She motioned towards the tray of food that was standing on my nightstand and then she sat on the chair next to the vanity.
“Thank you but—” I was about to say that I wasn’t hungry when the smell of food made my stomach rumble, so I tried one of the small sandwiches from the plate and realized that I was starving. “It’s delicious. Would you like to join me?” I felt obliged to ask that.
“No, thank you. I’ve already eaten,” she replied warmly.
After finishing breakfast, I reached for my clothes in one of the bags and Anne stood up, wanting to help me.
“Should I help you unpack, Isabelle?”
“No, that’s alright. I will unpack everything later,” I replied and went into the bathroom.
That day I felt slightly better than the day before and it seemed that those pills I took did the magical work of taking away the physical pain. Still, I wasn’t in the mood for anybody’s company because my emotional state was getting worse by the second. The fact that Sebastian hadn’t slept in the same room with me gave me little relief since I was still frightened to death. I honestly didn’t want to have a tour around the house right then because I was afraid I might meet him. My decision had been to avoid him whenever I could and at all costs. But what choice did I have? Apparently he had ordered Anne to show me around, and if I was smart, I would stay away from unnecessary confrontations with him. At least she seemed to be nice. I wondered if she had been the one who left those pills for me on the night table. After getting dressed and fixing my hair in a ponytail, I returned to the room. Anne observed me with a puzzled look on her face.
“Is something wrong?” I was surprised by her reaction.
“No, no… It’s just that...” She seemed uneasy about continuing the conversation. “Well, never mind. Should we go?” It sounded like she was in a desperate need to change the subject.
I looked down and suddenly it hit me. My poor-looking, shabby clothes must have shocked her. That was definitely not the way the wife of Sebastian Everett should have dressed, but I had nothing else to wear so I couldn’t do anything to rectify the matter.
The beginning of the house tour was pretty awkward. Anne explained that the rooms next to mine were all guest rooms and the big door at the end of the hallway led to the master bedroom, which was occupied by Sebastian. I desperately wanted to ask if he slept there, but instead I bit my lower lip and swallowed the urge to know. It seemed that Anne herself seemed keen on asking something but didn’t dare to do it. I wasn’t concerned about that. It was only natural that we didn’t trust each other that much. I guess both of us were afraid that we would blab everything to Sebastian. During the tour, I found out that there was a beautiful living area on each floor of the mansion, as well as two game rooms, both of which contained one huge pool-table right in the middle. Anne also walked me through the conference room where Sebastian would sometimes have meetings if his office was too small for the number of people attending. She unlocked the door to the media room where one could watch movies and get a real cinema feel. That was the only door that was locked and Anne explained the reason for such caution was that Sebastian kept many personal items such as photo albums and family tapes there. She sounded quite worried about the possibility that those things might end up in the wrong hands. I looked around that room for a moment, thinking how the whole tour turned out to be nice after all. But despite Anne’s hospitality, I just couldn’t relax. Sebastian kept creeping back into my mind and every time we would leave a certain room I feared I’d see him next. I was too vigilant, flinching on every sound and I could tell that Anne started getting suspicious of my behavior.
“Shall we continue?” She summoned me back from my thoughts.
“Yes. Everything is nice and tastefully decorated.” I had to say something, so I stupidly praised the house that was to be my prison.
“I’m glad you like it. I’m sure Mr. Everett will be pleased as well,” she said contently.
Somehow, I managed to smile even though I was sure she noticed the sadness that emerged from the depths of my eyes.
“Come,” she invited me in a cheerful voice. “Let me show you the ground floor.”
She led me through the vestibule and into the capacious dining room that could accommodate as much as sixteen people.
“This is where all of the meals are served,” she explained the obvious. “You can choose to have your meals brought to your room occasionally, but it is preferred that you eat here,” she told me and I nodded.
Next, we stopped by the massive door and I wondered what was hidden behind it.
“This is Sebastian’s office,” Anne informed me. “He usually stays here if he works from home but today he’s spending the entire day at the company.” Her words meant that I could finally relax a little, knowing that he wouldn’t be lurking around. “I would show you in, but he is very strict about people being there when he’s absent.”
“That’s alright.” I wasn’t that keen on seeing Sebastian’s private space either.
To my astonishment, next to his office was the most beautiful library I had ever beheld, and I knew this was where I would be spending most of my time during what would surely be days filled with loneliness. It appeared to be equipped with every relevant book that had ever been written and I immediately noticed a couple of titles I wanted to read.
“Well, if you like the library, you will love the patio,” Anne teased and I was happy to follow her lead.
The patio was astonishing. Surrounded by nothing but windows, overlooking the pool and breathtakingly beautiful garden, it was a cozy place where one could completely relax.
“The weather is beautiful today. Could we take a short walk through the garden?” I asked, knowing that a bit of fresh air would make me feel better, as well as help me get some things out of my mind for a while.
“Oh, I’m sorry, but I have some other things I have to take care of after I show you the kitchen and introduce you to the rest of the staff,” she clarified and after seeing I was slightly disappointed, she gave me a warm smile and continued, “If you want, you could take a nice walk in the garden this afternoon. Why let my lack of time ruin the fun?”
