Always Yours

by Kari March

"Well, he does pay you the big bucks so I'm sure whatever it is, it's important." I tried to hide my smile.

  Personally, I found it amusing when she got called into work by my dad. He did it at least once a month and every time Amber got more worked up than the last.

  She stomped into the bathroom, gathering her hair in her hands. "I never should have agreed to work for him again."

  My chest tightened. "What do you mean again?"

  She froze. I could see her face in the mirror and it was white as a ghost. Her eyes were closed and she looked like she was mentally trying to formulate an excuse for her words.

  "Amber," I growled and her lids flew open. "Answer me!" My eyes narrowed at her. "And don't you dare lie."

  She turned around and walked towards me slowly, my anger rising with each step she took.

  Amber looked nervous as she opened her mouth to speak. "When I was in California, I worked for GTA on and off. I did side jobs, receptionist work mostly, but for six months last year, I was your father's personal assistant."

  "Are you fucking kidding me?" I pushed my hands through my hair. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Why didn't he tell me?"

  "Baby, don't be mad at him. I told him not to tell you," she said, placing her hand on my back. "What I did, the way I left, I didn't want you to have to think about me. I thought it would be better for you if you didn't know."

  "I thought about you anyway!" I yelled at her. "You fucking left me here. What was I supposed to do, just go on with my life like you never existed? You fucking wrecked me, Amber."

  I stood up and started pacing the room, kicking boxes over as I passed them.

  "Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't want you to find out this way."

  "No, you mean you didn't want me to find out at all," I barked, kicking over another box. A picture frame flew out of it and the glass shattered as it hit the floor.

  I bent down to pick it up and when I flipped it over I saw a picture of Amber. She was on the beach in a white and black bikini. Her hand was on her cocked out hip while her other hand was gliding through her blonde hair. She looked so happy. My eyes trailed down the picture to the bottom of the silver frame where there was an inscription.

  First Modeling Job - September, 8th 2010 - Venus Swimwear

  I looked up at Amber. Her hand was covering her mouth and her eyes were wide. The look of terror on her face answered every question I had. The picture in my hand began to shake as my muscles quivered with anger. "Why did you move to California, Amber?" I asked, my voice unexpectedly calm.

  She swallowed hard. "Your father offered me a contract with GTA but only with the California office. So I left."

  I threw the picture down on the ground and headed for the door. She fucking used me, just like all the rest of them.

  "Cam, wait," she called out but I didn't turn around. She followed me down the stairs. "I'm sorry, will you let me explain? Please....wait."

  I stopped at the front door and spun around. "You have one minute."

  "I didn't even start talking to your father about modeling until a month before we graduated. I ran into him one day at the mall. He said he was there looking for new talent." She crossed her arms over her chest. "We started talking and he told me that I had a great look for modeling. He said that I could go help open the LA office and it would help pay my tuition."

  I grabbed my keys out of my pocket. "So you chose him over me?" I turned to leave.

  "I didn't want to go to LA. I wanted to stay here with you but I had no money for college. I had to go, Cam."

  "You never have to do anything you don't want to do, Amber." I left, slamming the door shut behind me.

  I stopped my truck just down the street from my house and laid my head on the steering wheel. I couldn't believe I actually thought Amber was different. She was just like all the rest of them. I wasted four years of my fucking life drowning in memories of a woman that never really loved me. I was such an idiot.

  I wanted to talk to my dad but knew if I went over there I would wind up punching him in the face. So instead I just drove around town for a while. I knew I was going to have to deal with Amber eventually but it sure as fuck wasn't happening tonight.

  I took out my phone and sent Blake a text

  You home?

  I waited for a second for his reply.

  Yep, guys’ night. U in?

  I quickly typed my answer.

  Be there in 10

  Blake knew about all the shit I went through in my past. I hated talking about it but after what happened on the Fourth I couldn't keep it in any longer. I told him about everything—my father, Amber, how she left, and all the shit since meeting Cara—and it actually fucking helped. For once I finally felt like I had someone I could vent to when shit got all fucked up, instead of keeping it locked up inside till I exploded.

