The Mourning Woods (The Tome of Bill Book 3)

by Rick Gualtieri

  The bullet plinked off my forehead (ouch). I looked at the leg holding me down. There was a massive gash in it, partially cauterized. Goddamn! The crazy asshole had dug the bullet out with his own fingers. This guy was hardcore.

  The sounds of battle caught my attention from behind François. It was a tree splintering, followed by a cry of pain ... Sally.

  I struggled to sit up, but he pressed down even harder. It was getting difficult to breathe.

  “No no no, Freewill. Let us not interrupt. Turd would be ever so cross if we intervened in his fun. You really should have taken my offer. Your friends are still going to die, and now you’ll be left with nothing.”

  “Nothing?” I spat back. “I can still rat you out.”

  “And who would believe you? You are the aggressor here, after all. You came to Turd’s village to assassinate him. It just so happened that you failed.”

  “Assassinate?”

  “Yes. You obviously got past my guards – probably even killed them – in your mad quest to start a war. We even have the wounds to prove it now.” François’s sneer grew ever more arrogant. “Why, if Turd wasn’t so busy killing your little trollop, I would almost consider thanking her for setting this up so perfectly.”

  As he rambled, I began feeling around with my hands for something I could maybe use as leverage to get him off me. I didn’t stand a chance against him or Turd, but I’d be damned if I was going to let either of these shits kill my friends without trying to do something about it. All I needed was a rock, a branch or a ... my hand closed upon something even better.

  “I’ll tell you this, asshole. Your plan is pretty ballsy.”

  “Isn’t it, though?” he replied.

  “Yeah ... pity that you aren’t.”

  I brought the cattle prod up and slammed it into his smarmy French crotch.

  Round Two

  There was an instant satisfying sizzle followed by a smell that ensured it would be a while before I could enjoy fried salami again, and then François let out a pained yelp. Music to my ears. He actually backed up a step, letting the pressure off me, but sadly, that was it. A shock powerful enough to put a buffalo on its ass was little more than a joy buzzer to a vamp of his age.

  He swung and knocked the weapon from my hand. It was little more than a casual swat for him, but I felt at least two of my fingers break. Goddamn, this guy was tough. If only...

  Jesus Christ, sometimes I could be such a fucking moron. I had this nasty tendency to forget that I had a few tricks up my own sleeve.

  Quickly, before my rational mind could talk me out of it, I tried to sit up. As expected, François aimed a kick at my head. Stupidly for him, he did it with the same leg that had been holding me down ... the leg with a still oozing wound. I let him catch me square on the mouth with it, sinking my teeth into the still raw flesh before I had time to reconsider.

  I wrapped my arms around his leg and held on for dear life as I bit deep into his thigh (damn, if that didn’t sound a bit fruity). The force from the blow would have probably knocked me flat out unconscious had I not managed to get a mouthful of blood at the same time. I swallowed and it hit my gut like a flamethrower. I began to power up almost immediately. Time to go Super Saiyan, motherfucker!

  François screamed as I dug in like a tick. His fist slammed into the side of my head and for a moment, I was pretty sure I had been decapitated. Fortunately, his blood had also kicked my vampiric healing into overdrive. I bit deeper and could feel my cracked skull knitting itself back together – quite the odd sensation. One more crunch and I found what I was looking for. A massive gush of blood washed over me as I chewed through François’s femoral artery (or whatever it’s called ... I left the anatomy shit to Dave). I sucked it down as quickly as I could. I was going to need the extra juice.

  Finally, with one last gulp, I shoved François away before he could try and punt a field goal with my head again. He went flying back, nearly to the edge of the clearing.

  I stood up, feeling his power course through my body. Suddenly a worried thought hit me. I waited for a second. However, no change came over me. A moment later, I realized why. As amped up as I was – and believe me, I felt like I could bench a truck – François’s blood wasn’t as strong as that which had transformed me two days prior. Heck, it wasn’t even in the same ballpark.

  That was a sobering thought. Somewhere out there was a vamp whose power made James and François look like children comparatively.

  I was brought out of my ill-timed reverie by another of Turd’s growls from off in the trees. My friends! Hopefully I wasn’t too late.

  I turned to where François lay. Amazingly, he was getting back to his feet. His leg was still gushing, but even as I watched, I could see the flow beginning to slacken. With the silver bullet out of his leg, his healing was starting to kick back in. Still, he had lost a lot of blood. He was currently no match for me and he knew it.

  “Enjoy your friends’ funeral, assassin.” He turned and ran. Even with his mangled leg, he was gone from my sight within moments. His speed was now mine as well, though. I turned toward where I had heard the sounds of battle. The world seemed to slow as I accelerated far past my normal limits. Maybe there was still time.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Yep, there was still time.

