comes out.

  Bright light pierces my eyelids as my headphones are pulled from my ears. Sarah is wrapped in a towel and sits down on my lounger, tapping my legs to tell me to move them aside.

  “I love how dramatic you boys are.
Do you know that? It keeps things interesting having to fix your love lives for you. It makes me feel like I live in a movie or something. Of course, I’d be as fabulous as Audrey Hepburn or Marilyn Monroe. Audrey is more me, I think, with the brown hair. And those gorgeous pearls.”

  “I’ve no doubt you would be more fabulous than Audrey, Sarah, but now who’s being dramatic?”

  “Oh, right, ha. I do have a point I want to make.”

  “By all means.”

  She sips her margarita and licks the salt that has transferred from the rim of her glass to her finger. “Here’s what I think. One, you and Jess know everything about each other and still adore each other. A-ah, no talking, Jakey. This is Sarah’s spotlight.” She holds up two fingers. “Two, somewhere along the line, one or both of you decided it would be a good idea to start sleeping together. Be quiet! The fact is, you had your reasons for doing that but for sure, you were sexually attracted to each other.”

  “It was her idea, initially.”

  “Which only serves to prove the point I’m going to make. Keep listening.” She holds up three fingers. “Three, if you hadn’t already realized it, you have both fallen for each other. It seems to me, you both have shit to figure out because…well, who doesn’t, right? Jake, silence. For your part, the mess is obvious. You were screwed up over the Emily and Brandon thing. Now, it seems you worked out that you were never actually into Emily and, while I hate to say it, those two are cute together.”