The Problem Child

by Michael Buckley

  “All right, let me say it for you: ‘I told you so!’” Sabrina grumbled.

  “Is that you?” Uncle Jake said, reaching down and picking her up off the ground.

  “Yes,” she said. “You’re squeezing too hard.”

  Just then, a window opened and the witch stuck her head out of it. She shook her fist at the family and screamed.

  “She’s mine,” Baba Yaga shouted from a window. “She tried to steal from me!”

  “You know I can’t give her back, crone,” Uncle Jake said.

  “I was hoping you’d say that,” the witch said. A liquidy cackle bubbled from her throat and the ground started to shake.

  “What’s that?” Daphne said.

  “Here, hold your sister,” Uncle Jake said as he put Sabrina into Daphne’s hands. He nervously fumbled through his pockets, yanking out odds and ends and growing more discouraged by the second.

  “What’s going on?” Sabrina said, struggling for a view around Daphne’s thumb. Uncle Jake turned to her and tried to explain, but his words were drowned out by a horrible tearing sound followed by an incredible sight. Baba Yaga’s house lifted itself off the ground on two massive chicken legs. It walked toward them. Sabrina wanted to scream but all that came out was “Ribbit!” Daphne and Elvis both whined at the same time.

  “You know what?” Uncle Jake said, giving up his search. “Let’s just make a run for it.” He spun around, snatched Daphne’s free hand, and dragged her back down the path. Elvis followed, barking and growling at the house that stomped after them.

  “I hope you’re happy,” Daphne said to Sabrina as the group raced through the woods. “When we find Mom and Dad, I’m telling!”

  The dense forest slowed the house down a little, but with each step its sharp chicken claws got closer and closer, eventually snagging the back of Uncle Jake’s overcoat. Desperate, he slipped out of the coat and left it behind.

  The house stopped abruptly and lowered itself to the ground. Baba Yaga popped out of the front door, scurried over to the overcoat, and snatched it up in her gnarled hands. She riffled through the pockets and let out a laugh that echoed through the woods. Sabrina turned her little frog head and saw Baba Yaga holding the final piece of the sword high in the air above her head. Her heart sank. They’d been so close to recovering the third piece of the blade and she’d ruined it. Why couldn’t she just let the old woman have the wand? Why had she been so reckless?

  But then the witch did something incredible. She tossed the blade through the air. It landed at Uncle Jake’s feet. “You forgot your prize, Jacob!” she shouted, then held up his overcoat. “I’ll take this as payment for the child’s thieving ways,” she said as she rolled it into a ball. She went back into her house and the gigantic chicken legs lifted it once again. Awkawardly, it turned itself around, and then lumbered back the way it came.

  “Uncle Jake, I’m so sorry,” Sabrina said. “It’s my fault you lost all your magic.”

  “What’s important is we have the last piece of the blade,” Daphne said.

  “Uncle Jake can find a new coat.”

  “Except I did have a magic potion in my inside pocket we could have used to de-frog Sabrina,” their uncle said.

  “What am I going to do?” Sabrina groaned.

  “I think you should stay like that for awhile and think about how you’re behaving,” Daphne said.

  “I absolutely agree,” a voice said from nearby. The group turned and found Mr. Canis lurking in the trees.

  “Mom sent you to check up on us, huh?” Uncle Jake said, sounding offended.

  Canis ignored the question. He approached the group and stared down at Sabrina, who was still resting in her sister’s hands.

  “How did you get into this situation?” he said.

  “She went back in for the Wand of Merlin,” Daphne said. Sabrina looked up at her and flashed an angry look.

  “And how did you come across the Wand of Merlin?” Mr. Canis growled, studying Uncle Jake.

  “Uh, I gave it to her,” Uncle Jake admitted.

  The old man’ eyes were aglow with anger. “The child is eleven years old. Grown men can’t handle that kind of magic.”

  “He was trying to prepare us for the future,” Sabrina said.

  “You and I will have words later, child,” Mr. Canis barked.

  “For now, we need to find a way to change you back.”

  “Why don’t we just take her home? Mom is sure to know something in the Hall of Wonders that will fix her,” Uncle Jake said.

