Starbright: The Complete Series

by Hilary Thompson

  Pallis leans back from the circle, resting against the rock wall. I feel his fingers touch my shoulder blade, rest there like little points of heat, then trail lightly down my spine, testing my reaction. I lean back toward him, just a few inches. His hand rests at my lower back, sending a rush of nervous tingles through my skin. My stomach jumps a little. Isa was right – I have no idea what I’m doing. But I like it.

  I glance again at her and Dalen. I could be happy too, if things were different. I decide to pretend they are, if only for tonight.

  Pallis moves his hand around to my hip, enclosing me slightly. He leans forward again, his warm cheek touching my shoulder. I can smell his hair, tinged with sweat from dancing.

  “Walk?” he says, indicating we should leave the safety of this circle.

  I hesitate, suddenly nervous as I’m caught between two unfamiliar choices – go with him and find out what a stolen kiss feels like, or stay here in innocence and safety.

  The memory of Lexan calling me an idiot pushes me up.

  Pallis pulls me beyond his friends’ watching eyes. I try to ignore them as we walk carefully past the slippery rocks at the edge of the water, into one of the many darkened corners of the hot pool. His hand brushes my waist as we walk, each time sending skips of sensation through my body.

  “Pallis, what are we doing?” I whisper, not really wanting an answer. I lean against the rock, its cool surface calming my nerves briefly.

  His soft brown eyes are heavy-lidded with wine, but he smiles slowly, just before lowering his lips to meet mine, brushing top lip, bottom lip, chin, pulling back a few inches. How can such a small touch be felt everywhere?

  His hand comes to rest again on my waist, fingers down, reaching toward my hipbone. “Astrea, I’ve wanted you for so long.”

  Part of my brain, the part that is still me, laughs at his words. But another, larger part smiles in satisfaction. All I’ve wanted is to be wanted by someone.

  I reach my hand toward his chest, feeling the rough fabric of his tunic, and his lips pull gently at my bottom lip. My fingers twist the fabric slightly as he kisses along my tightened jaw. His lips find the softest skin beneath my ear, and my head spins a little from the wine, heavy in my belly. I pull to the side, swallowing a giggle that shakes my shoulders briefly.

  “Are you cold?”

  I shake my head and grin because I’m so far from cold, but this only encourages him, and he leans closer, his other hand slipping behind my back, sliding. I soon understand that Pallis is willing to do more than I am to enjoy the moment, and I reposition his hands again and again. I struggle briefly against his intensity, thinking angrily of Isa’s warnings. Why does she always have to be right?

  Somehow my flare of temper adds to his eagerness, and a thin slice of warning makes its way to my brain. My tired muscles begin to tense, and I gauge his reaction to a small push, my body calculating what my brain can’t.

  He lifts his head, eyebrows crinkled together in irritation. “What, Astrea? You danced with me all night. I thought you wanted this.”

  “I don’t want…” I struggle for the right words. I don’t want to hurt him, but I sense it’s too late for that. Pride is a funny creature. He snares my breath in another deepening kiss.

  “No, Pallis, please,” I mumble, the fog in my head gently growing denser. I shouldn’t have drunk that wine; it’s slowing my thoughts too much.

  I start to push against him again, but he suddenly stumbles backward, a confused look on his face. As he regains his balance, Lexan steps between us, his back inches from me, his body shielding mine.

  “Pallis, I clearly heard her say no. If you can’t respect that, you need to take it up with me.”

  In answer, Pallis swings at Lexan. Probably Lexan should have ducked, but then I might have received the blow. Instead Lexan absorbs the sloppy punch, his tense muscles pressing to mine briefly, his body heat transferring, igniting my anger, burning away the fog in my head. Before Lexan has time to react with a counterpunch, I dart around him, one hand brushing his shirt and the other pressed to Pallis’s chest, keeping them apart.

  Pallis startles at my touch before knocking my hand away, rubbing at the spot where my palm rested. He glares.

