Better Deeds Than Words (Words#2)

by Georgina Guthrie

  From: Miss_V

  To: Jung Willman

  Date: Thurs, Apr 9, 5:17:07 PM

  Subject: Re: LONG weekends

  Hey, sunshine, I know exactly how you feel. I’ll miss you so much this weekend. I’m dreading all this time alone. On the bright side, I hope to get a ton of school work done, but that’s not exactly something to look forward to.

  I hope your dinner with your family isn’t too gloomy. I’m sure Patty will feel sad—I bet she misses your grandfather so much. If you have a moment alone with her, tell her I said hi and I’m thinking of her. And when you talk to your grandfather on Monday, please tell him I think the world of his grandson, okay?

  I’m heading back to Jackman now. I have a beautiful CD that I need to listen to eleventy-billion times. Talk to you later.

  Your Poppet

  Chapter 17

  Truth

  Out with it boldly: truth loves open dealing.

  (Henry viii, Act III, Scene 1)

  “ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS?”

  “I have to, Matt. I can’t sit and stew on it all weekend.”

  “Have you thought about what you’re gonna say to her?”

  “A bit. I’ll probably end up winging it.”

  Matt and I were at the pub—Cara’s Thursday night haunt. My goal was to find her and glean from her what she knew. I’d have to be careful. I couldn’t risk telling her something she didn’t actually know.

  Over dinner, Matt had listened to my account of what had happened, his face revealing his growing concern as I explained what Julie and I assumed Cara was referring to. His response to my story had surprised me.

  “There’s no love lost between me and Daniel,” he’d said. “But no one deserves to have their life torn apart because they’ve fallen for someone at the wrong place and the wrong time.”

  Again, I was struck by how lucky I was to have Matthew for a friend, and now here he was by my side as I tried to figure out how best to approach Cara. I could have saved myself the effort. As I did a circuit of the dance floor, liquid courage in hand, it quickly became evident that Cara wasn’t there. I checked the bathroom, and Matt scanned the clusters of people smoking in front of the building, but she wasn’t anywhere in sight.

  “Do you think she’ll come later?” I asked, leaning close to Matt’s ear so that he could hear me over the pounding bass of the music.

  He looked at his watch and led me to a quiet corner near the entrance.

  “It’s ten thirty. She’s usually here by now. Actually, she’s usually wasted by now. It’s not like Cara to miss a pub night,” he said. “She never passes up a chance to get sloshed and hit on someone.”

  “Hey, there’s Vince. Maybe he’s seen her.”

  I moved through the crowd and tapped Vince on the shoulder. He swung around, holding up two beer cups and smiling broadly when he saw me.

  “Aubrey Price! Slumming it!” He had to shout to be heard over the music.

  I smiled self-consciously. Was I beginning to get a reputation as a snob? God, I hoped not.

  “Can I talk to you?” I said, standing on my toes to reach Vince’s ear.

  “Sure.”

  He followed me back to where Matt was standing.

  “Hey, Matt, what’s up?”

  “Hey, man, not much.”

  I interrupted their pleasantries, wanting to get right to the point. “Vince, have you seen Cara tonight?”

  “Yeah, she left about half an hour ago.”

  “Do you know where she was going?” Matt asked. “Another pub or a party or something? We need to talk to her.”

  “Oh, I know exactly where she was going. As for talking? Doubts, my friend,” he said, elbowing Matt in the ribs.

  “Meaning?” Matt asked.

  “Meaning…she left with Shawn. They went back to her place.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

  “Shawn?” I said, not even trying to contain my shock. “Seriously?”

  “Lauren told me Cara’s been hot to trot for Shawn since second year. Can you believe that?”

  “Are you sure? Just yesterday she was saying how hot she thinks Matt is. She said it right in front of Shawn.”

  Vince shrugged. “You know how chicks operate. She was probably trying to make Shawn jealous.”

  I thought about the way she’d looked at Shawn when she’d been talking about Matt. Holy shit! She’d been goading him! And this was another reason for her to dislike me. Shawn hadn’t exactly been trying to conceal his interest in me. No wonder she’d been so eager to let him know I was “taken.”

