Through a Dark Glass

by Barb Hendee

  When I finished, Phillipe called out, “Sing us a ballad. The one about the girl who drowns.”

  At this, Rolf and Kai glanced at each other in open surprise, as if uncertain this scene was playing out in their own hall.

  When I began to sing, everyone fell silent. Even Betty and Matilda stopped moving. Though my voice would never fill a great room like this, I could carry a tune and hit the high notes with a pleasing sound.

  Finishing the song, I allowed the final note to hang in the air. When I looked up, Kai still stared back at me, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Sebastian began to clap. The others joined him quickly.

  “I think that might be enough music,” Lady Rosamund said.

  By way of answer, Jarrod stood. It was customary after dessert and entertainment for the guests to walk about a dining hall, sipping wine, looking at tapestries, and visiting with one another.

  I also knew this was the time the men would conduct business. Jarrod, Rolf, Phillipe, and Allemond gathered by the hearth, standing as they spoke.

  I had little interest in the land deal, so I walked about the hall with Lady Rosamund, discussing the tapestries. Sebastian came to join us, and Rosamund brightened at the sight of him, but this left Kai standing alone by table.

  “Excuse me for a moment,” I said to Lady Rosamund. She didn’t appear displeased at being left with Sebastian.

  I walked to Kai. His eyes were on me, as they so often were, but something was different now. Something had changed that afternoon when I’d had my outburst in the passage. He no longer seemed angry, only uncomfortable.

  “Will you come join us?” I asked. “We’re not discussing much of interest, but I do know the story of the tapestries. My grandmother told me.”

  The four tapestries depicted a trio of men hunting wolves in a series of forest scenes.

  Wordlessly, Kai nodded and began to follow me. As we left the table, I heard Lord Allemond say, “My gamekeeper swears some of the trees have bark beetles. I haven’t seen an issue, but with such rumors, it would be wise for both of us if you and Rolf come out and check for yourselves before money changes hands.”

  Jarrod answered. “The day after tomorrow?”

  “Yes, I’m free that afternoon.”

  “All right then.”

  Kai and I joined Rosamund and Sebastian.

  Pointing to the first tapestry, I began. “Many years ago, there was a winter so cold and harsh the deer began to die, and the wolves crept into villages, stealing small children when they could. Three men took it upon themselves to hunt the pack.”

  Rosamund appeared more interested in Sebastian than the story, but Kai listened closely.

  We walked the hall from scene to scene, and I told the story of the hunters in the tapestries. Kai hung on my every word, sometimes looking at the rich images hanging on the walls.

  Soon after, the party broke up, and I had Betty show our guests to their rooms.

  After they left, Jarrod sized me up. “A good bargain indeed,” he said.

  Kai looked away as if embarrassed by his father.

  * * * *

  That night, in my room, once Miriam had left, I crawled beneath the covers and tried to sleep. I was tired and restless at the same time. I knew I should be glad the dinner had gone so well for Jarrod, but my mind kept going over the moments after we’d finished eating, when Kai had walked beside me, listening to the story I told.

  For the first time, he’d seemed to almost welcome my company. Had I imagined this? Was he being polite for his father’s sake?

  I lay there in bed, trying to shut off my mind, but I couldn’t.

  Suddenly, I had to get up. I had to get out of this room and do something to help tire me enough that I might still my thoughts. I was in my nightgown, but by now, the rest of the household had gone to bed, so I put on my dressing gown and tied the sash around my waist.

  Slipping from the room, I made my way down to the main floor. I decided to check the state of the hall and see that everything had been cleared away and readied for breakfast. I knew Betty and Matilda would have seen to this, but at least . . . it was something to do.

  I needed to walk and think.

  Passing through the archway of the hall, I was about to head for the table when I stopped cold.

  Kai had pulled a chair up to the hearth and was sitting in front of it, alone, with one hand over his mouth. Either my sound or movement caught his attention because he glanced over and then stood up at the sight of me. He was still dressed in the same clothing, so I wondered if he’d even left the hall after dinner.