She made a joke and I gave a short, but sincere laugh. It was something I hadn’t done in a long time.
“I would like that. Thanks for the tip.” I smiled.
As we walked towards the kitchen, I already noticed the shiny marvel counter on the impressive country-style white cabinets. Of course, the kitchen was just as imposing as the rest of the ridiculously big mansion.
The two women who were busy there stopped what they were doing and focused their attention on me. One of them was older like Anne, whereas the other one was maybe a few years my senior, by the looks of it. The younger girl was studying every inch of me and she looked extremely confused, whereas the older lady seemed uninterested because she immediately returned to her chore.
“This is Isabelle, Mister Everett’s wife.” Anne’s introduction drew the older lady’s interest at once.
“That’s her?” The young girl exhaled in surprise and then turned to Anne whispering loud enough for me to hear. “Really?”
“Teresa!” The older women nudged her and murmured a warning through her teeth.
The girl, who was obviously called Teresa, inspected my scruffy appearance one more time before bursting into slight laughter. She was mocking me. With a sour look on her face, Anne tried to mend the damage by starting a conversation.
“This is Norma.” She gestured at the older women who finally offered her hand to me. “She is the main cook.”
“Nice to meet you,” I said quietly and accepted her hand.
“This is Teresa.” Anne looked towards the girl who wasn’t at all interested in hand shaking, “Norma’s right hand.” She bowed and smiled with a mean grin.
“Nice to meet you too,” I replied and then looked at Anne with what must have been a plea to leave written on my face.
“Well, we b
etter get going, so much more left to see,” Anne lied.
When we walked out of the kitchen, she felt obliged to make amends for Teresa’s behavior.
“Isabelle, I apologize because of Teresa. She is very young and... Well, sometimes she says things without thinking them through.”
I wasn’t a fool. That girl was simply displaying what everyone, including myself, was thinking. I looked away and then returned my eyes to Anne.
“You don’t have to apologize. Only a fool wouldn’t notice how much I stand out in this place. I will never fit in here.” I looked away again.
“Don’t talk like that, Isabelle. Of course you’ll fit in. Just give yourself a little time to learn. I’m sure Sebastian will help you a lot as well,” she comforted me.
“Yes.” I sighed and laughed bitterly. “I’m sure he’ll help me.” My voice was sprinkled with sarcasm.
Anne gazed at me with a baffled look on her face like she didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t in the mood for talking either.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized and tried not to look upset. “I’m just tired. Everything’s been quite overwhelming lately. I think I might go for that walk outside to clear my mind.”
“That’s a great idea,” she encouraged me. “Don’t worry too much. Everything will be fine, you’ll see.” But she didn’t know that nothing could ever be fine again.
***
Walking through the beautiful garden had been good for me. I truly enjoyed all the colors and scents of spring that overwhelmed my senses. I discovered one part that was almost hidden in the shadow of the trees, sprinkled with the greenest grass and roses of all shapes, colors and sizes. Roses were my favorite flowers and the ones that were the color of blood amazed me with their mysterious allure. There was something about roses—their thorns shielded the vulnerable petals and the beauty could only be admired from afar. I sat on a swing chair nearby and admired that newfound piece of heaven. It was like I’d found a hidden sanctuary where everything bad seemed to be far away—I didn’t have a mother who cared only about money, I wasn’t married to the man who terrified me, I wasn’t living in the house where even the help made fun of me. I escaped into the world where there was nothing but heavenly peace and harmony. Foolishly, I stole a moment in which I believed that nobody could hurt me or force me to do anything I didn’t want to do. The calmness of that place was so appealing that even my drive for writing returned. Weeks had gone by without a single thought about the story I wrote crossing my mind. I was hit by the realization that I wasn’t innocent enough to believe in happy endings anymore. There would never be a happily ever after, at least not for me. An incredulous smile curved my lips when I became aware that I had completely lost my way and sense of being. After sitting there for a long time, I knew my moments of serenity had come to an end and I had to head back.
Once I reached the mansion, Anne was already waiting for me.
She greeted me with a sign of relief written on her face. “Oh, thank God you’re back. I was worried you’d miss dinner.”
“It was really nice in the garden, so I kind of lost track of time.”
“I can imagine. I knew you would like it. Sebastian hasn’t arrived yet. He’s working late, as usual. If you want, you can eat in your room,” she suggested.
“That won’t be necessary. I’ll eat in the dining room.” I didn’t want to do something that wasn’t preferable on my first day there.
***
After dinner I went straight to my bedroom. Having a Sebastian-free day had been wonderful, but I knew he had to come home sooner or later. I had an awful feeling that he would seek me out that evening. The moment I entered the room, the heavy stone of anxiety settled back on my chest. I took a long shower and went to bed, but sleep didn’t come easy. The smallest sounds alarmed me and I feared he was coming my way. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t close my eyes and go to sleep because I was afraid of what would happen when I woke up. I twisted and turned in my bed, until my tiredness overpowered me and I gradually fell asleep.
