Virtue & Vanity

by Astrid Jane Ray

  The moment I sat down, he folded his newspaper and tossed it aside. That was the first time I saw him do that and I couldn’t hide the surprise on my face fast enough. His morning routines were always the same and reading The Guardian seemed sacred to him. A mysterious smile appeared glued to his face and his expression was exactly the same like the day before, when he’d hugged me in the park. I could hear those words echoing in my mind again. You are my everything. The shiny emerald eyes were trained on mine and I cleared my throat in a useless attempt to stop myself from blushing.

  My reaction to his attention seemed to have amused him, because that smile on his face soon turned into a teasing smirk.

  “Good morning, sweetness. I thought you’d never come downstairs. Did you sleep well?” he asked and when I remembered that my face screamed I had everything but a good night sleep, the blushing became even worse as it spread deeper on my cheeks.

  “Good morning,” I replied in a quiet voice. “I slept well, thank you,” I lied.

  “Well, that makes one of us. I find it difficult to sleep lately.”

  “How come?”

  He shrugged. “I guess I miss a certain someone.” His voice was light, joking and he even winked at me, but I felt there was some harsh sincerity behind his remark.

  I gulped, feeling a bit uneasy and I was relieved that Annette entered the room because I had no idea what to say to him.

  She served our breakfast in silence and I noticed her hands trembled when she was putting food in front of Sebastian. I found it difficult to believe that after all this time she was still intimidated by him. It was almost like she had some hidden reason that made her wary of his presence. For a moment I got lost in thought, thinking how she intrusively inquired to find out things about the nature of my marriage, and the more I paid attention to it, the more I felt there were some hidden dots I should be able to connect together, but the moment she approached me and smiled with the same genuine expression like usual, I discarded my doubts and returned her warm smile.

  “Here you go, Isabe…” She sighed in discomfort because she had almost called me by my name in front of Sebastian, even though he had strictly forbidden it. “I… I’m s-sorry madam,” she said in a frightened voice, and then glanced at Sebastian who was wiping his mouth to suppress his obvious need to burst out laughing.

  As if she was carried by a raging tornado, she stormed from the room as fast as her legs would carry her. I remained staring at Sebastian, who chuckled and looked at me with amusement in his eyes. However, that amusement was soon replaced by a serious expression and I knew he would address her behavior.

  “I see that you’ve become quite close to Antoinette,” he said softly, but his face still held that firm expression.

  “What… What are you trying to say?” I was kind of taken aback by his statement.

  “What I’m trying to say, madam,” he smiled, “is that I’m perfectly aware that she calls you by your name behind my back, so you can tell her there is no need to continue with the charade, because I’m not an idiot.” There was a flicker of detest in his voice and the fact that he disliked her remained very real.

  Suddenly, I remembered how things had gone with Teresa and I became alarmed because I was still convinced that Annette wasn’t anything like that corrupted girl from before.

  “Sebastian, it’s not her fault. Please…” I already started pleading with him, but the childish smirk on his face told me he didn’t take me seriously.

  “Relax. I’m not going to fire your friend.” His expression turned lighter and he shook his head at me. “Why do you always expect the worst from me?” he asked in a voice that was kind of humble and I regretted my hasty conclusion.

  “I’m sorry… It’s just that I have the feeling that you really don’t like her.” I looked at him apologetically and then offered a very stupid argument that did anything but support my case. “I mean… You even call her by her real name.”

  He snickered and playfully shook his head at me. “How rude of me not to indulge her silly requests! Isabelle, I am her employer, not one of her girlfriends.” His voice became quieter as he started admitting what I had doubted all along. “But to be honest, you’re right. I don’t like her that much—if at all.”

  “But why?” I looked at him in confusion. “She hasn’t done anything wrong.”

  I looked away, feeling a bit guilty for not telling him about all the things that were going on with Annette, but I knew that he hated nosy people and if I had said as much as a word, he would surely fire her and there would be nothing I could say or do to stop him so I decided to remain quiet.

