CHASING LIFE

by Steve Jovanoski

  As he was making his way inside, searching for a free table while checking his phone, he accidentally bumped into a few people. ‘Watch where you’re going,’ a stern voice said. Dave apologised without looking up and tried to get past, but the person stood firmly in his way.

  ‘I said, watch where you’re going.’ When Dave looked up, his phone slipped through his fingers to the floor.

  ‘Erin?’ he was frozen in place.

  ‘Hi, Dave,’ she said with a cool smile. ‘Shouldn’t you pick up your phone?’

  ‘Shit,’ he bent over and picked it up without checking if it still operated. When he looked at her again, he was met by those electric eyes he’d fallen for and a smile that seemed reserved only for him. For a moment, the whole world seemed to fall silent. There was not a thought in his mind, and his eyes were blind to everything but her. Dave just stared at her, his chest thumping and his mouth half opened in a curve that managed to turn into a goofy smile.

  ‘Aren’t you going to say something?’ Erin laughed. ‘Hello. Are you there?’ She clicked her fingers in front of his face. Dave realised that he probably looked like a lobotomy patient and wiped his mouth in case he was drooling.

  ‘Hi,’ he managed to blurt out nervously.

  ‘Wow! I can’t believe you’re here,’ Erin said excitedly. ‘What are the chances of bumping into you again?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Dave answered, still stupefied.

  ‘What are you doing in Paris? You didn’t come because of me did you?’ She gave him a cheeky smile.

  ‘No. I mean, yeah,’ Dave said, blushing.

  ‘You did? Yeah right,’ she laughed again, brushing it off. ‘You’re looking good,’ she said, looking him up and down. ‘Are you here with anyone?’

  I’m looking good? You look awesome, he said to himself, but the words didn’t escape his lips. ‘It’s just me.’

  ‘Come on, I’ll introduce you to my friends. I still can’t believe you’re here!’ Erin grabbed him by the hand, leading the way before he had a chance to respond. She was a decisive woman. He followed her lithe, strong body through the crowd. Erin was dressed in a tight black outfit, a light leather jacket and knee-high boots, with a sideways-tilted beret. She looked so Parisian and arrogant, he loved it. She exuded sexiness. His eyes glided all over her body like he was caressing her with his hands. He, on the other hand, felt like a schoolboy tagging along with his mum and keeping quiet in case he embarrassed her.

  He’d thought so much about this moment—there was so much he wanted to say to her. He wanted to yell out to the world that he was falling for her. He was finally moving on with his life and finding love again, he was sure of it now. He was letting Julia’s memories rest in peace. Erin approached a table in the back where a couple sat, and made introductions.

  ‘Dave, my roommates Niko and Katerina.’ She spoke in English for his benefit.

  ‘Hello, Dave. Nice to meet you,’ Niko said standing and shaking hands. Niko was a little shorter than Dave with longish hair and a styled beard. His handsome face reminded Dave of a young Che Guevara. The collar of his fitted leather jacket was turned up, and his worn-out Converse runners gave him a streetwise look.

  ‘Hi, how are you?’ Katerina greeted him. She was a light-skinned brunette with blonde and purple streaks in her hair. It was messy and looked like she had just gotten out of bed, but she had an aura of intelligence about her. Her round face and blue eyes seemed honed in on him like laser beams. She wore a red blouse, a long brown skirt and mismatched multi-coloured socks. Nothing on her matched, but it looked somewhat appropriate on her.

  Dave and Erin sat down to join them. Leaving out the intimate details, Erin told her friends about their encounter in Hong Kong and both listened with interest.

  ‘It’s amazing that Erin saw you here. How fascinating.’ Katerina spoke with an indeterminate Eastern European accent.

  ‘No such thing. It’s just a random sequence of events. They were just lucky,’ Niko said, clearly intent on contradicting Katerina. She in turn gave him a look of boredom. ‘What city are you from?’ Niko asked.

  ‘Melbourne.’

  ‘I have many cousins in Melbourne. I’d like to go there some day, but you have crazy weather and work too hard.’ Niko moved his hands expressively as he spoke. It was that European trait again, talking with his hands.

