Cockatoo

by Christopher Cummings

  Andrew joined her and reached out. She did the same and he took her hand. Her whole impulse was to throw herself into his arms but she resisted this. He felt her hands and said, “You are trembling! Are you alright?”

  “Something went splash and gave me a fright,” she admitted. But her mind screamed for him to hold her, to love her. To her intense disappointment he didn’t.

  Instead he shone his torch at the swamp. “Looks pretty spooky in the mist,” he said.

  “It came in very quickly,” Tina commented, silently agreeing with the spooky bit. In the beam of his torch all the shadows in the reeds and dead trees and snags seemed to hide things of menace. The unspoken thought of what those things might be caused Tina to tremble again.

  Andrew felt this and switched his torch off. Turning to face her he put his arms around her and held her close. “Why Tina, you are shaking!” he said, his voice full of concern

  Tina was and she snuggled close and held him tight, relishing the comforting feel of his arms around her. Suddenly she felt safe- and she wanted to be kissed. ‘Kiss me now! Kiss me now! Now is the moment,’ she thought. She even turned her face upwards in readiness. But even then instinct made her hold back. ‘He must do this,’ she told herself. ‘He has to really want me. I mustn’t give the lead. If he really wants me he must show it.’

  For a few seconds it seemed as though he would. She could feel his heart beating strongly and his grip tightened. His eyes looked into hers and she saw him lick his lips. ‘Now!’ she thought. ‘Now! Kiss me!’

  A voice called, “Tina! Andrew! Are you there?”

  It was her father. The spell was broken. Tina could have wept with frustration but only allowed it to show in a sigh. Andrew looked worried and drew away from her. “We are over here,” he called.

  “Well when you two have finished smooching come back. We are going back to camp,” Tina’s father called back.

  He was only about 25 metres away but the fog was so thick that Tina was sure he had not seen them. Even so a spasm of guilt and embarrassment coursed through her and she called back indignantly, “We are only listening to the birds.”

  Tina’s father chuckled and made some comment about ‘When I was a boy!’ which Tina didn‘t hear properly. But she did hear her mother say, “Henry, stop teasing the children; and don’t boast.”

  Tina stepped back but kept hold of Andrew’s hand, still hoping. “We had better go,” she said, not wanting them to be teased any more.

  Andrew agreed. He turned on his torch and led her out to the vehicle track and along it. As they walked away from the swamp Tina had one last shiver of irrational anxiety about what might be lurking in the fog and then tried to push it out of her mind. She went up the hill thinking about kissing and how she might get Andrew to make the move.

  Back at the camp Andrew released her hand and they rejoined the others. A fire was lit and they toasted marshmallows and sat and talked but with the fog came a chill and it wasn’t long before pullovers became the standard dress and then the sleeping bag became an attractive place to be. Tina would have loved to have Andrew share her sleeping bag- and blushed deeply at the things she imagined might then go on- but she gave no hint of this and reluctantly organized her own bed in the same tent as her mother. Andrew moved to share another tent with her father and Garth. Tina lingered for a few minutes, hoping for a good night kiss, but it was in vain. Andrew just gave a cheery goodnight and then crawled into his tent.

  ‘Oh drat!’ Tina thought. She slid into her own sleeping bag and then lay back and let her mind fantasize about Andrew being with her.

  *****

  Some time later Tina woke to find herself sweating and gasping for breath. She knew she had just experienced a horrible nightmare, the details of which were even then fading from her consciousness. But she knew there had been men chasing her in the darkness and fog; big, evil men who wished to harm her. Then she had found she was no longer on the causeway but was wading in shallow water full of reeds. The reeds dragged at her ankles and snared her feet as she ran. Then she fell and had trouble getting up and the men came closer. They loomed as monstrous black shapes in the mist.

  ‘They are going to kill me and throw my body into the lake,’ her terrified mind told her and she redoubled her frantic efforts to escape. But suddenly she was lost in the fog, with no idea which was the closest shore to make for. And the water was deeper- waist deep, then chest deep. And there were ripples arrowing towards her and long dark shapes in the water and the men behind and -and she could not bear it any longer and woke up.

