Better Deeds Than Words (Words#2)

by Georgina Guthrie

  “I didn’t either. Not that I didn’t think about doing it every hour all weekend, but I was trying so hard to do the right thing. I had to come, though. I need talk to you about something.”

  “What is it?”

  She looked around, biting her lip hesitantly. “I feel like we should sit,” she said.

  I gestured to a fallen tree trunk, taking her hand as we went over to the log. “Is your family okay?”

  “Yes, everyone’s fine. Well, as of Saturday, anyway. No, this is about you—about us.”

  I nodded, encouraging her to continue while a million possibilities raced through my mind.

  “I don’t know how to say this. Try to stay calm, okay?”

  “Christ, Aubrey, the preamble is killing me. Just say it, please,” I begged.

  “Okay. Crap. This is even harder than I thought it was gonna be. It’s just that—well, I think Cara knows about us.”

  She looked at me worriedly while I tried to process what she was saying. Cara knows? How was that possible?

  “Why the hell would you say that?”

  She took a deep breath. “I think she heard Julie and me talking in the washroom the night of the benefit at Brennan Hall. Remember we’d had that fight? When I was explaining everything that was going on to Julie, I think we might have mentioned your name. And it turns out Cara might have been in there, listening.”

  I leapt up as a surge of anger shot through me. “What? You’ve been keeping this from me for weeks, and you’re just deciding to tell me now? Are you serious?”

  She rolled her eyes. “No, of course not. She said something to me on Wednesday. I had no idea about any of this until she spoke to me.”

  “Okay, explain. I don’t understand.”

  “Wednesday, after my conference, she told me that I should be careful what and who I talk about in public washrooms because you never know who might be listening. She said it like it was a threat or something. I didn’t get a chance to question her. Julie and I talked later that night, and we figured the only time we’ve been anywhere in a washroom talking about our relationship was at the benefit at Brennan Hall. Cara was there that night. She must have been in one of the stalls, but I swear I didn’t hear or see anyone.”

  “Aubrey, do you realize how irresponsible it was not share this with me right away? What were you thinking?”

  As I spoke, I realized I sounded an awful lot like my father, not something I was particularly proud of. Aubrey stood up and stepped away, her hands clenching at her sides, eyes flashing.

  “I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right,” I said, backpedaling.

  “I was trying to protect you,” she whispered, turning away and shaking her head.

  “You should never keep something from me if it affects my welfare. I don’t see how the hell that could protect me.”

  “I was afraid of your reaction. What if I broke my promise to your father and came to tell you, and you had a panic attack and I couldn’t help you? I was scared.”

  I joined her, taking her hand, which she reluctantly unfolded. If only I hadn’t come unhinged in front of her that day. My anxiety—it frightened her.

  “It was bad judgment on my part, not telling you,” she said. She paused for a second, and then she took my other hand. “If you want to know the truth, I thought this would be the last straw—that you’d be mad at me for being careless in that washroom and tell me to get lost. I couldn’t face the thought of losing you.”

  “What? Jesus Christ, Aubrey! Where do you get these outrageous ideas? Come here.” I pulled her into my arms, bringing her face into the crook of my neck as I tried to comfort her. “If I ever have an anxiety attack when we’re alone together, all you have to do is stay calm. If you’re calm, I’ll be fine.” The tension dissolved from her body as she nestled against me. “I’m sorry I snapped at you,” I added, rubbing her back.

  “I’m sorry, too. For everything,” she whispered against my neck. “I was planning to tell you, but I thought maybe I should try to talk to Cara first.”

  I led her to the fallen tree and sat down again. “So, you haven’t spoken to Cara?”

  She shook her head. “I looked for her on Thursday night. I couldn’t find her. And she went home the next morning.”

  “So, what made you suddenly decide to come here and tell me?”

  “Matt. We went out for brunch and were sitting in front of Old Vic afterward, and he gave me shit. He told me you needed to know and I was wrong to keep it from you.”

