Through a Dark Glass

by Barb Hendee

  “Let us go to the common house,” I said. “Where we can set up properly.” Looking down at the old woman beside me, I asked, “Can you help keep order?”

  “Yes.”

  “What is your name?”

  “Opal.” Then she called out, “Follow your lady.”

  Cora and Ester both appeared somewhat anxious, but we led the way to the common house.

  Once inside, I oversaw the unpacking. “Beef over on that table and chicken over there. Tarts here, and bread last. We should have brought more bread.”

  No one ran at us or grabbed at the food. They stepped forward when their turn came and took what was offered. The hunger I felt from these people went deep. Daveed was wrong. They were beyond desperation. They had given up hope. The despair passed through me, sinking deeper and deeper inside me, until I found it difficult not to begin weeping.

  I couldn’t stop the flow of sensation or push it away.

  Soon, I was struggling to breathe without effort. I’d never seen people in such a condition. I’d never felt such misery.

  And still, I would not leave.

  Opal helped to organize families, so that each family took a portion. Daveed appeared to forget about his sword, and he worked the bread table. I passed out portions of chicken. People shuffled through to accept what we’d brought. I saw a young mother of about eighteen with small boy. His arms were like twigs.

  The despair inside me made it difficult to think.

  All I could see was years ahead of suffering and hunger. The common room grew hazy, and my eyes were wet.

  “My lady?” Miriam asked. “Are you well?”

  I couldn’t answer.

  When all the food had been dolled out, the villagers began to leave. I’d been here too long. I had absorbed too much.

  The room began to spin, and the floor rushed up.

  Miriam called out, “Daveed!”

  That was the last thing I remembered.

  * * * *

  When my eyes opened again, I had no idea where I was, but I seemed to be lying on a bed, and there were people rushing around me.

  “Get that cold cloth!” Miriam called. “Where is Lord Kai?”

  “Cora’s fetching him,” Ester answered.

  I was in my room. Miriam and Ester were both with me.

  Then I remembered where I’d just been, and all the despair of the village sank deeper inside me. I sobbed once.

  “My lady,” Miriam cried.

  The door slammed open. “Where is she?” It was Kai’s voice. A pause followed. “What happened to her?”

  The next thing I knew, he was on the bed beside me, lifting me up against his chest.

  “Megan.”

  I couldn’t stop weeping and gripped his shirt. “They’re so hungry,” I whispered. “So sad. You have to help them.”

  “Who?”

  The voices around me grew muted. I heard Kai making demands of Miriam, and then I heard him say, “The village? She went down to the village? Who let her out the gate?”

  No one answered, and then he said, “We need to bring her out of this. Ester, have a bathtub brought in here and order buckets of heated water.”

  Again, the sounds grew hazy, but I heard activity and more people. Then I heard water splashing . . . and splashing.

  “Get out,” Kai ordered.

  “But my lord . . .” Miriam said.

  “Now!”

  The sound of feet followed and the door closed. Kai stripped off my dress and my shift. He lifted me as if I weighed nothing, and the next thing I knew, he lowered me into warm water, almost hot. He splashed handfuls on my face, and I choked once or twice.

  “Megan, can you hear me?”

  My head began to clear. “Kai?”

  Using his hands, he rubbed my arms hard.

  My head cleared even more. “Stop,” I whispered.

  He stopped. His face was near to mine. I remembered everything from the moment I’d set off for the village until the floor had rushed up. Looking around, I saw that I was in my room.

  “How did I get here?”

  “I don’t know,” he answered tightly. “I don’t know what happened. You were in the village? Why would you go there?”

  Tears ran from my eyes again. “To bring them food from last night’s dinner. They’re so starved, Kai, so hopeless. I could feel it.”

  He grabbed a spare blanket off the bed and then lifted me out of the tub. “Try to stand.” After wrapping me in the blanket, he whisked me off my feet again and went to the bed. This time, he sat with his back against the headboard and held me.

  “Who let you out the gate?”

  Something in his voice gave me pause, and I didn’t answer the question. The overwhelming emotions of sorrow were fading, and exhaustion came in to take their place. I closed my eyes.

  “I’m tired,” I whispered.

  * * * *

  When I awoke again later, he was still sitting with his back against the headboard holding me. I sat up.

  “Do you feel better?” he asked.

  I didn’t exactly feel better, but I was myself again. How long had I been sleeping? “What time is it?”

  “Around mid-afternoon.”

  The ramifications of what I’d put him through began to sink in, and I expected him to start questioning me again. He didn’t.

  “Will you be all right resting on your own for a while?” he asked. “I need to go downstairs and see about a few things.”

  Embarrassed, I pulled away and lay down on the pillow. “Of course. I’m so sorry. I’ve never fainted in my life.”

  He didn’t answer. Instead, he left the bed and walked to the door. “Rest.”

  Then he was gone.

  I was still naked, but I was dry now and allowed myself to curl inside the blankets for a while, trying to make sense of the order of events. I remembered nothing from the moment I’d fainted to when I’d re-awakened. What had happened in between?

  I’d get no answers in here.

