Waiting to Lose

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  Jake and Madi took their time planning the wedding. When Madi moved to L.A., they decided to go house hunting. Jake’s building held too many memories, and he wanted Murphy and his future children to have a yard to play in.

  They decided to build their dream home, complete with a recording studio and dual offices for both of them. They moved in two weeks before the wedding. Kendra and Jake’s mom helped them with the décor. The house was stunning and everything Madi had ever dreamed of. Jake was even more.

  They decided to get married on New Year’s Eve, one year from the date he proposed. They went the traditional route and became members of St. Brendan’s Catholic Church in L.A. Madi fell in love with the stained glass windows, and Jake would never refuse her.

  The night before the wedding, Jake placed his overnight bag by the door.

  “You’re really kicking me out?” he asked playfully.

  “It’s tradition. You’re not supposed to see me before the wedding.”

  “Hmm… It’s only ten. I still have two hours. Is there anything you’d like to do?” he asked as he placed small kisses up and down her neck.

  “I told you waiting a week to have sex would make it exciting.” She laughed as she tried to push him away.

  “I don’t remember you telling me you were bored last week when I made love to you on your desk.”

  Madi bit her lip and moaned softly as Jake began kissing her neck again. “I never said it was boring. You are never boring,” she giggled.

  “And I can’t tempt you?” he asked as his blue eyes smoldered into hers.

  Madi inhaled sharply and Jake smirked.

  “Stop!” she said, pushing him away. “You know I can’t resist that look.”

  “That’s the idea.” His lips skimmed her jawline and hovered over her ear as his warm breath caused goose bumps all over her body. She gripped onto his shoulders to steady herself.

  She panted. “In less than twenty-four hours, I will let you do anything you want.”

  He lifted his head. “Anything, Mrs. Morgan?” he asked.

  She smiled. “Anything.”

  Jake puckered his lips as he eyed her over. Madi’s breath hitched once again.

  The doorbell chimed and echoed throughout the hall. “Who could that be?” she asked in jest.

  Jake sighed as she opened the door to Trey, Collin, Michael and Rob.

  “Hey!” They cheered with their hands in the air. “We’re taking him off your hands.” Madi nodded as she kissed their cheeks. “He needs to sleep and eat a good breakfast,” she told them.

  “What is he, your kid going for a sleepover?” Michael asked.

  Jake smiled at her appreciatively as Rob picked up his bag and pushed him out the door.

  “Tomorrow!” he yelled back to her.

  “Tomorrow!” she replied on a giggle, holding the door.

  “One more night, and then forever,” he said to her as he walked backwards, holding his hand over his heart.

  “It’s always been forever. I’ll be waiting!” she shouted back as they stole one last glance at each other before they were joined as one.

  The day of the wedding, Madi’s family gathered in Jake and Madi’s home in L.A. Kendra and Gina had promised to get along for Madi’s sake. Kendra straightened her long silver dress and adjusted her cleavage. Gina wore a silver dress as well, of her choosing. It was short and form fitting, much to her style. Ang also wore silver, but hers was elegant and appropriate for her age. Annie looked stunning in her dress as well. She cradled Raven, who was taking a quick nap before her big moment as flower girl. They all looked amazing.

  “Come on, Mads!” Kendra yelled. Madi and her mother were in the side room, putting the finishing touches on Madi’s gown.

  Madi took one last look in the mirror before she turned to go. She glanced at the woman looking back at her. In a few hours, she would be Madison Morgan. Her life would never be the same and that suited her just fine.

  As she entered the room, there was a loud gasp. Even Kendra was silent. Madi smiled as she lifted her train.

  “Oh my God, Madi! My brother is going to lose his shit when he sees you,” Gina said.

  Kendra sniffed and Madi pouted her lips. “Ken! Are you okay?”

  Kendra sighed as she reached for her hand. “You’re so beautiful, my sister. I’ve never been happier for anyone in my whole life. And I’m happy to say that the fine piece of ass has really grown on me. I think he may actually be close to deserving you.”