  I heard Sally’s voice from up ahead. “Hurry up and fucking reload! I can’t do this all day.”

  In the space of a heartbeat, I came upon them. Ed was busy jamming shells into his shotgun. Sally, being both faster and more durable, was playing a dangerous game of chicken with Turd – a game she couldn’t win.

  From the look of things, Turd had already bounced her off a few rocks. Her left arm hung at a bad angle, one side of her face was bruised almost beyond recognition, and blood flowed freely from a gash on her scalp. Still, she continued bobbing and weaving, trying to stay just out of his reach.

  “She-T’lunta give up and Turd make death painless,” the chieftain of the Sasquatch growled, taking another swing at her. Sally backed up, but her feet got tangled in the brush. She went down.

  “Turd lie!” he screamed gleefully, then leapt. Sally’s eyes opened wide as he flew at her. Then they opened even wider as a blur of motion (that’d be me) slammed into Turd mid-leap, driving him into, then through a tree.

  “It’s about time,” I heard her gasp.

  “You’re welc...” was all I was able to get out before Turd backhanded me off of him. I went flying and once more landed ungracefully in the dirt. It hurt a lot more than when he had hit me the day before. I needed to remember that this battle wasn’t going to be as easy. I had François’s strength, but for all I knew, I was still heavily outclassed by Turd.

  Only one way to find out. I got back to my feet and faced the now extremely pissed off Bigfoot leader. I raced forward and drove a fist into his gut. He let out a heavy “Oof!” but then nailed me with his own swing, easily knocking me aside. It felt like being hit by a freight train. Once again, I felt my overcharged healing kicking in to mend bone. Still, the exchange had answered my question. I was faster, but Turd was definitely stronger.

  Oh well, I could still use that. I had been in enough scrapes to know a thing or two about facing down a superior opponent.

  I stood still as he charged forward, opening my eyes wide and trying to look scared (which wasn’t all that difficult to do). He loomed over me, triumph showing on his face, and brought his two massive fists down ... onto nothing. At the last second, I had put everything I had into one quick burst of speed.

  I sidestepped Turd, and came up behind him. I locked my arms around his mid-section and tried to force him off balance. Unfortunately for me, that put my head about even with his ass. As luck would have it, just then Turd let out a sasquatch-sized fart.

  Holy mother of all that is unholy! Let me tell you, I have been in the presence of some nasty ass stink in my day. Hell, one time Tom ate a whole bowl of beans and then let one loose in my room while I slept. I tho
ught I was going to die then ... but this, this was a whole new world of punishment. I backed up coughing, certain that my eyebrows were in the process of melting off. It was a mistake.

  Quicker than I would have thought a creature of his size capable, Turd spun and wrapped his massive hands around me. I was little more than a ragdoll to him and he knew it. He lifted me over my head and, before I could do anything about it, I was airborne.

  I must have flown over ten yards when – RIIIP – I slammed into something and an incredible pain shot through my body. I opened my mouth to scream and nothing but a gurgle of blood came out. No wonder. I looked down to see the jagged end of a tree branch protruding from my abdomen. I was impaled at least fifteen feet off the ground. The branch had missed my heart by inches at most, but unfortunately had gotten pretty much everything else. I felt absolutely shredded on the inside.

  “Bill!” I heard a female voice yell. Hmm, she sounded vaguely familiar. Wish I could’ve spared a few moments of thought to remember her name. Sadly, there wasn’t much room in my head for anything other than, “HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, THAT FUCKING HURTS!!”

  Amidst the pain, I could feel a glimmer of red rage building up in my head.

  Oh, no! Not that!

  My involuntary Freewill powers were kicking in. A part of me wanted to give in to it. I knew the change increased my power far beyond what even François’s blood could provide. In its grasp, my body would probably shrug off this injury. Even better, my mind would blank out and I wouldn’t feel or remember a thing.

  The rational part of my brain knew that would be a mistake. There was little doubt I could and probably would kill Turd in that state. That would be bad ... really bad. It would mean war. Even beyond that, though, I didn’t trust this Mr. Hyde persona lurking deep inside me. So far it hadn’t hurt anyone I cared about, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t. Neither Ed nor Sally would be able to escape if I decided to turn against them. That thought sobered me up.

  I brought up a hand and slapped my own face. My head rocked back from the impact ... oh yeah, I was still amped on François’s blood. That’s the second time I’ve done that. Idiot! I really needed to remember my own strength. Fortunately, it served its purpose. My head cleared a bit and I felt the rage recede back toward controllable levels.

  I looked down to see Turd standing there, his arms raised in triumph. Asshole!

  No, wait ... make that stupid asshole.

