Jia: A Novel of North Korea

by Hyejin Kim

  He looked at me and inclined his head, then went back to confer with the others. I could understand a bit of what they said-they were debating whether I was really North Korean. They picked up the phone to call someone.

  Several minutes later, a female police officer breezed into the cell. She stood me up and investigated my whole body, finding only some Chinese cash-no ID, not even a scrap of paper. I spoke to them in English again and gestured, "Please. I want to make one call. One call."

  After discussing it among themselves, they handed me a phone, and through the bars of the cell I stuck out my index finger to dial Jin's number. I'll never forget the endless minute I stood and listened to the number ringing. Jin was never home in the middle of the day, but it was the only telephone number I had. Given another chance, I would call Hyunmi.

  After several rings, the sound suddenly cut off.

  "Wei?"

  Through the thin line of the telephone, Jin's low voice shot into my ear. I couldn't respond at first, I didn't know how to explain where I was.

  "Hello. Is it Jia?" After a silence, he repeated the question. ` Jia, is it you?"

  "Jin, please help me."

  "Jesus Christ, Jia! Where are you?" he shouted.

  I explained what I could, that I was in the hands of the police, at a station near the Korean-Chinese center.

  "Okay. I'll be there soon. Don't say anything, okay? I'll be right there."

  I hung up, they took the phone back, and the man who spoke Korean made a phone call. In Korean, I heard him say, "Right, you guys come here and check her out." Catching my eyes as they filled with confusion, he spoke to the others in Chinese. Parts of what he said I could understand: "I called them. They'll come.. .and figure out whether she's theirs or not." He went back to his desk and opened the magazine he had been reading.

  I was stunned. He must have called the embassy or some agents from North Korea. I stared at the door; if they got there earlier than Jin, there was no hope. I tried to stay calm and not watch the door, but I couldn't control my shaking hands.

  I shut my eyes tight, regretting my decision to conic to the Korean-Chinese district by myself. Why didn't I tell Jin first?

  At that moment, someone banged on the iron bars of the cell, causing an uproar.

  ` Jia! Hey! It's me!" It was Jin, puffing hard in front of me.

  I leaped up and grabbed the bars. I could barely open my mouth, but I managed to whisper, "Please, Jin, get me out of here."

  Only the thickness of the bars separated us. He lowered his voice and said, "What are you doing here? Why are you here? "

  He rebuked me. I couldn't control myself and started sniffling. "I didn't know this would happen. I'm sorry."

  Through the bars, I clutched at his jacket and pleaded with him. "North Korean investigators are coming. I have to leave before they get here, please."

  He headed to the policemen and bowed to them. They talked for a while and Jin patted one man's shoulder, smiling, nodding his head on and on. My heart beat loudly, and my eyes returned frantically to the door.

  Jin came back with a man wielding a ring of rusty keys. The man searched through them slowly, looking for the right one. I wanted to snatch the keys out of his hands and open the cell door myself.

  Standing behind him, Jin said, "Once you're out, get right in the car, okay? Stay inside, okay?" He stressed each syllable. I could feel his nervousness as well.

  Finally I heard the sound of the key turning smoothly. As soon as the policeman opened the door, I jumped out and followed Jin. His car was right in front of the police station, and I rushed in as he ran back into the station in a flurry. I sighed and leaned back in the seat.

  At that moment, three men strode brashly into the police station. I couldn't see their faces very well, but I sensed they must have been the agents the Chinese police had called, and I sank into my seat. Jin came out with flushed cheeks and ran to the car, finding me crouched under the dashboard. Jumping in, he cranked the engine and we sped away.

  "Is everything okay?" I asked as I straightened up in the seat.

  "It's okay, let's just get out of here."

  We turned onto a wider road and right into a traffic jam.

  "As you feared, those were the North Koreans. I was just finishing with the policemen when they came in, so I tried to get out quickly." Holding the wheel, he loosened his necktie. His face was dripping with sweat.

