Mary, Mary

by Lesley Crewe

  Carole bit into a piece of chewy chicken. “If that’s the case, I’m a saint. My kid does it all.”

  “True, but for someone who’s doing such a bang-up job, your kid is pretty miserable.”

  “She is not.”

  Exasperated, Ethel threw her tray on the coffee table. “I’ve got eyes, Carole. Mary has been unhappy for a long time, only you’re so wrapped up in your own head you don’t notice it. You better do something about it before it’s too late.” She narrowed her eyes at her daughter. “And for what it’s worth, slapping her isn’t the way to go.”

  Carole gave up on her dinner as well. She lit a smoke instead. “I didn’t mean to slap her.”

  “Then tell her you’re sorry.”

  “What was I supposed to do? She was being lippy.”

  Ethel leaned closer to Carole. “She’s not thirteen! She’s a young woman and as good as gold. God almighty, why shouldn’t she be cranky? I wouldn’t want to live with us. Would you?”

  Carole didn’t bother answering. She knew her mother was right, but she didn’t know how to get out of the giant unhappy hole she’d dug for herself. It seemed as though she’d been doomed from the start. And right or wrong, she blamed her mother for all of it. Maybe it would help if she could talk to her mother like a normal person, but that would never happen because Carole was deathly afraid of opening that festering wound. It was better to leave the door closed.

  They both heard Mary come in from outside through the kitchen door. She didn’t stop to say hello, just kept going until she got to her bedroom and shut the door.

  “Go say you’re sorry.”

  Carole stubbed out her cigarette and slowly got up off the couch. She had a headache and felt sick. She needed to stop smoking and start eating right, but the weight of good intentions was too heavy. She didn’t have the energy to save herself.

  She knocked on Mary’s door. “Can I come in?”

  “Just a minute.”

  There were sounds coming from inside the bedroom, like Mary was sliding stuff across the bedroom floor and shutting her wardrobe. The child was a privacy nut.

  “Come in.”

  Carole opened the door and was greeted with Mary sitting on her bed with Roscoe in her lap, as if for protection.

  “Can I sit down?”

  “Okay.”

  Roscoe gave a purr-meow, as if giving his consent as well. Carole sat and glanced at him. “He’s looking better.”

  “He was always handsome. He just needed some tender loving care.”

  “Well, you’d be the one to give him that.” She faltered. “I’m sorry about the other night. I shouldn’t have hit you. I promise I’ll never do it again.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Your Gran thinks you’re unhappy. Are you?”

  “I’m starting to learn that I need to make myself happy. I can’t rely on others to do it for me. You should try it.”

  “I guess I’m not a very good mother, but then again, I didn’t have much of a role model.”

  “Stop it. Stop blaming Gran.”

  “You don’t know everything—”

  “And I don’t want to.” Mary stopped petting Roscoe and he jumped off her lamp, offended. “I’m sorry, I have to get some sleep. Good night.”

  Carole was dismissed. She felt like a chastised kid as she closed Mary’s door. She went back into the living room and sat on the couch.

  “Well?” said Gran.

  “She loves you more than me.”

  In fact, Mary loved Daniel.

  A week after their first encounter, he asked Mary to meet him at his friend’s apartment, which was empty during the day. It was one thing to have a torrid encounter in the spur of the moment; it was another to deliberately have a rendezvous in the middle of the afternoon.

  As Mary got ready, she tried to put Amber out of her mind. The girl was insufferable. Mary had heard her screaming at Daniel just last night through her bedroom ceiling. Mary tried to convince herself that if Amber was going to be so mean to him, she didn’t deserve him. But she knew that her justification was bullshit. She had no right to be hooking up with Amber’s boyfriend.

  But it didn’t stop her from getting ready.