  He was either too busy gloating or didn’t consider my other friends to be a threat. It was going to cost him.

  A shotgun blast rang out through the forest. The slug caught Turd in the side. There was a spray of blood, but the impact itself barely rocked him. It did, however, get his attention, which was apparently the goal.

  Turd didn’t notice that Sally had gotten back to her feet. She tackled him at the knees from behind and he went down hard. She then leapt upon him and brought her fist down into the back of his head, hitting with enough force to crack a cinder block. It was a hell of a shot, but I doubted it would do much against Turd’s thick skull.

  She looked up at me. “Well, are you going to hang around all day?”

  You gotta love Sally, supreme bitch that she is. But, she had a point. As much pain as I was in, I wasn’t dust yet. As bad as it might be, I would (probably) survive. It was time to extricate myself from this mess.

  Pity it was going to hurt ... a lot.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Did I say it was going to hurt? Hah! Hurt would have been a pleasant vacation compared to the all-consuming agony that transpired. I gripped the end of the branch that was sticking through my front and snapped it off. Unfortunately, doing so vibrated the part still stuck inside of me, which had the effect of making it feel like someone was taking a hacksaw to my internals. Tears streamed down my face from the effort. Sadly, I still wasn’t done.

  Bracing my feet against the trunk, I pushed. Doing so scraped the shit out of my organs, but finally, after what seemed an eternity of pain, I was free ... free to land face-first on the hard, unforgiving ground, the only cushion being a slurry of my own bodily fluids.

  “Any year now,” Sally growled, still doing her best to keep Turd grounded.

  “Are you all right, Bill?” came Ed’s far more sympathetic voice. I felt his arm loop around mine as he attempted to get me back to my feet.

  “No,” I gasped through a mouthful of blood.

  I looked up at my friend and realized I could hear his heart thumping away. François’s power was mine, but so were his heightened senses. Even aside from all the gore I was covered in, I could still smell the blood running through Ed’s veins. Worst of all, I wanted it ... badly.

  No! I recoiled from his touch, not even wanting to consider the thought.

  “What?” he asked, worry masking his face.

  “Stay back,” I warned in a slightly stronger voice than before. “I’m having a vampire moment here.” I needed to concentrate on something else. I had never felt so intensely the need for blood. Then again, I had never gotten a six inch hole punched through my gut either. Live and learn.

  I began to realize that I was indeed going to live. With every second that passed, I felt the pain continue to recede. Older vampires were stronger and healed a shitload faster than us newbs. Fortunately, François was pretty damn old. My insides were rapidly knitting themselves back together. Within a few minutes, I was going to be back in the fight.

  Sadly, I didn’t have those few minutes. Without warning, Turd rolled over and brought up a massive fist. He hit Sally full-on and she went flying. She landed hard, finally skidding to a stop ... unmoving, either stunned or fully unconscious.

  Ed, raised his gun, but I shouted, “No!” even as I was already on the move again. It hurt like a motherfucker to do so, but I had a feeling it was going to hurt much worse if I didn’t end this quickly.

  Ignoring the pain, I grabbed one of Turd’s big feet (hah!) before he could stand. Using my stolen strength, I began to turn, dragging the oversized monkey with me. He had no leverage save to claw at the dirt, and it wasn’t enough.

  I spun faster and centripetal force took over. Turd’s body left the ground, just like a kid being swung in a circle by an adult ... except for the fact that he weighed half-a-ton, smelled like shit, and the landing I had in mind would be anything but gentle.

  “Let Turd go!” he bellowed.

  “As you wish!” I cried, bringing my momentum to a furious climax and letting go – damn, I really needed to watch the porno puns. Regardless, it was a hell of a toss. Turd went careening through the air before smashing headfirst into the base of a tree.

  “And the shit hits the fan!” I yelled, right before losing my balance and falling on my ass.

  “Nice one, bro,” Ed said, offering me a hand, three of them to be precise (I’d been spinning pretty fast, after all). I eventually grabbed the correct one and he hauled me to my feet.

  “Yeah,” I sputtered, trying to catch my breath. “That was pretty damn clever.”

  “I meant the throw, not the line.”

  “Everyone’s a critic.”

  “Yeah, well everyone’s going to be a dead critic if we don’t get moving.” He dragged me in the direction where Sally still lay. “I don’t think that’s going to keep him down.”

  He was right. There’d be plenty of time for patting ourselves on the back later. We needed to beat feet before Turd got back up.

  We reached Sally and I turned her over. A small groan escaped her split lips, which was good. Unfortunately, the rest of her didn’t resemble any part of good. She looked like she’d been run over and then dragged by a team of horses. I could see missing teeth, a broken nose, and God knows how many other contusions, but she was alive ... at least in the vampire sense.