Split

by JB Salsbury

  Gage.

  I don’t have to see his eyes; I can feel the difference in demeanor. As if our souls have connected and I can sense the change. My legs wobble and he holds me firmly to him. “You’re here.”

  “Of course. Where else would I be?”

  He presses against me, nuzzling my neck with a soft moan that ghosts across my skin. “You know it all now, Shy. And you still want us.”

  I sift my hands through his hair, hoping to erase the insecurity that coats his words. “I do.”

  He pulls back, his eyebrows pinched together, and he frowns. “I love you.” His fingers fork into my hair at my nape. “But I’d understand you not wanting to be with someone like me.”

  “You said you love me.”

  “I do.”

  “Let’s just start there.”

  He rests his forehead against mine, breathing together, inhaling and exhaling, filling each other with the unspoken promises of forever despite the obstacles in our way.

  “You have the ability to break me.” His voice is raw, causing me to sink deeper into his embrace.

  “Then we’ll shatter together, because without you I’m not whole.”

  “Fuck, Shy, you want us.” His words drip with disbelief.

  “More than I’ve ever wanted anyone or anything.”

  “I need you.” He rakes his teeth along my skin, sending a delicious shiver up my spine.

  I drop my head to the side, exposing my neck and offering myself to him. “What are you waiting for?”

  He chuckles and pulls away enough to give me his eyes. His forehead lowers, predatory glare bores into mine, a slow smile pulls at his lips. “He gave you over to me.” His eyes flutter and dart as if he’s hearing something in his head and trying to understand; then his grin widens. “He’s warning me to be good to you.”

  I lock my hands around his neck and a thrill races through me. Whereas Lucas is tender and coaxing, Gage is powerful and demanding. I know I’ll always be safe with him, but that doesn’t change the fact that this is new and the unknown is a little terrifying.

  “I’m nervous.”

  His thumb brushes along my jaw. “Don’t be. I’ll always take care of you, Shy.” His eyes move from my lips to my eyes. “I’ll never hurt you again. Promise.”

  “Okay, Gage. I trust you.”

  His eyes flare and he leans in. His lips cover mine and command my compliance. Tender, but firm enough to communicate he’s in control, his tongue lashes against mine. Our hands grasp at each other and can’t seem to get close enough. He rips his mouth away and dips to grab my ass and pull me up around his waist.

  “Gage!” I giggle and wrap my legs around him while he strides to the house, through the front door, and straight to the bathroom.

  “Shower, baby.” He releases me, our bodies brushing together the whole way as he slides me to my feet. “Now.”

  I shake my head, grinning. “I took one already.” I point over my shoulder. “I’ll just wait out there—”

  His arms come around me so quickly I lose my breath and he whips my shirt off over my head. “No, I need you right this fucking second, Shy.”

  Ruthless.

  My skin explodes in goose bumps as Gage lovingly but effectively strips me naked until I’m standing before him with nothing to cover me except my hair that drapes over my shoulders to cover my breasts. His gaze moves over me in a visual caress from my feet, to my thighs, to my hips. He tilts his head and licks his lips and continues to travel the length of my body until he’s at my eyes. His expression is soft and I’m trapped in the intensity of his stare. I shudder in anticipation, and his eyebrows pinch together. “You’re cold.”

  I open my mouth to tell him I’m a lot of things, and cold isn’t one of them, but he flips on the shower and tests the water until steam fills the room.

  With one hand he reaches behind him and pulls his tee off, then holds his arms out. “C’mere, baby. Let me take care of you.”

  I’ve been naked with this body before, but not with this man. I move to him and he swallows me in his embrace. Our bare chests press together and I can feel his heart beating against mine. So intimate, gentle, the opposite of what I’d expect. He rubs my back and then puts his lips to my ear. “Get in.”

  “Not yet.” I walk him back to the toilet and sit him on the closed seat.

  He quirks a brow and the look is so confident, sexy, and I realize how lucky I am to have this incredibly complex man, so sweet and vulnerable, and also so dangerously beautiful it’s too much to ever hope for and more than I can comprehend.