  “Maybe she hasn’t done anything wrong… yet,” he said in a suspecting voice. “But there’s something off with that girl. Sometimes I wonder how she managed to get that close to you in the first place.” He looked at me with a puzzled stare.

  I shrugged and offered a simple reply. “Becoming friends with her wasn’t at all difficult. It came kind of naturally,” I admitted. “We just have a lot of things in common. She likes reading the classics just as I do and she’s even studying English literature.”

  Sebastian exhaled and moved his chair a bit closer to the table. “How interesting that I managed to employ somebody who just happens to share all of your interests…” He narrowed his eyes, but after a while he shrugged as a sign that he would let it go. “Well, maybe it’s just a lucky coincidence. Don’t worry, Isabelle. I’m not going to fire her out of spite.” His glowing eyes pierced through mine. “I wouldn’t do that you.”

  “Thank you.” A weak smile teased my lips and I glanced towards the window, catching a glimpse of rain that was still raging outside. “It’s just that… sometimes it gets lonely in this house and it’s nice to have a friend around, or at least someone to talk to.”

  He took hold of my hand and the action caught my full attention, causing me to return my gaze at him. He looked at me gently, running his thumb over the palm of my hand.

  “I’m sorry. I know that it must get lonely in here,” he whispered and after a short break of silence his eyes lit up. “I have an idea. Why don’t you come to the company with me today?” he asked in a mild voice that rang with the undertone of excitement and for a while I just gaped at him, surprised by his invitation.

  “That’s okay, Sebastian. You don’t have to…” I started declining politely because I couldn’t imagine that he actually wanted to take me to his company and present me as his wife to his employees. God only knows what kind of rumors were already going on there.

  “I don’t have to, Isabelle. I want to.” He looked me right into the eyes and stressed the words. “Besides, aren’t you curious to see where I work?” He smiled a wide smile, sensing that I would give in to his request.

  “I am but… Is it even allowed to bring your wife to your work?” I asked confused, and just as expected, I was rewarded by his infecting laughter.

  “No,” he teased. “It’s not allowed to bring your wife to your work… unless you’re the boss. And the last time I checked, I still owned the company. So I think we won’t get into trouble,” he joked.

  “Oh.” I gaped at him in surprise.

  “Oh,” he repeated with a smile and continued convincing me to join him. “Come on. I promise it won’t be boring. I just have to get some documents in the office and make a few phone calls. After that, we could do something together. What do you say?”

  “I…” I sighed and smiled in surrender. “I’d really like that,” I said softly and his light expression told me he was more than pleased with my answer.

  ***

  It rained during the entire drive to the company, but neither the rain nor the huge traffic jam in front of us, bothered me much. A small flicker of nervousness took hold of me when I remembered that he was taking me to The Goliath, the company I knew nothing about, but he took hold of my hand and smiled reassuringly, chasing away all of my fears. Wait for me by The Kings of Leon played on the radio and I started singing a
long when I recognized the song because I loved that band. The lyrics were inviting, saying that things were all better now and I thought it was a good time to hear it.

  “You can change the song if you want,” he said when we had to wait for the traffic light.

  “I thought I wasn’t supposed to touch the radio,” I blurted out in a teasing voice, but he didn’t think it was funny and when the reality of my comment hit me, neither had I.

  I revisited the memory of his threat on our wedding night when he’d yelled at me because I had dared to touch the radio. Sebastian looked at me, his expression turning from light to dark and tortured within a second. His hand caressed my cheek and he swallowed, fighting something inside him.

  “Don’t say that again. You can take whatever you want because as long as it’s mine…” His stare revealed his pain. “I’ll share it all with you, Isabelle. All of it,” he whispered and kissed the palm of my hand, squeezing it between his hands.

  The car behind us horned and Sebastian started driving again. We remained silent for a while and I decided to try and lighten up the mood.

  “I don’t want to change the song. I love it.”

  He turned to me and the edge of his lips curved in a light smile. “Me too.”

