Hedging His Bets

by Laura Carter

  “Maybe now is a good time to race to the finish line.”

  She shrugs and sips her drink again, taking her time and taking control, just how Sarah likes things. “The rest I have to guess at but let me tell you, I’m very good at reading people, and I’m very good at reading love. Oh, don’t look like that, everyone around this pool can see you are one hundred percent, prime time in love with Jess.”

  “You stole that line from Meg Ryan in Top Gun. I use it myself.”

  “I did. But I added my own twist. Anyway, my guess is this. Jess is in love with you too.”

  I swallow hard. “You think so?”

  “Baby, I know so. And, I’m willing to bet, she’s a runner.”

  I snort. “What makes you think that?”

  “I know about her parents and her ex-fiancé. I’m certain there’s a heck of a lot more that’s gone on in her life that you know and I don’t. So, yes, that she’s run now tells me she’s a runner but so does her past, Jake. Of course, she’d run.”

  “You think I didn’t know that, Sarah? I tried not to come on too hard.”

  She smiles and leans her head to one side, as if she knows something I don’t. “Oh, Jake, don’t you get it? This isn’t about you coming on too hard.”

  “Then please enlighten me as to what the hell it is about.”

  “For the record, your tone is a little shitty. I don’t approve.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Accepted. When we were at the bar the other night and you got all silverback over Brandon and Emily walking in and Jess kissed you, I spoke to her outside. She was upset, Jake. Not because she thought you wanted Emily but because she was afraid she might be jealous.”

  I lift my cap and scratch my head. “You’re losing me.”

  She rolls her eyes and sighs. “You boys are so damn dumb. She was afraid, Jakey. If she was jealous that meant she wanted you to herself. Are you following now? She loves you, Jake.”

  “But if… I mean…why run then?”

  “You said she was the one who suggested sleeping together? Well, I could be wrong but I’m going to throw out the idea that she thought she could control how she felt about you if you could be friends and she could control how much she wanted to…you know, bang bang, hump hump.”

  “Bang bang, hump hump?” I laugh. It’s short-lived but an unbelievable feat given the way I feel today. When I stop, I think about what Sarah is saying. “So, when I realized I wanted to be with her…”

  “You took away the safety net. She was relying on you being too messed up over Emily to want more than your friends-with-benefits arrangement.”

  “She knows I don’t want Emily.”

  “Yep.”

  “She knows I want her.”

  “Yep.”

  “And she’s running because she wants me too?”

  “Ting, ting, ting! Jackpot, Jakey.”

  “She is afraid. Of course, she’s afraid.”

  “There you go.”

  I jump up from the lounger. “She fucking loves me.”

  Sarah laughs. “Well what are you doing moping around the pool?”

  My excitement dies in an instant as I look at Sarah and tell her, “I have no idea where she is.”

  She leans her head to the side again, like I’m a dumbass. “Your flight is Sunday. She told me she’s never been to New York before. And she’s a traveler. How hard is the math?”

  “You think she’s in the city?”

  “You know her inside and out, Jake.” She steps up to me and places her hand on my chest. “Start thinking with this. Where does your heart tell you she is?”

  I wish I knew. Goddamn it, I wish I could find her and say something, anything to make her give us a shot. But… “I don’t kn— Home Alone.”

  “What?”

  “Home Alone. The bird woman. The Plaza.”

  “Are you having some kind of seizure right now?”

  “Sarah, I fucking love you.” I grab her head and kiss her temple. “I’ve got to go.”

  “Ah, you boys are so crazy, I adore it. Well, go, stop staring at me. Go get your ex-best friend.”

  “Drew, good luck, bro! I’ll be back!” I call as I run into the house and upstairs. I consider packing things into a bag but I can’t wait. I need to find her. I grab my wallet and head downstairs.

  “Hey! You might need these!” Brooks throws me the keys to his truck and I catch them.