  I kneel at his feet and unlace his boots, pulling them off and tossing them aside along with his socks. When I stand, he pulls me between his open legs. His arms come around me, holding me in place while he covers my bare stomach in tender kisses. Running my fingers through his hair, I watch as he skates his lips over my skin, tasting and breathing me in until I’m squirming with want.

  Sensing my restlessness, he stands, cups my jaw, and pulls my mouth to his. “You’re perfect.” His lips lightly brush against mine and I’m awestruck as he treats me with a gentleness I didn’t think he was capable of.

  “Perfect for you.”

  He tilts my chin up to meet his eyes, now molten with desire. “Perfect for us.” Kicking his sweatpants off, he half leads, half carries me to the shower. I’m barely in when he pushes my chest to the tiled wall. I arch at the sensation of the cold tile against my heated breasts and he holds my hips in place.

  “Please, Gage…”

  “Love you.” He slides his fingers into my hair and twists my head to the side; his mouth on mine he swallows my gasp of surprise.

  He grinds against me and his hands shake as if he’s holding back, afraid to lose control. My breath saws in and out of my lungs in anticipation. He must sense it and releases his hold on my hair to turn me around. His mouth moves from my lips to my neck, then down to my breasts, and he sucks each nipple so hard it shoots bolts of sensation across my skin. He explores every inch of me with precision, as his tongue leaves nothing neglected. A powerful grip holds me captive to keep me from bucking uncontrollably in his hold.

  He drops to his knees and tosses my leg over his shoulder, opening me to him. He stares in between my legs until insecurity has me wiggling away.

  “Stop.” He stills me with a firm grip on my thighs. “You’re gorgeous.” He groans against me as he dips to taste me there. I cry out, my head slamming back against the tile. His sensual assault is relentless as he coaxes my body to bend to his will. His powerful lips play against my sensitive flesh. Sounds I’ve never heard before fall from my lips in a symphony of need and when I can’t take another second, he’s gone.

  I blink open my eyes to see him standing before me and I startle at the ferocity of his stare. “I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you.”

  My lust-fogged mind struggles to comprehend, but the way his eyes shine with unshed tears tells me all I need to know.

  “I know you won’t.” I press a kiss to his mouth. “But I have.” After another kiss, I close my eyes and whisper, “I forgive you, Gage. I forgive you.”

  His eyes search mine with confusion etched into his beautiful features and he must find what he’s looking for when he slams his body to mine in a hug that steals my breath. “I don’t deserve you, but I’m going to keep you.”

  With my face buried in his neck, he reaches for something in the soap tray, then separates our bodies enough to roll on a condom. He hoists me up, pressing my back against the wall as my legs lock around his hips. I expect him to power into me, but he holds me just out of reach and cups my cheek. “Tell me this is real.”

  For a second I wonder if Gage pulled back, but the low set of his brows and firm set of his jaw give away that this isn’t Lucas. “I hope so; if not, then waking up from this dream will be torture.”

  He nudges against me and slowly inches inside. His eyes never leave mine and we watch each other in fascination as our bodies com
e together, to connect physically the way we already have emotionally.

  He pins me against the tile in an unrelenting hold. “We’re never letting you go, Shy. This is it. Run, we’ll find you. Hide, we’ll sniff you out.” He thrusts forward in what I’m sure is supposed to be threatening, but it only works to pull my orgasm closer to the surface. “You’ll never be rid of us.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” His threats should scare me, but instead they make me feel safer, more secure, than I’ve ever felt before. Because that’s been my fear all along, my reason for keeping distance from those who mean the most to me, because I’d never survive losing someone I love again.

  His face twists in agony and he drops his forehead to my shoulder while pushing and pulling inside me. “Promise me.”

  I can’t imagine life without Lucas. Without Gage. All my hopes and dreams paled the day I met them and since then have fizzled into something so much bigger than a job and notoriety. Now all that matters is us. Our love, a life together.

  I was meant for big things. My momma knew it. And loving Lucas is bigger than anything I could’ve imagined.

