To Take Her Pride

by Anne Brear

  “It doesn’t matter now.”

  “All the same, I need to know. You cannot tell half a story.”

  “I must go, Tom.”

  He leaned forward, his stare holding hers. “Who are you protecting? Surely after such a revelation they don’t deserve your honor.”

  “The damage has been done. What is the point of causing more harm?”

  “Harm?” His eyes narrowed. “Harm to whom? You?”

  “No.”

  “Then your family?”

  She swallowed, hating how he was winkling this out of her. She was doing her best to shield him, but he was like a dog with a bone. “I am going home, Tom.”

  “Tell me, Aurrie,” he whispered, his face softening with concern. “I’ll have no peace until you do.”

  Her shoulders sagged in defeat. “Your mother.”

  “My mother?” His eyebrows nearly shot up to his hairline. “What on earth!”

  Aurora folded her napkin carefully, pressing down on the seam. “She found out that Reid and I were…were…”

  “You and Reid?” Tom shifted in his chair, his expression full of confusion. “I don’t understand.”

  “I loved Reid.”

  “I had no idea. None at all.” He glanced around the tearoom as though defying anyone to dispute his claim. “How could this be?”

  “Reid and I fell in love. I believe we had been for a while, but we only really acknowledged it last year. We planned to marry.”

  “Christ Almighty.” Tom ran his fingers through his short hair. “You and Reid. I cannot believe it.” Then his eyes widened. “You were the one he was talking about, the one he wanted to marry this summer!”

  “Was I?” She shrugged. “Perhaps at one time, but then I think he changed his mind and maybe Miss FitzGibbon grew in prominence in his life.”

  “I don’t believe that for a moment. If he wanted her they’d be engaged by now.”

  It was her turn to be shocked. “They aren’t?”

  “No. He has nothing to do with her, or any woman come to think of it. He was insufferable before father died and now I know why.” Tom stared at her. “You ran away and he thought you’d gone travelling with an aunt. He didn’t understand…”

  “I had to go, Tom.”

  “But why?”

  “I couldn’t hurt my family.” She placed a hand over her stomach.

  Tom’s eyes followed the gesture and his eyes widened. “You’re having Reid’s baby?”

  “You are quick,” she quipped, fighting the tears. “But he can never know. I won’t do that to him, Tom. You must promise to never tell him.”

  “This is ridiculous, Aurrie. He would marry you in an instant. You said you loved him.”

  “I do love him. I love him enough to want only the best for him. Don’t you see? I’m bastard born. People, your mother especially, won’t stand for it, not in your circle. I’d be a social pariah and Reid would lose friends, acquaintances, business deals.”

  “No, you’re wrong, so wrong, Aurrie.” He gripped both her hands in earnest. “You have to come home. Tell him everything.”

  She shook her head, knowing it was impossible. “I won’t turn up on the doorstep big with child, Tom. I won’t do it to my family or yours. The scandal would be too much. I’m a bastard having a bastard. It would be social death for everyone. They don’t deserve it. I must think of my sisters’ future, my mother’s happiness.” She lowered her gaze. “To be honest, I don’t think I could face my father and see disappointment in his eyes. And then there is your mother and her threats ...”

  “We’ll get around that, I promise. Besides, Reid won’t care about the scandal. He’d overcome all that. He’ll want you above everything else.”

  “But it’s not just him it affects. He has to take care of your mother and your brothers until they are of age, which isn’t for a few years yet. He has so much responsibility, the business, the inheritance, all the estates, everything. I won’t add to his burden. I won’t.”

  “So you’re sacrificing both of your happiness, his and yours?”

  “I have to.”

  “You’re wrong, Aurrie. Very wrong. Reid will have you in a heartbeat. All the rest can be taken care of.”

  “How? How do I explain Sophia to Reid’s friends and business associates? I won’t give her up now. She is a part of my family. And how do I explain walking down the aisle heavy with child?”

  “The gossip will die down eventually.”