  Marty comes over dangling another set of keys. “Bullshit, mine’s quicker. I’m glad you pulled your head out of your ass. And if you hurt my car, I’ll hurt you right back, Jake, whether you’re Drew’s brother or not.”

  “I knew there had to be something I like about you, Marty. Thanks, man.” I take his keys and make for the door.

  “These things never work out. I’m going to enjoy the show, that’s all!” he calls after me.

  “Save your cynical bachelor shit, Marty. You just haven’t found the right girl,” I shout back.

  Within seconds, I’m hurtling out of the driveway in the direction of the city.

  Chapter 20

  Jake

  My buzz dies somewhere along the I-495 heading into the city. Not only do I not have a clue as to where Jess is, beyond a loose idea that she wanted to run like Macaulay Culkin did in Home Alone 2, but even if I see her, she’s running scared and I have no idea what I could do or say to convince her to take a chance on us.

  I make it into the city in record time. Marty’s wheels are hot! I park in a garage close to The Plaza—the hotel Macaulay Culkin stays in in Home Alone 2, thinking that I might have lost my mind. But this is the only thing I have to go on.

  I take out my cell—nothing from Jess. I send her a message:

  I’M IN THE CITY. WHERE ARE YOU?

  I wait for a reply that doesn’t come, then I Google ‘Macaulay Culkin Run Home Alone 2.’ Yep, I’ve definitely lost it.

  My stomach sinks when I see that half the scenes featured in the movie were actually shot in Chicago. “For fuck’s fucking sake!”

  People on the sidewalk give me peculiar looks but they don’t appreciate how damn frustrated I am right now. “Duncan’s Toy Chest isn’t real! Goddamn it!”

  That doesn’t seem to give people the answers they were looking for; it garners me more peculiar looks.

  I seem to have driven into bad weather in the city. The buildings hold on to warmth but the sky is gray and threatening to rain. Oh, yeah, and I’m still in the shorts and a T-shirt I was wearing beside the pool before I lost my head and flew to the city.

  I know Jess doesn’t have much money, which is part of the reason I know she won’t have changed her flight; I also know she’ll try to keep her bargain with her dad to run like Macaulay.

  The bellhop at The Plaza stares at my attire as he holds the door for me. Maybe one day I will come back here in my suit and stay in a suite and run up a tab he can’t afford. Look down your goddamn nose at me, man?

  The receptionist is full of smiles. “Hi, I’m looking for a…friend, Jess Walters. I think she might have booked in here last night, well, early this morning.”

  “I’m terribly sorry, sir, but I can’t give you information about guests. This is The Plaza.”

  Correction: she is snooty!

  “Look, I am begging you. I drove from the Hamptons in record time to find this girl, the girl, and tell her that I can’t live without her, so, please, help me out here.”

  “That’s so sweet.”

  “Thanks. So, can you help me out?”

  “No. I’m sorry.”

  I drag air into my nostrils, feeling them flare. Slapping a hand down on the counter, I search the faces in the atrium. I move through the bars and restaurants, receiving dirty looks for the fact I’m wearing shorts, but still not finding any sign of Jess.

/>   I stand back out on the sidewalk as the heaven’s open. Looking up to the sky, watching rain drops before they land on me, I realize Jess won’t be inside. She once told me, wherever we are, it’s the same rain, the same wind, the same sun. Weather connects us. She’ll be out here, under the rain, feeling closer to her dad than ever.

  That thought makes something else occur to me. I may not be able to work out Macaulay’s running route but I do know that the bird woman lived in Central Park.

  I enter the park, my head down to stop rain hitting my eyes, and head in the direction of Gapstow Bridge over the Pond, passing two tourists in yellow duck ponchos. Cute, if you’re into that kind of thing, I suppose.

  Thanks to the rain, the bridge is empty. For the record, there’s no Pigeon Lady. Nor is Kevin McCallister running around. It’s just me, in the pouring rain, leaning my forearms on the bridge and watching ripples in the pond from the raindrops.