  Eventually, it had stopped raining and I observed the city that was waking up together with the sun. The buildings interchanging before my eyes started getting more imposing and the people on the streets were dressed in fancy suits that screamed money and power. In awe, I stared at the endless row of skyscrapers that stretched down the whole street. They must have hosted some of the most prominent companies of the world. At some point, Sebastian made a turn towards one of the buildings and used his phone to open the garage door in front of us. I read the sign that stood above the door and I knew we had reached our destination—The Goliath Holding. As the door opened, he drove into an underground garage and I was struck by the endless sight of expensive cars that resembled Sebastian’s.

  Gently placing his hand on the small of my back, Sebastian led me towards the nearby elevator and just when he was about to press the button to close the door, another man ran inside, panting for air and when he saw Sebastian, his eyes widened in surprise. Without a word, Sebastian pressed the button to the fourth floor and the door closed, leaving us in a very tight space that was filled with tension.

  “Mr. Everett, I apologize…” The man spoke in a humble voice, but Sebastian cut him off.

  “No need to apologize,” he said in a voice that was stripped of any emotion. “I’m sure there is a good reason why you’re late, but I advise you to avoid it in the future. This company has zero tolerance for people who don’t take their job seriously, but today you’ve got a lucky break.” He smirked and focused his eyes on me. The expression on his face turned a hundred shades lighter and his voice rang with affection just like moments ago in the car. “Isn’t that right, Mrs. Everett?” He tenderly tightened his grip on my back as a further display of emotion.

  In a shy attempt to make it appear I wasn’t feeling uneasy, my eyes darted towards the man who observed me in the same way as he looked at Sebastian; almost like I held some kind of power over him. The feeling was unusual.

  “Thank you, Sir. I promise it won’t happen again,” the man apologized as the door opened again. Sebastian’s only answer was a polite nod and a contour of a smile that seemed forced and didn’t even resemble a smile I was used to seeing on his face. Something told me he didn’t show that other side of him to too many people, other than me.

  The moment we stepped outside the elevator, the luxurious surroundings took me by complete surprise. The more I observed the astonishing space around me, the more I couldn’t believe he had actually said he didn’t care about any of it. Was he really willing to sacrifice all of this? As we walked down the hall, Sebastian greeted a couple of people and I was stunned to see the look on their faces resembled the one of the man in the elevator—it screamed obedience and respect. Without a doubt, he was the highest figure of authority in that building and it was visible from the very aura that lurked around him, affecting all the people who found themselves in his presence. As we advanced further, I noticed almost everybody started turning to each other, whispering something and I could feel their eyes were glued on me, cautiously following my every move. I blushed and my breathing became heavier as I felt the pressure of the situation settle down on my chest.

  “Relax. They’re just curious to see my beautiful wife,” Sebastian whispered softly in my ear and then chuckled. “If you continue blushing like this, they might get the wrong idea about what I’m saying to you and then we’ll really become the talk of the day,” he teased and I knew he only tried to get me to relax, but his comment made me blush even deeper.

  Luckily, the torture ended when we stopped in front of the massive door and Sebastian unlocked it, letting me enter first. I glanced at the group of women whose eyes were still trained on me and saw they were smiling. In a courteous manner, I smiled back before disappearing into Sebastian’s office and for the first time since I stepped into that building, I felt relieved. That relief didn’t last for long because only after short seconds the massive door opened again and a tall blonde woman dressed in a black, elegant business suit entered the office.

  “Mr. Everett, the documents for The Paris agreement are—” Already from the door, she started talking in a voice that was undoubtedly ruthless, but she paused when she noticed I was in the room.

  It became clear that I’d broken some kind of a well exercised routine between her and Sebastian.

  “Oh. I’m sorry, Sir. I didn’t realize…” She seemed to have been stunned by the unusual sight in front of her.

  “It’s okay, Emily,” Sebastian said in a pleasant voice and I could immediately make out that he was more relaxed around her than around the rest of his employees. “Come in. I want to introduce you to my lovely wife,” he said in a voice that was filled with something that sounded as pride and the woman, who’d seemed to be so cold only moments ago, smiled and offered me her hand.