  Mr. Canis turned on Uncle Jake and grabbed him roughly by the collar. “Ever since you were a child you have been nothing but a problem for her. Every mess you made you expected your mother to clean up for you! Well, look at the mess you’ve made this time!”

  “It’s a simple frog-spell,” Uncle Jake cried. “She’s not hurt.”

  “I’m not talking about the spell! Sabrina risked her life and the safety of her family for a stupid piece of magic wood you gave her. The child is touched. She is addicted and you are to blame!”

  “Mr. Canis,” Daphne said setting her hand on his arm. “It’s OK.”

  The child’s comforting words had a soothing effect on the old man.

  “This kind of spell can be broken with the kiss of someone with royal blood. Puck would have been perfect but he’s still very ill,” Mr. Canis said.

  Sabrina wondered if anyone could tell when a frog blushed. She hoped not.

  “Well, this town is crawling with princes,” Uncle Jake said. “Who should we call?”

  “Unfortunately, I am going to have to clean up this mess myself,” Mr. Canis said. “Jacob, you’re forcing me to ask a favor of my bitterest enemy.”

  “Absolutely not!” Sabrina cried when she realized whom he meant.

  “Absolutely not!” Mayor Charming bellowed.

  “It’s the only way,” Mr. Canis growled.

  Charming looked around his mansion as if he were searching for an escape route. The entire house had become his campaign headquarters and signs blocked most of the windows. When he realized he was stuck, he scowled. “The Big Bad Wolf is asking for my help? The Devil must have his long underwear on today.”

  The two stared at each other in disgust. They had a long history and none of it was nice. Most of the time when the two got together, Granny Relda had to separate them like two schoolboys bent on fist fighting.

  “You can do it on your own or you can do it with a substantial bite taken out of you,” Mr. Canis threatened. “Your choice.”

  “I liked you better when you were dead,” Charming said through gritted teeth. He stepped over to Daphne, who held out Sabrina in her hands. “Personally, I think the girl looks better this way. The mustache and goatee were unsettling. She’s rather striking as a frog.”

  “Mayor, if you don’t do this, I will follow you wherever you go. I will be your shadow until you relent. You will never escape me. Your scent is one I know well,” Canis said.

  “Fine,” Charming said, rolling his eyes and picking Sabrina up out of her sister’s hands. “I suppose you’ll be registered voters eventually. Remember who did you a favor once.”

  He raised Sabrina’s frog body to his face, closed his eyes, and planted a tiny peck on the top of her head. Sabrina felt the spell break immediately. There was a puff of smoke and when it was clear she looked down, saw that her feet and hands were normal, and almost started dancing with happiness.

  The mayor, on the other hand, looked as if he might barf and quickly wiped his mouth with a handkerchief.

  “Mayor, you’re so cool,” Daphne said, racing over to him and wrapping him in a big hug. He struggled to free himself but the little girl wouldn’t let go. “I hope you win the election.”

  Charming smiled slightly and then managed to push away the affectionate little girl. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that. The latest polls are in and I’m going to win by a landslide. If all goes well, I think our friend the Queen of Hearts
is in for a very rude awakening.” He stepped over and pinned “VOTE FOR CHARMING” buttons on everyone’s coats. When he got to Mr. Canis, he just set it in his hand. “Remember, vote early and vote often.”

  Mr. Canis squeezed the button hard and when he opened his hand the pin was crunched into the size of a dime. He dropped it on the floor without a word.

  “Well, not that this wasn’t fun, but it wasn’t. You can find your own way out,” the mayor said, sticking his face in the old man’s. “Don’t forget to take your dog with you.”

  Charming turned to Daphne and noticed Elvis at her side. “Both of them,” he said. He ushered them out of his house a little bit more roughly than was polite, and slammed the door.

  “Are you going to tell Granny what I did?” Sabrina asked Mr. Canis.

  Mr. Canis scowled. “The disrespect you have for that woman is outrageous. Do you think she doesn’t know every step you make? Every night you have left her house and disobeyed her she has known. I have followed you two children all over this town since the day you arrived. Your grandmother is not stupid.”