  “Megan.”

  His eyes ran down my silk dressing gown. It was a soft shade of peach.

  For a moment, I stood frozen, not sure what to do. But I couldn’t very well walk back out, so I went to the hearth.

  “I didn’t mean to disturb you,” I said. “I couldn’t sleep.”

  He hadn’t moved. “You aren’t disturbing me.” Neither of us spoke for the span of few breaths, and then he said, “My father was pleased with the dinner.”

  “I’m glad.” Then I wondered if he wanted me gone, if he wanted to be alone, so I took a step backward. “Again, I’m sorry. I can see you want some peace.”

  As I started away, he said, “Wait.” His voice sounded pained, almost panicked. “Do you want to go back to your room alone?” he asked. “Do you want to leave me here in peace?”

  Why did he always have to be like this? He seemed to want something from me that I had no idea how to give. But deep inside, I knew this moment was critical, and in truth, the last thing I wanted was to go back to my room alone.

  Looking him in the eyes, I answered, “No.”

  He closed the distance between us in one stride and caught the back of my head with his hand. The next thing I knew his mouth was pressing down on mine. He kissed me so hard it almost hurt. The act startled me so much my first instinct was to try and push him away, but that impulse passed.

  He had me drawn up against himself, and I could feel the warmth of his body. The fierce pressure of his mouth changed when he opened it and slid his tongue between my teeth. I could feel his hunger and his urgency, and I found myself kissing him back.

  He gasped and took hold of my head with both hands.

  “Come upstairs with me,” he whispered.

  * * * *

  The mid of night had passed before we were finally spent, and he still gripped me in his arms. Lying in my bed, we were both naked and sweat-soaked, and my mind reeled. No wonder my mother had told me nothing. How could she have explained?

  How could anyone explain?

  My lips were bruised, and my body was sore, but I wanted him to kiss me again. I wanted him to go on devouring me as he’d been doing for hours. I wanted to give back, as I’d been doing for hours.

  How could I have known the joy and longing and need two people could feel for each other?

  “I thought you didn’t like me,” I whispered in the dark.

  “I thought you didn’t want me.”

  I kissed his chest softly. “I want you.”

  He exhaled through his mouth and held me tighter.

  Chapter 16

  The next morning, I woke up in his arms with no idea what time it might be. I wondered if Miriam had been in, seen us, and slipped back out.

  “Kai,” I murmured. “We need to see the Monvílles off.”

  He opened his eyes and blinked at the sight of me, almost as if he couldn’t believe I was there. Then he nodded. His clothes from the last night were in a wrinkled mess on the floor, and he pulled on his pants. “I’ll meet you in the courtyard.”

  As he leaned over to kiss me, I hoped he wouldn’t begin everything we’d done last night all over again because I wouldn’t have the willpower to stop him. Thankfully, his own good sense prevailed, and
after a quick kiss, he left my room.

  Within moments, Miriam came and helped get me dressed. I could see she was dying to ask questions.

  “A pleasant night, my lady?”

  I couldn’t help smiling. “Very pleasant.”

  She smiled back and said no more.

  Once dressed, I went downstairs to learn from Betty that the Monvílles had already eaten breakfast and were making ready to leave. Hurrying to the courtyard, I found Jarrod, Rolf, Sebastian, and Kai all outside bidding the Monvílles farewell. Kai must have dressed quickly in his own room before coming down because he wore his usual long-sleeved wool shirt over his canvas pants.

  “Do forgive me,” I said to Lady Rosamund. “I fear I overslept.”

  “It’s all right, my dear,” she answered, her tone suggesting my behavior was anything but all right. “We didn’t mind eating breakfast alone with no hostess.”