  “Anyway, I’ll see ya later,” Vince said. “I’ve got someone to entertain.” He held the two beer cups over his head as he wove through the crowd to join Lauren, who was sprawled out drunkenly on an ancient vinyl couch in the corner.

  It looked to me like the last thing the girl needed was a drink. A blanket and a bucket would’ve been much more appropriate.

  Like virtually everyone else on campus, Cara went home for Easter. I had to accept that her words would run on repeat in my head for four days.

  Stuck at Jackman alone, my only respite from the excruciating boredom was the flurry of emails that Daniel and I bandied back and forth. I read his messages voraciously, drinking in his words and allowing them to gather in my mind, wishing they’d squeeze the less savory thoughts out of my brain. They didn’t.

  My sleep was disturbed on Saturday night by a strange dream in which Cara stood before Daniel and me, pointing an accusing finger and telling anyone who would listen that we were engaged in inappropriate actions. Then a mysterious girl was there, holding a voice recorder up to Cara’s mouth, gathering damning evidence against us. Though I had no clue what Nicola looked like, somehow I knew that this girl in my dream was Daniel’s accuser from Oxford.

  Daniel’s mother and father were there, too, shaking their heads in disappointment. Dean Grant was reading from an enormous book detailing the University’s Code of Conduct. My mouth was moving, but no sound came out. Daniel gasped and clutched his chest, but my hands were bound to my sides—I couldn’t even reach out to comfort him.

  I woke with a start, stomach churning, the details of the dream haunting in their vividness. The dream lingered at the edges of my consciousness all day while Cara’s whispered threat came back to me again and again.

  At six o’clock on Sunday night, the silence of the apartment was interrupted by the buzzer—someone calling up from the lobby. My first thought was Daniel. He wouldn’t risk coming here, would he? I pressed the intercom.

  “Hello?”

  “Aubrey, it’s me, Penny. Can you pop down here for a minute?”

  “Of course! I’ll be right there!”

  I quickly threw a sweatshirt over my T-shirt and slipped on some shoes. Why on earth would Penny be here? When I reached the lobby and pushed the door open for her, the look of affection and sympathy on her face just about made me buckle at the knees. She reached out to hug me with one arm.

  “Happy Easter, lovey.”

  “Thanks. You too. This is a surprise. What are you doing here?”

  She handed me a plastic bag.

  “Special delivery.”

  “What is it?”

  “Open it when you get upstairs. I guarantee you’ll love it. Look, I can’t stay. Brad’s waiting in the truck. We’re on our way to the airport in a couple of hours.”

  “That’s right. I hope everything goes smoothly on your trip. Have fun, okay?”

  “I will.” She hugged me again and whispered in my ear, “Just a little over a fortnight and this will all be over. Keep your chin up. And if it makes you feel any better, Daniel’s absolutely beside himself missing you.”

  I nodded. “This isn’t easy on either of us.” I held up the bag. “Thanks for this.”

  “Not to worry, love. Bye, then. Good luck studying,” she said, pushing through the door.

  “How long are you gone?” I called after her.

  “Until the twenty-sixth.
I want you to come over for lunch or something when I’m back, all right?”

  “Sure thing.” I waved as she left, wondering if that lunch date would ever come to pass.

  I dashed upstairs, eager to see what was in the bag. I unknotted the plastic and found five foil-wrapped packages, two of them still warm to the touch. At the bottom of the bag, there was a folded sheet of paper—a note from Gwen:

  Aubrey,

  I imagine you may not think too kindly of me right now, and I’m sorry. My son’s welfare has to be my top priority, but I realize you have neither malicious intent nor any desire to hurt him. He misses you, and your absence at our gathering this afternoon, although necessary, seemed wrong. I hate to think of you at your residence alone without your mother to cook you Easter dinner, so I prepared a little something. Consider it an olive branch. David doesn’t know I’ve done this, so please don’t mention it. I’m entrusting the delivery to Bradley and Penny. I look forward to the day when you can join our family for holidays and celebrations. -Gwen

  I inhaled deeply, swallowing the lump in my throat and turning my attention to the warm packages—turkey and stuffing, mashed potatoes, carrots, green beans, and a small container of gravy. Next, I found a slice of gooey pecan pie. I smiled as I imagined Daniel’s face when dessert was served.