  A smile spread across my face. “He’s definitely growing on me.”

  “Between his nagging and the inscription over the south door of Old Vic, I knew I had to come and talk to you.”

  “There’s an inscription over the door?”

  “Yep. Get this. It says ‘The Truth Shall Make You Free’ in the stone above the south archway.”

  “No shit? I’ve never noticed that.”

  “Me either. It totally freaked me out, especially after seeing the same inscription on the paperweight on your desk. I took it as a sign.”

  I couldn’t help smiling. “A sign?”

  “I know it sounds flaky, but it was like that inscription was confirming what I needed to do. Like it was telling me your dad would forgive this because it was something you needed to know. Now that I’ve told you the truth, I do feel a hell of a lot better. All weekend, I thought I was being stoic. Turns out I was just being stupid.”

  “You’ve been on quite an emotional rollercoaster.”

  “That’s an understatement.” She sighed. “What are we going to do? What if she tells someone? Of all people to find out, Cara? She really doesn’t like me, Daniel.”

  I thought about my dealings with her—the insights I’d gained over the past several weeks.

  “I don’t think she’ll be a problem. I doubt she’ll say anything if she actually does know about us. It’s possible you’ve misunderstood her meaning.”

  Aubrey drew her head back, examining my face.

  “Why do you look so calm?” she asked. “This is so not how I imagined you’d react. I thought you’d go crazy. I mean, I really thought you’d go mental.”

  “Can I make a small request?” I asked, smiling wryly. “Can you avoid describing me with words like neurotic, OCD, crazy, and mental? I’m a little sensitive about that.”

  “Sorry.” She grimaced.

  “It’s okay. I’m half joking.”

  “Fair enough.” She nodded and then asked, “Should I talk to her, or do you want to? Or should we let it alone? I’ve considered this from so many angles.”

  “I don’t want you talking to her. And the way I see the situation, it would be a case of your word against hers if it ever came up. She has no tangible proof.”

  “But your reputation precedes you. This is the type of thing the university is looking for. You told me that even the slightest hint of impropriety—”

  “I’m convinced Cara won’t say anything. I’m not sure what she’s playing at, but I’m certain she won’t tell anyone anything.”

  Aubrey looked completely amazed and more than a little worried.

  “You trust me, right?” I asked her.

  “Of course I do.”

  “Then let me handle this, and if she says anything else, plead ignorance. Don’t let her bait you. I know she can be difficult to deal with, but she’s got her weaknesses. Trust me. I’m sure we’re fine.”

  I put my arm around her and tucked her close to my side.

  “Maybe now that she’s finally snagged Shawn, she’ll be too busy to torment me,” she said hopefully.

  “Cara and Shawn?”

  “Apparently she’s been carrying a torch for him for years, at least according to Lauren.”

  “Huh. Well, that is good news.” I stroked her cheek gently. “I don’t want to waste any more time talking about Cara. Just promise me you’ll never keep anything from me ever again? If you stub your toe, I want to know about it. Spare no details.”<
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  She smiled. “I promise.”

  “You promise? One hundred percent?”

  “Definitely.” She looked at her hands. “Most definitely.”

  Ah, yes. Definitely. Most definitely.

  Was now the right time? The leaves on the trees were rustling in the breeze, and the only other sounds were the distant shouts of the little boy who was still having a great time flying his kite. It was a beautiful day.

  I tipped her chin up so she’d look at me.

  “You know what? I think I’m done with word games. So, in the spirit of being completely up front with you, there’s something I need to say.” I took her hand, tracing the veins on the back of it with my thumbs. “I’ve suggested as much with every word, every gesture, every gift, whether expensive or handmade. What I haven’t done is spoken the words themselves, but they need to be said.” I held her gaze. “I love you, Aubrey Price. I’m completely and totally in love with you.”

  She bit her lip, and her chin trembled. I held her hand tightly and forged on before she could get a word in edgewise.