  "Why did they let me go?" I asked.

  He glanced at me. "I told them you are my ernai. That means my lover. I said I bought you and lost sight of you while we were shopping. They said that when they catch you next time, they'll send you back right away and arrest me, too."

  I listened in silence; the excuse didn't matter. I don't have to go back! Those words spun around my brain. I was sure he must have had to strike a deal with the police.

  "And then?" I looked at him.

  He whistled shortly and smiled. "Don't worry. Everything is okay. I showed my appreciation to them."

  Jin's deep voice pounded through the car. "Why did you go there by yourself? Why didn't you tell Hyunmi or me? She called me and said you were sick, so I went to the house to check on you. When I found you were gone, I knew something was wrong. If I hadn't gone back, or picked up the phone, what would you have done?"

  He paused, collecting himself. "Whenever you want to go into town, we'll take you to the Korean-Chinese neighborhoods. But for the time being, it's not safe for you to go by yourself."

  I wanted to crawl into a mouse hole. I was trouble to Jin, worse than a pet. I sulked. "I just wanted to find my friend," I said meekly.

  He shook his head and stepped on the accelerator. "Oh, Jia, are you out of your mind? You have to take care of yourself first."

  The cars were thinning out. Feeling the air conditioner in the car and watching the scenery go by, I couldn't believe it was stifling outside. Everything looked so peaceful. The trees looked even fatter than the day I arrived at Jin's house.

  To come so close to losing all this made me shiver with fright.

  We passed several small stores and houses, and came upon a crowd of people surrounding some police cars blocking the road.

  "What's going on here?" Jin said, honking the horn. After a moment, he gave up and said, "Let's see what's happening." He pulled over and we walked toward the center of the crowd. I saw five women seated on the ground, weeping. Some women were hugging men; one woman grabbed on to a policeman's leg. Clicking their tongues and shaking their heads, spectators watched the scene. Some muttered in Korean, "Tsk. That's too much."

  There was an old man next to me, with three deep wrinkles in his forehead. "What's going on?" I asked him.

  He glanced at me and explained, "The policemen rounded those women up just now. They're all from North Korea and are married to Korean-Chinese men. The policemen are trying to take them back to North Korea, but they don't want to leave. That's why they are crying and begging."

  One woman, pregnant and in tears, nodded to a policeman. The policeman told her husband in Korean that a superior office had given the order and nothing could be done. Other officers smoked at a distance and watched the scene, barely interested.

  The old man said, "If their husbands have money, it'll be fine. There are a lot of North Korean women married to Korean-Chinese men in this village. But those husbands can't pay the fines-they spent all their money buying their wives."

  Having seen enough, the old man turned to go, talking to himself. "They are not harmful. Why not let them live here?"

  The policemen dragged the women away as their husbands looked on, helpless. The pregnant woman's husband mourned bitterly, slapping the ground.

  Jin grabbed my arm and tugged. "Let's go. This place isn't safe for you either." We got in the car, but I couldn't turn my eyes away.

  "The director of the police station said that investigators are getting stricter," Jin said, watching the police cars speeding in the opposite direction. "It really looks l
ike he wasn't kidding."

  The rest of the ride was silent. When we arrived back at the house, I was overcome with fatigue. I collapsed on the bed and fell asleep.

  That day brought several changes to our life, Jin's and mine. I asked Hyunmi to teach me Chinese one more hour each day, and I spent hours watching Chinese TV. I practiced my Chinese with Jin daily, despite my embarrassment. He developed a new habit of collecting newspaper clippings related to North Koreans in China.

  One morning, in the middle of breakfast, Jin said, "There must be some way to solve your problem. Let's try to see what we can do."

  But when he returned that evening, he seemed depressed at the sight of me. "Damn it, I can't understand it. Since when did we start following international law so carefully!"

  I couldn't get legal status in China, and Jin tried to explain why, but I couldn't understand much of what he said. One night, he brought home a thick book about international law, written in English, and we stayed up all night reading it. He murmured, "It seems that there is still no legal process for getting status for you here."

