Lailah (The Styclar Saga)

by Nikki Kelly

  Jonah had seemed preoccupied since he’d rescued me from my fall, and after what he had said to me, I was more than happy to let him be.

  “Shouldn’t Gabriel be here by now?” I asked Ruadhan.

  “Aye, soon enough. He’s bringing one of his own with him. Don’t suppose he’ll be pleased to find us lot when he gets here.”

  “I’m sure Gabriel’s told him.”

  “I reckon he knows about Hanora, given they are traveling together. I doubt Gabriel’s explained about the rest of us,” he said firmly. “It’s not exactly an Angel’s place to be mixing with our kind, let alone roaming around freeing us.”

  Shifting from left to right, I contemplated my next question. “Ruadhan…”

  “Yes?”

  He had his back to me as he poured the boiling water into the small teacup.

  “How long have Gabriel and Hanora, you know…”

  He finished pouring and, setting the kettle down, he turned to me, leaning his elbows on the island in the kitchen that separated us. “It’s not like that between them, love. Believe me, there are enough reasons!”

  Shifting over to the fridge, he added some milk and I made as much noise as I could pulling out a chair at the dining table, inviting him to sit and tell me the story.

  Hesitantly he joined, drifting at my side.

  “It’s not my place to go speaking about other folks’ business.”

  I wanted so badly to hear what Ruadhan knew, and he saw it in my face.

  Sighing, he plonked himself down across from me. “I told you Gabriel saved all of us?”

  I nodded briskly.

  “Hanora was the first, best part of a century ago in fact. But she rejected him. She was distressed at being parted from her Gualtiero, and it took her an awful long time to accept the new life he was offering her.”

  “Why’d he bother? He should have just let her go back if she felt like that.”

  “They’d have ended her if she had tried to return. She’d escaped, disbanded, remember. He worked with her, helped her overcome the connection she still felt to her Master. Eventually she came around, but seemingly all that time she spent with him, well, let’s just say she mistook his interest in her.”

  I gulped hard. I had to be careful; I couldn’t let him see how deeply I cared. Ruadhan wasn’t stupid. I was sure he was aware, to some degree at least, about my feelings toward Gabriel.

  “But they were together for a while at least?”

  “No. Never. He’s an Angel, born from light. She’s dark. The two don’t mix like that,” he said.

  “Why?”

  “Love is light. Hate, evil is darkness. Polar opposites. It would never matter what she did, even with a being such as Gabriel, he could never love her like that.”

  I swallowed harder. Jonah said he thought I was dark, that I was some sort of weird Vampire. If I was, surely by Ruadhan’s rules the same outcome would apply. No. Jonah was crazy.… I wasn’t a Vampire.

  My stomach turned as I realized that no matter how much I attempted to convince myself otherwise, after what Jonah had said down by the stream, it was becoming difficult for me to deny that he was onto something.

  “Didn’t stop her trying, mind! She’s one of those that wants what they can’t have, you know? I think the fact that he’s turned her down makes her want him even more. Greed, lust … that’s a darkness, you know.”

  I didn’t want a lecture in religion or ethics. I tried to steer around it.

  “She’s always traveled with you?” I said.

  “Yes and no. When it gets too much she leaves, but she always returns. We’re the nearest thing to a family she has, and whether she can be with him or not, she finds herself back here trying again.”

  Could the girl not just take no for an answer?

  “Gabriel told me that none of you had a choice in becoming what you are. And that when there was an opportunity, and for those that sought it, he granted salvation.” I pondered. “But how is it that he found Hanora in the first place? How did he find any of you?”

  “Drink your tea, love, it’s getting cold.”

  Sipping obediently, I waited for my answer.

  “Chance really, coupled with the fact that Gabriel is atoning for something—” He stopped. He didn’t want to go any further; I had to push him along.

  “Ruadhan, you can tell me. What happened to him?”

  “Not really the business of either of us. You asked me if he was involved with Hanora and I’ve told you he’s not. Though why does she concern you so much?” His bushy eyebrows lifted as my cheeks flushed pink.