  She pulled on a pair of Sheena’s jeans and a cornflower blue top that had tiny white flowers on the gauzy overlay. It was a very pretty blouse and Mary felt quite girly in it. Then she remembered some of the advice Sheena had thrown her way—to always pair opposites—and slipped on a soft leather bomber jacket. Imagine giving this away! Mary thought. With her hair in soft waves and her new pink lipstick on, Mary felt like a different woman. She turned to Roscoe, who was curled up on her quilt.

  “What do you think?”

  Roscoe lifted his head and gazed at her lovingly. She reached over and held his round face in her hands. “I love you, big boy.”

  Roscoe closed his eyes and settled back in with a contented sigh.

  Her mother, between appointments, was at the kitchen table having lunch, which consisted of Pepsi and beef jerky. Gran had her ginny tea and a box of May Wests. They both looked up at the same time.

  “You look nice,” Gran said.

  “You look really nice,” Carole said. She surveyed her daughter. “What’s different?”

  “I’m not wearing glasses, Mother. I haven’t worn them for almost two weeks now.”

  “How can you see?”

  “I have contacts.”

  “What did they cost?”

  “I saved up for them.”

  “Oh. Where did you get that blouse? Is it new? Are you spending a lot of money on clothes?”

  “Sheena gave it to me. But if I want to buy new clothes I will.”

  Gran gave Carole a look and for once, Carole stayed quiet. Mary was beginning to realize that if she asserted herself, her mother backed down. Lesson learned.

  “Where are you going?” her mom asked.

  “Meeting a girlfriend for lunch.”

  “Okay. Have fun.”

  Mary could tell her mother didn’t believe her but she couldn’t worry about it. She only had one thing on her mind.

  Daniel was waiting and opened the door as soon as she knocked. He pulled her inside and kissed her like he’d been deprived of oxygen.

  “I’m going crazy without you,” he murmured against her mouth.

  “I’m here.”

  Time melted away, as it does when you’re in someone’s arms. Which was why they both learned the hard way that’s it’s not a good idea to carry on in someone else’s apartment. They heard the door open at the same time and there was a frantic rush to climb back into their clothes. Mary was only halfway dressed when Daniel’s friend came into his living room. She turned her back on him and buttoned up her blouse.

  “Oh…sorry. I didn’t think you’d still be here.”

  “Hey, sorry man,” Daniel said. “We lost track of time. We’ll be out of here in a sec.”

  “Things went well, I see.”

  Mary wanted to die. She turned back to Daniel’s friend with her cheeks burning and said, “Hi. I’m Mary. I’m really sorry for putting you in this position.”

  “Hey, live and let live,” the friend said with a good-natured shrug.

  Daniel pointed to his friend. “This is Donny. He’s in the band.”

  “Hi, Donny.”

  “Hi, Mary. Nice to meet you.”

  Daniel grabbed his jacket and took Mary by the hand. “We’ll see you around.”

  “You guys can stay for a beer if you want.”

  Mary cringed inside. The last thing she wanted was to make small talk with someone who’d just seen her half-naked.

  “Nah, that’s okay, man. We better take off. See ya later.”

  They hurried out of the apartment and crawled into Daniel’s truck. M
ary’s car was parked behind his.

  “I’m so embarrassed,” Mary said, her head in her hands.

  “Hey, Donny doesn’t care. He doesn’t even like Amber.”

  “That makes no difference. Now I feel cheap and definitely in the wrong.”

  Daniel reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re priceless.”

  “Silly boy.”

  “I’m breaking up with Amber tonight. I want to be with you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It’s almost like I was in love with you before I even met you—like my grandmother wanted this to happen.”

  Mary grinned at the word love. “Now you’re just being corny.”

  He laughed. “That’s how I feel. And I think you feel the same way about me.”

  She reached out and stroked his cheek. “I do. For the first time in my life, I feel alive.” She kissed him once more and then reached for the door handle. “Let’s stay away from each other until things settle down. But I’ll be thinking of you every minute of the day.”

  “Me too.”

