CHASING LIFE

by Steve Jovanoski

  ‘It’s time to leave, before we are drunk no more. I would hate it if you found out how boring I really am,’ Niko said.

  ‘We already know.’ Katerina poked her tongue at him. Niko lunged at her, picked her up and flung her across his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. She screamed and whacked him on the arse, but he didn’t let go.

  ‘Au revoir. We’re going home. Nice to meet you Dave, I hope we see you again,’ he called.

  ‘Bonsoir! Nice to meet you Dave. See you at home baby,’ Katerina blew Erin a kiss as her head bobbed away. ‘Your hair smells of cigarettes,’ Niko said as his voice slowly faded.

  ‘Shut up, smelly armpit.’ Katerina threw back at him. Niko put her down, and they disappeared into the side streets.

  ‘Once again, it was nice of your friends to leave us.’ Dave turned to Erin, stepped into her personal space and wrapped his arms around her waist.

  ‘I’ve trained them well.’ Erin placed hers on his shoulders and gave him that sultry smile he loved. The streets were emptying and the sky was showing glimpses of a new day. Dave was the one who made the move: he leaned in and gave her a kiss. The electricity he felt in Hong Kong surged once again, and his excitement grew with each moment.

  ‘Where do you live?’ he drew back and asked. His whole body pulsed with energy.

  ‘The Latin Quarter, close to the Sorbonne.’

  ‘Me too. On rue Buffon.’

  ‘That’s close to the park.’ Erin looked at her watch ‘There’s a great patisserie near there that’s opening up in half an hour,’ she said.

  ‘I know. They make great chocolate éclairs.’ Dave imitated a drooling Homer Simpson at the mention of éclairs.

  ‘You’re a douche,’ she said, laughing.

  ‘A douche? That’s something American, I take it.’

  ‘Yes, a dork. You!’ Erin pointed. ‘Shall we go?’ They held each other for support and warmth while zigzagging down the street. Morning traffic was building up, a sign of how late their night had kept them out. Rubbish trucks made their way through the tourist areas, pulling over with the sound of screeching brakes and shaking metallic bins, while street sweepers roamed the pavement. They thought that the walk would do them good, but hadn’t realised just how far and cold it actually was.

  Within minutes, they hailed a taxi, and they were dropped off in front of the patisserie, around the corner from rue Buffon. It was six in the morning, and the shop was opening up. In the taxi Erin had explained that they made everything in-store and delivered to hotels and shops—that was why they started so early. A woman was filling trays of desserts in the shopfront window, and another two were busily taking trays out of a large oven. Warm air washed over their skin as they walked in. The smell of freshly baked pastries was divine. A mouth-watering craving readied their growling stomachs for the variety of delicious-looking sweets.

  The staff welcomed them in with a friendly greeting the moment the doorbell chimed. No doubt they love their jobs, Dave thought. The spring in their steps and liveliness written all over their faces was infectious. Dave ordered two chocolate éclairs and hot coffees. They sat down on a little round table for two and were left alone in privacy.

  ‘They’re so sweet. They remind me of my mom and her sisters when they get together,’ Erin commented as she watched the ladies chattering amongst themselves. The cold weather outside brought rain with it, and it started pelting down. The warmth from the ovens and the soft lighting created a cosy atmosphere inside. Neither of them was prepared to rush and finish off their coffee. Erin bit into her éclair, closed her eyes and moaned as she chewed slowly. Dave knew exactly what she was experiencing: a blend of delicious flavours serenading her taste buds.

  ‘I could have ten of these right now,’ she said and licked her fingertips after she scoffed it down. Her fringe fell into her eyes and she brushed it aside to show the gleam in her gaze, even at this time in the morning. Mine are puffed up and bloodshot no doubt, he thought.

  ‘Me too,’ Dave said, the flavour still lingering in his mouth. ‘How about another one?’

  ‘Should we?’ she beamed a smile like a kid about to do something naughty.

  ‘We should indeed. It’s our right!’ Dave rose and paid for another two éclairs, freshly made. They were so soft the chocolate melted as soon as it touched their mouths.