  "Whether we are defectors or refugees is important?"

  "Yes, because it determines whether you'll have protected status."

  He threw the book on the sofa.

  "Unless you're in a country that admits you legally..." I couldn't hear his voice well.

  "What did you say?"

  "The South Korean government protects North Korean refugees and lets them live there as citizens."

  He told me stories he'd read in the media of people who had defected from North Korea, and how they'd arrived at their final destinations.

  "It could be dangerous," Jin mused, "but it would be worth it."

  I sipped tea quietly. "Jin, I won't leave this place."

  "What do you mean?" He peered at me.

  "I can't leave this place."

  Jin's eyes were wide. "Why not? If you can get to another country safely, you'll be protected."

  "Jin, how do we know other countries will welcome me? If they don't accept me, where do I go next?" Before Jin could answer, I continued, "I owe so much to people I left there. My official defection could endanger their lives."

  I had talked about my secret life, my family and people I had met. I had even mentioned Seunggyu; he could be in danger as the ex-boyfriend of a national traitor. It wasn't his fault that he fell for me. Then I told Jin Sangwon's story.

  "I don't know whether my family is alive or not, but I can't gamble their lives for my own sake. They've already risked their necks for me. I can't ignore the people who stood behind me." I thought about Director Park, Teacher Song, and the director of the orphanage.

  Jin's eyes faded with disappointment, and I forced some cheer into my voice. "Jin. I need to try to survive here first. I think it's too early to give up on this place. My situation is much better than others like me, and I'm grateful for that. Here I still have hope that I'll hear from my friends."

  "Okay, Jia. I understand. Let's try to find a way for you to settle here safely and not be afraid of being dragged back," Jin said, all smiles again, showing his orderly white teeth.

  One afternoon, several weeks later, Jin threw open the door and blew into the living room. "Jia, where are you?" he cried.

  I was with Hyunmi, studying Chinese, as usual. After two hours of study, my brain had given up. I envied the Korean-Chinese, like Hyunmi, who could speak both languages fluently. We were about to drink green tea when Jin's voice startled us. Out of breath, he looked at us in turn and sank down wearily into the sofa, but a confident smile lingered on his face.

  "I'm making tea right now. You'd better drink something first." I turned to go back into the kitchen.

  "No. Come here. Sit here first. I have something to tell you." He was still panting.

  I sat down on the sofa. "What's wrong with you?" I handed him a glass of water, which he downed in a gulp.

  After a bit, he drew a long breath and said, "I just got a call from my friend, my best friend. We've discussed you, and he knows a Korean-Chinese family. Several days ago, their daughter committed suicide, some kind of mental problem. But they are too poor to bury her and feel too shameful to talk about her death. My friend suggested they sell her ID to us instead of reporting her death to the local office; no one knows about it except her parents and brother. You could use her ID, have legal status, and be free. It'll be much easier to live here. And then, Jia, with that ID, you can go to another country, like South Korea. Do you know what I mean? You can get out of here. You can walk outside whenever you want. Everything will be fine. You don't ever have to be anxious again about being caught by the police."

  I just watched his lips quietly for a while. "Is it easy to make her ID mine?"

  He smiled, wiping the sweat that flew down from his forehead with the back of his hand. "I don't think it's so difficult. The mother said her hometown was also in North Korea and they still have relatives over there; they feel sorry for North Koreans. They already agreed to help you. You won't have any problems using her ID."

  With a big smile, Hyunmi clapped her hands and said, "Oh, Jia! This is extremely good luck." Her eyes glittered.

  I remained quiet, trying to take in the news. I can go anywhere? I can have my own life? My heart raced, and then raced some more.