  The old man’s eyes flared with anger and then he darted into the woods behind Charming’s house.

  he family gathered at the dining room table with the three pieces of the sword. Without one of Spaulding’s hints, they were stumped as to how to find the Blue Fairy.

  “Maybe the witch tricked us,” Sabrina said bitterly as she picked up the final piece and studied it closely. “Maybe this isn’t the real blade.”

  Uncle Jake took the sword piece and flipped it over. His face suddenly grew red and he slammed the metal down on the table. “We’ve been on a wild goose chase!” he said. “We’ve been wasting our time all along!”

  Sabrina was surprised by his outburst.

  Granny picked up the broken sword piece. “It’s not a fake. This is part of the Vorpal blade.”

  “Well, a lot of good it’s going to do us!” Uncle Jake shouted. He jumped up from his chair and stormed out of the room. A moment later they heard the front door slam. Sabrina went to follow, but Granny took her arm. “It’s the magic, Sabrina. His pockets were filled with all kinds of things. He’s going to have a short temper until he gets over his addiction to it all.”

  Sabrina nodded. She went to the closet and put on her coat, then pulled an old blanket off the top shelf, and went outside.

  Uncle Jake was pacing back and forth on the front porch. The sun was rising but its rays had little effect on the sharp, cold air.

  “Are you OK?” she asked.

  “I’m just frustrated, ’Brina. We were so close to fixing everything,” Uncle Jake said. “Now we’re back at a dead end and there’s nothing I can do about it. I hate feeling helpless.”

  Sabrina handed him the old blanket. Without his overcoat he was shivering. He wrapped it around his shoulders. “Thanks,” he said.

  “This is about more than just saving my mom and dad, isn’t it?” Sabrina asked.

  Uncle Jake nodded. “Mr. Canis was absolutely right. I was a problem to my parents from day one. I never listened to them. I snuck out. I got into all kinds of trouble. I was stubborn and thought I knew everything.”

  “You sound a lot like me,” Sabrina admitted.

  “But I was wrong, ’Brina, and my dad died because of it. The Jabberwocky killed him because I set it free. It was one stupid decision that happened twelve years ago but it’s still destroying this family. Hank and Veronica are suffering. You girls are suffering. My mother is suffering, and it’s because of me. If my dad were still around, every ounce of misery this family has experienced would never have happened. Saving Hank and Veronica and killing the Jabberwocky was the only way I knew to make things right. Maybe Mom would forgive me if I could make it right.”

  “She’s your mother. She loves you.”

  Uncle Jake was quiet for a long time, then he stepped off the porch and started walking. “I just wanted to fix things,” he said.

  “Where are you going?” she asked, but he didn’t answer.

  The girls finished their lunch of BLTs with something that tasted like bacon but felt like pudding, and then had rose petal cookies for dessert. When their bellies were full, Granny collected the plates and took them into the kitchen. Daphne and Elvis ran upstairs to look after Puck. Sabrina went to the living room window and looked outside, hoping to find Uncle Jake making his way up the driveway. He wasn’t there.

  “Your mustache and goatee are starting to fade,” Granny said when she returned to the dining room.

  “I’ve been so busy I didn’t even notice,” Sabrina said, touching her lip lightly.

  “Funny thing about time; it takes care of most problems,” Granny said. “If you wait long enough, even a mountain becomes a valley.” She pulled out a chair and invited Sabrina to sit down and join her.

  “OK, bring it on,” Sabrina said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I know you’re dying to give me a lecture on magic. I know you think its better not to use it.”

  “You think I hate magic?” Granny said.

  “You don’t?”

  “No, I just believe it should be used as a last resort,” she said. “Some people see it as the first solution to every problem and that leads to bigger problems.”

  “Well, a little magic could come in handy every time I’m running away from something that’s trying to eat me.”