  “Pallis, we’ve had some fun tonight, but we both know where this is going. Please just leave!” The fierce look on my face allows him no option, and he stomps away, still angry and now embarrassed. I jerk around to face Lexan, who is wiping a tiny bit of blood from his lip.

  “What in Hades was that?” I demand, backing up as I notice how close we are.

  He grins infuriatingly. “Just protecting my girl.”

  Something inside me breaks apart, and I smack him, my palm burning from the impact. He simply stares at me, for the first time seeming stunned by something I’ve done. Then he leans down, inches from my face. His eyes are huge and dark and all I can do is stare into their deep, waiting pools. I feel frozen, unable to move. Even my mind quiets, and I’m reduced to the sense of touch.

  I feel Lexan circle his strong hands around my waist, align my body to his, close, so close, fusing our strange, breathless heat, and then I feel him kiss me without hesitation or tenderness until my knees give up, fragile with a desire I never wanted. He stops the kiss as suddenly as he started, his own breath shallow and hot, his lips barely brushing mine. My body waits, nerves sparking, and I’m completely supported by his arms. He waits for my knees to straighten, then pulls away only enough to claim my eyes again.

  “That’s how you should be kissed,” he says, and is gone. I’m standing on my own, but barely. The air is suddenly cold without him, and I have a lot to think about, not the least of which is how I totally agree with him.

  And why I’m left with an image, one that filled my mind just before Lexan kissed me. An image of us partnered, happy. In love.

  I’m furious with myself for not stopping Lexan – and horrified by my body for its weak betrayal of everything I’ve always believed about him.

  Then I shake my head: this doesn’t change anything between us.

  As I walk shakily down the corridor, away from the hot pool, I hear whispering. I can’t see anyone in the darkness, but the voices sound agitated. I pause, trying to understand the words.

  “Did it work on her?”

  “It seemed to. I mean, normally, she would never…what about the medicine?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll try to find out. What about hers? Do you know what—“

  “Shh, I think I hear someone. I’ll talk to you later.”

  I have crept slowly closer and heard this much, but my footsteps are finally noticed. Something in the conversation is familiar, as though I should know what they speak of, but it evades my fragmented concentration. When I round the corner, there is only another empty hallway. But as I enter the Common Area, a hand grasps my shoulder, and I startle badly, leaning deeply away from the touch.

  “Hello, Astrea.”

  I look up into the dark blue eyes of Aitan, Lexan’s brother. I begin to breathe again, but barely. I trust Aitan even less than Lexan.

  He brushes away the hand I didn’t realize I had pushed against his chest. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I thought perhaps you might know where Lexan is?” His hand still rests heavily on my shoulder and all I want is to push it away.

  “No. I haven’t seen him all night.”

  The corner of his mouth twitches. “Ah. Well. I see you still can’t lie. An unfortunate Arien trait, but some have mastered it. I’ll find him myself.”

  He turns and leaves without hesitation, and I groan softly, fingertips to my temples. I simply want to go home, fall into bed, and stay there.

  SIX

  The Inner Aries: It is best for Ariens to feel in charge. They have an intense need to control their own lives, and they are driven to take action and solve problems. The Inner Libra: Librans long for love and approval. They often give up their own power in an effort to please others and achieve peace and balance.<
br />
  From Understanding Your Horoscope

  Head Minister Charles, year 2073

  Before I leave my room in the morning, I gather the point cards left from yesterday’s shopping. Only forty-one, but it’s a good start: I was going to return them to Mother, but this is more important. I wait until she leaves the kitchen before I grab an extra chunk of bread and two golden apples. I slip everything into my school satchel just as she walks back in, adjusting her favorite scarf, which is a silky mix of turquoise and jade: perfect Pisces colors.

  “Will you be training late again today?” she asks, handing me another point card for lunch. I nod, not really focusing. She touches my arm. “Astrea, please be careful. What you did yesterday, with Keirna? Don’t do anything you might regret later. Please!” She has to call the last word, as I am already slipping out the door.