  Ang covered her mouth with her hands. “My darling girl. I always had a feeling you were the one. I’m happy to say I was right.”

  Jake waited patiently by the altar. Trey stood next to him as his best man, then Rob, Collin and Michael. Jake wore a double-breasted black tuxedo with a black tie, and a lavender rose in his lapel. The men had similar tuxes, but their ties were silver. They looked like they just stepped out of GQ.

  Jake’s hand slid through his hair before he pinched his lips with his hand and rubbed the fine stubble on his face. Madi insisted he not shave. She said she loved him no matter what he looked like, but scruffy made her hot as hell. Jake went with scruffy. It was a no-brainer.

  A smile was permanently plastered on his face as he watched his mother and father walk down the aisle, followed by Madi’s grandmother and mother. Jake could feel the anticipation building. He desperately wanted to see his soon-to-be wife. One night away was too long to be apart.

  Annie walked down the aisle, pulling a white wagon with Raven inside. Annie only had to stop twice to take the rose petals out of her mouth and toss them to the ground. Jake laughed, along with everyone else in attendance.

  Ang was next. Jake saw Dave smile brightly at her as she descended. He couldn’t help but feel awed by the day.

  Gina was third, followed by Kendra. Jake glimpsed at Rob. He smiled to her and she smiled back. Jake shook his head. They’d come a long way. If anyone could handle Kendra, it was Rob.

  The piano version of “Saving Grace” began to play, accompanied by a violin and cello. It was beautiful. Jake strained to see her down the long aisle as the bottom of her white dress came into view. Madi’s father stepped in front of her, then to the side, as he wrapped her hand in his arm. She turned and he saw her. He stopped breathing. There were no words. There was no sound. Everything around him froze as his eyes locked with hers. He’d never seen anything more perfect in his entire life. He choked on the emotion that rose from his chest as she took small steps toward him. Cameras flashed all around her, but her eyes were pinned to his. Her long hair was curled and fell loosely on her bare shoulders. On her neck was his great-grandmother’s diamond locket that his mother had given to her. The gown was tight at her chest and flowed down around her in lace and satin. She was his dream girl. The perfect girl. Everything he’d ever wanted and more.

  When she finally stopped in front of him, he let the air out of his lungs. Her father lifted her veil, and Madi’s eyes smiled at her soul mate. Her father placed her hand in his as she stepped forward and took her permanent place at his side. Kendra produced her cell from her cleavage and took several pictures before she went around Madi to straighten out her train.

  “Thoughts?” Madi whispered to him.

  “I can’t form a single thought. You’re so beautiful. I can’t breathe,” he mumbled.

  “Speechless? Finally,” she laughed. He pulled her perfect hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles softly.

  “I love you, Mrs. Morgan, now and forever.”

  “Come on, Mads! You can do better than that! Push for fuck’s sake!”

  Jake held onto Madi’s hand as she squeezed so hard he wondered if he’d ever be able to play the piano again.

  “I’m trying!” Madi growled as the sweat beaded on her forehead.

  Jake gave Kendra an evil glare. He knew Madi wanted her in the delivery room, but it was taking everything in his power to keep his mouth shut. He wiped Madi’s forehead and kissed it. “You’ve got this, bab
y. I’m so proud of you.”

  Madi moaned as she pushed.

  “That’s it!” Kendra yelled. “Holy fuck! I can see the head! Your vagina is really fucked up, Mads,” she laughed.

  The doctor turned and glared at Kendra and she moved back up to Madi’s side with her camera ready to go.

  As Madi pushed, Jake remembered the day she told him she was pregnant.

  He came home late from practicing with the band. He didn’t want to wake her. He knew she hadn’t been feeling well and she needed her rest. He quietly ascended the stairs and crept into their bedroom. She was asleep in the bed and the moonlight shone through the balcony and made her silky skin shine like a beacon welcoming him home. He removed his clothing and crawled into bed next to her. She immediately turned and smiled at him.

  “Did I wake you?” he asked as he kissed her lips.

  “No. I was waiting for you.”