  Granny laughed. “You underestimate yourself, Sabrina. You don’t need magic; you’ve got power coming out of your ears. You kept your sister safe for a year and a half in a very tough orphanage without magic. You escaped from one foster home after another without magic. You’ve been lost in the woods and chased by giants, you’ve foiled the destruction of this town, and saved all of our lives a couple times over and you did it all without magic. I know you think you’re powerless, but you’re wrong. You’ve got more power inside you than most full-grown adults ever will. You have a powerful heart, powerful friends, a powerful family, and a powerful mind. All of them have helped you overcome every obstacle that has gotten in your way, even when that obstacle happened to be two hundred feet tall or had a thousand teeth. Giving magic to you, child, would be a bit of overkill.”

  The old woman looked at the clock. “Well, Sabrina, do you think you could look after the house for about half an hour?”

  “You’re leaving me here alone with Daphne?” Sabrina said.

  “Sure, you’re eleven years old. I think you can be trusted for a little while,” the old woman said. She took out a small whistle hanging from a chain around her neck and blew into it. Sabrina recognized it as the dog whistle the old woman used to call Mr. Canis.

  “You do?” Sabrina cried. “Why?”

  “Because I want to trust you,” Granny replied as she rushed to get her handbag. “I hate to leave this work, but we can’t ignore one crisis while we’re working on another. I have to go down to the school and vote in the election. I’m afraid Mayor Charming is going to need every vote he can get.”

  She reached into her bag and took out the set of keys that unlocked everything in the house and in the Hall of Wonders and handed them to Sabrina.

  Sabrina took the keys and looked down at them. It was an act of faith that no one had ever shown her before. A tear welled in her eye but she quickly wiped it away.

  “But what about my addiction to magic?” Sabrina said.

  “I’ve learned something from you, Sabrina. You can’t run from your problems; you have to face them head-on. You’ll never get over your need until you can walk away from it on your own.”

  “I have been nothing but a problem to you,” Sabrina whispered.

  The old woman hugged her. “If only everyone had the blessing of a problem like you.”

  The door opened and Mr. Canis entered. “Have you found a solution to the sword?”

  “Not yet,” Granny explained, “but democracy needs us, too. Have you given any more thought to voting for Charming?”

 
Mr. Canis growled.

  Granny laughed and the two of them left. Seconds later, Sabrina heard the old family car’s famous backfire and then they were gone.

  Sabrina tucked the key ring into her pocket and looked down at the broken pieces of the sword laid out on the table.

  “Spaulding, what are you trying to tell us?” Sabrina said.

  Absentmindedly, she picked up the hilt of the Vorpal blade and aligned it with the broken pieces like she was working on some kind of incredibly sharp jigsaw puzzle. When all the pieces were aligned she closed her eyes and willed the sword to be whole.

  Suddenly, the inscriptions on each piece glowed green. The letters flashed in bright red and then moved around of their own accord. A few of the letters jumped from the pieces of the blade they were on and landed on the piece that had no inscription. When this process was finished, the third piece of the Vorpal blade had a clue of its own, one that glowed bright blue.

  LFEHAURBRA

  “Spaulding, thank you!” Sabrina cried. “But, who is L . . . fehaur . . . bra!”

  “What’s going on?” Daphne said as she entered the room.

  “Look!” Sabrina shouted. “The final clue appeared.”

  “I’ve never heard of anyone with that name,” Daphne said.

  “And I’ve never come across it in the journals,” Sabrina said.

  “Maybe it’s not a name. Maybe it’s a word puzzle,” Daphne said.

  Sabrina grabbed her sister and gave her a hug. “Daphne, you’re brilliant!” The embrace gave Sabrina the same kind of charge she felt when she had held the Wand of Merlin.

  “Of course I am,” the little girl said.

  “And we both know someone who likes word puzzles a lot,” Sabrina said. “Come on!”

  The two girls rushed up the steps and Sabrina unlocked the door that led to Mirror’s room.

  “You stole Granny’s keys,” Daphne cried.

  “No she gave them to me. I’m babysitting you,” Sabrina explained.

  Daphne wrinkled up her nose. “That’s crazy talk!”

  Sabrina grabbed her hand and the two stepped inside the room. Sabrina braced for a bolt of lightning or a threatening ring of fire, but when Mirror’s forbidding face appeared, two slices of cucumber were over his eyes.