Starbright: The Complete Series

by Hilary Thompson

  “Do you have any idea what happened a hundred years ago?”

  Finally, I admit the extent of my ignorance, staring down at my hands. “We’re taught that First Leader Lakessa saved as many people as she could from the Sickness, and these people created Asphodel underground, safely away from the disease. The rest of the world died from the Sickness. They originally thought maybe some survived in Tartarus and Elysium, but they never saw any evidence of it.”

  “Evidence? How could you find evidence if you’re sealed tight in a big hole in the ground? What a load of shit…” He appears silenced by my stupidity. He leans forward abruptly and catches my glance, holding it angrily.

  “Look, I’m not sure who this Lakessa person is, but your info is dead wrong. Someone released a biological weapon on our planet a hundred years ago that nearly wiped out the population. Some people survived because they were extremely isolated from the attacks. Some people survived because they were somehow immune to the disease. The survivors found each other, then scattered again, eventually forming Tartarus, Elysium, and the Tribes. From what we all know of Asphodel, they were the only ones prepared, the only ones who had enough shelter and provisions. See, the people of Asphodel were already underground when the attacks started.”

  His words sink into my mind like stones into a pool, then an idea bubbles to the surface and explodes behind my eyes. “So you think…”

  He nods. “Someone in Asphodel had to have known in advance about the biological weapon. There’s no other explanation for how prepared they were. Everyone on the outside thinks your city was somehow responsible for releasing a plague that nearly wiped out humanity.”

  “I have to go.” I stand abruptly and hurry from the room before he can stop me. I can’t deal with this information. It can’t possibly be true. I need to talk to someone else. Who? It’s practically the middle of the night. As I crawl through the passage, my brain throbs with indecision and helplessness. Even if I could decide who to talk to, I’ll still have to suffer through this until morning, maybe even tomorrow afternoon. Brenn will have class to teach. Isa will have her Vocation Studies, and I can’t tell her this anyways. I can’t tell Mother. Lexan will be busy too, and besides, I’m not ready to trust him with this. I stumble into the Ministration Room, barely able to walk, tears clouding my vision.

  Suddenly, I trip over something on the floor which shouldn’t be there. A groan drops me to my knees, frantic, my eyes searching the blackened room.

  “Trea?” a voice whispers. A hand finds my knee.

  “Lexan? What are you doing here!” I barely manage to contain a whisper – all I want to do is scream at him for following me again. Of all the times for him to follow me.

  “You kicked me right in the stomach,” he grunts, and I can barely see his form as he sits up. He’s evidently been sleeping on the floor near the passage entrance, waiting.

  “What part of don’t follow me are you having trouble with?” I demand, my emotions volleying to defensive frustration, my voice rising.

  “What part of team and trust are you having trouble with?” He smiles crookedly, rubbing his eyes. He reaches up to the nearby altar, grabs a candle, lights it. “I told you before, I value your safety. I was sitting in the Common Area when I saw you rushing past earlier.”

  “Sitting in the Common Area. At one in the morning.”

  “Hey, I couldn’t sleep. Evidently I wasn’t the only one.”

  “Quit grinning like a maniac at me. We both need to go home.”

  “Not until you tell me what is through that passage. And why you’re crying,” he adds in wonder, holding the candle closer to my face. “Wow…I have never seen you cry before…”

  “I was just imagining our Choosing Day. Now come on, let’s go home to bed.”

  He laughs, catching my hand as I stand. “A man can only dream, Astrea.”

  I slap his hand away, but he grabs my thigh instead. The unfamiliar touch pauses my movement, and before I can react he’s pulled me down next to him again.

  “This is your last chance, Astrea. Either you tell me what’s through that passage, or I’ll go see myself.”

  “Whatever. You probably can’t even fit through there.”

  “We’ll just have to find out.” He calls my bluff and starts for the entrance of the passage.