  ‘Niko is Greek; he’s from Athens,’ Erin explained. ‘And Katerina is Macedonian; she’s from Skopje. Whatever you do, please don’t get them talking about politics in the Balkans.’

  ‘Fuck you!’ Katerina laughed and Niko nodded with an expression that said, “Yep, that’s true.”

  ‘Why is that?’ Dave asked.

  ‘Because these two will be at each other’s throats, and I’m always in the middle. Yet,’ Erin continued, turning to her roommates, ‘you have so much in common. I will never understand you.’

  ‘That’s because he—’ Katerina began.

  ‘Don’t start,’ Niko interrupted. ‘Erin’s right. But you like being in the middle, darling,’ Niko said to Erin with a playful grin.

  ‘The irony is,’ Erin said to Dave, ‘no matter how much they fight, they can’t do without each other.’ She immediately got a reaction from her two roommates.

  ‘You are fucking joking.’ Katerina threw her a dirty look.

  ‘Her?’ objected Niko. ‘You are crazy. Look! She can’t even match her socks,’ he pointed.

  ‘And you shave your back. You’re a hairy monkey!’ Katerina retaliated.

  Dave saw that Erin was right. It was all in the couple’s body language. They sat close together and looked into each other’s eyes from time to time with the hidden admiration of lovers.

  ‘Katerina is fiery and Niko is stubborn,’ added Erin.

  ‘Thank you for the psychoanalysis, bitch. Anything else?’ Katerina lightly punched her friend on the shoulder.

  Erin laughed. ‘Yes. I also believe you two are sleeping together.’

  ‘I hate you!’ Katerina gasped. She bit her lip and avoided eye contact by glancing at the crowd.

  ‘I deny everything,’ Niko said. ‘I think it’s time for a cigarette. I’m going outside. Darling?’ He stood up and turned to Katerina, offering his hand in a gentlemanly gesture.

  ‘That’s not helping,’ she replied, standing up. Her long skirt flapped at her heels as she walked off. ‘We’ll be back,’ Katerina said over her shoulder.

  ‘Make sure you fix your lipstick,’ Erin called to her friend, ‘and have your skirt the right way around before you come back.’ Katerina poked her tongue out at her friend.

  Dave and Erin faced each other and smiled.

  ‘Nice of your friends to leave us,’ Dave remarked. They both took a good look at each other. The music was mellow and unobtrusive, and the lighting was dim enough to make it a romantic moment.

  ‘They’re cool and funny. I’m lucky to have them as roommates,’ she replied, running a finger around the rim of an empty glass.

  ‘What do they do?’

  ‘They’re studying. Katerina is on a scholarship and completing a doctorate in science. I know,’ Erin said in response to Dave’s surprised look, ‘she doesn’t come across as a scientist. And Niko is doing a Master’s in Mechanical Engineering.’

  ‘I wouldn’t have guessed. I’d have thought something to do with fashion, maybe. They certainly seem interesting.’

  Erin smiled and settled in her seat. ‘Niko has this thing about body odour. He gets so paranoid about it that he carries a little antiperspirant can everywhere he goes. He says only one of his armpits smells.’ She laughed, but Dave was more focussed on her and every movement she made rather than what she was saying. Her eyes were gleaming and her face glowed with energy.

  ‘And Katerina is a hoarder who loves buying from op-shops—she’s crazy,’ Erin went on, animated, shaking her hands in the air as if she had a great story that she had to share.

  ‘She goes out of her way to make sure nothing matches on her. S
he’s taking a stand against Parisian fashion-setters: the upper class, the middle class and any other class that tries to stick to a trend or a set of rules that dictates what their members have to wear. Sometimes it’s embarrassing going out with her, she snaps at anyone looking oddly at her. But I swear, ever since she introduced me to op-shops I‘ve bought tons of great clothes. The other day I came home with bags of dresses and only spent a hundred euros.’

  ‘That’s funny,’ Dave said, wanting to turn the conversation to the topic of Erin. ‘What about you? What are you doing these days in the city of love?’

  ‘I’m studying at the Sorbonne where I’m doing my doctorate in anaesthesiology. I work during the day and have my dissertation to finish.’