  It’s not right, I think as I hurry along the hallway. It isn’t fair that the shopkeeper gets punished for trying to be nice to me. Maybe it was a little like stealing, but she didn’t mean it that way. If anything, it should be me up there for stealing from the shop. Keirna was sending a message to me, and that poor woman was simply the messenger.

  As I near the Common Area, I can see a small group of people gathered near the public punishment cells. Although one-day punishments are relatively common, long-term occupancies like the shopkeeper’s are a novelty. It is strange how I have lived here almost seventeen years, among less than three thousand people, and yet I don’t remember meeting her. But she knew me.

  It’s not right, I think again. I start to slip between people, heading to the front of the crowd, but then realize I probably shouldn’t draw attention to myself. I slip back behind a tall man, spotting a child nearby.

  “Can you keep a secret?” I bend down to the girl, who is young enough that her face only bears a light tattoo of her Cancer zodiac, not implants. She nods shyly. “I’ll give you a point card if you give this food to the woman in the cell, and put these into the box. Don’t tell anyone!” She gapes up at me, her round eyes taking in my brilliant hair and sparkling cheek. Even she likely knows who I am.

  I hand her the bread, the apples, and the point cards in an envelope, plus my lunch card for her help. I watch as she drops my cards into the box in front of the raised cell and reaches as high as she can to push the food through the bars toward the woman, whose back is turned to the people watching her. The protectors will come count the cards later, to see if she has paid her debt. Even if she collects all the money today, she must still serve the minimum two weeks.

  Two weeks in public confinement is enough to break a person, I think angrily.

  I turn and hurry to my counseling appointment before too many notice me. Counselor Hali seems distracted as she closes the door. I sit on the large couch, curl my legs beneath me and wait for her to begin, forcing what I hope is a pleasant smile.

  She flips through her notes as though looking for something, then shakes her head. I fidget with the new red sash I’m wearing over my regular tan tunic – Isa’s doing. Six point cards that could have gone to the shopkeeper.

  “So how are you feeling about Choosing Day, Astrea?”

  I nearly scowl at her, then remember I’m supposed to be happy now. “Well, I’m still getting used to it. But Lexan and I have spent some more time together recently.” My cheeks flush as I think of last night’s kiss by the hot pool, the one which obliterated any thoughts of Pallis from my mind.

  Hali’s eyes narrow as she studies me, and I wish I could control the blood pooling in my cheeks.

  “And your extra training with Brenn?”

  I open my mouth, about to ask how she knows about that, then snap it shut. Counselors are great gossips, and I don’t need to give her any extra information. “Great. He’s really helped me improve my running. I think I might do that as my recreation later, once I’m done with school.”

  She makes a few scratches on her paper. “Anything you’d like to ask me?”

  I consider. It sounds like our meeting is drawing to a close, much shorter than usual, but I do have a question.

  “Why do you always want to give me the medicine? Am I abnormal?”

  Hali puts the paper down, a flash of curiosity lighting her face. “No, Astrea, you’re actually much stronger than most. The medicine isn’t meant to fix things. It only gives you a little peace, so you can take charge of your own life again.”

  Her words are carefully chosen, I can tell. She uses images that would appeal to me, knowing I desperately want to be in charge of my own life.

  “I don’t think I’ll recommend that you take medicine with your daily vitamins. But, please, take these with you.” She presses an envelope of pills into my hand, like always. “Feel free to stop by if you need to. Otherwise, I’ll see you again in two weeks.”

  I nod, closing my fingers around the packet. I feel the pills inside rub together as I slip out of the door. I should just throw them away, but like always, I save them, slipping the packet into my satchel.

  I arrive at Vocation Studies a few minutes early. I meet daily with Leader Augus, and weekly with one of the other Leaders. Never Keirna: I’m often reminded she is very busy and can’t be bothered with training a replacement. Especially one she doesn’t intend to let live.