  I check my cell again. Nothing. A group of teenagers comes by, talking excitedly about a movie they’ve seen.

  I check my cell. Forty minutes have passed and still nothing.

  The rain stops but the sky stays gray. I shiver under the cold of my sodden clothes.

  My cell tells me I’ve been here for an hour and a half.

  I start thinking of my next steps but I come up empty. The reality is, Jess may have been here already. She may never come. She may come tomorrow.

  A man stops with a woman I take to be his wife. They ask for directions and I point them toward Hell’s Kitchen.

  I lean back against the bridge and look at the buildings towering over the park. I take in the lush green of the park, knowing it will soon turn to the brightest orange for fall.

  God, I love New York.

  The rain comes again, spitting at first, then bouncing around my bare shins. Fantastic.

  Closing my eyes, I raise my head to the sky and let the weather cover my face, asking the sky, or the people up there, to help me out here.

  “You found me.”

  Her voice fills my ears, my chest, and warms my chilled bones. I open my eyes and see she really is there, standing in front of me, her hair wet, the collar of her leather jacket pulled up, her jeans soaked through. She couldn’t look more perfect.

  “I knew you wouldn’t leave the city without coming here.”

  She moves closer to me and I turn from the water to face her.

  “I could have already been. I could have come tomorrow. What were you going to do, sleep out here?”

  Her eyes are full, her brown irises bold yet fearful.

  “If that’s what it took, yes.”

  She holds her next blink for seconds. “You’re insane.” I take the opportunity to step closer to her, so close I can almost feel her heart pounding in her chest. Close enough I can smell her, the way her perfume blends with something that’s just her. The smell of home.

  “If I’m crazy, Jess, it’s over you.”

  She opens her eyes and looks into mine. “What are you doing here?”

  “I came to set you straight on a few things.”

  “Is that right?”

  “That’s right. First, I have no feelings for Emily beyond the platonic.”

  She nods and her words are a croak. “I know.”

  “Then you know I’m here because there’s only one girl for me, Jess. I’ve known since that girl walked into my apartment and decided, for some unknown reason, that she would stay there longer than she’d stayed anywhere in fifteen years. I’ve known since that girl got to know me better than I know myself. Since she made me smile wider than I’d smiled before. Since she made me laugh harder than I’d ever laughed. Since she made my heart beat faster than it had ever beaten before her.”

  “Jake, I can’t do this.”

  I take hold of her face. “If you really can’t do this, I’ll be your friend, Jess. I’ll hate that it’s all you’ll give me but I’ll do it. I’ll take what you offer because I need you in my life. But tell me honestly…that you don’t love me.”

  Tears run down her face and mix with the rain that falls around us. “Jake, I’m not like you. I have nothing to offer you. You have family and friends. I can’t give you any of those things. And this city, this is your home. The people you love live here. I live in London, at least for now.”

  I shake her gently, willing her to clear her mind. “I have friends and family, Jess. And they love you. I don’t need you to come with a side of other people. You are all I need. You are perfect, babe.”

  Her silent tears turn to sobs and she places her hands over mine on her cheeks as she shakes her head. “It’s not real. This doesn’t exist for me, Jake.”

  I understand her words. I’ve heard something similar before. “You’ve told me your theories of karma, Jess. You think love is out of reach? You think the way I love you, and the way I think you love me is something you can’t achieve?” I take her hands and place them over my heart. “Feel this. This is real, Jess. You feel my heart beating? It’s beating for you.”

  “I want…” She breaks, sobbing uncontrollably, crippled by fear.

  “You want what, Jess? Talk to me.”

  “I ran because I do feel it. I’ve fought it for as long as I can but I love you, Jake. I love you so much it is tearing me apart.”

  My arms ache to pull her into my chest. To soothe her and tell her to let this drop. But I don’t. “It’s time to face your fears,” I tell her. “Talk to me.”

