Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes

by Clifton Fadiman

  7 Reagan had been casual friends with fellow actor Richard Widmark for many years. Widmark enjoyed his company; but when Reagan ran for President in 1980, Widmark voted for his opponent, Jimmy Carter. Surprised reporters, aware they had an acquaintance, were sure he had voted for his friend, but Widmark denied it: “Of course not. I said, I’ve known him for a long time.”

  8 Shortly after his election to the presidency, a group of CEOs was being addressed by journalist Art Buchwald. He asked them how many had voted for Reagan. Almost every hand was raised. “And how many here would let him be CEO of your company?” Not one hand was raised.

  9 In March 1981 a would-be assassin fired several shots at the President and his party as they left a Washington hotel. Reagan was taken to the hospital with a serious chest wound that needed emergency surgery. As he was wheeled into the operating theater he smiled, looked around at the team of surgeons, and said, “Please assure me that you are all Republicans!”

  10 After leaving the hospital upon recovering from being shot, he thanked the doctors at George Washington University Hospital who had saved his life. “If I’d had this much attention in Hollywood, I’d have stayed there,” he said.

  11 Even the Democrats were impressed by Reagan’s first televised budget speech, in which he used a handful of small change to illustrate the current value of the dollar. “It takes an actor to do that,” admitted one of his rivals. “Carter would have emphasized all the wrong words. Ford would have fumbled and dropped the cash. Nixon would have pocketed it.”

  12 Reagan, who built his career on anti-Communism, once quipped, “The Soviet Union would remain a one-party state even if an opposition party were permitted, because everyone would join that party.”

  13 On April 6, 1984, Reagan ended a foreign policy address at Georgetown University by recalling his entrance to a recent state dinner for François Mitterrand: “Mrs. Mitterrand and I started through the tables, the butler leading us through the people, and suddenly Mrs. Mitterrand stopped. She calmly turned her head and said something to me in French, which unfortunately I did not understand. And the butler was motioning for us to come on, and I motioned to her that we should go forward, that we were to go to the other side of the room. And again, very calmly, she made her statement to me.” An interpreter finally explained to Mr. Reagan that Madame Mitterrand was telling him he was standing on her gown.

  14 At a Salute to Congress Dinner in the early 1980s, Reagan was asked to talk about age. “I can define middle-aged,” he said. “That’s when you’re faced with two temptations and you choose the one that’ll get you home at nine o’clock.”

  15 In 1983 Reagan’s popularity took a dip, mostly due to a rise in unemployment. One of his advisers came to him with the bad polling data, announcing that for the first time since he took office, a majority of Americans disapproved of his job performance. Reagan thought for a moment, then said, “I know what we can do. I’ll just have to go and get shot again.”

  16 Reagan disliked wearing his bullet-proof vest because he felt it made him look fat. A few years after Hinckley’s assassination attempt he was in full swing delivering his usual stump speech. “We can make America stronger, not just economically and militarily, but also morally and spiritually. We can make our beloved country the source of all the dreams and the opportunities that she was —” at which point a balloon exploded, making a sound like a gunshot. Reagan paused only to say, “Missed me,” and resumed in midsentence the remainder of his speech.

  17 Reagan’s answers to questions posed during his press conferences were convoluted and often factually in error. But he continued to go through the exercise with good humor. When he was asked by the White House correspondents if anything could be done to improve his answers, he responded, “Yes, ask better questions.”

  18 Reagan was unable to remember the name of the Japanese prime minister, whom he was about to meet for the first time. Undaunted, his staff quickly supplied him with a mnemonic, which Reagan used to flawlessly address the host: “You can knock a Panasonic, but you can’t Nakasone.”

  19 Never known as a dedicated worker, Reagan was often criticized for his lack of focus and his shaky grasp of issues. But he clearly relished the role of President and sometimes made fun of his own perceived indolence, saying, “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”

  20 To a congressional group that had gathered shortly before the election of 1988, Reagan said, “Just for the record, I’m speaking in jest here. Of course, some of you think I’ve been doing that for eight years.”

