by Anna B. Doe
Something white on the desk catches my attention. The piece of paper is folded in half and has my name on it.
For a second I freeze completely. Notes left on a piece of paper never leads to anything good. Breath is stuck in my throat and I feel every nerve ending stand in attention on what’s to come.
I know what it’ll say even before my fingers touch it. Dread and fear like no other spread through my body.
Dear Daniel,
I always loved your name. When you still didn’t know about me, it made me feel connected to you in a way nothing else could.
Even when I didn’t know you, you were my hero. Sometimes I would let myself dream about you. You’d come into my life and save me. In a way, you did exactly that. And I’m so very thankful for everything you’ve done for me. I couldn’t choose better big brother.
That being said, I have to do the right thing and let you live your life. You didn’t sign up for this. You have your own life to worry about and I don’t want to stand in your way. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m not going back to Cassie’s. I don’t want to give her power over you.
Don’t worry, I’ll be fine on my own because that’s the only thing I knew before you walked into my life.
Love you always,
Grace
I stare at her letter. The words are blurred and it takes them a while to settle in, but once they do the fury takes over.
Fury and fear.
If I let the fear overwhelm me I won’t be able to do anything, so I concentrate on fury.
“Cassie,” I growl and walk out of the room.
Grace’s door survives my rage, because I don’t want to cause any kind of damage to them, but the front door isn’t so lucky. I slam them shut and stalk to my car.
Practice and game are long forgotten, the only thing on my mind is where to find my sister.
She couldn’t be gone that long. Last night we had one of our talks in the gym and dinner together.
How didn’t I notice something’s wrong with her? How didn’t I notice she’ll run away?
I feel guilty and angry at myself and so scared for her. I don’t know what to do about guilt or fear, but I know what to do with anger so I concentrate on that. I channel all I know and have into that because I know who’s behind this and she’ll remember me.
Nobody messes with my family.
Nobody messes with the people I love.
Nobody.
On the way, I call some of Grace’s friends. I go so far as to call my dad, although I don’t know how could she possibly go to Atlantic City alone.
“Do you want me to come there and help you find Grace, Jack?”
Knowing my father would come here to help me is enough.
“No need, old man. I have it under control. If I don’t find her tonight, I’ll let you know.”
“Sounds good. Keep me posted.”
“Will do.” I turn onto her street. “I’ll call you later, Dad. I have to check in on something first.”
“You are at her place, aren’t you?”
Her being Cassie. He doesn’t have to say it. Dad never said her name after she left, but I know he’s talking about her from the tone of his voice.
“Grace mentioned Cassie in her letter. She has been acting weird for weeks now, and I have a hunch that it’s because of Cassie Grace run away.”
“Just be careful, son.”
“I will,” I promise. “Talk to you soon.”
After ending the call, I get out of the car and quickly go towards the building. I never thought I’d be returning to this place again, but never say never. Right?
If it’s even possible, this place looks even worse than before and I’m so thankful I got to Grace on time.
I don’t bother with knocking, I simply open the door to her place and get inside in search of Cassie. Even if she did bother to lock the door, which she didn’t, this building is in such a bad condition even the smallest of winds could blow it away.
I find her passed out on the worn-out couch. High on god knows what.
Cassie hears me stomp inside and she turns to look at me, frown on her forehead relaxes and her lips curl into a drunken smile.
“Daniel! You are here,” she slurs trying to get out of the couch, unsuccessfully.
I come closer, letting my big body loom over her.
“What the fuck did you tell to Grace?” My hands clench into fists by my side.
“What?”
“Don’t act dumb Cassie,” I warn her through gritted teeth. “She left me a note with your name on it before she run away. Coincidence, I’d say not.”
My hands clench into fists by my side. I want to shake an answer out of her but I can’t. I’m better than her and scum she hangs out with.
“Okay, so I went and talked to her one day after school. What’s the big deal?”
“Only that you had no right to do so because I told you not to and you signed a contract saying you wouldn’t contact any of us. Not me, not Grace, not dad. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer soon if you don’t tell me exactly what the fuck happened.”
Those words get her attention and she sits straighter in her seat. “You wouldn’t …”
“Try me.” I smile at her. It’s forced and evil. I want to scare the ever-loving shit out of her so that she doesn’t try to do something like that ever again. This time I want her out of our lives permanently. “I warned you not to mess with me, Cassie.”
“Okay, okay …”
She spills everything she remembers from that day. It’s not much because she was high—shocker, right?—but it’s something.
“She isn’t here?” I ask once again to make sure.
“Look around if you want …”
There is no need for me to do that. I know she isn’t here. Grace wouldn’t lie to me. She said she wouldn’t go to Cassie’s so she’s not here. This is for me. I want to make sure Cassie won’t bother us ever again.