The parquet floor squealed under the heavy steps that progressed towards me. My breath froze; my heartbeat raced as I awaited something bad to happen. I could feel him above me, but I couldn’t see him. His hand touched me possessively and I winced, my body jerking in an attempt to get away from him. I willed myself to open my eyes and scream, but my body and my voice betrayed me. I was blind, mute, paralyzed—completely at his mercy. The bed creaked as he climbed on it and terror gripped every cell of my body. It was happening again and I was useless. I couldn’t defend myself. I didn’t want to be hurt again. I didn’t want—
Just as he was about to touch me again, a scream tore from my throat and my eyes flew open, only to witness the empty room that surrounded me. My whole body was covered in sweat and my breathing was rapid. I realized I’d had another terrible nightmare. Sebastian hadn’t visited me that night either, but the dream still felt very real.
It took me a while to relax and calm down. I decided to unpack, get dressed and head for the dining room. When I walked in, Sebastian was already there, obviously just starting with his breakfast because all of the food in front of him had been untouched. It was stupid of me, but I didn’t expect to see him and I couldn’t hide the shock on my face. Luckily, he didn’t spare me as much as a glance because he was focused on his newspaper.
“Good morning.” I felt obliged to greet him in some way.
Even though it took a lot of effort to address him, I wasn’t rewarded with a reply. He was too busy reading some kind of long article. Despite being tempted to run away, I knew that leaving was not an option. I sat as far away from him as I could and tried to make myself as small as possible. Theresa was serving me breakfast when he got up abruptly, told her he wasn’t hungry anymore and left. She glowed over my humiliation, but she didn’t know that I was happy as long as he was away from me.
“I must tell you that this is very strange, madam.” She stressed the last word. “That was the first time Mr. Everett left his food untouched.” She tried to sound concerned and I just shrugged, pretending her comment didn’t faze me.
“He must have lost his appetite.” Apparently she wasn’t going to let it go. “Hmm, I wonder why?” she said and hurried back into the kitchen with a smirk on her face.
Suddenly I lost my appetite as well, and left before that mean girl got a chance to come back and play with my patience some more.
***
The following three weeks went by in the same pattern. The nightmares caused by the fear of Sebastian wanting to consummate our marriage again, came back every night. I would always wake up terrified, screaming and panting for air. Still, despite my horrible fears, he never once came to my room. Though my nightmares wouldn’t go away, I gradually lulled myself into a feeling of safety, thinking he didn’t want to sleep with me again. When I would eat in the dining room, he was also never there. In the short time I’d lived in his house, I learned that he was a workaholic to the core—he would always be working late in the company or be away on one of his many business trips. If he wasn’t home, which was almost all the time, I would spend some time in the library searching for an interesting book to read. When I would find the right book, I often went to that secluded rose garden and read for a while. Then I would write, sometimes for hours on end. I had a pen and a little notebook in which I confided my thoughts while working on a story that was, for the first time, marked with agony, instead of love. The heroine thought she had found her Prince Charming, but she realized she’d been fooled when she learned his true colors. The plot that was supposed to be so simple and innocent, had taken a very different turn and I wondered if I would ever be able to finish it. I tried to come up with a twist in which the hero wanted to redeem himself, but that proved to be very difficult and I had major writers’ block. After a while, I stopped writing altogether, because I realized that the magic I used to feel when I worked on the story was entirely gone. Still, I enjoyed reading and whenever
I could, I would sit on the swing chair and allow imagination to take me away from the harsh reality of what my life had become.
Chapter Eleven
One day when I was convinced that Sebastian wasn’t home, I decided to spend some time in the beautiful library and inspect all of its contents. The sun glared through numerous windows, bathing the spacious room with the golden light while I curiously observed countless shelves, noticing a great number of intriguing titles. Most of the books belonged to the genre of philosophy, psychology or politics, but there was one shelf marked as “Classic Romance.” Since I was helplessly in love with books like Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights and Gone with the Wind, I felt like I’d discovered a chest full of hidden treasure. I noticed the book I’d wanted to read for a long time but never got a chance to—The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton. I had scanned that shelf before, but that precious work of art had never caught my eye, until now. The movie adaptation had been interesting, but I was quite curious about the book. Now when I had it in front of me at last, I reached for it excitedly, ignoring the fact that it was too high and almost out of range. My fingers barely touched the cover and I stretched so I could pull the book from the shelf—which turned out to be a big mistake, because the entire shelf started falling down. With the book in my hand I screamed loudly, realizing I’d managed to get away from the falling shelf at the last moment. I just stood there, having no idea how I was supposed to clean up the mess that I’d made.
“Having fun?” I froze when I heard the voice that sent chills down my spine.
It was him—the man from my nightmares. I was scared out of my mind, but I knew I had no other choice than to face him. Why did he have to be home? When I turned around, I noticed his eyes were sending a message that there would be hell to pay.
“I-I just wanted... wanted to get the book,” I spoke inarticulately and gestured to the book in my hands.
Virtue & Vanity Page 8