  A Sad Reunion

  t took time for me to feel safe in my new identity. Having stayed with Jin for three months and learned a fair amount of Chinese, I had grown somewhat accustomed to life in China. Hyunmi told me her aunt was looking for an assistant chef for her restaurant, and suggested the job would be a good path to independence, as I could live with her aunt at the restaurant. I thought it was time for me to compensate Jin for his help, and this could be the first step. I was excited to settle into a new life.

  I took a bus into the city and followed Hyunmi's directions to her aunt's restaurant. I noted the stores on the street as I passed them on foot; this area, I thought, might become my new neighborhood.

  Suddenly, I felt a tap on my back. Afraid it might become a repeat of my disastrous search for Sangwon, I kept walking, but the person tapped my back again. I walked faster, but I could hear footsteps close on my heels. When I was about to run, a man's voice called my name in a low voice, `Jia! Jia! "

  I looked back in surprise; who knew my name here? It was Gun. He looked much older than the last time I had seen him. I never expected that my wish to see him again would come true so soon. He seized my arm in haste and dragged me into a side street.

  "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

  "Gun, my God. Where have you been? I'm always thinking about you. You want to go to some place to talk?"

  He looked around anxiously, pointed with his chin, and said, "Go down this street slowly and find the closest inn. Reserve a room. When you get the number of the room, say it loudly, as if you're making sure of it. I'll follow right behind you. I'll tap on the door three times in rapid succession, and then once more. Okay?"

  As soon as he saw me nod my head, he disappeared. It was amazing to see him-I was so happy to run into him on the street. But why did he look so nervous? Why did he look so old?

  I did as I was told. I walked straight down the street, slowly. I tried not to look back, pretending to look in storefront windows on the way. I tried to find him in the reflection from the windows, but he wasn't there.

  I found the inn easily, and reserved a room. I repeated the room number three times loudly, as the inn owner looked at me curiously. I looked back on my way up to the third floor, but no one was following me. Locking the door to the room, I turned to find a small bed, a pink-flowered thermos on a nightstand, and a well-used washbasin. The smell of disinfectant assailed my nostrils. I perched on the bed's edge for over an hour, all my nervous energy focused on the door. I wondered how long I should wait. Had I really seen him? Was it Gun? Was I sleepwalking? I decided to wait a little longer. Another hour passed; it felt like a whole day. I was already late for my appointm
ent with Hyunmi's aunt.

  I stood up; I must have seen a phantom on the street, not Gun. The moment I walked toward the door to leave, there were three cautious knocks, then one more, exactly as he'd said. As soon as I opened the door, Gun swept in, locked the door, and plopped himself down on the floor.

  "Are you okay? Gun-what's happened? Is someone chasing you? Gun? You can't imagine how happy I am to see you again."

  He looked up at me and gave me a tight smile. "I wondered if it was really you when I saw you. When did you get here? You look good. You don't look like a North Korean woman at all. That's why I had to follow you for a while. It took time to figure it out."

  He had always been dark, but his gloomy face made him seem even darker; his cheeks had sunk deep into the hollows below his cheekbones.

  "I've been here several months," I told him excitedly. "How have you been? Do you live here? Oh-so many things to ask... How are your parents? Is everything all right?" As I spoke, his eyes darted back and forth.

  He smiled bitterly and said, "My father is dead and my mother has been seriously sick since he passed away."

  Putting down my bag, I sat next to him and grabbed his hand. "I'm so sorry, Gun. But I'm so happy to see you again in this life. Did you come back to China right after you visited your uncle's house?"

  I wanted to ask about Sun-whether he had found her or not-but hesitated. I decided to bring up other topics that came to mind instead.

  He slipped his hand out of mine. "Many things happened after that," he said darkly. He paused and kept his eyes on the ground. It became clear nothing had gone as he had planned. Who dared to make plans anymore? He raised his eyes to mine briefly and said, "I found Sun here too."

  My body tensed when I heard Sun's name. I grabbed his hand again and squeezed it more tightly. "Where is she? Are you with Sun now? Can I see her?"

  Gun just gave me a vacant stare. "You can't see her anymore."