  “Oh, little love, he cares about you, but, well, not in that way.”

  He leaned over the table to squeeze my hand, like some doting father picking up the pieces of his daughter’s latest heartbreak.

  “I didn’t say he did!” I said, snatching it back.

  “You’re very, very lovely, but one thing I’m certain of is that he would never enter into a relationship with a mortal. He’s done that once before and, from what I understand, it didn’t exactly work out.”

  I wanted to push for more, but sensed Ruadhan wasn’t yet done.

  “I really shouldn’t be talking to you about this.…” His eyes meeting mine, he continued, “Ah, Cessie. I don’t pretend to know the ins and outs of his life. But I do worry about him.” He pawed his stubble thoughtfully.

  “This girl, the mortal girl he fell for, what happened with her?”

  He cast his eyes to the floor, looking as though he was on the verge of walking away from the conversation.

  “I care about him, too, you know,” I whispered. “If I could just understand.”

  “He made a fatal mistake—he fell in love. He’s only ever spoken to me once about her, you know. Roaming the Earth, he seeks her out, searching for her soul. You asked how he came to find us. That’s how. He was traveling toward supernatural energy. I don’t fully understand why he thinks her soul is Earthbound. I told him she must be in Heaven.” He shook his head, confused himself.

  “So he’s atoning for falling in love? That doesn’t make sense. Why would he feel guilty about that?”

  He paused and somberly answered, “He told me that he killed her.”

  I nearly spat out my lukewarm tea.

  Ruadhan leaped up, knocking over his chair in the process. “I’ve said too much,” he mumbled.

  Grabbing his arm, I dared his gaze back to my own. I threw out one last question. “Did he tell you her name?”

  Sure now he must be talking about someone else, my whole body began to feel heavy. It seemed no aspect of my life was exempt from conflicting emotion. Whatever Ruadhan’s answer, it was a double-edged sword.

  It suddenly felt like I was playing Russian roulette. As Ruadhan started to speak, I could almost hear a chamber rolling over. I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath, waiting to find out if my dreams were about to be shot down.

  “Aye, he did.” He paused. “Said her name was Lailah.”

  Ruadhan broke free of me, rushing away. My initial relief from knowing that there hadn’t been someone else faded and I was left feeling dumbfounded.

  Why did Ruadhan think Gabriel had been the one who killed me? It had been Ethan. It made no sense. But then nothing seemed to make any sense these days.

  I remained at the table and forced myself to revisit the memory of my death, of my body falling, of blood trickling past my face.

  As unexpected and as instant as a bolt of lightning, I felt Gabriel there with me.

  Startled, I tried to make my mind go blank.

  You remembered …

  It was as though the whole world had been swallowed up and all that existed was his voice.

  He killed me. Ethan killed me.

  Silence.

  As if he were a passing breeze, a chill slid in between the cracks of my mind, and I was still.

  I’ll be with you soon.

  And just as quickly as he had arrived in my consciousness
, he left.

  Returning back to reality, I decided that Ruadhan had to be mistaken. I knew Ethan had killed me; I’d seen it, I’d even relived it. Ruadhan was wrong.

  My feet itched underneath me, ready to act. Bolting down to my basement bedroom, I showered as quickly as I could. As I dried my hair and applied a thin layer of makeup, questions rolled over in my mind. I had to get answers. Today. Starting with what happened in that motel room with Hanora.

  I brushed past the table that the chess set sat on and I peered down. It was Gabriel’s move and I hadn’t noticed until now but he was about to put me in check.

  It came as no surprise, but I was a tad disappointed that I was failing miserably.

  I bet the Lailah that Gabriel had once known was better.

  Reaching the dresser, I rifled through the clothes and I was grateful for a moment that Brooke had salvaged some of the nicer pieces. Choosing a white blouse, I tucked it into a turquoise chiffon skirt. Sure enough, Brooke had picked out a matching cardigan, so I bundled it on, also sliding my chalky legs through footless tights and throwing on some ballet flats.