  “Wait! Lexan, please, just wait a second.” I sigh. This isn’t going to be pretty, but I can’t have him bursting into the room and getting stabbed to death by Stian. “If you’re going to understand, you need to hear it from the beginning. Just consider this our first getting-to-know-you session.” Maybe I can stall him with the background story.

  “Now this sounds like something worth losing sleep over,” he smiles, settling back down and adjusting to face me.

  I scowl at the diamonds glinting from the ceiling. I don’t have the energy to do this, especially not now, but it looks like Lexan isn’t offering me a choice.

  “When I was a little girl, maybe ten, I kept having nightmares. It was right before the Initiation Ceremony. I would throw these monstrous tantrums for no reason; I was always screaming at people. Basically, I was a mess, and my counselor wanted to give me all these sedatives. Grandmother started teaching me to meditate instead, showing me how to control my temper better. She was a little afraid of the medicine, I think.”

  “Yeah, I won’t take those pills. I always get rid of them later,” Lexan agrees, surprising me. Most people take the counselors’ medicine without questions.

  “Anyways, I started improving, but even a tiny distraction would break my concentration. So, one night, after everyone was asleep, Grandmother woke me up and brought me here. She showed me that passage, and told me she was passing down her secret meditation room, and asked me to never tell anyone.”

  “Oh. Sorry to mess that up.” Lexan actually does sound a little sorry, but I’m too tired of his games to even care.

  “So, I come when I can and use the space for meditation. It’s pretty small and there’s not much there, just a little pool of water. You know, fire is tempered by water, and all that. So now I don’t need happy pills.”

  “A meditation room. And that was so hard to tell me?” Lexan shakes his head. Then he sits up straighter, avoiding my eyes, fidgeting with the candle. “Trea, can I ask you a question?”

  I yawn widely, exhausted, and he takes my silence as an opportunity.

  “Why do you see me as such a bad person? I mean, since we were kids you’ve avoided me, and in the last few years I could never get near enough to you to even say hello.”

  “Lexan, I don’t think you’re a bad person.” I’m definitely stalling now.

  “I can talk to anyone, get people to laugh and agree with me, I can charm everyone. Except you. And ironically, you’ve always been the one I was most drawn to.”

  “Well, probably because I won’t let you charm me. You want what you can’t have.”

  “And you would rather die than give in.”

  We’re both silent for a minute, reflecting on the clash our personalities create.

  “Have you ever wondered why the law places us together?” He asks.

  “Every day, Lexan,” I almost laugh, but it really isn’t funny.

  “No, think about it. You’re an Aries. You should partner with a Sagittarius or a Gemini. I’m a Libra. I should be with a Leo or an Aquarius. But here we are. The ultimate partnership.”

  “So, you’re saying that our laws contradict themselves. We shouldn’t partner because we’re not matched well, but we have to because of the prophecy.” I’ve never really thought about our partnership this way, and it’s making me very uneasy.

  “Makes you wonder, doesn’t it. Pasia pointed that out to me a few weeks ago, when I was giving her a sob story about how you hated me.”

  “You talk to your sister about that stuff?” I wonder what else he’s told her, blushing in the dark at the memories of our two separate kisses by the hot pool.

  “I tell Pasi
a a lot of things. Aitan, not so much. We don’t get along.”

  I can see why, but I don’t tell Lexan that.

  “I don’t really hate you, Lexan. I guess what I hate is having all my choices already made for me. I don’t get to choose a vocation – I have to be First Leader. I don’t get to choose a partner – I have to partner with you. That’s not really your fault. I realize that, but it’s impossible to separate out.”

  “I can respect that, I guess. Although Aitan kept me from choosing Leader, which is probably what I would’ve gone for. Minister still seems like an odd fit for me, even after a year of training.”

  He falls silent, and I reflect again on our differences. Lexan had the same number of choices as me – zero – but it hasn’t made him bitter.

  “But choosing you – honestly, I’ve been half in love with you since the Initiation Ceremony.”