  “If, after everything I’ve said and done over the last few weeks, you still doubt my feelings, then I’m at a loss for what else to do. I’m not about to throw everything away because our relationship is complicated. Maybe we have to go to ridiculous lengths to steal a few moments together, but where my feelings are concerned, I’m not playing games. This isn’t a passing infatuation for me.”

  She moved around to kneel in front of me so that our eyes were level, and then she took my face in her hands. “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you, but I’m so damn thankful I did it, whatever it was,” she whispered. “I love you too, Daniel. You are the most thoughtful, understanding, and amazing person I’ve ever known.”

  I pulled her toward me, beaming like an idiot. “You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that, poppet.”

  She smiled sweetly, and before she had a chance to move away, I embraced her tightly and kissed her. It had been three whole weeks since we’d kissed in my father’s office. How could I have forgotten how incredible her lips felt, how quickly I lost myself when her tongue touched mine? God knew what was in store for me once we were free to be together—completely together.

  Reality intruded a few minutes later as several drops of moisture landed on my face. “Aw, shit.” I peered up through the canopy of trees at the cloudy sky. So much for our beautiful day. “Quick, take my hand.”

  Aubrey grabbed her backpack before clasping my fingers tightly, and we ran for the cover of a leafy maple. I sat between two gnarled roots, and she settled close beside me.

  “I should’ve seen that coming,” I said. “The clouds were rolling in before you arrived.”

  “It’s April. What can you expect?”

  “That’s true. What does the calendar say this month? ‘The April’s in her eyes: it is love’s spring—’”

  “‘And these the showers to bring it on. Be cheerful,’” she said, finishing the line.

  “Do you spend as much time staring at that calendar as I do?”

  “You have no idea.”

  We were both quiet for a moment. Aubrey broke the silence. “So, it’s your grandfather’s birthday today. Did you talk to him?”

  “I did. I told him I’d be bringing you back to see him soon.”

  She smiled wistfully. “Soon.”

  “Very soon, sweets.”

  Seventeen days, but who’s counting?

  I rested my head against the tree trunk. “God, I love the smell of rain in the spring.”

  “I think it smells like worms.” She wrinkled her nose.

  “You are not a fan of nature, are you?” I laughed. “I’ve got my work cut out for me.”

  “I’m not a huge fan of rain, but I don’t care what season it is, or whether it’s raining or hailing, as long as I’m with you, sailor.”

  She sat astride me. I gave myself over entirely to her kisses as her soft, warm tongue explored mine. I pulled her hips forward and she moaned into my mouth and tangled her fingers roughly in my hair. The feel of her body pressed against me roused an uncomfortable pressure against the zipper of my jeans.

  “I just want to go to sleep and wake up on May first.” I tried to avoid noticing the way her jeans hugged her thighs. My imagination was going into overdrive.

  “Me too.” She ran her thumb along my lower lip. “I swear, sometimes it’s all I think about—being with you. Unfortunately, I also have two papers and five exams to write between now and then, so I guess I don’t have the luxury of fantasizing all day long. But I did procrastinate a little this weekend.”

  She grabbed her backpack and pulled out a CD, which she handed to me.

  “What’s this?”

  “Reciprocity.”

  “Wait, you made this for me?”

  “I wanted to return the favor. The CD you made me is one of the most wonderful gifts I’ve ever received.”

  I touched my forehead to hers. “It wasn’t too over the top?”

  “It was perfect, especially all the notes you wrote. I haven’t had a chance to write anything for yours, but I’ll email you something. I was going to wait until I had it completely finished, but I figured I should give it to you today.” She bit her lip shyly. “Call it a two month anniversary gift—assuming you were serious when you said you considered February thirteenth as our first date.”

  “Of course I was serious. Damn it, I was so focused on my grandfather’s birthday, I forgot about our anniversary. I don’t have anything for you.”

  “I think all the gifts you’ve given me more than make up for it. Besides, you did give me something today.” She placed her hand on my chest, over my heart. “What else could I possibly need?”