  He must be close. If he was able to connect with me it meant he was near, and I felt the urge to look my best for our impending conversation.

  As I opened the door to my room, I froze. He was standing in front of me.

  My knees wobbled underneath me. Gabriel regarded me with sparkling eyes and a beautiful smile—stretching all the way up to his deep dimples. It was as if his mere presence brought the sun out of hiding, as rays found their way through my window, striping across his face.

  He pushed back the loose strands of hair covering my right eye before pulling me in to his chest and holding me as if he hadn’t for a million years.

  I have missed you so much, Lai.

  I clutched his white T-shirt in reply. I was gripping it hard, not sure if it was out of love or anger. Tipping my chin up to face him, he found my lips just as quick. His kiss was gentle, yet powerful.

  He determinedly locked his eyes with mine and grasped the back of my head with his palms, placing both his thumbs against my cheekbones. He stared down at me, forcing me to search the glittering windows into his soul.

  I lost myself in his eyes, my anxiety and hurt feelings washing away. He trailed his fingertips along my neck, across my shoulders, and down my arms, eventually reaching my hips.

  Tugging at my blouse, he slid his hand underneath the soft cotton. Placing his palm to the small of my back, he drew my body in closer. As he pressed me against him, my breathing hitched in response.

  I fingered his waistband and rose to the tips of my toes. I needed him.

  Gabriel lifted me from the ground and I wrapped my legs around his waist and placed my hands on his chest. His heartbeat was strong and fast. He wasted no time devouring me with his sultry kisses; our lips tangled together as a sense of yearning swelled between us.

  His aroma of citrus seemed to intensify as my touch peeled away his layers. And at his core was an incandescent white light that pulsed, refracting off my crystal. A halo formed around us. Together we shined, at the center of our very own fire rainbow.

  Our lips separated as he set me down, and I finally came up for air.

  “Where did that come from?” I asked, once I found my breath.

  His smile changed, and he said, “When I tell you the truth about me, about us, you may not ever want to see me again, let alone touch me.”

  My body knotted as I felt his worry stretch from his being into mine. “I’m afraid for us,” I said. “There are things I haven’t told you either.”

  My face screwed up in apprehension. I couldn’t help but feel our happy reunion was on the cusp of being muddied in dirty half truths.

  “Let’s take a walk,” he said.

  “What about the Angel you’ve brought?”

  “He can wait. What I have to say to you can’t.”

  He took my hand and led me out the front of the property. We walked hurriedly up the long road to an ancient, abandoned water mill. Gabriel offered me a spot next to him on the trunk of a fallen tree.

  The winter’s sun was fighting to overcome the layer of white clouds that were gathering around it. The Pyrenees Mountains, with their snowy peaks, were visible in the distance. I marveled at them, gathering my courage. If I didn’t tell him now I never would.

  “Gabriel.”

  “Lai.”

  We spoke at the same second and I grinned nervously at how in sync we were.

  “Please, Gabriel, I need to tell you some things before I lose my nerve.…”

  His eyes caught mine. I could stay happily submerged in their brilliant blue forever, but this time, I resisted the plunge.

  Gabriel squeezed my hand reassuringly, as if there was nothing I could say that would affect him. I was sure that that wasn’t the case.

  “Where to start…”

  “Try the beginning,” he said.

  His gentleness made me calmer.

  I took a breath, deciding to begin with Ethan. Gabriel knew about him, at least back then, back when we first met—but I needed to fill him in on the recent developments, plus it might be easier if I worked up to the more difficult conversation.

  “Okay. So, the night I met Jonah, when Eligio’s clan was attacking us, there was a Vampire. I didn’t recognize him at first, but he seemed to know me somehow. When we left the house, I had a vision of the Purebloods and the clans, and I watched as that same Vampire left them. I didn’t know why. I saw him again at the airport and then he turned up at the market in Mirepoix.”

  I felt his body stiffen.

  “He had an old woman hand me a ring. It had a coat of arms on it and I noticed that it matched some of the markings on my own ring.”