  “Initiation?” I hadn’t expected this. I focus on that word instead of the other. That ceremony marks a sharp border in my life too – from my parents as annoying to my parents as liars. And from Lexan as just another boy to Lexan as enemy.

  He stares at the candle flame, avoiding my eyes. “I remember how scared everyone was. None of us really knew what to expect, since it’s such a secret ceremony. Even Pasia wouldn’t tell me about hers. And you had to go first.”

  “I was scared to death, Lexan, just like everyone else.” That had been the problem.

  “But you wouldn’t show it – you just glared right at Keirna as she called your name and marched into the room like a little warrior.”

  I remember that feeling – I would have rather died than show weakness by showing my fear. And then Lexan had ruined it all. A memory of eleven-year-old Lexan reaching over to hold my hand, telling me not to be afraid. He saw right through my bravado: shamed me by recognizing what I really was. Weak and afraid.

  It still isn’t rational, but it still makes me angry, even nearly six years later.

  Lexan doesn’t notice me glaring at the floor and continues. “I think most of the other boys have been in love with you too, at one time or another.”

  “Now, that’s a bunch of Styx.” With the recent exception of Pallis, I certainly haven’t been fighting boys off.

  “It’s really not, Trea. I mean, you’re pretty – some guys, like Pallis, see that mainly. But you have this…fire. The way you stand up for things that are right, even when you know it might make more trouble. It’s amazing.”

  “I think you need to get some sleep – you’re starting to sound delirious.”

  He only smiles at me, the left side of his mouth higher than the right, his eyes reflecting the candlelight. My eyes connect with his for a moment, and I think what might happen if I start to believe what he says. It would be easy, nice, to slip into a team with a strong person like Lexan. I wouldn’t have to do so much by myself.

  “You don’t have to be alone, Astrea. I could be there for you, if you’d let me.”

  His words are too similar to my thoughts, and the moment is jarred. I blink and break our gaze, moving to stand.

  “Maybe one day.” I walk toward the door of the Ministration Room, knowing he will follow me, like he always does. We don’t speak again, but at my door, he pulls me into a quick, fierce hug, then is gone before I can react.

  Somehow this gesture is more intimate than either of the kisses we’ve shared.

  I hurry to unlock the door. As I close it silently behind me, I sense immediately that I’m not the only one still awake.

  I step into the soft light of the living room. Father. Could this night get any more complicated?

  “Astrea, where have you been? Do you know it’s nearly three in the morning!”

  I walk to him and sit lightly on the arm of his chair, as I used to when I was little. Maybe this will soften his temper. Maybe now I’ll finally get some answers from him.

  “I’m sorry, Father. I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately, and I just wanted to walk a little to clear my head. I wasn’t gone long.”

  “Why would you ever go walking alone in the middle of the night? After everything we’ve done to protect you!”

  “I…I wasn’t alone. Lexan was with me.” With Father it’s best to tell as much of the truth as possible. I watch his face contort as he struggles between his genuine like of Lexan and his natural fatherly protectiveness.

  “You were…walking? Your courtship hasn’t even started yet, Astrea. I won’t have you sneaking around with Lexan behind my back! Especially…”

  “Father! We were walking, I promise. Lexan and I are just now starting to be friends. We are nowhere near ready for courtship.” If he asks any more fumbling questions I think I will die of embarrassment.

  “I do trust you, my dear. Lexan will make you a fine partner. But no more walking about at night – two young people cannot resist that for very long, you know. And Lexan is quite the charmer.” He smiles and pats my hand, and I begin to breathe again, knowing I’m in the clear. He’s quiet for a long time and finally I move to stand. It’s clear he still isn’t going to tell me anything, and I’m more than ready for the few hours of sleep I can still get.

  “Your appointment with Healer Gloran is tomorrow?” Father asks it as a question, but he knows the answer – he’s been seeing the boys in his office for weeks now. “You know, I saw Lexan for his appointment a few days ago.”

  I smile in spite of myself. I can’t even begin to imagine how awkward that must have been for Lexan.