  “But before it does it will do damage. I won’t put anyone through that, not Reid, my parents, Sophia, my sisters, your brothers, no one.”

  “And the child?”

  “None of them will ever know about the baby. Sophia and I intend on moving away. I’ll pretend to be a widow.”

  “This is too much to take in.” Tom wiped a hand over his eyes. “I’m stunned.”

  “You must never speak of this. I hold you in confidence. Promise me!”

  “You have my word, though I believe it to be a mistake.” He stood and she rose also. “I need to get out of here and breathe.” He hurriedly paid the bill and taking her elbow escorted her outside.

  The wind had died down a little and the sun poked out between white fluffy clouds. Exhausted, Aurora felt as though she’d fought a battle or run a mile. She was thankful Tom held her arm.

  “Aurrie.”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t want to leave you. Can I take you home?”

  “No, not today.” She smiled to soften the words. “I know you mean well, but I need some time alone.”

  “I don’t want to leave York without seeing you again. Can I call on you? Tomorrow morning?”

  “I don’t think so.” She shrugged helplessly. “There’s nothing more to be said.”

  “I think there is.” His gaze dropped to her stomach again. “I can’t believe you’re having Reid’s baby. He finally lost control of himself and did something out of character.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “You know Reid as well as I do. Deflowering a virgin isn’t something I’d believe he’d do.”

  “Must you be so crass?”

  He grinned. “Sorry. I’m shocked that’s all. Reid never shows us his softer side where women are concerned. He’s never been a lady’s man, never flaunted conquests before us.”

  “He hasn’t. You just happened to bump into me and for the first time see evidence.”

  “True.”

  They paused as the city’s church bells pealed the hour. When able to speak again, Aurora gave his cheek a quick kiss and stepped away. “It’s been good to see you again, but try to forget me, Tom.”

  His expression was strained. He glanced at the passing traffic. “I could never forget you. You are the sister I never had.”

  “Try to. It is for the best.” She pulled on her gloves.

  “The regiment is in Africa, you know. I am not with them because father was dying and then there was the funeral. Being a Sinclair meant strings were pulled, you know how it is.” He shrugged one shoulder.

  She nodded, but kept quiet.

  “I leave for Africa very soon, but before I go I think we should be married.”

  Robbed of breath, she stared at him.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Aurora nervously plumped up a thin red cushion on the sofa, checked the curtains hung straight and then gave the fire another poke.

  “Aurrie, sit down, for heaven’s sake.” Sophia twisted her hands on her lap. “I’m becoming as jumpy as you.”

  “I’m sorry.” She replaced the poker, and looked out the window. Tom was due to arrive any minute and her stomach rolled. “I should never have agreed for him to come here.”

  “You’ve nothing to be ashamed of. The house is the best in the lane, we’ve done all we could to make it decent.” Sophia smoothed her black skirt over her knees. “You said he wouldn’t judge us.”

  “He won’t, not really. I mean not intentionally.” Aurora swallowed, he
r tongue seemed too big for her mouth. She looked around the sitting room, noticing all its faults. The damp, the thin coat of whitewash, the cheap furniture. She felt her breakfast come back up and put a hand to her throat.

  “Aurora, please.” Sophia stood and gently touched her arm. “Sit and calm down.”

  “You don’t understand.” How could she explain to Sophia what she couldn’t grasp herself? Marriage to Tom, a Sinclair? It was all wrong. Insane to even consider it. Yet, last night, it was all she could think about. This morning she had woken to a headache and despair eating her heart. She couldn’t marry Tom, not even to give her baby a name and make him or her legitimate. It was like a betrayal to Reid. She couldn’t do it. Once, all she wanted was to be a Sinclair, but not Mrs Thomas Sinclair. The irony was laughable, only she was far from laughing.

  A shadow passed the window and she closed her eyes momentarily to summon the strength she’d need to reject Tom.

  “I’ll get the door.” Sophia went and answered the knock.