  ‘What a horrible nightmare,’ she thought, wondering if she had screamed of if that had just been part of the dream too. For a few minutes she lay and looked anxiously out of the tent. Outside was still very dark and shrouded in thick fog. It was so dense that she could barely make out the other tents and the vehicles were just black blobs. ‘Anyone could just sneak up,’ she thought. Then she shook her head and told herself not to be silly. ‘Don’t be paranoid,’ she told herself. Her rational brain told her that the crooks would be far more likely to do something to her at her own home. ‘If they know where I live.’

  That got her speculating about Neville again and then she tensed. ‘What was that noise? Was it an aircraft?’

  No. It was just the wind in the trees. She shivered and then snuggled further into her sleeping bag as an icy wind began shredding the fog, pulling into swirling streamers. Within a quarter of an hour the fog had all gone and a clear sky showed, dotted with the brilliance of millions of stars. The only sound was the rather eerie whistling of the wind through the trees.

  Tina lay and watched this, too scared to go back to sleep until she had calmed down. Instead she lay and thought about her life and how to get Andrew to kiss her. ‘And to take me to the dance.’

  She fell asleep eventually but it was so cold that she did not sleep well. She woke in the morning feeling stiff and slightly ill. But she had not forgotten her plan and twice during the morning she ‘casually’ mentioned the fete and the dance. But Andrew did not seem to take the hint and made no contribution to discussions about how Tina’s class could make money at the fete.

  It was a clear, cold sunny day but the wind had whipped up waves as much as half a metre high and these threw up showers of spray when the boats were taken out for more fishing. The attempt did not last long before the boats were back. Nor were there many birds to observe, just a few high-flying skeins of storks and ducks which vanished to the North West.

  By mid-morning the group were busy dismantling their camp and packing up. As she helped load the Jackaroo Tina kept glancing at Andrew, hoping they might get away on their own. But no opportunity or excuse presented itself and he made no moves toward intimacy. He did give her several very approving looks but Tina put that down to the fact that the sweater she was wearing really emphasized her bust and that made her blush and feel very self-conscious.

  The expedition headed home at 11:00 and was in Mareeba by 11:30. There was a stop to have refreshments and at that point the Creswells went off on their own. By the time Tina’s family started off again she was beginning to feel anxious about whether Andrew would ask to see her again. All the way back to Cairns Tina sat beside him and kept up a bright and happy chatter and commented on every bird she saw.

  ‘I hope he doesn’t think I am just an empty-headed ‘bird brain’,’ she thought, aware that most of his conversation was single words or short sentences. But she was rewarded when they reached Andrew’s house. He thanked her parents very much, said a cheerful goodbye to Garth, who had by then become his firm admirer, and then turned to Tina. “Thanks for asking me,” he said. “I would like to take you out again, if your parents don’t mind.”

  Tina blushed and felt very pleased, even as she said, “What if I mind?” Her parents both laughed and said they were happy and Tina then nodded and could hardly speak.

  Andrew said, “I will see you at school then and we can work out where to go.”<
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  “Yes please,” Tina answered, hoping he meant they might sit together as well. She also hoped for at least a goodbye peck on the cheek but he just stood back and waved and she was left unsatisfied again. Still she was happy. ‘I am making progress,’ she told herself. ‘Mum and Dad accept Andrew as my boyfriend and they like him and trust him. I just hope he isn’t too honourable.’

  CHAPTER 17

  AT THE SWIMMING POOL

  On Monday morning there was another assembly and yet again the Principal reminded the school about the fete, now only three weeks away. Tina immediately thought of the dance and glanced along the line of students to where Andrew sat. She hoped to catch his eye to give him a hint but instead she saw he was looking the other way and whispering to Blake. It must have been a joke or smart comment as Blake nodded and chuckled. ‘Oh, silly boys!’ she thought in exasperation.