  Her voice breaks as she forces out the words. “I love you so much. I love you the way my mom loved my dad. And if I let you in, we’ll break. Something will happen. We’ll break each other. One of us would do something, or get sick. And I…” Her words are like a fist around my heart, squeezing so tight it could burst. “I couldn’t live without you, Jake.” She covers her face with her hands and I finally pull her into my chest, holding her as her body crumples against me.

  I wish I could take away all her years of hurt and pain. I wish I could be her strength and take away her fears. My eyes sting as I hold her, and the sky rains down on her, like it has rained down all her life. I want to be the person who stops the rain and replaces it with the light of the sun.

  “Dive with me, Jess. Take my hand and dive in. We’ll face everything together. I promise you that.”

  She pulls out of my hold. “We can’t. Don’t you see that? You could get sick or leave, or I could die and then we can’t face things together.”

  “Damn it, Jess! Do you think I’m not afraid? Of course I am. I’ve never felt anything like this before. I’ve never felt anything this powerful. When we make love it’s like I exist in some other place, something bigger than the bed we’re in, or the room, or this earth. I feel like we’re bigger than the fucking universe, and that terrifies me. I can’t stand here and tell you that one or both of us won’t get sick. I can’t promise you that we’ll die holding hands in our bed together when we’re eighty-five. Goddamn it, I wish I could promise you that.”

  I move to her and wipe my thumbs across the tears beneath her eyes. “Marry me.”

  She snaps her head back and her tears stop, as do her breaths, and her body’s movements. “What?”

  “You heard me. You want something to hold on to? Take my heart. Take my ring. And every time you look at it you can think of this… I can’t make you a promise to be by your side in this form forever. But I can vow that no matter what happens, in sickness and in health, I will forever be by your side, in this life, and the next. And, if one day, many years from now, we are up there somewhere, I will shake your father’s hand, and I will kiss your mom on the cheek, and I will tell them a thousand times, ‘thank you for giving me your daughter.’ And I’ll do it all with you tucked under my arm.”

  She sucks in a breath that brings her tears back. I rub them away as I tell her, “Marry me. Take my ring and every
time you feel afraid, hold it, and know that you hold my heart. Let me be your roots, Jess. Let me be your forever home.”

  She closes her eyes and for long seconds, I feel my heart stop. There’s no coming back. There can be no friendship now. I put myself out there and I can’t take it back. I don’t want to.

  She mumbles something, her eyes still closed, her tears still falling.

  “What did you say?”

  She opens her eyes, wide, fearful eyes, and she says, “Yes.”

  “Yes?”

  “I can’t promise I won’t want to run. Sometimes, I might need you to stop me. I might need you to drive to Central Park and stand in the rain and tell me that all we have is hope and faith.” She lets out a short laugh that warms me to the core. “But there’s no one else in the world I want to be afraid with.”

  I pull her to me and press my lips to hers, dragging my fingers through her wet hair, desperate to get more of her. I hook her legs around my waist and turn us in circles as she kisses me in a way that tells me she meant those three letters.

  Fuck, I’m getting married.

  I couldn’t be happier.

  She moves her lips from mine and looks up to the sky. “It stopped raining.”

  I smile as beams of light break through the clouds. I know, wherever they are, Jess’s parents are dropping in on us.

  “Fuck, I love you, babe.”

  She laughs against my mouth. “Jake Harrington, you are a crazy, crazy kind of incredible.”

  “Well, since I’m feeling kind of crazy, how does a trip to Tiffany’s sound?”

  “Are you sure? I mean, the proposal is a nice gesture and all but are you sure it wasn’t just you being swept up in the moment? I mean, you can be a little dramatic.”

  “Are you giving me grief? Seriously? After that? I swept you off your feet, Jessica Walters. That shit was like something out of the movies.”

  “No, I know, it was great. I’m just saying, if you want to take it back, better sooner rather than later. Rings aren’t cheap.”

  I set her on the ground and press my forehead to hers. “I’m never taking it back, babe. This is forever.”