  I picked up the last two packages. One felt decidedly non-food-like. The other was a strange bumpy shape. I peeled open the foil of the bumpy one and found a chocolate bunny. I sat him on the counter while I opened the last package, which wasn’t food at all, but rather a framed picture of Daniel with a small folded note stuck in the frame.

  I pulled the paper away so I could look at the photograph—Daniel dressed handsomely in gray pants and a charcoal sweater with a white shirt and tie underneath. He was standing in front of an ivy-covered wall—this had to be at Oxford. I stood the photo on the counter and opened the note.

  Hello, lovely,

  See what this no spending money silliness is doing to me? Now I’ve had to resort to stealing things from my parents’ home! Add to that the subterfuge of having Penny conceal this photo and the bunny (they were buy one get one free-I gave you the free one!) in the bag my mom was putting together for you, and I feel downright criminal!

  I’ll be visiting my grandfather at his bench tomorrow afternoon. It was dark when we went there last time, and I don’t think he got a good look at you. I miss you so much. I hope you can come with me when I visit him again.

  Enjoy your dinner, and I can’t wait to see you in a few days.

  Yours, Daniel

  It’s not easy swallowing turkey and stuffing with all the fixings when you’re crying your eyes out, but somehow I managed. I sat at the kitchen table, Daniel’s picture and the chocolate bunny propped up beside me, and ate every last bite of Gwen’s peace offering. And Daniel was right. Gooey pecan pie was to die for.

  “Thanks for brunch, Matt. It was nice to get away from my own thoughts for a couple of hours.”

  Matt draped his arm around my shoulders as we made our way up the subway steps, turning to look at me sincerely.

  “It was nice to hang out, just us, you know? I’ve been kind of ignoring you.”

  “Don’t worry. I get it. It’s good that you got to spend the weekend at Sarah’s. I wish I could do the same with Daniel. Now I don’t even know if we’ll ever get to that point.”

  Matt squeezed my shoulder as we walked on.

  “You really think Cara’s gonna blow the whistle on you guys? I still think you might be jumping to conclusions.”

  “I’ve gone around in circles about this all weekend. Part of me thinks she’s messing with my head, and then part of me is sure she heard everything Julie and I said in that washroom and she’s waiting for the right moment to pounce.”

  We reached the entrance of Northrop Frye hall, and I stopped, gesturing to the doors.

  “This is where Daniel’s dad made me promise not to see Daniel until the class is over.”

  I walked over to a low-walled planter and sat on the ledge looking up at Old Vic.

  “Ah, yes, the dreaded promise,” Matt said, sitting next to me. “Well, the way I see it, you need to break it. I think you need to tell Daniel what you suspect. And soon—definitely before class on Wednesday. Forewarned is forearmed, right?”

  “I’m just terrified he’ll have an anxiety attack and I won’t know what to do. Or what if he decides I’m way too much trouble and walks away?”

  “Aubrey, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you need to sideline your worries about the relationship. This is his life. His reputation. That’s way more important right now. You’ll have to take your chances that he’ll handle it okay. Plus, look at the effect keeping this to yourself is having on you. Have you looked in the mirror? You’re a mess.”

  It was true—I did look awful. My eyelids were puffy from crying so much over the weekend.

  “I guess I’m selfishly trying to prolong the inevitable. It’s weird—I can’t stop thinking about his father’s words. Daniel and I were so quick to attack his dad and call him unreasonable, but now that I know he was right to be concerned about someone finding out about us, I feel wretched.”

  I promise…I’d rather die than hurt Daniel.

  How was I to know that when I’d said those words to Dean Grant, I’d already taken the misstep that would lead to disaster? Why did everything have to be so complicated? I wished there was some way of knowing I was making the right decision—some sort of sign.