  “I promise.” I nuzzle his hair, pulling him deeper into my embrace. “You’re stuck with me.”

  “Fuck, yeah.” His thrusts quicken and things turn frenzied. Hands grip, nails bite, and when he yanks my head to the side, he whispers in my ear, “I love you, Shyann.”

  As if our bodies are in tune, my orgasm rips through me seconds before he thrusts one last time and groans into my neck. We hold on to each other, panting for breath through the steam, our hearts pounding against our ribs.

  He leans away so that his mouth is at my ear. “I’m yours. From here on out, nothing will touch you. I’ll never let anyone hurt you.”

  “And I’ll never let anyone hurt you, Gage.”

  With a shuddering exhale, his body stills. “Thank you,” he whispers, and his muscles soften against me as his death grip on me loosens. After a few deep breaths, he pulls back, blinking, and a shy smile curves his lips. And there’s a little cockiness there too.

  I giggle and cup his jaw. “Hey, Lucas.”

  He rests his forehead against mine. “I missed you.”

  My eyes dart to where our bodies are joined. “Don’t think I can get any closer.”

  He laughs, and the sound cocoons me in acceptance and love. “Let’s get dry. I want you back in my bed.”

  He lowers me to my feet and gets rid of the condom before holding a towel out and folding me in his arms. We dry and crawl into his bed naked, wrapping ourselves up in each other and nose to nose.

  “You changed the sheets.” These are dark gray and smell like soap.

  He blushes. “Tossed the old ones.” His fingers twirl a long strand of my hair and his expression grows serious. “I’m going to make it my life’s mission to make you happy, Shy.” He tries to hide it, but I see the fear work behind his eyes. “I’ll do whatever it takes. Therapy, medication, whatever—”

  “You’ve spent most of your life trying to earn the love of a woman.”

  “We’re not easy to love.”

  It’s not the words that shatter my heart; it’s the way he says it, as if it’s the gospel truth. Hooking my fingers under his chin, I force his eyes to mine. “Nothing has ever been easier for me, and I’m not going to make this hard for you, Lucas. Just being with you is enough.”

  He shrugs one shoulder. “I’m broken. Split. I’ll never be normal.”

  “I know things won’t always be easy, but I don’t want to change you. I love you the way you are, everything about the way you are and you’re who I want. You’ve never given yourself the freedom to just be. You don’t have to hide who you are anymore, Lucas. Ever again. Especially not from me.”

  “I don’t deserve you.” He blinks and his eyes focus just over my shoulder before coming back to me. “He’s pretty full of himself, isn’t he.”

  “He is the perfect yin to your yang.”

  His lips brush against mine. “Would you rather…” Another kiss. “Leave Payson and chase your dreams?” His tongue dips into my mouth and I open to him, tasting his apprehension, his vulnerability, and I kiss him with a passion I hope puts all his concerns to rest. “Or…” He kisses the tip of my nose. “Throw it all away for a guy going nowhere fast?”

  “Hmm…” I tap my chin. “Leaving Payson means walking away from everyone I love, and I don’t have to go far to chase my dreams because they’re all wrapped up in the man who’s currently wrapped around me.”

  His eyes slam closed. “Shy…”

  “So I pick stay in Payson and chase down my future with the man who owns my heart.” He doesn’t respond but watches me thoughtfully. “So? What do you say? Can you live with that?”

  “We can.”

  Forty-One

  Shyann

  I’m sweating, but not because I’m hot. Hell, it would be impossible to reach a temperature that would make me sweat with the hospital blowing sixty-degree air-conditioning through the halls.

  I’m nervous. Leaving the warmth of Lucas’s arms this morning, I headed home only to find out that Sam has been asking for me. Unable to reach me by cell, her mom called my dad—aaaand suddenly we’re eight years old again—to request I stop by to see her as soon as I could.

  So here I am, standing in the hallway, building up the courage to face my old best friend and fully expecting her hate. This must be what it feels like before walking in front of a firing squad.

  My stomach bottoms out as I think about all the reasons she has to despise me; after all, I’m the one who brought Trevor and Leaf into her life, even if unintentionally. Sam’s anger is justified. I’ll take my punishment like a good girl and move on.