  21 Many Republicans in Congress began proposing that the Constitution be changed to allow the enormously popular President to run for a third term. Realistically the movement lost steam, but many, including perhaps Reagan, were wistful about the possibility. Not long after he left office Reagan appeared at a journalists’ dinner and discussed the most recent crop of presidential candidates. “I heard one say that what this country needed was a President for the nineties,” he said. “I was set to run again. I thought he said a President in his nineties.”

  22 Andrei Voznesensky paid a call to Reagan at the White House, during which he asked the President which Russian author had influenced him the most — Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, or Chekhov. Reagan paused for a very long time, then said, “When I was young, I studied the classics of world literature.” When Voznesensky later asked why Reagan hadn’t given him a clear answer, he was told, “He probably thought one of them was a Commie.”

  23 As the oldest President to serve, Reagan had a natural source of inspiration for his genial quips about his longevity. To one group of reporters he once said, “When I go in for a physical, they no longer ask how old I am. They just carbon-date me.” And at another gathering he noted, “Of course, when you’re my age, everything brings back memories — even other memories.”

  REDGRAVE, Sir Michael (1908–85), British stage actor, father of actresses Lynn and Vanessa.

  1 During one play his scene called for him to be left onstage with one attendant as he prepared to commit suicide. His line was to be “Bring me a pint of port and a pistol.” With the audience in a high state of tension, Redgrave called, “Bring me a pint of piss and a portal.” Trying to help the situation, the young actor who played the attendant asked, “A pint of piss, my lord?” “Aye,” responded a furious Redgrave, “and a portal.”

  REED, Thomas Brackett (1839–1902), US lawyer and politician.

  1 Speaker Reed was chatting with lawyer and diplomat Joseph H. Choate and a senator of the time. Choate said pompously, “I have not drunk whiskey, played cards for money, or attended a horse race in twenty-eight years.” The senator said admiringly, “I wish I could say that!” Remarked Reed: “Well, why don’t you? Choate said it.”

  2 In the course of debate when Reed was Speaker, William M. Springer of Illinois quoted Henry Clay’s famous “I had rather be right than be president.” In an undertone Reed interjected, “The gentleman need not worry, for he will never be either.”

  REGER, Max (1873–1916), German composer and organist.

  1 After playing the piano part in Schubert’s “Trout” Quintet, Max Reger received a basket of trout from an admirer. Reger wrote to thank the sender, mentioning casually that his next concert program was to include Haydn’s “Minuet of the Ox.”

  2 After receiving a bad review from Munich critic Rudolf Louis, Reger wrote to him: “I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. I have your review before me. In a moment it will be behind me.”

  REHAN, Ada (1860–1916), US actress, born in Ireland.

  1 Miss Rehan was playing opposite an inexperienced young actor in a romantic comedy. During one scene the young hero asks the heroine a vital question and she pauses to consider her answer. The hero’s next line should have been: “You don’t reply,” but at this point the young actor lost his nerve and dried up. “You don’t reply…you don’t reply,” came a hoarse whisper from the wings. “How the hell can I
,” retorted the young actor impatiently, “when I don’t know what to say?”

  REINHARDT, Max (1873–1943), Austrian theater director.

  1 A clever young man was instructing Rein-hardt in the art of producing Shakespeare: “No lavish spectacle, no gorgeous scenery, just simple black curtains; that’s how it should be done. So much more artistic.” Reinhardt nodded. “Also much easier,” he said.

  REISENAUER, Alfred (1863–1907), German pianist, a pupil of Liszt.

  1 “Reisenauer…had given a concert at the palace of some German princeling. The next day, the Hofmarschall came to his hotel on behalf of the grand duke and offered him the choice of either 1,000 marks or the Order of the Bear or the Falcon, or something like that. ‘What would they charge for such a medal in shops?’ asked the artist. ‘Oh, I think twenty marks,’ replied the courtier. ‘Well,’ said Reisenauer, ‘I will accept the medal and nine hundred and eighty marks.’ ”

  RENOIR, Pierre-Auguste (1841–1919), French Impressionist painter.