  Still feeling drained, I forced myself out of bed and found a clean shift and a gown that laced up the front. Not bothering to brush my hair, I left my room and made my way down the stairs.

  When I reached the main passage, I heard Kai shouting in the great hall.

  “Who opened the gate?”

  He sounded so angry. Quickly but quietly, I went to one side of the archway and peered in. I didn’t want him to see me. I wasn’t up to facing his anger.

  Inside, the hall, I saw Kai, Sebastian, Captain Marcel, Daveed, and several other of the house guards. Jarrod and Rolf weren’t there. Captain Marcel looked uncomfortable, shifting weight between his feet as if this were the last place in the world he wanted to be.

  “Who?” Kai repeated.

  Daveed was pale. “I did, my lord, and I accompanied them down into the village.”

  I drew in a sharp breath as Kai strode over. I thought he might be about to spit out harsh words—on my account—but I was stunned when he drew back his fist and punched Daveed in the face hard enough to knock him off his feet.

  “Kai!” Sebastian yelled, running forward and grabbing his younger brother, pinning Kai’s arms to his sides. “Stop!”

  Daveed was picking himself up off the floor, shaking his head to clear it.

  “Stop this now,” Sebastian said, still holding Kai. “From what I understand, Megan fainted down there, and Daveed was the one who carried her back up.” He looked to Daveed. “Why did you open the gate?”

  “She ordered it,” Daveed answered. Blood flowed out the side of his mouth, and he wiped it with the back of one hand. “I didn’t know if I could refuse.”

  “I was fifty feet away in the barn!” Kai shouted. “Could you not have come and asked me?” Then he tried to throw Sebastian off. “Le
t go.”

  Sebastian let go, but Kai seemed more in control now.

  “Listen to me,” he said to all the guards present. “No one is ever to open the gate for Lady Megan without my permission. Anyone who does will find himself out of work and looking elsewhere to sell his sword. Is that understood?”

  “Yes, my lord,” the men said in unison.

  “Dismissed.”

  As the guards started for the archway, like a coward, I fled a short way down the passage and stepped into an open storage room to hide. I was embarrassed that Daveed had suffered on my account, and I wasn’t ready to see him yet. Earlier today, I’d had no idea what result my actions would bring. I’d only wanted to follow a tradition.

  As the footsteps of the men moved past me down the passage though, I began pondering other things. First, I owed a thanks to Daveed if he’d carried me all the way from the village to the keep . . . and he may have lost some teeth for his trouble.

  Second, did Kai mean what he’d said? Was I only to ever be allowed out of the courtyard with his permission?

  * * * *

  That night at dinner, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Would Jarrod and Rolf have heard of the day’s events? Would I need to defend my actions? They’d been out on the land all day, checking fields for the impending harvest.

  Nothing was said as we gathered, and I began to think they hadn’t heard.

  Kai was quiet and hadn’t said much to me since the afternoon, and I wondered what he was thinking.

  Sebastian was the last one to join us, and he poured himself a large goblet of wine upon sitting down.

  “Pleasant day?” he asked Rolf sarcastically.

  Those two didn’t care for each other, but I had no idea why. I think perhaps they were simply very different people.

  Rolf didn’t bother to answer.

  Only when Betty and Matilda came in carrying trays of food for our dinner did Jarrod frown. The women were serving ham and cheese pie.

  “Where’s the beef from last night?” he asked Betty. “Have some of that brought in.”

  I braced myself. “She can’t. I took it down to the village this morning.”

  “You what?”

  “And the chicken and the tarts,” I added. “It is tradition. Among the noble families, after a feast or a banquet, the lady of the house is to take all leftovers to the nearest village and share them with the poor. I didn’t realize your family didn’t observe this custom.”

  “You gave it all the villagers?” he asked, incredulous.

  “I only thought to follow noble customs. I should have asked you first.”

  He shook his head and turned to Kai. “And what did you do when learned of this?”

  Kai’s body was tense, and I knew he wanted this conversation to end. To my relief, Sebastian answered. “He punched one of the guards and threatened to dismiss any man who ever let her out the gate again.”

  At that, Jarrod laughed. “Good boy,” he said to Kai.

  Did he know how condescending he sounded?

  Then he looked down at his dinner. Thankfully, he was fond of ham and cheese pie, and nothing more was said of my adventure.

  * * * *

  Later that night, right after Miriam finished dressing me for bed, Kai walked into the room, and I couldn’t read his face.

  I sent Miriam out.

  It was too soon for me to question my husband about the order he’d given the guards. Picking that battle now would most likely only make things worse.

  “I’m sorry for any trouble I caused today,” I said instantly. “I only meant to follow a tradition my mother taught me.”

  “What made you faint?” he asked. “The condition of the villagers? Did the sight of them unsettle you so much?”

  I couldn’t tell him the truth. A part of me wanted to, but I feared where that might lead, and I was determined to keep some secrets to myself.

  “I don’t know,” I answered. “But something must be done to help them.”

  He held up one hand. “That is my father and Rolf’s domain. We can’t interfere.”

  “But surely—”

  “Megan!” he cut me off and sank down onto the bed. “Not now.”

  He looked weary, and I remembered how he’d tended to me earlier, bringing me back to myself and then holding me. I had no wish to trouble him further tonight.