  Erin looked at her watched and yelped, ‘It’s 7:30! I have to go.’ She rose and downed her coffee.

  ‘My apartment is just down the road. Won’t you come in for a while?’ Dave pleaded, following her to the door. He wasn’t ready to let her go.

  ‘I can’t. I have to be at the clinic at midday. We’ll catch up soon, I promise.’ She gathered herself, fussed over her beret and gave him a kiss.

  ‘Let me get a taxi for you at least. You’ll get drenched.’

  ‘It’s okay, I’m a tough girl. I’m not going far anyway.’

  ‘Quel est ton numéro de téléphone?’ Dave held out his mobile, ready to accept her number, wanting the reassurance he would see her again.

  ‘What’s my number? I’m impressed! I didn’t know you spoke French?’

  ‘I know a few words. Just enough to impress the chicks.’

  ‘You’ll do fine without learning French,’ she winked at him and gave him a peck on the cheek. They exchanged numbers, said goodbye and she stepped outside with a chime of the doorbell. He watched Erin run across the wet street, cowering from the rain and jumping over puddles. A protective instinct urged him to follow her until she was home and safe, but his better judgement advised against it. He missed her already.

  He exhaled deeply as if he’d been holding his breath from the moment he saw her. The rain was coming down hard. He finished his coffee, rugged up his tired body and went for the door. The bell chime announced his departure from the romantic little patisserie, and he waved an au revoir to the ladies that made it such a delightful place. He bolted down the footpath, dodged through umbrellas and didn’t stop running until he reached the door to his apartment. He was soaked and water dripped all over the floor. This was a familiar routine by now: a warm shower with the BBC news in the background. Once done, he switched the television off and slipped into bed with Erin on his mind. No way could he sleep. The whole night was replayed multiple times in his mind.

  At last, he had something real. Erin was a woman he had a genuine interest in, and he’d pursued her because of it. Twice before he got close and that made it so much sweeter. His imagination filled his head with scenarios of both of them leaving their mark all over Paris. There were so many places to take her, so many things to do with a partner, things he’d never gotten to do with Julia. He twisted and turned with excitement. The future was promising. He was finally getting on with his life and felt normal—better than normal.

  And that was it—the prospect of having a partner again and falling in love warmed his chest. It was happiness, a feeling he’d grown alienated from and one he’d nearly forgotten. This woman he’d chased from one end of the world to the other held a promise of hope. The idea of being happy again choked him up with joy. He hardly knew her—that was true—but so far she’d shown herself to be exactly what he wanted. The woman was beautiful, exciting, funny, intelligent, and him? He was just Dave. The jobless accountant from Melbourne.

  The one thing that bothered him was her departure. Erin had told him she was going home once her dissertation was completed. The thought of her leaving sullied his mood. He was sure they could find a solution, even if it meant him going with her to America. And why not? He wasn’t planning prematurely. It was realistic. He wasn’t bound to anything, and he had no permanent home. This is what the trip is about, he said to himself. If I can’t convince her to stay in Paris or come back with me to Melbourne, I’ll go with her. He was excited at the prospect of such an adventure. He could easily find another office job to start off, and she would be a full-time anaesthesiologist.

  The foot-traffic outside his apartment increased as school a
nd office hours started. The rain eased up a little, but the wind picked up. Whizzing noises whistled through the cracks of the door and rattled the outdoor blinds. Dave was snuggled up in his warm bed with a roaming imagination that was slowly being taken into the realm of dreams. His eyes took a one last glimpse of the clock—nearly nine in the morning. Amy—damn it, he’d forgotten to call her. Must remember to call Amy, he repeated to himself and drifted off.

  Chapter 26

  The ringing of the phone vibrated in his head like a landmine exploding deep underneath the earth. Dave swung his arms wildly to grab it without opening his eyes, but he’d forgotten to place his mobile within an arm’s reach. He knew who it was. His mum was the only one who’d let it ring out and then try another three or four times. He half-got up and lunged for the phone on the kitchen bench.

  ‘Hi, Mum.’