  I let her kiss my cheeks and watched her mount her horse. Oddly, I couldn’t have cared less for her disapproval and found myself struggling to keep my eyes off Kai. Everything was different today. He loved me. He hadn’t said it, but I knew.

  Lord Allemond was surprisingly friendly to Jarrod and Rolf, complimenting Jarrod on the fine dinner.

  Jarrod nodded as if such praise were expected.

  “Tomorrow then?” Allemond asked.

  “We’ll meet you at the old hunting lodge in the north quarter,” Jarrod answered.

  “Good. I’m sure you’ll find everything in order, but I think it’s best you check for yourself.”

  With that, our guests rode out.

  Only then did I allow myself to turn to Kai.

  “I have a sparring session with Captain Marcel this morning,” he said, “but we can do whatever you like this afternoon.”

  “Would you take me out riding on the land?”

  I hadn’t seen anything of the estate.

  He nodded, seeming pleased by my request. Both Jarrod and Rolf were talking to each other and didn’t hear this, but Sebastian did and raised an eyebrow at me. I ignored him and went back inside.

  I was happy, already picturing myself riding beside Kai out on the land.

  But first, I had to see to my own duties this morning and headed off to the kitchens for a task that would be expected of me, something my mother had always done the day after a banquet.

  Along the way, I passed Betty and stopped her briefly. “Would you please find Miriam and send her to the kitchen?”

  “Yes, my lady.”

  As I entered the kitchen, Ester smiled. “Was the meal last night to Lord Jarrod’s liking?”

  “It was perfect. Thank you so much.” I looked at the other girls, including Cora. “And thank you. I know you all worked hard.”

  Cora had been watching me nervously, but she nodded at my words. I was glad of this, as it made me think she wanted to keep her position and that perhaps without Lavonia’s influence, she might work out well.

  Turning back to Ester, I asked, “So, how much food is left? How many of us will be needed to carry it down?”

  She looked back at me in puzzlement. “Carry it down?”

  “Yes, after a banquet, don’t you take the leftovers down to the village for the poor?”

  I realized that the Volodanes seldom held what might be considered a banquet, but surely they observed this custom over the winter holiday feasting.

  “Oh, no, my lady,” she answered, shaking her head. “The master wouldn’t like that at all.” She paused. “Did you ask Lord Kai?”

  I hadn’t, but yesterday, he’d given me complete control over the kitchen. Surely Jarrod wouldn’t begrudge the poorest of the villagers a few leftovers? He’d wanted a proper lady of the keep. That was one reason he’d brought me here. It was my duty to follow through on what was expected of the mistress of a household like this one.

  I thought on Kai’s words to me.

  Deal with the household staff as you see fit. My father couldn’t care less what you do so long as everything runs smoothly.

  “Pack up the leftovers. We’re taking them down,” I instructed. “Cora, you’ll come with us.” Once I’d given the order, Ester ceased her concerns and launched in. We packed up large baskets of sliced beef, cold chicken, fruit, tarts, and bread. We were nearly ready when Miriam walked in. Without even asking, she knew what was happening, as she and I had often accompanied my mother in the past. She began to help with the packing.

  Part of my thoughts were still on the impending afternoon ride with Kai, but there was plenty of time for Ester, Cora, Miriam, and me to get down to the village, distribute the food, and then make it back before the midday meal.

  Soon, we had eight baskets ready to go, and we each carried two.

  The day was warm, so we decided to forgo our cloaks as we walked to the front gates with our burdens. I felt in charge for the first time since my arrival. Kai had given me a free hand, and I intended to use it.

  Sebastian’s friend, Daveed, was on duty at the gate. At the sight of him, Cora blushed a little. Daveed was quite striking with tan skin, blond hair, and nearly clear blue eyes.

  He’d always been polite to me, and so I smiled at him. “Could you open the gate for us?”

  Glancing at the baskets, he faltered in some confusion. “My lady?” He didn’t make a move to open the gate. I believed it took two men anyway, as a heavy bar, the width of a tree trunk, had been positioned inside of iron brackets, and this had to be slid back for the gate to open.