  When I got to Blake's I never expected to see Adam's car parked out front. I dealt with him enough at the station. Slamming my truck door closed, I stomped up to Blake's door and before I could even knock the door swung open—Adam was on the other side.

  A half grin appeared on his face, instantly pissing me off. "Holy shit, the blond bitch finally let you out of your cage."

  "Fuck off, Adam," I said, pushing my way past him. I didn't feel like dealing with his shit right now. Every time he spoke he pushed me closer to the edge and it was only a matter of time before I broke.

  "Hey, Cam," Blake said as I entered the room. He was sitting at a poker table in the middle of the room with Matt and Brent. "Should I deal you in?"

  I pulled my wallet out. "Sure, what's the buy in?"

  "A hundred," he said.

  I slammed two fifties on to the table as I took a seat. Adam plopped down in the chair on the opposite side and stared at me while he played with his chips.

  Matt looked between the two of us, his eyebrows pulled together. "You two look like you want to beat the shit out of each other."

  "I'm not denying that," I mumbled under my breath.

  "Knock it off," Blake interjected. "I don't wanna fucking babysit your asses tonight. I do enough of that at the station."

  An arrogant chuckle passed Adam's lips and he shook his head. His eyes drifted over to Blake. "Speaking of asses, how's Cara doing, Blake. I kind of miss her sexy little ass grinding into me. You think I could get her number?"

  I'm going to kill him.

  Every muscle in my body went rigid and I shot out of my chair while visions of Adam licking Cara's neck flew through my head. "Shut your fucking mouth, Adam, or I'll come over there and shut it for you."

  Adam flew out of his chair, knocking it over. "You wanna go, Cam?" he threatened, cracking his knuckles. "I'm not fucking scared of you! I've felt pain twenty times worse than any ass kicking!" He stormed around the table and my adrenaline spiked to levels I didn't even know existed. Blake, Matt and Brent all jumped from their seats. I balled my hands into fists, ready to strike, when he came to a stop within inches of my face.

  I waited for any movement; any indication that he was going to hit me but it never came. He just glared at me defiantly, his nostrils flaring. Come on, fucking hit me, just once.

  Blake came up behind Adam and put his hand on his shoulder. "Adam, come on, man, back up."

  Adam took a few steps back. "You're so fucking stupid, Cam."

  He didn't know when to shut the fuck up, did he? I took a step towards him but Blake pushed me back.

  "Enough!" he growled. "Brent, Matt, take Adam outside so he can cool off. Cam, sit the fuck down, we need to chat."

  Brent pulled on Adam's arm and he followed. His eyes bored into me until he disappeared through the door.

  Blake pulled a chair next to mine and sat. "What the hell was that all about?"

  "I fucking hate him!" I said through clenched teeth.

  "Why, because he gets under your skin or because he flirts with Cara...who...may I add, isn't yours." I shot a death stare in his direction.

  Was everyone trying to pi
ss me off tonight?

  From the corner of my eyes I saw Adam saunter back into the room. Blake was instantly on his feet. "Adam, get out of here," he said, pointing to the door.

  Adam raised his hands in surrender. "I just want to talk to him."

  "Fine, but I'm not leaving. I don't trust you two," Blake said, taking his seat.

  Adam pushed a hand through his hair and started pacing. "Shit! Alright, how do I say this?" He closed his eyes, searching for the right words. "I'm sorry, okay. I shouldn't give you so much shit. I just hate watching you take what you have for granted."

  My eyes pinched together.

  What was he talking about?