  “Really?” he asked seductively as he pressed up against her. Two years of marriage, and every single time they touched was still a blast of electricity. He would never get enough of her.

  “I bought you something,” she said as she sat up and flipped on the lamp.

  Jake’s eyes squeezed shut as he tried to adjust to the light. “You bought me something?” he asked curiously.

  She reached into her nightstand and produced a box.

  He smiled as she vibrated with excitement.

  He pressed his hand through his hair as he slid the ribbon off the box and opened it. Inside was an empty picture frame. The bottom was engraved, “Our Family.”

  Jake licked his lips as he studied it and then tried to read her face for how he should respond. “It’s… nice. You want us to take a picture together?”

  Madi giggled. “Lift it up and open the envelope underneath.”

  Jake opened the envelope as his brows furrowed. He didn’t like getting surprises as much as he liked giving them.

  He pulled out a thin paper with a grey image on it. It looked like a small grain. “What am I looking at?” he asked.

  “I’m not sure,” she responded. “It could be a boy or a girl.”

  “What did you say?” Jake asked as he bolted upright.

  Madi bit her lip. “How do you feel about being called Daddy?”

  Jake jumped onto his knees in the bed as his mouth gaped open. “Me? Daddy?” he asked excitedly.

  “Apparently you have amazing little swimmers,” she giggled.

  Jake’s hand tentatively touched her belly as a smile lit up his face. “You’re going to be a mom?” he asked.

  She nodded.

  “And I’m going to be a dad?”

  She laughed. “Yes.”

  “We’re having a baby? You and me?”

  “Yes, you and me,” she replied as her hand cupped his face.

  “Oh my God, Madi! Are you okay? Is everything okay?”

  “Everything’s fine. I’m ten weeks. I guess I had a different kind of bug. A little tiny one.”

  “Bug Morgan,” Jake smiled. “I like the sound of that!”

  He kissed her lips passionately before he kissed her stomach. He thought he loved her this morning, but with every hour, every day, his love for her grew. Now, his love was growing inside her as well.

  “Push, Madi! One more big one!” the doctor yelled.

  Madi grasped his hand as she groaned. Seeing her in pain was killing him. He knew she was strong before, but now… He didn’t know how she was doing it.

  Madi shuddered as a small cry turned into a large wail.

  “It’s a girl!”

  “Yay! Clothes! Shoes! Barbies! It’s a girl, Mads! We had a girl!” Kendra shouted.

  Jake kissed Madi’s lips as they both began to cry. The doctor held her up and Jake was in love.

  “She’s beautiful, Madi. She’s perfect.”

  Madi smiled through her tears as they laid her on Madi’s chest. Jake bent down and kissed his new daughter’s forehead. Madi gazed lovingly into his eyes.

  “Welcome to the world, Savanna Grace Morgan.”

  Madi chewed her bottom lip as she observed them from the doorway.

  “Put them on top of mine, Bug,” Jake said as he shifted her closer to the piano.

  “Your hands are toooo big, Daddy.”

  Jake laughed as he kissed the top of her head. “They’re not too big, yours are just small.”

  “Izzz is juss a whittle gwirl. Youse is a big boy.”

  “Yes, I guess I am,” he replied.

  Madi giggled and Jake turned his head to her and winked. His eyes trailed down to her beautiful pregnant belly and he smiled. Madi knew how much he loved them, including the little man growing inside her. A little Jake, Madi thought to herself as she smiled.

  “Now let’s try it again,” he stated as she nodded her little head.

  Jake was an amazing father and amazing husband. Every day, she had to pinch herself that this was her life. That he was her husband and that he loved her. Their life had been full of twists and turns, but even with both of their careers and busy schedules, they always made time for each other, and he still kissed her whenever he entered a room.

  After a few moments, Savanna darted from piano and over to her dolls on the couch. Jake sighed as he stood and sauntered toward Madi. He kissed her lips softly at first, then more deeply. Madi moaned into him hungrily.

  “Is it almost nap time?” he mumbled into her mouth.