  Vocation Studies has so far been very much like my other classes – history and facts, lectures and quizzes. I am required to learn about each vocation so that I can understand the community as a whole. I have learned about the role of teachers, and a good deal of additional community history, though nothing like what Brenn spoke of. I suffered through a long, tedious section on Common Law and the role of advocates, like Lexan’s sister Pasia, who help settle disputes between the people. I have also spent a good deal of time learning about all the jobs of the protectors, some of whom are prepared to defend our community, and some of whom are really just guards and couriers.

  Today I will start learning about the counselors, and their role under the broader category of teachers. Other than Hali, I really have no experience with this particular vocation. Families are required to see the same counselor, but I’ve never talked about my time there with Mother or Father.

  As Leader Augus joins me in the room, I sense a difference; he seems very nervous.

  “Have a seat, Astrea. Begin reading this.” He hands me a paper and returns to the desk at the front of the room, fidgeting with the papers left by another teacher. I slide into my usual seat at the front table and begin reading. The paper concerns ethics – the study of right and wrong. There are several paragraphs of explanation, which I skim, and a series of questions at the end, which I read carefully.

  “If you were in a house fire, and you could save only one, would you save an elderly woman, or a culturally valuable piece of artwork? What is this, Leader Augus?” I read without looking up. When Augus says nothing, I raise my eyes.

  Keirna stands before me, her hand resting gently on Augus’s shoulder, her glossy black hair tucked behind her ears. He is visibly sweating now.

  She says, “That, dear Astrea, is a very interesting question. It probes your values - should you save the old woman, who is probably near her death anyways, simply because you believe human life is most valuable? Or should you save the artwork, which is only a material possession, but which contains a vital part of your culture?”

  I remain silent. I can tell by her wording what she would choose, and I don’t agree.

  “So? What is your choice?” Her voice is calm, cool, inviting. Waiting for me to step into her snare.

  I step. “The woman.”

  Her eyes narrow. “Interesting. Unfortunately, as First Leader, you may need to answer questions like this regularly. Although, the choices are not always so easy as this simple exercise, you will soon find. Continue your lesson, Augus.” With that, she turns and slips from the room as quietly as she entered.

  Augus breathes an audible sigh and his shoulders relax. “That is a poor logical choice, Astrea. But,
arguably, a good ethical one.” He smiles and continues the lesson.

  At lunch, I tell Isa of my surprise visitor, and her blue eyes become frightened.

  “You shouldn’t have answered that way, Trea, especially if you think she thought the other choice was better.”

  “Well, she can have her opinions. The question was ethics, and I answered ethically. Even Augus said so.”

  “Yeah, but he didn’t say that until she left. You really need to be more careful around her.”

  “I agree,” Lexan joins the conversation unasked, sitting a few inches too close to me on the bench. I feel my cheeks redden. I still haven’t told Isa about what happened at the pool. I’m not really even sure where to begin.

  “Nobody asked your opinion, anyways,” I mumble and move to get up. He touches my shoulder lightly, freezing my movement with just a few fingers.

  “She is dangerous, Astrea. You have to admit that. Anyways, I have to go. I just wanted to give you this, since you seem to have misplaced your lunch,” he says, setting a golden apple in my palm. He turns to leave, the mischievous twinkle in his eye meant more for Isa’s benefit than mine.

  When I look self-consciously back at Isa, she is staring me down. “Spill,” she orders in a tone I know better than to refuse.

  As we walk to training, Isa can’t quit sneaking looks at me. She can barely believe the story I spilled, between fits of blushing embarrassment, involving the events of last night. To her it seems a fairy tale, with Lexan my knight and Pallis the lusty dragon. I don’t have the energy to argue that I’m no damsel in distress. Get me angry enough, and I could take both of them.

  As a welcome break from training, Brenn has us playing a team sport today, where we throw large rubber balls across a center line, trying to hit someone on the other side. Normally, I enjoy the challenge of these games but am a mediocre player. However, thanks to my extra training, my strength, speed, and aim have improved considerably, and I find the orange balls quite a satisfying weapon for my mood.