  I felt her sweet smile against my lips and knew unequivocally that the next seventeen days would be the longest of my life.

  “Thank you for the CD. It means a lot that you’d go to the trouble of making it, especially considering how busy you are.”

  “It was actually a good diversion this weekend.”

  I clasped her hand. “Can I say something, sweets, and risk sounding like a bombastic ass?”

  “I suppose you’ve earned the right to be bombastic.” She grimaced. “Go ahead.”

  “You said you thought you were being stoic this weekend. Sometimes it seems like your stoicism borders on finely honed martyrdom.”

  She looked at me steadily but didn’t object.

  “It’s okay to let people help you. You don’t have to shoulder everything yourself. There are people in your life who love you and want to help you. It doesn’t mean you’re weak if you let them.”

  She sighed and set her hands on my chest again.

  “You’re right. I’ve always thought that if you love people, you shouldn’t be a burden—you should be prepared to make sacrifices, even if it means you have to do without something you want. Or if it eats you alive with worry. But Matt is always telling me the same thing you just said. I’m getting better at asking for help. I did talk to Julie after class on Wednesday, and when I told Matt everything, he came with me to the pub to help look for Cara.”

  “I’m glad you agree because all that shit about being a burden is absurd. I want to help you. I want to talk about your plans for the summer and how I can help with your job search after you graduate.” She wrinkled her nose. I could almost feel her stifling her desire to object. “But we can talk about that another time, okay? Right now, I want to celebrate my anniversary with the girl I love.”

  We spent God knows how long kissing and snuggling under that tree, waiting for the rain shower to stop. I felt happier than I had in ages, despite Cara’s potential threat. At last, I reluctantly pulled my phone from my pocket to check the time. I had two unread messages.

  “It’s two thirty, love. I told Brad I’d be at his place by one to help him put up some ceiling fans. He’s probably wondering where I am.”

  Aubrey stood up with a sigh
and wiped off her knees and the back of her jeans.

  “I guess I should head back to campus anyway. I have to get some more work done.” Before I could speak, she said, “I’ll take a taxi back. The rain’s stopped. I’ll be fine.”

  I squinted up at her. A taxi was probably the safest course of action. I stood and took out two twenty dollar bills.

  “I’ll let you take a taxi on one condition. Take these. One is to pay back Matt, and the other one is to get you home. Please don’t argue,” I said sternly.

  “I wasn’t going to. Thank you,” she said, smiling ruefully as she slipped the money into the pocket of her sweater.

  I called her a cab and then I gathered her close again. The taxi dispatch had said a car would be there in fifteen minutes, and it would take about five to walk to the road from here. Ten more minutes alone with Aubrey. I wasn’t about to waste it.

  Later that evening, I sat at my desk, drinking a Guinness and staring at the CD Aubrey had given me. I wanted to listen to it, but she’d said she was going to write something to accompany the songs. I’d wait until I had those words in front of me before listening. I wouldn’t bother her. She had enough on her plate without worrying about writing me love notes.

  I looked out the window, replaying our conversation from earlier today. Cara Switzer. Did she really know about us, or was Aubrey jumping to conclusions?

  I contemplated my previous meetings with Cara, trying to recall if there had ever been an indication that she suspected anything. I came up empty. I’d flattered myself enough to think she was grateful for my help, and we did seem to get along well. We’d been meeting weekly, sometimes twice a week, since the course began, and we had another meeting coming up on Wednesday to try to sort out her most recent difficulty in time for her to hand her independent paper in on Friday.

  Strangely enough, despite her ridiculous behavior in front of everyone during tutorials, she’d never overstepped boundaries during our meetings, never said or done anything inappropriate. She was puzzling, no doubt about it. Just when I thought I’d figured her out, I would discover something else about her which would set me back.

  Her strange warning to Aubrey was another twist in the plot. And now she was dating Shawn Ward? What a fortuitous turn of events—one which would hopefully put an end to Shawn’s persistent effort to win Aubrey’s affection.