  “Hi. I’m Emily. Mr. Everett’s assistant.” Her ruthless voice suddenly turned mild. “You must be Isabelle.” I accepted her hand and nodded, surprised by the fact that she already knew my name. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

  I smiled, feeling awkward because that was the first time I had seen this woman who worked so close with Sebastian, and I knew absolutely nothing about her. “It’s nice to meet you too, Emily,” I said softly, letting go of her hand.

  Sebastian smiled contently and took hold of the documents Emily had prepared for him. As I continued staring at this beautiful woman in front of me, his hand brushed against my wrist, willing me to give him my attention.

  “I have a few errands to run. It will only take a while,” he said the moment I looked into his light expression. “Make yourself comfortable,” he said in a soft voice and then looked at his assistant. “Emily will get you something to drink.”

  She nodded and the moment Sebastian left the office, she smiled with so much sincerity that I instantly relaxed around her.

  “It really is nice to finally see you in the flesh.” She looked at me with genuine excitement. “You know, Mr. Everett won’t stop talking about you and now I can see why. You’re even more beautiful than on the picture.”

  Picture? For a moment I was stunned by the fact that she had seen a picture of me, but I brushed it off, remembering that there had to have been some kind of a picture from our wedding or some other event we attended in the newspaper she must have read.

  “Does he really talk about me that much?” I asked with slight reluctance, feeling the rising feeling of curiosity.

  She nodded her head and even chuckled. “Honestly, he wouldn’t shut up about you when we were in Paris. He even closed the deal earlier than planned just so that he could fly back home.” She looked towards the door, giving away she feared that Sebastian might come in any second and then she whispered with a smi
le. “Maybe I’m crossing the line, but lately he’s been in a surprisingly good mood and I have a good hunch we have to thank you for it.”

  I felt a glimpse of happiness because of what she had said. To think that I had the slightest influence on his behavior still seemed incredible. Nevertheless, another troubling thought wouldn’t leave my mind. I knew that Emily was only his assistant, but when she told me she had accompanied him to Paris, I felt a pinch of a familiar and unwanted feeling—jealousy. You’re being jealous again. Brushing off the embarrassing thought, I quickly forced a smile on my face.

  “Well, look at me rumbling when I should head back to work,” she said politely. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “Water will be fine,” I said softly.

  “Coming right up,” she said before she walked out, leaving me alone in that spacious office.

  My eyes roamed the space around me and I chuckled at the sight of spotlessly clean furniture that was filled with meticulously ordered folders. If no one told me that I had been in Sebastian’s office, I would have guessed it myself because that space screamed with sophistication. When I glanced towards the large desk in the middle of the room, I noticed that everything seemed to be right in its place, almost symmetrical as if even the smallest thing needed to remain on that same spot because it was a part of some equation. Smiling, I wondered how long it would take him to notice that something had been moved a fracture of an inch. Knowing his undeniable need for order and perfectionism, I knew he would notice immediately. When I looked at that table with more caution, I noticed there was a picture frame next to his computer and I took it in my hands, discarding the thought that I probably shouldn’t touch anything as curiosity got the best of me. What I saw surprised me. I was staring at a picture of myself. Sebastian had my picture on his desk. It was one of the pictures Mrs. Moran had taken the first time she came to make arrangements for the wedding. Lost in deep thoughts, I observed the girl in the picture frame and I realized I barely resembled her anymore. Her expression was serious; her brown eyes sprinkled with traces of apparent worry and disbelief, but there was still a sparkle of light in them, as if she hadn’t stopped hoping things would turn out alright. The girl on the picture had yet to learn about the real pain and sadness. With inexplicable caution, I lowered the frame back in its place and I walked towards the huge wall that was covered in glass, providing one of the most spectacular views I had ever seen. I wrapped my arms around my middle, staring at the Manhattan panorama and I became aware that, thanks to Sebastian, I had come a long way from that scared, inexperienced girl in Rosemont. Despite the tragic beginning of our marriage, I couldn’t deny that he was the one who showed me the world, truly in all its cruelty and beauty.