  I shake my hands to get my circulation flowing and throw my shoulders back, so ready to get this over with and get back to Lucas.

  Pushing open the door, I’m welcomed by a stream of sunlight through the window, the beeping of a heart monitor, and that weird smell hospital rooms have—some mixture of bleach and blood.

  Sam’s alone, but rather than lying flat on her back like the last time I was here, she is in an upright position in bed. Her face is still heavily bruised, one eye swollen mostly shut, but her stitched up lip lifts a little when she looks at me.

  “Hey, Sam.” I move to the chair at her bedside but don’t sit, not sure if I’m welcome to stay long. “How’re you feeling?”

  “I’m okay, better I think.” She blinks with her good eye. “Thank you for coming.”

  “Of course.” I hesitate but eventually sit, as it seems looking up at me is more of a strain on her. “I figured you’d have some things to say to me. Before you get started, I want you to know how badly I feel about all this. You have to know I had no idea—”

  “Please.” She does her best to hold up a hand to silence me. “This wasn’t your fault.”

  I feel my eyes widen and my lips part in shock. “It kinda was. I mean, if—”

  “Stop, Shy.” She shakes her head and drops it back against her pillow as if the movement took too much out of her. “You know what it’s like in this town. I never locked my door. I’m surprised something like this hasn’t happened sooner.”

  With the knot in my chest unwinding, I lean over and place my hand on her forearm. “This isn’t your fault.”

  “It doesn’t matter; it happened, and honestly…” Her bloodshot eye meets mine. “I’m happy it did. I mean, I’m not, but I am. Coming close to death makes you see things differently. It’s like putting your life under a microscope, ya know? I’ve wasted so many years, Shy. It’s time to grow up.”

  “What does that mean?”

  She shrugs and faces into the sun, as if the rays of light hold the answers. “A better job, thought I could take some classes at the satellite school, settle down…eventually start a family.”

  “You’d make some man very happy.”

  She barks out laughter and winces, but her lopsided grin stays in place. “Not ye
t. I mean, look at me.” She sobers. “But someday.”

  “Listen, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” I chew my lip, worried bringing him up will taint her opinion of me. “It’s Lucas.”

  “You guys are together.”

  My cheeks heat with a blush that seems to come out of nowhere. “I’m in love with him.”

  “That’s great, Shy.” There’s sadness in her voice. “Just…be careful.”

  “Right, um…” I fidget in my seat. “That’s what I wanted to explain, see…” Damn, I knew I’d eventually have to explain Gage to Sam; I just hadn’t prepared to do it now. “Lucas has DID, uh…dissociative identity disorder.”

  Her eyebrows drop low, and with all the bruising, it looks painful.

  “You’ve probably heard it referred to as multiple personality disorder.”

  Her expression changes to understanding, and I take that as my cue to explain the last month of my life in great detail. She’s quiet and nods that she understands.

  “It wasn’t Lucas you were…um…hooking up with. It was Gage.” There. It’s all out there now.

  “Wow.” Her lips open and close as if she can’t find the right words.

  “It’s a lot to take in; just know that Lucas is a great guy and if Gage did anything to hurt you, it was only to protect Lucas.” The sentence that just fell freely from my lips should sound absolutely insane in my own ears, but it doesn’t. Not anymore.

  “Anyway, I hope it’s okay, but your mom gave Jennings your house key. Lucas is over there with a crew now, replacing all your locks, adding window locks and a security system.”

  “You’re kidding?”

  I shake my head. “Nope. He feels terrible about the way Gage treated you and went to my dad about doing whatever it takes to make you feel safe again.”

  Her eyes tear up and one drop of moisture falls from the slit of her swollen lids. “He’s a good guy.”

  “He’s a great guy.” I swallow back the emotion I feel at seeing her break down but give her a second to regain her composure. Once she does, I breach the subject I hope won’t piss her off. “Thank you for telling the sheriff about what Dustin did to the McKinstry place. I know you really care about him; it had to have been hard to turn him in.”