  The dance began to loom larger in Tina’s imagination and hopes and while siting in class she constructed fantasies about it. She saw herself gliding in to a huge ballroom on Andrew’s arm, he dressed in a smart, white, full-dress naval uniform with medals and she in… in what? ‘What will I wear?’ she thought. Quickly she made an inventory in her head of the gowns and dresses that she owned that might be appropriate. ‘Or that might still fit me,’ she thought ruefully. With something of a shock she realized she did not have a dress to match her expectations.

  Despite that she continued to picture the scene; the other students, the girls who looked down on her first looking jealous and then spiteful; the young men looking awe-struck at her beauty (Well, maybe just admiring); the crowd parting and every head turning and her taking Andrew’s hand. It was all nice fantasy but she had to give a wry smile every time she remembered that Andrew still had not asked her to be his partner. ‘Not that you need a partner,’ she reminded herself. It was, after all, just a school dance and most students would go on their own or with groups of friends rather than as couples. But it was nice to dream about.

  She did not see Andrew during the breaks, only in class and between classes. Then he was friendly and spoke to her but only in a seemingly casual way. ‘He doesn’t want to be teased by his mates for taking me out,’ she thought gloomily, knowing that some of the crueller males (And females) considered her to be a bit of a joke. She had once overheard Vincent and Price talking and it had clearly been about her. Vincent had said with an unpleasant snicker that she was ‘Built for comfort, not for speed’. Quite apart from its crude sexual overtones the comment had really hurt and Tina felt tears prickle at the thought of it. ‘I’m not that fat!’ she tried to tell herself.

  On Tuesday Tina saw Andrew and his friends talking to the army cadets during the morning break. Later, just before they went in to class, Andrew came up to her and said, “I’ve just been talking to Graham Kirk and his mates and have a good idea for where to go for our Duke of Edinburgh hike.”

  “Where?” Tina asked, not particularly interested but pleased that Andrew was talking to her.

  “From Davies Creek over the mountains to Lake Tinaroo,” Andrew replied.

  Tina knew where Lake Tinaroo was but wasn’t sure about Davies Creek so she asked. Andrew said, “It is off the main highway between Kuranda and Mareeba. Graham is going to bring me some maps so we can plan it in detail. It sounds good.”

  “Has he done it?”

  “Yes, last year,” Andrew answered.

  At that moment the bell went so they had to leave it at that but it was also progress of a sort. Tina went off to class and sat alternately doing her schoolwork and sketching gowns and dresses. ‘I will ask Mum if I can try to make one,’ she thought. She had the basic skills from school Home Economics but knew she would need help. She also knew that there was no way her parents would pay for a new ball gown just for a school dance in Year 10. ‘I will only get that for my Year 12 Formal,’ she told herself.

  That evening at home she checked her wardrobe and found that her conclusions were right; there was nothing suitable that fitted her. Feeling fairly fragile she took the problem to her mother and then floated the idea of sewing her own gown.

  Her mother looked surprised but after some persuading warmed to the idea. “Do you have a design and colour in mind?” she asked.

  Tina had vague ideas so mother and daughter spent an hour or so studying pictures of gowns and her mother promised to see what patterns she could buy the next day. That put Tina into a good mood but she went to bed with the depressing thought that Andrew still had not mentioned the dance.

  But he had at least thought about their next date and when he found her alone in the library at lunch time he again suggested the movies. “You choose which movie,” he added.

  Tina agreed at once, happy just to be asked. Then he went on, “I have the maps for the hike. Would you like to see them?”

  “Yes please,” Tina answered. So Andrew sat down and opened the maps and showed her. They were army topographic maps and she was unfamiliar with them but after a while began to understand what she was looking at.

  Andrew pointed to a thin red line that wriggled over the brown contours indicating a large mountain. “Graham said that this road doesn’t exist here, but he has told me how to get across this bit. All the rest is either a good road or an old timber track.”

  “And we have to carry everything we need,” Tina added. She was a bit worried about that, not being sure of her own strength and stamina.

  “Peter Bronsky said he would give us one of the ‘What to Take’ lists that the army cadets give to their people for hikes,” Andrew answered.