  ‘A smart girl.’ Dave said, impressed.

  ‘Oh, not really. Just working my arse off.’

  ‘Smart and modest. Where to after that?’

  ‘Back to the States. I’m so tired of studying that I just want to make money now.’ She gave a sweet laugh and brushed her fringe.

  ‘You’re going back to America, not Hong Kong?’ Dave automatically responded with surprise and concern.

  ‘Of course, silly. That’s where I’m from.’

  ‘When will you be leaving?’

  ‘In a few weeks.’

  ‘That soon?’ Dave questioned anxiously, like a kid who didn’t want to part with a play-buddy. Erin just nodded with a sympathetic smile.

  ‘So, how do you like Paris?’ she asked excitedly. He suspected that she was picking up on his feelings and deliberately changed the subject.

  ‘I love it. Since being here I’ve been taken to a private orgy, drugged and had all my money stolen.’ Dave said, knowing that the story would get a reaction.

  ‘Are you serious?’

  ‘Yep.’ It sounded like a joke even to him, and he couldn’t help but laugh about it.

  ‘That’s crazy! How did you get yourself into such a mess?’

  ‘The Jazz Inn. Vincant.’

  ‘Oh no,’ she cried. ‘Not that sleaze.’

  ‘The very same. I thought he was a nice guy, and the night started off okay. Until I woke up the next day in a stupor and dressed in my pyjamas, with no memory of how I got there.’ He decided to leave one other point, the painful erection, out of the story.

  ‘My God! How did you end up with him?’ Erin was shocked, covering her mouth with her hand.

  ‘Sam recommended I go there. He said that I might bump into you, but he did warn me about Vincant. How do you know him?’

  ‘I stopped going to the Jazz Inn because of him. It was fun in the beginning, but then he took us to one of his parties. I know about the orgies too. He started getting close. He wanted me as his girlfriend and would get jealous about other guys and really possessive about me. That pissed me off, and I backed off completely,’ Erin revealed, rolling her eyes.

  Dave was stunned. Had he heard that right?

  Chapter 25

  ‘You were seeing Vincant?’ Dave braved the question. Please say no, he begged in his mind. The loud chatter in the dimly lit bar could not break his concentration. He needed the answer desperately.

  ‘No way! He came on to me a few times, but there was no way I could do anything with that guy,’ she shook her head.

  ‘Right.’ Dave felt the tension in his body loosen.

  ‘He loves his drugs, alcohol, money and women in that order, and everyone for him is disposable.’ Erin dismissed the thought with disdain.

  ‘Yes, I know,’ Dave croaked with relief, managing to gather himself. Though inwardly, he suddenly wondered what Erin thought about their time in Hong Kong. Was he just a by-product of an alcoholic state for her, or actually something special?

  ‘I realised we couldn’t just stay friends,’ Erin continued, ‘so I kept my distance. He started stalking me and went nuts. Then I found out that he’d lost the business. He owed people money and had gotten involved with the wrong types. I’m not even surprised that you were robbed. I had to change my phone number twice. Not even Carla knows my new one because I’m worried Vincant might get a hold of it somehow—not that she would give it to him,’ she added.

  Struggling with this new information, Dave was having a hard time concentrating on the conversation. He refused to have his image of Erin shattered by thoughts of her embroiled in a mass of flesh with strange men. She wasn’t the type, he was sure of it. He suppressed the images of those rooms in the chateau and tried to put his paranoid questioning out of his mind. No way would she be into orgies! No way was she just pissed that night in Hong Kong. It was more than a spur-of-the-moment thing with him. He connected with her on another level. She felt it too, he knew it.

  Dave now wanted to change the subject. ‘I saw this writing in a French bakery,’ he said, pointing to her wrist. He reached for her hand and gently upturned her wrist. ‘The owners were Jewish.’ Her skin was soft and smooth, and he held it reverently, like an object of beauty. Touching her put him at ease. He felt privileged. Who wouldn’t love to be in this position with such a woman? He felt connected to a source that gave him what he needed. It was a feeling he couldn’t explain but one that was already addictive.

  ‘Hebrew writing?’ Erin asked.