  1 Renoir was once asked how he managed to produce such natural flesh tints and shapely forms in his nude paintings. “I just keep painting till I feel like pinching,” he replied. “Then I know it’s right.”

  2 When both were in their seventies, Renoir and sculptor Aristide Maillol exchanged views on art. Maillol said, “My ambition is to be able to sculpt a young girl between sixteen and seventeen, in accord with my ideal conception of the figure.” “And mine,” said Renoir, “is to be able to paint a white napkin.”

  3 Renoir continued painting, magnificently, for years after he was crippled by arthritis; the brush had to be strapped to his arm. “You don’t need your hand to paint,” he said.

  4 When Renoir became so old and crippled that he could not hold a brush, he took to modeling nudes in clay for his own entertainment. Auguste Rodin, the sculptor, asked why he did not stick to painting. Renoir replied gently, “I am too old to paint. I must do something easier.”

  REUTHER, Walter (1907–70), US labor leader.

  1 Reuther once visited an auto factory in Cleveland. A young manager talked on and on about a new process they had for automating the line. It would be, he said, highly robotized, and it would work far more efficiently and cheaply than the current line. On and on he went, describing the glory of the robots.

  “And tell me,” Reuther finally interrupted, “these wonderful new robots — will they go out and buy cars from your company?”

  Fanny Ronalds crowned her artistic and social triumphs by giving a grand ball to which only the cream of New York society was invited. The hostess’s dress in her role as the spirit of music was one of the highlights of an evening in which no expense was spared. Some twenty years later two of Mrs. Ronalds’s most devoted beaux were recalling those days. “Do you remember Fanny’s celebrated ball?” Leonard Jerome asked August Belmont. “I most certainly do,” Belmont replied. “After all, I paid for it.” There was a slight pause. “Why, how very strange,” said Jerome. “So did I.”

  — ANITA LESLIE,

  The Remarkable Mr. Jerome

  REYNOLDS, Burt (1936–), US film actor.

  1 After Sean Connery temporarily stopped participating in the James Bond movies, wanting a change, George Lazenby substituted for the great spy in one movie, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, which was a dud. One day director Guy Hamilton and producer Albert Broccoli spotted a young actor on television and were immediately sure they had found the next James Bond. It was Reynolds. But a casting director talked them out of contacting him, saying, “He’s just a stunt guy — he’s going nowhere at all.”

  2 An early role for Reynolds was in the television show Riverboat. One afternoon Reynolds, on a break from the set, wandered across the Universal lot and into the filming of Inherit the Wind, where he watched Spencer Tracy acting as Clarence Darrow without seeming to act at all. During a quiet moment Tracy asked if Reynolds was an actor, and said, “It’s a great profession, as long as nobody ever catches you at it.”

  3 The bane of Reynolds’s young acting career was to be mistaken, as he often was, for Marlon Brando. In an airport one day a couple approached him and greeted him as Marlon Brando. When Reynolds denied being Brando, the couple conferred together for a moment, then insisted he was the star of On the Waterfront. “Damn it to hell, lady, I am not Brando!” The woman beamed as she said, “Ah, now I know for sure that you are Brando.”

  REYNOLDS, Sir Joshua (1723–92), English portrait painter.

  1 The Scottish painter Robert Barber was out sketching on Carlton Hill, Edinburgh. He noticed a curious effect caused by the prevailing atmospheric conditions: it was as if the entire view were contained within a cylinder. Inspired with the idea of reproducing this effect artistically, he made a model of a panorama and showed it to Reynolds. The great artist was skeptical. If Barber were able to put his idea into practice, said Sir Joshua, he would get out of his bed in the middle of the night to see the outcome. Barber persevered and set up his first panorama in a house in Leicester Square, London, not far from Sir Joshua’s own residence. Reynolds carried out his promise. He arrived to view the panorama wearing his dressing gown and slippers.

  RHODES, Cecil John (1853–1902), South African statesman and financier.