  "I've been in your shoes, Cam. I've found the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with." He stopped pacing and faced me. "And I lost her, too." He took a seat in front of me. "I saw the way you two looked at each other. I used to have that but I fucked it up. I wasn't ready to commit and I lost her." His eyes started to gloss over. "By the time I fucking realized she was the one I wanted, it was too late. I have to live every day of my life without her. I'll never know how she felt and she'll never know she was my whole world." His head lowered. "I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone. Not even you."

  I stared at him with no idea of what to say. He just poured his soul out, all over the poker table and I couldn't even pick my jaw up off the floor to speak.

  "Tell me something." He leaned forward, resting on his knees. "If Cara walked through those doors right now, what would you do?" he asked me seriously.

  "I'd probably fucking duck because she'd come after me swinging." I tried to make light of the situation. It was getting too somber in here.

  He lowered his eyes at me. "Seriously, what would you do?"

  I knew exactly what I'd do. I thought about it every fucking day since she said goodbye. I took a deep breath. "I'd fucking hold her in my arms and never let her go. But it doesn't matter because it's never going to happen. She hates me."

  "How do you know that? Have you talked to her? Have you asked her how she feels?" I shook my head and he leaned back in his chair. "You're never gonna know until you do. And trust me, waiting to do it could be the biggest regret of your life."

  Lifting my hand, my whole body shook with fear. I was about to knock on Cara's door and I had no fucking clue what I was doing.

  What should I say? Will she be happy to see me? Will she be mad?

  So many thoughts ran through my mind.

  This is a stupid idea. Get the fuck out of here before it's too late.

  The handle turned and the door started to open. My heart took a nose dive to my stomach.

  It's too late.

  Time slowed down and my pulse elevated as the door progressively opened, revealing Cara piece by piece—every inch of her just as beautiful as I remembered. She was barefoot, wearing a pair of black leggings and an off the shoulder, orange t-shirt. Her dark hair was longer now, cascading over her bare shoulder, making her glowing skin look flawless. Those eyes though, they had lost their fire and I knew by the way she looked at me it was my fault.

  I waited for the door to slam in my face but it never did. She stood there silently staring at me. The only sound I could hear was the slamming of my heart in my chest and the crickets in the bushes.

  Fucking say something to her.

  I shoved my hands in the pockets of my sweatshirt and opened my mouth but no words came out.

  I watched, frozen in place as she blocked herself partially behind the door and crossed her arms over her body. "What do you want, Cam?"

  You.

  I forced myself to finally speak. "I wanted to talk to you."

  "I don't think that's a good idea, Cam," she said, shaking her head. Retreating further into the house she slowly started pushing the door closed.

  No more running.

  Moving into the threshold, I slammed my hand against the door. "Please, firecracker, give me five minutes. You can kick me out if you don't like what I say but at least give me a chance," I pleaded with her.

  She inhaled through her nose and pulled the door open while stepping out of the way. "Five minutes."

  Entering her house was like walking into an old memory. The smell of lavender pierced my senses and every emotion I had ever felt for her came rushing to the surface. I started pacing around her living room, my thoughts coming up blank. I had no clue what I was going to say—I never planned on making it past the front door.

  She walked into the room and I turned to face her. It looked as though it was physically painful for her to see me in here. Her eyes shifted to the kitchen table then back to me and my discomfort faded a little knowing she was thinking of that night even at a moment like this.

  The distance between us felt like miles, the couch like the Grand Canyon. I had an overwhelming need to be close to her. Relaxing my stance, I walked around the room. I could see the wheels spinning in her head as I got closer, her body tensing as I rounded the couch. I stopped and looked into her eyes. She was on the edge, teetering back and forth.

  Don't think, just feel.

  I wanted to say it. I wanted her to get out of her head. I wanted her to remember how fucking perfect we were when we were together but I didn't want to push her off the ledge. I could tell she wasn't ready. She didn't trust me and I knew I had to set things straight.

  "I'm sorry for what Amber said to you," I said, fidgeting with the blanket on the back of the couch. Her eyes narrowed at me and I knew I had taken the wrong approach.