“This is my last warning, Cassie.” My voice is low, threatening. “If I see you come around us ever again, I’ll call the police and have you locked up in somewhere you can’t hurt us again. Don’t fool yourself into thinking I won’t or that I don’t have the means. Your signature on that contract gives me power over you you can’t even imagine.”
She starts to say something, but I don’t wait around. I did what I came to do and now I have to find my sister.
Walking down the stairs in a hurry I skip two at the time. Once I settle in my truck I look in front of me, no idea where should I start.
Grace isn’t at any of her friend’s, she’s not at my dad or Cassie’s.
“Where are you?” I mutter to myself.
My ringtone fills the cab of the car. I almost fall over my own limbs in the need to answer it. There’s a chance Grace will call and I can’t miss it.
“Where are you, Shelton?!” pissed off voice of my best friend greets me on the other end of the line, disappointing me. “I’ll tell you where you aren’t. In the fucking locker room getting ready for the game. The coach is pissed, dude!”
“I don’t have time for that shit, Will.” I sigh in defeat. “Grace is missing.”
“What do you mean, she’s missing? Missing where?”
“If I knew where she is I wouldn’t say she’s missing. Missing like she ran away from home, dumbass. She even wrote a letter.”
There is a quick pause on the other end. “You need me to come?”
“Nah, I’m fine. I don’t know even where to look. I called her friends and Dad, even went to Cassie’s …”
“I can come if you need me. We’ll look for her, drive around the city,” he offers again and I’m thankful. This game is important to us and Will would ditch it if I said the word.
“You keep your head in the game and make sure we win. Coaches will be less pissed at me if you do that.”
“Okay,” he agrees reluctantly. “I’ll keep the coaches off your ass and do my best to bring down those motherfucker
s. You find Grace.”
“Will do, man.”
I’m about to cut the call, but his words stop me.
“She’s back, Jack,” he says slowly like he’s afraid of my reaction. “You said they were friends, so maybe Grace went to her.”
I know who William’s talking about.
I know her very well.
I guess it’s time to stop being a coward and pay her a visit.
The door to her place opens before I get to knock. I guess her asshole of the doorman called to tell her I stormed my way into her building.
I don’t know how many times I came to her place, too many to count, but he still insisted I couldn’t go up without her approval. Approval my ass.
Sienna Roberts is back in town and she’ll have to see me no matter what.
If I knew she was back I’d already be here, but now I needed a different kind of answers out of her.
“Jack,” she breathes my name. It could be a prayer or it could be a curse.
The sound of her voice awakens every cell in my body. She’s even more beautiful than before. Her hair is shorter, blond tips are gone and in their place, there are honey-colored strands mixing with her natural brown hair.
Her face is makeup free, something I only got to see in those rare moments we spent the night together and I loved every second of it. She’s wearing tights and a big sweatshirt that falls off her shoulder and for a second the only thing I want to do is take her in my arms and kiss her exposed skin. I want to lose myself in her. Find comfort in her arms. I want her to tell me everything will be alright, but I can’t do that. I’m not here to figure out our messed-up relationship, or lack of one. I’m here because of Grace.
“Is Grace here?” I ask her, going past her inside her apartment. I wouldn’t put it past her to lie to me to protect Grace’s secret.
“What? No!” Sienna closes the door and walks behind me. “Why would she be here?”
“She ran away from home, and now I can’t find her,” I explain looking around her place. It hasn’t changed much since the last time I was here.
“Where did she go? Okay, slash that. You wouldn’t be here if you knew.”
“I don’t know where else to look,” I say sitting down on the couch. “I called everybody I could think of, I looked around every street I passed and still nothing.”
“Maybe …” Sienna swallows uncomfortably. “Maybe she went to her mom’s?”
I shake my head. “I was there already. She isn’t at Cassie’s, but she is responsible for all of this. Cassie came to her school one day and started talking shit about me not wanting Grace in my life and god only knows what else.”
“Oh, my god.”
“Welcome to my life, doll.” Although my tone is sarcastic, the endearment that falls from my lips is natural, real.
It feels so good to be able to do this. To come and talk to her. Sit next to her and feel like you have somebody you can rely on, somebody you can trust, somebody that will stay by your side.
Sienna’s hand touches mine and gives it a strong squeeze.
We look into each other’s eyes and, for this moment, I let my guard down. I open myself to her and let her see all that’s been hiding inside.
All the hurt.
All the disappointment and fear.
All the longing and love.
She sees it all and she understands.
Her other hand cups my cheek. It’s so soft it’s hard to resist leaning into her touch.
“We’ll find her,” she whispers. “I promise.”
I know it’s just a matter of time before Will opened his big mouth and J.D. came to my door. If for nothing else than to tell me to fuck off. What I didn’t expect was to find this version of J.D. on my door.
Happy, teasing, carefree man that I remember is no longer here. He looks like he aged in a matter of hours. His whole appearance is disheveled—his dress shirt is out of his pants and wrinkled, the sleeves pulled to his elbows. Jacket and tie are somewhere long forgotten and first two buttons of his shirt are unbuttoned. God only knows how many times he ran his fingers through his hair, because the strands go in every way possible.