  As they talked Tina kept thinking, ‘How can I hint about the dance?’ But she was too shy to openly ask to be taken. ‘Oh! How can I make him see it?’ she wondered.

  No plan came to her but that afternoon the dance was on the top of her consciousness as her mother had brought home a dozen dress designs that were of the type she thought suitable. Tina didn’t agree with her in a couple of cases but she found one she particularly liked and her mother then measured her and promised to take her shopping on Thursday evening to buy material and thread. That night, as she lay in bed, Tina was able to clothe her dreams in the dress she wanted, a pale blue silk one that was nearly full length and which did not emphasize her bust too much (Just enough cleavage to be respectable and to attract some attention; and which took the viewer’s attention away from her waist and behind).

  On Wednesday during morning break Tina sat under the school in her usual place with Sarah and other friends. She ate her food and hoped that Andrew would appear. But she saw no sign of him and was left to observe the goings-on of Barbara and her friends. ‘What a mob of little teases,’ she thought, noting the top buttons of blouses undone and the skirts pulled up as high as they could go without showing their knickers. ‘But Barbara has lovely long legs,’ she conceded.

  At lunch time Tina again sat in hope but finally gave up and took herself off to the library to do some research for an assignment. While she was sitting in a quiet corner Andrew finally appeared. “There you are,” he said. “I looked everywhere for you.”

  That mollified Tina a bit and she felt happier when he sat next to her. He had the ‘What to Take’ list and she quickly scanned it. It was the sorts of things she expected: clothes, packs, waterbottles, food and bedding and so on but there were a few items she did not understand and had not thought of so she discussed these with Andrew.

  “Can I make a copy for Sarah?” she asked.

  “Of course,” Andrew replied. They made their way to the student photocopier and made four copies. While they stood there Tina glanced around the room, hoping that some of her friends (Or her enemies!) might see her with Andrew. But there were only a couple of Year 8s she did not know and one Year 11 girl who was a library monitor.

  The meeting was over all too soon for Tina. She thanked Andrew and went to give a copy of the list to Sarah. During the afternoon classes she returned to day-dreaming about school dances, dresses, dates, and wheth
er a hike over the mountains offered any scope for romance. Then she sighed and shook her head. ‘No. It will be a Navy Cadet activity,’ she told herself, knowing that the rules forbad any fraternization at cadets.

  That evening Tina sat with her mother and they worked on the details for her new dress. More measurements were made and calculations about how much cloth was required. But Tina was still anxious. “Mum, do you think I have time to make this?”

  “How long to this dance?” her mother asked.

  Tina did a quick calculation. “Only seventeen days,” she replied.

  Her mother smiled. “We will make it.”

  A relieved Tina went to bed with more happy fantasies- and a gnawing sense of frustration at Andrew’s inaction. ‘He hasn’t even kissed me yet,’ she thought. That got her fretting that perhaps he found her so unattractive that he did not want to. Her rational mind told her that was nonsense; that she was quite pretty, but in the dark of the small hours of the morning it was cold comfort.

  Thursday was a better day, not at school, which was ordinary, but afterwards, when she went shopping with her mother. Tina found it a delight to see all the types of cloth and to feel their textures. When they finally selected the blue silk for her dress she thought it was the smoothest, nicest cloth she had ever felt.

  At home she and her mother set to work, her mother commandeering the dining room table and banishing dinner to side tables and kitchen benches. Garth as usual had to comment. “I thought we weren’t to eat while watching the TV,” he muttered.

  “Don’t you be a Mister Smarty-Pants or you won’t get any dinner at all,” his mother retorted. “Tina needs a new dress more than you need to sit at this table.”

  Garth snorted. “Huh! An old garbage bag will do,” he replied.

  The jibe hurt and Tina wished yet again that she was slender and beautiful. The work of measuring, pinning the paper patterns to the cloth, and then carefully cutting the pieces went on for several hours and Tina went to bed satisfied that real progress had been made- and dissatisfied with Andrew.