  I felt for my circle under my blouse. “Touching it caused me to fall into memories of the past. I recognized him then. I’d seen him in other visions, but I never knew who he was to me. Finally, in the last memory, I fell back in. I relived an argument we had in a barn and he grabbed me and I hit the ground. I came out of it just as I was about to die.”

  I could sense Gabriel’s growing trepidation, but I pushed past it.

  “When I came to, he was there, standing over me. I suddenly knew his name. Ethan. I guess he was the fiancé you mentioned. I watched him give me my ring.” I tapped my chest again where it sat cooling my skin.

  “Ethan was not a Vampire when you were betrothed,” Gabriel said, his voice low.

  “Something must have happened to him after. I don’t think he meant to kill me, it was an accident. My memories of him are happy ones.”

  Gabriel’s grip on my hand tightened. “Your parents had arranged for him to marry you,” he said. “Ethan was the son of the local squire, and of a higher standing than your own family.” He paused. “Your father offered you and, from my understanding, sweetened the deal with this gem, to be placed into a band for you and into their family.” He organized his thoughts again. “Ethan was not a bad person. You grew up together, you told me once he was like a brother. Then you met me, and you decided you couldn’t marry him.…” He trailed off.

  “Because I fell in love with you.”

  He smiled at me, but it was a sad smile.

  “He’s following me. He’s here somewhere and he wants retribution, I don’t know why.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “He told me, right before I fell into the ice,” I said.

  Gabriel snatched his hand from my own and turned my face toward him. “You fell into ice?”

  “It’s all right, Jonah was there. He pulled me out. I’m fine, honestly. There’s more.” I didn’t want to delve into the details of that particular rescue. I didn’t fully understand and I still wasn’t ready to face whatever it was that had happened.

  “There’s a girl. You will think I’m crazy, but she just sort of turns up. I don’t know who she is; I never see her face because she’s always shrouded in shadow. I see her, but then … I don’t know, th
ings get hazy, I can’t remember. It’s like she somehow creates black spots in my memory. She was there the night Frederic attacked me. She killed him, I’m sure she did.”

  A deep twinge of pain shot through my head, rumbling into a dull ache as I tried to recall.

  “It’s okay.” His voice soothed me and I was able to continue.

  “Ruadhan saw her, he said he did, in the Hedgerley house. But he said she was a Pureblood. I don’t understand—why would a Pureblood Vampire protect me?”

  He didn’t offer any answers.

  I turned my body toward him and, biting my bottom lip, I said, “Also, I kissed Jonah.”

  There. I’d said it.

  I didn’t have much of an explanation. Gabriel’s eyes stretched wide, and he took both my hands back in his own.

  “I didn’t really mean to. We went to this nightclub and there was this guy … Jonah just kind of stepped in and helped me out. I was angry with you because I thought you were with Hanora and I don’t know, I just … It’s weird, when I’m with him, I don’t entirely feel like myself.”

  “He’s a Vampire. He can influence you in ways you don’t know.”

  He gave me an out, but I had to be honest with him.

  “I don’t think he’d do that. When we’re together, something comes over me and I find myself acting on impulse. It wasn’t the first time, or the last, I’m sorry,” I rushed, feeling totally ashamed.

  Gabriel sat next to me in silence, his hands still covering mine. Finally he squeezed them and said, “Jonah overstepped the mark, not you, Lai. You’re in a very vulnerable position and he shouldn’t have taken advantage. I trusted him with you.”

  I met Gabriel’s gaze and just as I was about to interject, I stopped as I watched the veins in his neck jut out and a spark of warning suddenly flared in his eyes. “I’ll kill him.”

  He jumped up and I gulped hard, reaching for his arm.

  Seeing Gabriel so angry was unfamiliar; he wasn’t like that.

  “Gabriel, no—” I stuttered, pulling him back toward me.

  He met my eyes and immediately softened; taking his time he sat back down. “I’m sorry. It’s okay, we’ll work it out.” He forced a smile, an unsure, upset smile that made me die a little inside.

  He was the last person I wanted to hurt. I loved him.