  ‘Why haven’t you called? Are you all right?’ her voice came shrilly over the line.

  ‘Yep, I’m good,’ he said, lying back down in bed.

  ‘Are you sure? You haven’t been sick or anything? You sound croaky.’

  ‘Everything is okay. It’s a little rainy and cold here at the moment, but I’m fine. I’m not sick. I’ve just woken up.’

  ‘Is it early over there? Sorry to wake you. Your dad said to wait, but I hadn’t heard from you, so I thought I’d make a quick call.’

  ‘It’s okay. It’s not too early.’

  ‘Dad says hello and sends his love. Make sure you call, all right?’

  ‘Thanks, Mum. I’ll call more often, I promise.’

  ‘When are you coming back?’

  ‘I’m still here for another month, but I’ll keep you posted if I change my mind.’

  ‘All right then. Make it sooner if you can. Bye for now, and take good care of yourself.’

  ‘Okay. You take care, too.’

  ‘Bye, Dave.’

  ‘Bye, Mum.’ Dave hung up the phone, again leaving out the information that he was in Paris—and had been for some time.

  There was no point in telling her where he was. He’d have to explain why he left Hong Kong, and all his mother was concerned about was his state of health anyway. Dave rolled out of bed and sat on the edge with his hair sticking out in all directions. ‘I need a haircut,’ he mumbled and lazily tried to flatten it.

  He went to the bathroom, then rushed back to his mobile, checking for messages. It was 2:00 in the afternoon; she’d be at work. I should send her a message, he thought. She’s probably dead tired. He typed away with a smile on his face at the thought of the previous night. ‘I hope you’re having an easy day at work,’ he wrote. ‘I just got up.’

  It was short, open-ended, allowing for further messaging while rubbing it in a little. He could joke with Erin. Dave then made himself breakfast and watched the news, occasionally glancing at the phone. He wasn’t up for venturing outside because the weather was still miserable. Perhaps he’d ask Erin out for dinner later, though she hadn’t told him when she was off from work. Why, Dave wondered idly, did she have to work on a Sunday? He sat on the couch in his sweats and munched on junk food until 5:00 in the afternoon. Although he was bored, he didn’t feel like doing anything.

  Then he remembered Amy. He dialled her number from the landline in case Erin called on the mobile.

  ‘Amy speaking.’

  ‘Hi. It’s me, Dave.’

  ‘Hey, how are you?’ The flatness in her voice was evident, like the tone of a sick person trying hard to be her normal self.

  ‘I spoke to Mike last night. He told me what happened.’ Dave spared Amy any specific mention of the break-up.

  ‘Yeah, it’s true.’

  ‘How do you feel?’ he asked and waited for her to find the right words. He could imagine her eyes welling up. As hard as Amy liked to appear on the outside, she was emotionally a real softie. He wished that he could reach out and give her a hug.

  ‘Like the biggest bitch in the world. I ended a five-year relationship and hurt a nice guy.’ Amy sounded nasal, as though she was on the verge of tears.

  ‘You’re not a bitch. What happened? Why didn’t you say anything? I had no idea you two had problems.’

  ‘We didn’t. And it wouldn’t have been fair to tell you,’ she said. Dave was confused—why wouldn’t it have been fair? Perhaps she worried that he had enough problems of his own.

  ‘You can tell me anything,’ Dave said softly. ‘You know that.’

  ‘Yeah, I know, but not this time. This break-up was in the works for a while. I just didn’t have the guts to follow through with it earlier.’

  ‘But why?’

  ‘I didn’t love him, Dave. Not him. I cared very much for him and he’s a great man, but he deserves a woman who can give him what he needs. And he didn’t have what I needed. It was better to go our separate ways.’ Previously Amy had confided to Dave that her boyfriend had talked to her a number of times about getting married and having a family, but she’d always told him that she wasn’t ready.

  ‘As much as it hurts now, Amy, it does get better. Take it from someone who knows something about it,’ Dave said reassuringly. ‘You’ll be okay, trust me. I have no doubt you’ll be just fine. We’re all behind you in whatever you do. You’re a very sexy woman, Amy. And you have this intense personality that deserves to be with someone who can appreciate it. I feel lucky to be your friend, and I don’t doubt you’ll come across another lucky man.’