  I hoped he was not about to challenge me.

  “We’re bringing food to the village,” I said as imperiously as I could.

  Alarmed, his eyes scanned the courtyard, most likely for one of the Volodanes. “Have you asked Lord Jarrod or Kai for permission?”

  “I don’t need permission to leave my own home and walk into the village. Please do as I ask.”

  In theory, I had authority over him, and he knew it. Still concerned, he called to another guard, “Brandon! Come help me with the bar and then take my place on duty.” He looked back to me. “I’ll need to come with you. Lord Jarrod would have me hanged if I let you walk down there without a guard.”

  While I found this rather impertinent on his part, it also sounded sensible. My mother had always been quite safe in our home village with only a small gaggle of maids—and me—but I’d never been to Volodane Village and had only seen it briefly at dusk the night I arrived here.

  “Very well,” I answered.

  Both men strained to slide the bar back, and the gate swung open.

  The five of us passed through, and it closed behind us. I heard Brandon calling out for assistance, and a moment later, I heard the bar grinding back. Apparently, the Volodanes took no chances with their gate, even in broad daylight.

  “Onward,” I said, trying to sound cheerful.

  Neither Ester, Cora, nor Daveed appeared cheerful, and I couldn’t help wondering why, but Daveed reached out for one of my baskets.

  “Let me,” he said.

  Since the baskets were heavy and I was the smallest of the women, I let him carry one of mine. Even though I’d been tired and damp the night I arrived, I remembered that the village wasn’t far. Our party took a path down a hill, over one rise, and then down again.

  The village came into view, and we closed the distance.

  Dwellings spread out all around us. There were about fifty circular wattle and daub huts with thatched roofs, a few shops, a smithy, and a sturdy log dwelling that probably served as a common house. But in the daylight, I could see holes in many roofs and decay in the shops and dwellings.

  At the sight of us, the nearest people began slipping away. The few I saw clearly were thin and dressed in rags.

  Daveed set down his basket and kept so close to me I almost asked him to step away. I noticed his right hand hoveri
ng over the hilt of his sword.

  “Do not draw that blade,” I said. “I hardly think we’re in danger from anyone here.”

  “Probably not,” he answered, “but desperate people can be . . .” He didn’t finish the sentence.

  Miriam hadn’t expressed any trepidation over our task until now, but she looked around at the state of the place in open dismay. “My lady,” she said. “Perhaps he is right. We could simply leave the food?”

  An old woman with a wrinkled face came from between two dwellings and stopped in surprise at the sight of us.

  She made to leave again quickly, but I called out, “Please don’t go. We’ve brought food.”

  Turning, she dropped her eyes to my basket.

  “Could you bring any people in need to the common house?” I asked. This seemed a rather foolish statement since everyone here appeared to be in need. What could have happened to bring them so low? Why wasn’t Jarrod doing anything to help?

  The old woman slowly came up to me and looked down into my basket. “Are those strawberry tarts?” Her voice was stronger than I expected.

  “Yes, we brought quite a few.”

  People began appearing again, slipping out from dwellings or between buildings, staring at our baskets. To my shame, I was glad for Daveed’s presence. Then I chastised myself. These people deserved my help and pity, not my fear or judgment.

  But then . . . as villagers began drawing closer, a different type of uncomfortable wave passed through me, something I couldn’t stop. In addition to focusing on a single person and reading thoughts, I also had an unfortunate tendency to absorb strong emotions or sensations if enough people around me experienced the same feelings. Right now, all I could feel was fear, hunger, and despair.

  I was determined to finish my task here.

  “I am the new lady of the hall,” I said, letting my voice carry. “Where I come from, after any sort of banquet or feast, we share the spoils with our people.”

  No one responded. All eyes were still on the baskets. The aura of despair leeched into me and became almost overwhelming. I fought it.