  Mary got out of his truck and watched him drive away. She got back in her car but knew she didn’t want to go home just yet. In the end, she drove to the theatre and got a ticket to the next show playing. She needed to sit in the dark and give herself a chance to come back down to earth.

  At that moment across town, Sheena’s photographer came to Peggy’s house to deliver the wedding pictures. Sheena was leaving in two days and she and Peggy were anxious to see the photos together. He gave them a nice box and inside were a few prints of the best shots, with a memory stick that held all the photos, in both colour and black and white.

  The two of them sat on the family room couch and looked at the photos on Sheena’s tablet.

  “Now I feel bad that I thought he was a pest,” Peggy said. “I like these pictures of you girls getting ready…oh, and I love this one of you and Mary…and….”

  Her mother stopped talking. Sheena glanced up. “What’s wrong?”

  “Look at my hair!” she said, horrified. “What’s wrong with my hair?”

  Sheena leaned over the tablet to get a closer look. “It’s okay.”

  “It’s terrible! Why is it so flat?”

  “You should’ve gone to Sheila. I told you that.”

  “But I’m almost positive I asked for a chignon! Oh, God…why didn’t you tell me?”

  “To tell you the truth, I didn’t really look at you. My focus was elsewhere.”

  Peggy lay back against the couch. “Now I remember. I crawled into bed at one point.”

  “Why?”

  “Who knows? And to think I told Carole I was going to her salon from now on.”

  “She won’t remember you said that.”

  “Wanna bet?”

  “Never mind your hair! Look at this one of me hugging Daddy.”

  “Oh, that is lovely. We’ll have to send it to him.”

  They spent a good hour going through all the pictures. The images brought the day back to life and jogged memories that both of them had already forgotten.

  “Oh no, look at Gran in this one!” said Sheena. “She’s digging her teeth out of her wine glass. The server looks horrified!”

  “That doesn’t surprise me. And look at Maxine,” Peggy pointed. “She’s actually smiling in this one!”

  “I’ll have to make sure Drew gets to see it. God knows the last time he saw her smile.”

  “Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we take a pizza over to Carole’s and show them the pictures? You have to say goodbye to them anyway.”

  Mary’s movie ended at six. She looked in the mirror of the theatre washroom to see if her full-body glow was gone and if she’d stopped smiling. Looking normal was the effect she wanted. Thankfully only her insides seemed to be on fire, so to anyone else she looked like an ordinary person having an ordinary day.

  Her heart sank a little when she saw Aunt Peggy’s Lexus parked outside the house. She had hoped to slink into her bedroom and stay there, but that wasn’t to be. She forgave her aunt when she saw that pizza was on offer; two extra-large ones at that.

  “Come look at the wedding pictures!” Sheena cried. “Oh, you’re wearing your new blouse and jacket! Great choice.”

  “Thanks.”

  They sat around the table and looked through the pictures, pointing to the ones they liked best.

  “Look,” Mary said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture of the five of us together.”

  “You’re right,” Peggy said. “I’m going to have it blown up and frame one for each of us.”

  “We don’t need three,” Carole said.

  “I might like to have one for my bedroom,” Mary pointed out. “And maybe Gran would like one for hers. Don’t tell Aunt Peggy what to do.”

  “Fine. Don’t be so touchy.”

  At that moment, the front doorbell rang. Mary wanted to get out of the kitchen anyway, so she walked over and opened the door.

  Amber was standing there.

  Mary felt the blood drain from her face.

  “You fucking whore!” Amber screamed. “I knew it! You were after him from the first time you laid eyes on him! Have you been fucking him this whole time?”

  Mary couldn’t speak.

  “Bitch!” Amber lunged and pulled Mary’s hair so forcefully that her neck snapped back. Then she clawed at Mary’s face.

  As Mary tried to protect herself from this raging opponent,

  she became aware of other bodies and more hollering. Her family was in the middle of the brawl, her mother screeching, “Get that woman out of my house! I never want to see her face in here again!”

  Mary curled up into a ball on the rug. She heard Daniel’s voice. “Mary! Are you okay?”