  ‘Thanks, Dave. I’ve never heard you say that to me before.’ She had a half-hearted go at a chuckle.

  ‘Hey, guess what? I found her.’ There was a long sigh on the other side of the line.

  Dave couldn’t help but share the news. Amy’s situation had brought up memories of his own crisis, and he couldn’t help but share happier news.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘I found that girl I was telling you about, Erin.’

  ‘The one from Hong Kong? Where did you find her?’ Amy’s voice was incredulous.

  ‘In a tiny bar off a side street. It was luck. She lives a few streets away from my apartment, and I hadn’t come across her all this time.’ He spoke fast, not realising how excited he sounded.

  ‘That’s amazing. What is she like?’ Amy’s voice told him that she didn’t share his enthusiasm. He realised that he was being a bit insensitive.

  ‘She’s a nice girl,’ he replied, playing down what he felt. He knew he sounded condescending. ‘I’m still getting to know her, but she’s keeping me interested so far.’ It was a huge understatement: Erin was all he thought about. ‘Actually, she’s great!’ he blurted out, unable to contain it anymore. ‘She’s everything you can ask for, and, we bounce off each other. You know?’

  ‘Be careful Dave, you hardly know her,’ Amy responded with unimpressed tone.

  ‘I know what I’m doing,’ he bit back.

  ‘You’re falling in love with the idea of having another partner. She may not even feel …’

  ‘Amy, worry about your own problems,’ Dave barked. He was fed up. The days of other people giving him unsolicited advice about his life were over. When a message alert beeped on his mobile he flung himself at it. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Erin’s name.

  ‘Just be careful. I don’t want you to—’

  ‘Amy, stop right there,’ Dave interrupted. ‘I’m a big boy. I can handle myself.’

  ‘When are you coming back?’

  ‘I don’t know yet. Things are just starting to work out for me.’ He was expecting a positive remark from her—he deserved it.

  ‘What will you do for money? You have to work, you know. Are you getting a job in Paris? You don’t even know the language.’ Words rushed out so quickly Amy couldn’t contain her anger.

  ‘I’ll be fine.’

  ‘Don’t forget what happened to you. Sort yourself out first. Have a good time, but don’t rush into anything!’ she snapped.

  ‘What the hell’s gotten into you?’

  ‘Me? Are you serious? Let me tell
you about you!’ Amy let loose. ‘Your life changed, and you suffered for a long time. All of a sudden, you quit your job, sold everything and left the country. Then you chased some girl across the world after you had just met her once; you got robbed and are lucky to be alive; you told me about a one-night stand as though you’re still in your twenties. Does that sound normal? If you have problems, don’t run away—deal with them!’

  ‘I’ve had my fair share of dealing with problems, thank you, or have you forgotten?’ It was Dave’s turn to unload. He could feel the veins in his neck bulge.

  Amy sighed and lowered her voice. ‘You have to start moving on from that. You can’t feel sorry for yourself for the rest of your life and expect everyone else to pity you. It’s harsh, but someone has to say it to you.’

  How could Amy reduce what he’d gone through to feeling sorry for himself? How dare she? ‘Thanks for the advice, but I don’t fucking need it any more!’ he yelled into the phone and hung up before Amy had a chance to respond. He was furious, and he was done with the nagging.

  Why had she been so negative when he spoke of meeting women? Her advice was irritating. Who was she to give advice when her own relationship had fallen apart? She had pushed him too far. He’d never spoken to anyone like that, but she had a way of jabbing him where it hurt.

  Since he’d met Erin, his mind had ceased to gnaw at the festering wound of his past. He was dealing with it. His depression was in check, and the image of Julia was sinking into the depths of his memory every day. It angered him that his best friend just couldn’t be happy for him. Envy was the only reason he could imagine. He had found someone new, while she was miserable in a now-defunct relationship. That was the only conclusion that made sense to him.

  Dave read his phone message: ‘I’m sooo tired! I just got home.’