  Aurora heard them talking, introducing themselves. A second later Tom was standing in the sitting room, which seemed a lot smaller than it was a minute ago.

  “Good morning, Aurrie.” He smiled tenderly, as if knowing how delicate she felt.

  She returned his smile. “Thank you for coming, Tom.”

  “Please sit down, Mr Sinclair. I’ll get some tea.” Sophia said, waving him towards the chair and then disappearing into the kitchen.

  Tom sat on the edge of the chair and Aurora had never seen him so unsure of himself. He wore an unreadable expression on his face. “This is a lot different from home, Aurrie,” he murmured.

  “Yes.”

  “But not as bad as I imagined.”

  “It was rather dreadful when we first arrived. It has taken us months to make it suitable.” She felt the heat from the fire through her skirts from standing so long in front of it. Sitting down on the sofa, she took a deep breath. “Tom.”

  “Aurrie.”

  They spoke together and chuckled.

  “May I go first?” Tom asked, his eyes hopeful.

  “Please do.”

  “I know what I asked you yesterday might have seemed impulsive, reckless even, but I meant it.”

  “But Tom—”

  He held a hand up. “No, let me finish. I know you love Reid. I’m not asking you to love me, or to be a true wife to me in any respect.” He jerked to his feet and went to the fireplace. “I sent a wire to my superior and got his permission.”

  “All ready?” Her eyes widened.

  “Being a Sinclair has its advantages, as I told you yesterday.”

  “But Tom—”

  “I’ve done a lot of thinking during the night and this morning. I’ve weighed it all up in my mind and I know I want this.”

  “Yes, maybe you do now, but what if you meet a lady and fall in love with her? If you’re married to me you’re not free to be with someone else.”

  “Marriage has never been something I’ve coveted, Aurrie. I’ll be honest in that. My mother has done nothing but parade suitable young ladies before our eyes from the minute we turned twenty, but none of them interested me beyond an evening of fun. I couldn’t imagine having to be tied to one of them forever.”

  “But by marrying me you will be tied to me.”

  “Yet, that doesn’t worry me at all. Perhaps it is because we will be two separate people still. I’ll have no demands, no expectations from you, or you from me.”

  She was beginning to understand his meaning. “You don’t know that one day you might meet the woman who you want to spend the rest of your life with, to have children with. I cannot take that from you.”

  “The same could be said for you.” He raised one eyebrow in question. “After all, you are young and beautiful. You could have anyone.”

  “I will never have another man. Reid was…”

  “Will you not reconsider contacting him?”

  She shook her head. “No. That past is past.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “And what if you find another man?”

  “There will never be another for me. But you, you are quite different. I will not rob you of the chance to be married to the one you love.”

  He twirled the gold signet ring on his little finger. “I have thought of that eventuality, not that I think it will happen, but I did think about it, and if such a woman was to come into my life then you and I could sort something out, divorce or whatever.”

  “That’s not so easy and again it would bring scandal, the very thing I’m trying to avoid.”

  “But if that was to happen it wouldn’t be anytime soon. It could be ten, twenty years away, or never!” He rested his arm along the mantelpiece and stared into the low fire. “The honest truth is I don’t see myself ever living a normal life, Aurrie. I don’t want to stay in England, always at the beck and call of my mother. The army will do me for now, but I know later I will leave it and go my own way. I have a fancy to travel widely, go exploring, sail the seas.” He turned and grinned at her, one of his boyish grins she knew so well. “Let me roam the world happy knowing I’ve done my bit. I’ve helped you and your child, my nephew, my blood. I can give you the support you need.”

  “You make it sound so easy.”

  “One small ceremony and you become my wife. That security is yours. I will set up an allowance for you and the child.”

  “Oh no. No, Tom, not money.”

  “I will not be swayed on this Aurrie. Whether you marry me or not, I have decided that your baby, my niece or nephew will have my support for life.” He swept his arm around the room. “Do you think I would want you scraping a living amongst all this?”