  “I think she could use a nap,” she giggled.

  “Hey, bug, how about a nap?” he asked as he kissed Madi’s neck.

  “Iz no wanna nap. Youse juss wanna kiss mommy!”

  Madi smiled. She was smart.

  “Hmmm,” he mumbled. “Isn’t Aunt Kendra due for a visit?”

  Madi grinned as she kissed his chin and sighed.

  “What?” he asked.

  “I love you,” she replied.

  He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear as his blue eyes gazed deeply into her brown. “In case I don’t tell you enough, thank you,” he said, turning and motioning around the room, “for all of this. For your constant, unwavering love, for my little bugs, and for every single day of our future. For loving me through everything and never giving up. For giving me everything I ever wanted and everything I never even knew I needed.”

  Madi pulled him to her lips and kissed him like the first time. He always said just what she needed to hear. It was as if he knew her every thought and need. He would always be the man of her dreams. Together, they could and would pass any test that came their way, because with a love like theirs, they could never, ever lose. He was the best part of her. He would always be the other side of her coin. Love doesn’t just take all. There’s another side to love. It doesn’t just take, it gives. Love gives all. There was no more waiting to lose. She knew she’d won.

  ***

  WORDS ARE NOT enough to express my gratitude to the people who supported me and encouraged me to write this book.

  To my children, Tyler and Ryan. For your love, faith, and help with title ideas. For trying not to fight while I was writing, and for being the constant center of my existence. Nothing in this world will ever make me prouder then you. I adore you both.

  To my husband. For listening to my rants and for your support of my dream. For understanding my need to write and for attempting to keep everything together while I was locked away.

  To my mother, Diane Chiletz. For listening and encouraging, for knowing what I need only the way a mother can and for not only being an amazing mother, but also an extraordinary friend. I love you.

  To Kim Hurschik. You know how I feel about you, sister. Thank you for tattoo advice and Jiu Jitsu techniques. Thank you for your faith in me when I lacked it in myself and once again, for getting me better than anyone. Two peas in a pod! I am so ducking lucky to have you in my life.

  To Monica Cimino. For your constant support and kindness. You and I can laugh at anything and I love that about our friendship. Thank you for never h
aving any doubts and for always making me feel that I could take on the world.

  To Jeri Johnson. I feel like I’ve known you for years. I am forever grateful for you. You are someone I can count on and that in itself is amazing. I still have the first letter you wrote to me and I will never forget how you made me feel. Your feedback to me has been invaluable and some of the most motivating words I have ever read. Thank you my friend.

  Christine Kuttnauer. This book took our friendship to a whole new level. I am so thankful just to know you. Your voice memos to me were priceless. Thank you for having an eye for detail like no other!

  To Chelle Northcutt, for amazing feedback and complete honesty. I know I can always count on you and I love that we got to share so many firsts together. Thank you for everything.

  To Megan Gunter. I’m so glad that you and I have become friends. It’s been so awesome to have someone to share book stuff with. Some day we will definitely meet halfway!

  To my beta readers, Chelle Northcutt, Jeri Johnson, Christine Kuttnauer, Laurie Darter, Helen Cope, Kim Hurschik, Monica Cimino, Megan Gunter, Kristin Phillips Delcambre and Jerilyn Roy. Your feedback and friendship mean the world to me. I couldn’t have done this without your support. You all crack me up! My conversations with you will forever stand out as some of the best I’ve ever had. Especially the group ones!

  To Dee Bode. Thank you for all of your insight on police work and the legal system. Your knowledge is pure gold.

  To Murphy Rae Hopkins of Indie Solutions by Murphy Rae. I know I’ve told you before but you astonish me. Your insight and knowledge leave me in awe. Thank you just doesn’t seem like enough. For listening without judgment, and making me feel stronger at every turn. For designing beautiful covers as if you could read thoughts I didn’t even know I had. For editing and teaching me with tireless patience and wisdom beyond your years. I don’t know what I did to deserve your friendship, but it is one I treasure and thank God for every single day.