  ‘Yes, “chasing life”. It’s something I’ve been doing a lot of lately.’ Dave ran a finger across the inscription on her wrist.

  Just then, Dave’s mobile phone started ringing, and he checked to see who was interrupting. Amy’s name showed on the display. Bad timing, he thought and put it on silent. He’d give her a call later.

  ‘Who was that? Your mom?’ Erin giggled.

  ‘No, smart-arse,’ he replied. ‘Back to what I was saying, the picture I saw in the bakery had a meaning behind it—a story. An old man there told me the story.’ Dave then summarised what the old man had told him about the wealthy merchant.

  ‘What does the story mean to you?’ Erin asked.

  ‘A constant search for happiness. The never-ending struggle to find what makes us feel alive. Others take a different view, but that’s what it means to me,’ he said, remembering what the Jewish man had told him its meaning—that life was meant to be lived and not chased, although it was an explanation he didn’t agree with. ‘So what do you think “chasing life” means?’

  ‘You’re right, I think,’ Erin replied. ‘Everyone has his or her own interpretation. It depends on where you’re at in life.’

  ‘That’s not an explanation,’ he said, and Erin laughed.

  ‘I don’t mean to deflect. It’s personal though, isn’t it? Can we really define what life in the abstract is? We’re all born with a seed of desire, to set goals and to achieve them. It’s what drives us. We go to school, make a living, propagate the species and hope we’ve left it for the better. That’s it. It seems life exists within mortal boundaries and no more. But is that really it? Is it just this reality we live in, or are we missing something bigger? I’d like to think there’s a hidden secret we’re meant to find—and it may only be understood by those who are ready to accept it. Or maybe the search itself is life, and we’re never meant to find it,’ she concluded and waited for a response.

  ‘If there’s a hidden secret, are you ready to find it?’ Dave asked.

  ‘God, no. That’s why I’m still chasing.’

  ‘That’s too deep for this time of night,’ he replied. ‘A few more drinks, and I’m sure we’ll both learn what that secret is. There’s only one problem with that.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘We’ll forget it in the morning,’ he said, and they both laughed.

  ‘I’d better not learn it anyway, or I’ll have to change this tattoo,’ Erin said, looking at her wrist. ‘But I’ll have a vodka and lemonade.’

  ‘Done.’ Dave stood up and went to the bar. Erin’s interpretation was a revelation—it surprised him. He never thought of it that way.

  The bar was busy, and he waited for his turn. He kept an eye on her to make sure he didn’t lose her again. He s
till couldn’t believe she was there. He’d come close before, but here she was now, in the flesh, with him again. Katerina and Niko walked past, and Dave grabbed them. He insisted on shouting drinks: shots for everyone. There was cause for a celebration, after all. He brought the drinks to the table, and they knocked them down hard.

  ‘I liked that shot. What is it called?’ Katerina asked as she licked her lips.

  ‘A wet pussy,’ Dave said.

  ‘How rude and appropriate. I shout next!’ she said.

  In a way, the night at Suzanna turned out to be a re-enactment of Hong Kong. Dave had kicked off the first round of drinks, and they reciprocated in turn, one shot and one mixed drink for each person per round. Once in a while, they would leave for a cigarette, a pair at a time, making sure they didn’t lose their table. Conversation flowed, the jokes got worse and the laughter got louder. This was what Dave loved: finding friends on the other end of the world and getting drunk with them. As if they’d known each other for years. About time, he thought. He’d isolated himself long enough. He’d just met these people and might never see them again, but tonight they were best friends.

  Niko and Katerina were fascinated by this traveller who’d come to Paris all the way from Australia without any plan. He’d left out the real reason and cause, of course, Erin and Julia. Erin’s friends threw questions at him one at a time like a couple of inquisitive kids, mostly about life in Australia. Dave happily obliged. It made him realise how much he loved his hometown and the friends he’d left behind. It also reminded him to call Amy as soon as he was back at the apartment.

  The barman called for last drinks and the place slowly cleared out before anyone was even asked to leave. They finished up and walked outside to the front, where patrons crowded on the footpath. No one was prepared to go home just yet. They might as well have set up tables out there. But the cigarettes had run out, there were no more drinks, and the threat of sobering up loomed.