  “Leave her alone!” Gran cried. “Just leave!”

  The front door shut and they heard Amber bawling at Daniel as they struggled up the stairs of their apartment. Her mom and Gran tried to get Mary off the floor, but Mary pushed them away. “Don’t. I’m all right. I need to be by myself.” She scrambled up and ran to her bedroom, shutting them all out.

  The other four were in shock. Things like this didn’t happen in real life. All of them went back into the kitchen and sat at the table, trembling. Carole jumped up and put on the kettle before she lit a cigarette and sat back down, the pizza forgotten. They spoke in whispers.

  “Do you know who that was?” Aunt Peggy asked.

  “Yeah. She’s the little madam who lives upstairs,” replied Carole.

  “Who was the guy?” Sheena wanted to know.

  “He lives up there too. He’s Mrs. Aucoin’s grandson of all people. He’s the one renting the apartment and that’s his girlfriend.”

  Aunt Peggy seemed stunned. “But she accused Mary of…our Mary.”

  Carole and Gran exchanged looks.

  “We knew she liked him,” Gran said. “And he obviously liked her, but I think this girl is off her rocker. She said Mary’s been with him. That doesn’t sound like something she’d do.”

  Sheena made a face. “Why do you guys always make Mary out to be Anne of Green Gables? She’s older than I am. She’s allowed to sleep with whoever she wants.”

  “Not someone else’s boyfriend,” Carole said.

  “So she made a mistake. We’re all allowed to do that too.”

  Aunt Peggy looked towards the hallway. “Why don’t you go and talk to her, Sheena? I’m sure she doesn’t want to face us.”

  Sheena got up and walked to Mary’s bedroom. She knocked on the door. “It’s only me.”

  “Go away.”

  “Hey, would you rather me or your mom?”

  There was a pause. “Come in.”

  Mary sat cross-legged on the bed, her face swollen and red from crying, Roscoe by her si
de. Sheena sat on the end of the bed.

  “It’s not the end of the world. Girls get in fights all the time.”

  “In front of their whole families?”

  “The timing could have been better.”

  “The trouble is, Amber’s right. I had no business going near him.”

  “You aren’t the first to make that mistake and you won’t be the last. And excuse me, but her boyfriend isn’t blameless. You didn’t do it by yourself.”

  Mary rubbed her nose with her tissue. “But I thought I was better than this.”

  “Better than what? The rest of the world? You know, Mary, there have been times when I hated your guts. My mother would go on about what a wonderful child you were and how you were too good to be true. It used to make me sick. I felt like the devil child in comparison. It’s really nice to know that you’re as stupid as the rest of us.”

  Mary laughed with relief. Sheena laughed with her. “It’s too bad we didn’t know we had so much in common; we could’ve been friends.”

  “I’m glad you’re my cousin.”

  “Me too. Now tell me about this hot guy you’re sleeping with.”

  Mary couldn’t help smiling. “Daniel. We hardly know each other but it’s like he’s belonged to me from the beginning.”

  “Wow. That would make a great wedding vow.”

  “He wants to be with me, so he broke up with her tonight. What a terrible scene.”

  “Well, he did break up with her. She’s allowed to make a scene.”

  “But she only ever yelled at him.”

  “Doesn’t matter.”

  Mary crumpled her tissues in her hand. “Yeah, you’re right.”

  Sheena got off the bed. “I better go. Don’t forget to stay in touch. Text me. And look out for my mom.”

  Mary got up and hugged her cousin. “Thanks for this, Sheena. You’ve made me feel so much better.”

  Mary stayed in her room until Sheena and Aunt Peggy left. Aunt Peggy didn’t say goodbye to her, which Mary appreciated. Once they were gone, she hurried to the bathroom and locked herself in to take a hot bath. As she lay there, she heard Daniel and Amber still arguing and stomping around. This was much too close for comfort. She wanted to sink into the bubbles and disappear.