  “This is all I can expect, Tom. This is my life now and it will be my child’s. I can work and earn money. I have Sophia’s help. I can do it by myself.”

  “Do you honestly think I would walk away from here and leave you with nothing?”

  They both looked away, aware they had raised their voices.

  “You are too proud, Aurrie.”

  “And you are too good, Tom.”

  He ducked his head and gave her a saucy look. “I’ve never been called good, dearest.”

  “That’s because you’re always so intent on being bad, just to shock people.”

  “You know me too well.” He laughed. “Where’s that tea?”

  Aurora rose to her feet. “I’ll go and see.” As she went to leave, Tom grabbed her hand and brought it up to his chest. Seriousness replaced the humor. “I know I am not Reid. I don’t mean to take his place, but since you won’t allow him the chance to be a father to his child, then please let me. He’d want to know I looked after the both of you in his stead.”

  Aurora blinked back tears, her throat thick with emotion. “I miss him, Tom, so very much. I gave him everything I had.”

  “I know, dearest girl, I know.” He stroked her cheek. “I could happily kill my mother for the damage she’s caused.”

  “So could I.” Her smile was watery. “But what’s done is done, and he doesn’t have all the blame. I seduced him.”

  Tom’s mouth curved into a lopsided grin, so like Reid’s. “Then he’s a lucky man.”

  “And I was stupid to do so.”

  “Being in love makes us do silly things.”

  “Indeed. At least I have a part of Reid that she cannot take from me. And I am comforted by the knowledge that Reid will live his life fulfilling all the responsibilities his parents expect of him, that will compensate for any hurt I may have caused him.”

  “None of that can replace you though, Aurrie.”

  “Oh, he’ll forget me in time when he’s married with children.”

  “Will he?” Tom frowned. “I’m not so sure.”

  She pulled away. “I’ll get the tea.”

  “And you’ll marry me and give the baby a name, its rightful name of Sinclair?”

  “Will you let me think about it so
me more?”

  “I leave tonight, Aurrie.”

  “So soon?” She hated the thought of him going out of her life again. Being with him reminded her of home, of summer days gone by when her world was perfect and simple.

  “The army calls, dearest.”

  “Of course.” She nodded and left the room.

  The sun burst out between clusters of clouds and drenched the little yard of number nine in bright sunshine. Aurora sighed, enjoying the warmth on her face for a moment before going back inside to finish packing. They’d begun packing after Tom left yesterday afternoon. They only had a week left remaining a number nine. There was so much to think about, Tom’s proposal, moving, finding work. Her head swam with it all.

  Sophia came out to find her, wiping her hands on a towel. “There you are.”

  “I stopped for a minute.”

  “Stop a bit longer, it won’t matter. Everything is about packed now that can be.” She sat on an upturned crate next to Aurora. “Noah will take the last of the boxes over to his house this afternoon.”

  “He won’t take no for an answer, will he?”’

  “No.” Sophia lifted her face to the sun. “What will you do about Tom?”

  “I don’t know. I’m so torn.”

  “You should marry him.” Sophia turned her head and stared at her. “For no other reason than to give the baby a name and allow it to be born on the right side of the blanket. Don’t let the poor little blighter carry the shame we inflicted upon it. You have the chance to put it right.”

  “But I worry about Tom and what he’s giving up.”

  “What is he giving up, for God’s sake? He’s told you repeatedly that he doesn’t want a wife and children, a family home. He wants to travel, go on adventure. Give the man some credit for knowing what he wants.”

  “He’s escaping his mother.”

  “Then let him. From all accounts she’s a right witch. Let the man go and be free to please himself, knowing at least he’s done right by you, his brother and his niece or nephew.”

  “Can it be that simple though?”

  “It can be whatever you make it, Aurrie.” Sophia stood on hearing the front door open. “You’ll be his wife in name only. We can still lead our lives.” She turned as Jean came running out of the scullery.