  She took a step backwards. "You told her about my past, Cam. Personal details I never would have told you if I thought you were going to somehow use them against me. I mean, what kind of fucked-up person does that?"

  "I know and I'm sorry." I gripped the back of my head with both hands. "I was just so fucking miserable." Turning around, I retreated further into the living room. There was no way I could look at her as I said the next part. "I was drinking every day just so I could try and forget about you. Amber kept asking questions about us and it was driving me crazy. I just wanted her to shut the hell up. Every time she said your name it fucking broke me all over again." I heard her inhale a sharp breath. Closing my eyes, I scrubbed a hand down my face. "I don't remember telling her, but I can't deny it either."

  She didn't say anything and I was too scared to glance up at her. I didn't want to see the expression on her face. I didn't want to see how much my stupid actions had hurt her. My eyes drifted to the entertainment center in front of me and I saw a picture of her and the cocksucker.

  Reaching for the frame I picked it up and stared at it. They were in this very room when the picture was taken. Cara was holding up a tiny key as she sat on his lap. His arms were wrapped around her waist as they both smiled for the camera. I scanned the rest of the shelves and couldn't find one picture of the two of us and my heart broke.

  "Do you love him?" I asked quietly.

  Once again she didn't say a word. Her silence gave me the answer I needed. I rubbed my thumb over Cara's beautiful face as my chest tightened with regret. I was too late.

  I need to get the fuck out of here.

  I set the picture back down and turned to make my exit. The wind was knocked out of my lungs when I looked up and saw tears streaming down her face—her head slowly shaking side to side.

  "Do you love her?" she asked, her voice shaky.

  Mimicking her actions I stayed silent and shook my head and a tiny smile spread across her lips.

  "Are you still with him?" She shook her head again and I smiled.

  "Are you still with her?"

  The small smile on her face disappeared as I my head bobbed, hesitantly up and down.

  Her shoulders slumped as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Why are you with her if you don't love her?" She looked down at the ground, shuffling her feet.

  "Because she's a distraction," I admitted. "I know you think what we had was just a fling but it wasn't, it was so much more. I know you can feel
what I feel, firecracker. Please, just let me come a little closer so I can prove to you that what we had was real." She looked up at me, her eyes full of uncertainty and once again, she seemed miles away.

  I walked towards her with a sense of urgency, her body tensing again as I approached. Her rigid posture was her only defense—it was her barrier to keep me away. She was scared if I touched her she would cave.

  I had to touch her.

  Ignoring her body's reaction, I slammed into her wall like a goddamn sledge hammer—determined to break through. She backed up but I kept moving closer until her back was pressed against the door and she had nowhere else to run.

  Cam pressed his hard body into me as my back hit the door. His face was just inches away, his intense eyes locked with mine. My chest gripped my heart and I swear it stopped beating. His hand came up, cradling my neck and face, making a rush of desire run straight to my core.

  God, I missed him.

  "Don't think, firecracker, just feel." He rubbed his thumb across my cheek and butterflies invaded my stomach. When he placed his hand on my heart I felt like it was going to explode. "Feel what I do to you here." He trailed his hand down to my sex. "And here." My breath hitched in my throat and my core clenched.

  He leaned a little closer, his mouth parting as it pressed down on mine. Closing my eyes I allowed him to consume me. I could feel him everywhere—in my heart, mind and soul—as his powerful kiss left me breathless.

  When he pulled back, his smile was touching his eyes and mine matched it. "I think you like me," he teased.

  If only you knew how much I liked you.

  Pulling back, I lowered my gaze to the floor. He pulled my chin back up and held me in place. "I thought I told you that I like it better when you're staring at me."

  I smiled as memories from the first night we met came rushing back to me. I had to tell him the truth....no more lies. He deserved to know. And if we were really going to start this up again, I wanted to start it with a clean slate.

  "I need to tell you something," I said quietly.

  "Anything," he said, burrowing his face in my neck.