  1 Rhodes was a stickler for correct dress and behavior, but not at the expense of someone else’s feelings. A young man invited to dine with him in Kimberley arrived by train and had to go directly to Rhodes’s house in his travel-stained clothes. Here he was appalled to find the other guests already assembled, wearing full evening dress. Feeling very uncomfortable, he waited with the rest of the company for their host to appear. After what seemed a long time, Rhodes finally appeared, in a shabby old blue suit. The young man later learned that when he arrived Rhodes had been dressed in evening clothes and was about to welcome his guests. Told of the traveler’s dilemma, Rhodes had at once returned to his room and put on an old suit.

  2 When asked why he had come to South Africa, Rhodes replied that there was some truth in the reasons his friends usually ascribed to him — love of adventure or on account of his health. But, he confided, “The real fact is that I could no longer stand English eternal cold mutton.”

  3 Rhodes died from heart disease at a low ebb in his fortunes, beset by personal scandals and discredited by the tragedy of the Boer War, which his own misjudgments and policies had helped to foment. Lewis Michell, who was at his bedside in Rhodes’s cottage at Muizenberg, near Cape Town, heard the dying man murmur, “So little done, so much to do.”

  4 The distribution of Rhodes’s vast fortune under the terms of his will, with much of the money directed toward the setting up of the Rhodes scholarships, caused some resentment in the immediate family. “Well, there it is,” said his brother Arthur. “It seems to me I shall have to win a scholarship.”

  RICHARD I (1157–99), king of England (1189–99), known as Richard Coeur de Lion (the Lion-heart).

  1 When Richard was captured by the Austrians, it was some time before anyone in England discovered where he was. A minstrel called Blondel searched for his master throughout Europe in vain. Returning home through Austria, however, he learned that in an ancient stronghold near Linz there was a closely guarded prisoner whose identity no one knew. Blondel, suspecting the mysterious captive was his master, went to the castle but was unable to catch a glimpse of the prisoner. He eventually located a tiny barred window, high up on the castle wall, which he thought was the prisoner’s cell. Under this window he sang the first couplet of a troubadour’s song, the first part of which had been composed by himself and the second by Richard. From the window a voice responded with the second part, and Blondel knew that he had found his master.

  2 Richard I was once warned by an eminent preacher that he would be severely punished by God if he did not soon marry off his three daughters. The king protested that he had no daughters, to which the priest replied, “Your Majesty has three — ambition, avarice, and luxury. Get rid of them as fast as possible, el
se assuredly some great misfortune will be the consequence.”

  “If it must be so,” replied Richard contemptuously, “then I give my ambition to the templars, my avarice to the monks, and my luxury to the prelates.”

  RICHARDSON, Sir Ralph (1902–82), British actor.

  1 Ralph Richardson seemed destined to have bad luck at the home of his friends, Vivien Leigh and Laurence Olivier. At a house-warming for the couple’s first home in Chelsea, Richardson brought along some fireworks to set off in the tiny backyard in celebration. He lit the first (and largest) one, but instead of soaring into the London skies, it shot straight through the open patio windows into the dining room, burned up the curtains, and set the cornice ablaze. Vivien Leigh was not amused.

  Some years later, Richardson and his wife were invited to the Oliviers’ new home, Not-ley Abbey. Recalling the disaster of the fireworks, they promised each other to be exceedingly careful. All went well at first. After dinner, Olivier mentioned that the medieval monks who had owned the abbey had left some interesting paintings on the roof beams; would anyone like to see them? The ladies declined, but Richardson and Olivier, armed with flashlights, went up to the attics. A few minutes later there came an anguished cry and a fearful crash. The women rushed upstairs to find Richardson on the bed in the main guestroom, dust and plaster everywhere, and a jagged hole in the ceiling. In his enthusiasm over the paintings, Richardson had not noticed that the attic floor was un-boarded, had stepped backward from a rafter, and, like the firework through the patio door, shot straight down through the ceiling.

  RICHELIEU, Armand-Emmanuel du Plessis, Duc de (1766–1822), French statesman.