Green eyes, their eyes, are tired. There are dark bags underneath them and his skin is pale. He looks defeated.
Broken.
Scared.
Lost.
A little boy that wants to find his sister and bring her home safely.
My heart hurts for him and there is no way I’ll turn him down.
I break our stare and get off the couch.
“Where are you going?” he asks like he’s scared I’ll walk away on him.
“I’m going to call my mom,” I explained softly. “Sometimes the girls she teaches come to her place when they have nowhere to go.”
I see the hurt in his eyes. I understand it. Grace has a place to be, a home, but because of the circumstances, she run away.
Cassie Shelton … I’ve never met the woman, but I hate her with all I’ve got in me. How can she do this to her kids? Two beautiful, kind-hearted, genuinely good people. She took away so much from them already, but she doesn’t seem to be happy with that. She won’t rest in peace if everybody around her isn’t unhappy.
“Why didn’t I think of that? She loves that school so much.”
“You are stressed and scared. It’s normal your brain is stuck …”
“Maybe I just suck at being a big brother.” He raises his hands in defeat. “I’m sure nothing like this would happen if I was more around. If I paid more attention to her and what’s going on with her life …”
“Don’t be like that.” I stand in front of him and cup both his cheeks to make him look at me. “You are a good brother, J.D. And she’s so happy to have you. We’ll find her and bring her back and then you can ground her until she’s thirty.”
“Just until she’s thirty?” He chuckles softly. It’s nothing big, but I’ll take it anyhow.
“I think anything more would be overdoing it,” I say, laughing softly. “Now, let me call my mom.”
I go to my bedroom to grab my phone to call her.
“She’s not there?” I ask her after a few minutes of small talk. The look J.D. gives me is defeated.
We’ll find her, I mouth.
“I’m sorry, baby,” Mom tells me on the other side of the line. “I wish I could help you more.”
“It’s not your fault. We’ll try something else. She has to be somewhere.”
“Yes, I guess you are right. People would notice a young girl walking around the streets.”
But would they care?
I don’t say those words out loud. I don’t want to scare J.D. more than he already is. But people in this city, they ignore what’s happening around them. This is not some small, connected community where everybody knows everybody, and people truly care.
“I’ll let you know if we get more information.”
“Thank you, if I think of something …” she starts but stops suddenly.
“Mom?”
“I think I maybe know where she went.”
“Community center?” J.D. looks at the building with skepticism.
“I know it doesn’t seem like much, but where else to look?” I don’t try to push him to get out before he thinks he’s ready. “Mom said there is also a room in here that has beds. It’s nothing big or fancy, but if somebody needs a place to stay for a night or two they are always welcome.”
He nods in understanding. “Let’s go.”
We get out of his car and meet in front of it. I grab his hand in mine and give him a squeeze to draw his attention.
“I don’t want you to be disappointed if she’s not inside.”
“We’ll find her,” he repeats my earlier words.
J.D. intertwines our fingers and pulls me towards the entrance. His palm is sweaty, but the hold is strong.
Once we step into the community center we look in every corner and open every door that’s on our way to the back where
the bedroom is situated.
With every dead end, I see hope disappear slowly from his eyes and all I want to do is make it go away.
We finally get to the back of the building. The room is big but filled with bunk beds that make it look cramped.
“I’ll go and …” He waves in the directions of the beds.
“I’ll talk to that lady over there.”
J.D. doesn’t wait for me to finish but goes in search of his sister. I sigh, hoping he finds her.
“Hey there.” I walk toward the lady that’s sitting on the desk, reading the book. I guess she should be some kind of supervisor or something. Not that she actually does her work correctly.
“Hello.” She pushes her glasses up her nose. “How can I help you?”
“Did you maybe see this girl?” I show her the picture of Grace on my phone.
She squirts her eyes while she looks at it. “I’m sorry.” She shakes her head no and I feel the weight on my heart increase.
“Grace is not here.” J.D. comes behind me, his shoulder slumped in defeat.
I go to him and wrap my hands around him. “This place is big, let’s look around for a bit.”
Maybe I’m giving him false hope. Hell, us both. I care about that girl too. I missed her while I was away. It was never just J.D. and me in this relationship. Grace was always there somewhere, and I love that girl.
I love them both.
Accepting it … Saying it like this … It’s not as hard as I thought.
I’m scared, but not for the reasons I thought I would be. I don’t think about J.D. breaking my heart or cheating on me, I’m not scared of past repeating itself. What I’m scared about is that we won’t find this little girl we both care so much. I’m scared we lost her and what it’ll do to us. I’m scared of what’ll happen to her if we don’t find her in time.
J.D.’s hands wrap even tighter around me. It’s like he can feel I need him to hold me together.
For a full minute, we forget about everything else.