  Walking over, I stood in front of him. When he was sitting, I could look him in the eyes. I placed both my hands on the sides of his face, and he breathed in softly.

  “Do you want me?” he whispered.

  It struck me then that Kai only felt desire for women who equally wanted him. I wondered if all men were like that, but I doubted so.

  Leaning in, I touched my mouth to his by way of answer.

  Instantly, he took hold of my arms and pulled me down onto the bed beneath him. His mouth pressed down on my mine as it had last night, and his tongue entered my mouth with the same urgency. I could feel his strength and his weight.

  I forgot everything else.

  I wanted his hands on me. I wanted his mouth on me. Right now nothing else mattered.

  Chapter 17

  The following morning, Jarrod and Rolf prepared to ride out. Apparently, the night before last, at the dinner, they’d settled on a plan to meet Lord Allemond to inspect some trees in regards to the upcoming land deal. I remembered hearing them speak of something in this regard.

  Kai, Sebastian, and I walked out to the courtyard with them. Ten of our guards were already mounted and waiting. Daveed was among them, sporting a bruise on his jaw.

  Wearing their chain armor and swords, Jarrod and Rolf looked every inch the hardened men I thought them to be.

  Jarrod swung up onto his horse, and I stood below him.

  “Should we wait dinner for you or should I just have Ester keep something warm?” I asked.

  “We’re meeting in the north sector of his lands,” he answered. “If we’re not home by dinner, go ahead and eat.”

  I nodded and stepped back, but as I turned, I saw Sebastian standing beside Daveed’s horse. He had one hand on the horse’s shoulder, and Daveed was leaning down so they could speak without being overheard.

  There was nothing unusual about this. I’d often seen Sebastian and Daveed in close conversation. I knew they were good friends. Yet now, something about the position of his hand caught my attention. It was so close to Daveed’s leg, and I was struck by the feeling that Sebastian wanted to touch him.

  I’d never noticed such things before, but Kai had awakened something in me. I knew how it felt to stand beside him and long to touch him. Every time I thought of what he and I had done with each other in the night, I longed to vanish with him into some private corner where no one could see us.

  I recognized this same emotion on Sebastian’s face. Then I shook the impression off. Young lords didn’t feel such things for their house guards. I was becoming fanciful.

  Finally, Sebastian stepped away. “I’ll see you tonight,” he said.

  Rolf was watching them too.

  Jarrod wheeled his horse and the entire contingent cantered toward the gate.

  Kai, Sebastian, and I stood in the courtyard until they were out of sight.

  “What shall we do with our day?” Sebastian asked. “How about a game of cards?”

  I smiled. “You two play. I was lax yesterday, and I need to make sure Betty and Matilda have seen to cleaning the guest rooms.”

  * * * *

  Not long past dusk, I met Sebastian and Kai in the great hall.

  “Your father said we should go ahead and eat if they hadn’t returned yet, so I’ve ordered dinner be brought in.”

  Sebastian smiled. “Dinner without Father and Rolf? What a treat.”

  The three of us sat down at the table. Betty ca
rried a tray with baked trout and greens.

  “Is there bread?” Kai asked.

  “Yes, my lord. I’ll fetch you some.”

  She had just turned away when a loud crashing sounded from somewhere at the front of the keep. It sounded as if the front doors had been opened hard and fast enough to slam against the walls.

  “Sebastian!”

  I knew the voice. It was Daveed. He was nearly screaming.

  Kai bolted first, with Sebastian running after. I ran after them, down the passage for the front doors. We reached the open doors to find Daveed on his knees panting for breath. His head was bleeding from a wound, but he saw us coming.

  “Kai . . .” he choked out. “Your father . . . get your father.”

  Kai ran past him as Sebastian skidded to a stop and dropped to his knees. “Daveed.”

  I hurried after Kai, thinking to find the contingent in the courtyard and learn what had happened. Only one lathered horse stood waiting, with Jarrod draped over its back. Other guards from the barracks were running out by now.

  Kai got to Jarrod first. “Father!”

  Reaching up, he struggled to lift Jarrod’s prone form off the horse. Once he’d done this, he dropped down while holding his father in his arms. Jarrod was unconscious, his skin was nearly white, and there was an ugly slash across his stomach.

  As the other guards reached us, several knelt to see if they could help Kai with Jarrod.

  Captain Marcel swung his head left and right. “Where’s Lord Rolf? Where are the rest of our men?”

  “Get Lord Jarrod inside and into a bed,” I said.

  Kai’s face had turned nearly as white as his father’s. “Captain, take him. Do as your lady says and get him inside.” He jumped up and ran back to the open doorway. “Daveed, where’s Rolf?”

  “I’m so sorry,” Daveed said in open anguish. “He’s gone. We were ambushed.”

  “Gone?” Sebastian repeated.

  Several men came up behind us carrying Jarrod. I went with them to the tower and then up to Jarrod’s room.

  “Lay him on the bed,” I said.

  Jarrod’s wound was still bleeding. Had it penetrated his stomach though, he’d already be dead.

  “Send for water,” I ordered Captain Marcel.