  “Astrea, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for some time, but we’ve both been so busy lately, and I needed to check on…something. At your appointment tomorrow, Gloran will ask you if you have noticed anything strange about your dealings with other people. Your effect on them.”

  “What does that mean?” My tiredness is beginning to fog my brain, and I’m not in the mood for his typical vague way of speaking.

  “I need to explain something to you, but first, you must promise me you will discuss it with nobody, especially not Gloran. Don’t worry Mother with it either. When the time comes, you may tell Lexan, but please do not discuss it until you have chosen.”

  “What in the world are you talking about, Father?” More secrets. Soon I will have to start writing them down just to remember them.

  “When you were born, your birthday gained you special privileges. Of course, we knew you would be First Leader, but there was something else. Listen to me carefully – only a very few people know about this, and it is absolutely vital that it stay that way. When you were born, you were injected with a special growth hormone designed to maximize your Aries personality. When Lexan was born, and the prophecy began to be fulfilled, he was also given the same injection. This hormone picks up on your natural disposition and magnifies its strongest aspect. In fact, it is believed that the aspect is so magnified that you can project it onto other people.”

  “Father, I have no idea what you’re talking about. An injection?” Tears of frustration prick at my eyes now – I wish he would just tell me plainly what new strangeness I have to deal with.

  “I’m sorry to be so vague. It’s just that these injections, well, we don’t know very much about them. They are part of the Classified Law regarding First Leaders, and in Lexan’s case, the prophecy, so I’ve had to do some quiet questioning. What I think it means, is that you can make other people feel a certain way. Something in your personality, something that’s very strong, can be transferred to others.”

  I shake my head at him. This is too strange to be real. “I don’t think I can do that, Father. Maybe the injection didn’t work. Maybe it’s just a rumor.”

  “Well, I am asking you this now because I believe Lexan has found his ability, and I think he has even learned to control it somewhat. He would not give me a straight answer during the appointment, but I found when I focused very hard, I could feel him affecting my thoughts.”

  “He changed your thoughts?” A sharp agitation, laced with a sorry sense
of certainty courses through me. I am suddenly very, very awake. Finally I know why I have always felt an unexplainable distrust for Lexan.

  But did it have to be something like this?

  “I’m not exactly sure what he was able to do. I was completely myself, but I noticed that when he looked me square in the eyes, I felt calmer, as though what we were discussing didn’t really matter. I found myself thinking that I should drop the subject and continue the appointment, because it was important that I do my job well. He was so charming…such a nice young man…” Father trails off, a small smile on his lined face. I’m completely exasperated – even when he knows Lexan can control his mind, he still loves the guy.

  Then something Father said clicks into place.

  “Charming? Like a Libran is supposed to be very charming and always know how to say the right thing? How they make everyone feel that they are important? Is that how you felt?”

  “My stars, Astrea…that’s exactly it. That is what the injection magnifies for Lexan! What a marvelous ability…”

  I can immediately see I’m not going to get any more out of Father. Already he is pulling a small notepad from the pocket of his robe, jotting tiny notes in his funny, unreadable shorthand. He is ever the scientist, always trying to experiment and experience and analyze.

  I want to do something, but he just wants to think about it.

  “Goodnight, Father,” I say as I leave the room, frustrated. He lifts a hand briefly, still absorbed in his writing. As I pace in my room, knowing sleep will not be coming, I review the things I have learned tonight, listing them in my head with an unnatural sense of calm.

  The founders of my city were murderers and liars. Stian is part of another world, one which is much larger and probably holds a massive grudge against mine. Lexan claims to have been half in love with me for six years, but Lexan can charm my thoughts so I believe what he says. I have an ability too, but I have no idea what it is.

  I cannot tell Isa anything, when I used to tell her everything. I cannot tell Mother about my injection. Father does not know the extent of my extra training. Brenn cannot know about Stian. Stian should never meet Lexan. I will never be able to tell Lexan anything again.