  I sighed and looked up at the southern wall of Old Vic, the ivy just beginning to show the promise of spring buds. As my eyes traced the curved arch and the path of the soon to blossom ivy, I frowned. Above the arched doorway of the building was something I hadn’t noticed in the entire four years I’d been at U of T.

  I don’t know how I’d overlooked it, but as I sat wrestling with the difficult choice that lay before me, I knew without a doubt that this message nestled among the ivy buds was the sign I’d been looking for.

  Daniel

  Chapter 18

  Vows

  Words, vows, gifts, tears, and love’s full sacrifice…

  (Troilus and Cressida, Act I, Scene 2)

  WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY. Four weeks ago, Aubrey and I had sat on this very bench, watching the snow falling. It never ceased to amaze me the way the weather could change on a dime in this country; the season had turned in the space of a few days.

  The clouds swept across the sky, urged on by occasional gusts of wind. Behind me, I heard the frustrated shouts of the boy who’d spent twenty minutes unsuccessfully trying to get his kite to take to the air. It was a good day for kite flying, but he hadn’t mastered the technique. He’d run, dragging the kite along the ground, and give up before the wind had a chance to scoop it up.

  I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. “It’s a nice day, Gramps,” I whispered. “You and Patty would’ve enjoyed your walk today. One day I’ll bring Aubrey back here with me. I wish you could have met her. I think you would have liked her.”

  Sudden hoots of delight filled the air.

  “Hey, Dad, I got it! Did you see that?”

  I whirled around on the bench and watched the kid running as the wind took his kite higher. His father caught up with him, showing him how to play out the string.

  Beyond the swerving kite, the clouds drifted by, changing shapes as they moved. But off to the west, darker clouds were forming. We were in for some rain. I’d have to leave soon anyway to make it to Brad’s place for one o’clock. I passed my fingers across the plaque affixed to the back of the bench.

  “I’ll have to go in a few minutes, Gramps.”

  I looked around self-consciously. If anyone were to see me sitting here talking to myself, they’d think I was half-cracked. A woman I’d seen earlier was returning from her walk with her Golden Retriever. She smiled and waved as they made their way past me, the dog stopping occasionally to investigate various scents.

  And that
’s when I saw her.

  Aubrey.

  She was standing in the middle of the path about fifty yards away. I rubbed my eyes. Was I seeing things? No. It was absolutely her. She was just standing there, looking at me. I didn’t know what the hell she was doing here, but I swear I’d never been happier to see someone in my life.

  I stood up, and she crossed the grassy expanse beside the path and headed off into the woods, glancing back at me before disappearing into the trees. Aubrey obviously wanted me to follow her, and I made my way through the trees. She didn’t slow until she was well into the woods, and then she turned, dropped her bag on the ground, and rested against a tree, waiting for me to catch up.

  Once I was about twenty feet away, I started jogging and scooped her up into my arms, lifting her off the ground. She flung her arms around my neck and knotted her hands in my hair roughly, holding on so tightly she might have taken a clump of it out.

  “Oh my God, I missed you.” I buried my face in her neck.

  “Me too, like you wouldn’t believe,” she said.

  I brushed her hair back from her face so I could get a good look at her. “What are you doing here? Not that I’m complaining, but are you okay? It’s probably awful of me to say this, but you look totally wiped!”

  There were dark circles under her eyes, and her eyelids were puffy.

  “Rough weekend,” she said, smiling weakly.

  “You sounded so upbeat in your emails.”

  She chuckled humorlessly. “And the Academy Award goes to…”

  I ran my thumbs under her eyes. “You were pretending? Why? What’s going on?” She shook her head but didn’t answer. “How did you get here, anyway?”

  “Taxi. Matt loaned me twenty bucks.”

  “If you’d told me you wanted to come, I could’ve picked you up.”

  “I didn’t know I was coming to see you until about forty-five minutes ago. This was kind of an impulse.”

  “I can’t believe you’re here. I never dreamed you’d break your promise to my father.”