Starting Over (New Beginnings #1)

by Gillian Joy

  "You really are amazing Ash, so strong. So determined."

  "Can I get the dessert menu for you?" The waitress asked, interrupting the conversation and smiling at Connor again.

  Ash shook her head; she was absolutely too full for dessert.

  "No, just the bill please." Connor replied.

  As the waitress turned to walk off Ash called her back. "Excuse me! Is there a reason you keep flirting with my date?"

  "What? No! I... I wasn't... I didn't mean... I'm sorry." She stammered in shock at Ash's question. Ash continued to stare at her, waiting for an answer.

  Finally, the waitress apologised. "I'm sorry. I wasn't flirting I swear. It's just... I recognise you; you’re Connor Maise, right?" She said as she turned to look squarely at Connor.

  Ash smiled at her. "Would you like me take a photo of you with him?" She asked.

  "Really? Would you? I mean, yes please... That would be awesome."

  "Grab your phone when you get the bill and I'll take a photo for you."

  She looked at Connor questioningly, who smiled in reply as the waitress raced off to retrieve the bill and her phone with a huge grin on her face.

  "Really? An hour ago you were jealous of her, now you’re offering photo opportunities?"

  Ash shrugged and smiled as the waitress returned.

  "This is awesome."

  "Just don't think about kissing him and we're all good." Ash said with mock severity as she took the waitresses phone.

  "Oh no..." She said with a blush, "this is just awesome." She said again. She stood beside Connor’s chair while Ash took a couple of quick photos.

  "Here you go." She said, passing the phone back.

  "Bet they end up on Facebook before the nights out." She said to Connor when the waitress left.

  Connor shook his head. "Let's get out of here." He said, standing up and offering Ash his hand.

  ****

  Chapter 15

  Connor switched the engine off after pulling his car up in the driveway.

  "Do you want to come in?" Ash asked as she nervously fiddled with the hem of her dress, once again feeling like a schoolgirl.

  "More than you can possibly imagine." Connor replied as he leant across the centre console of the car and pulled her into a scorching kiss. "But..." He replied breathlessly after pulling back.

  "But?" Ash echoed, disappointment flooding through her.

  "Ash, I made that mistake last time. I want you, insanely. But I don't want to make the same mistake again. If I come in, I won't be able to help myself but I don't want you to feel rushed, or pressured. I want to see you again, and again, and again. So I'm willing to forfeit tonight so I can see you again next weekend."

  "It's not late Connor." Ash pressed. "Come in and I'll make you a coffee. No pressure, I promise."

  Connor chuckled as he fiddled with the keys in the ignition. "No pressure. The problem is, you really don't need to apply any pressure."

  "Are you scared I'm going to repeat my last offer?"

  "Yeah actually, I am."

  Ash sighed, and sat quietly for a minute before she said anything.

  "I'll tell you what. Come inside, I'll make us some coffee and we'll both lay our cards on the table. You tell me what you want, I'll tell you what I want, and we'll see if there's not some middle ground where we can both feel safe." She was scared he was still going to turn her down as he continued to sit, mostly quietly for a moment, continuing to fiddle with the keys. She sighed in relief when he pulled them out of the ignition and opened his door.

  Ash was already stepping out of the car as he came around to her side and held the door for her. He escorted her to the front door and waited patiently as she fumbled in her bag for the keys.

  He followed her inside and into the kitchen, watching as she flicked on light switches and started playing with the coffee machine.

  "Strong, weak or decaf?" She asked.

  "A weak one this time of night." He answered as he watched her fill the machine and prepare the pods. He wanted to walk up behind her and wrap his arm around her waist as he brushed her hair aside and gently started kissing her neck. Instead, he stood his ground in the doorway.

  "Go sit in the lounge if you want." She said gesturing to the next room. "I'll bring these right in."

  Ash's home was nothing exceptional. It was neat and tidy, but definitely not overly so. There were shoes on the floor next to the couch, and DVD cases and Xbox games scattered on the coffee table. The kitchen was simple but functional, wood grain cupboards and laminate benches. There were a few dishes on the bench beside the sink, obviously waiting to be washed.

  Ash handed Connor a coffee mug and stacked up the games and DVDs into a neat pile on the coffee table. She laid out two coasters and then went back to the kitchen for her coffee. She sat on the couch beside him, angling her body to face slightly towards him with her leg tucked under her. They sat in silence for a few moments before Connor spoke.

  "So, cards on the table... What do you want Ash?"

  "No, you won't give me what I want. You first!"

  "Total honesty right?"

  Ash nodded.

  "I don't really know. I don't generally do relationships, but I really want to get to know you better. I want to spend time with you, and the girls for that matter, and I want to play it out and see where this goes. I like you Ash... I really, really like you." He said, raising his eyebrows slightly as he spoke. "So where are you willing to meet me?"

  "I know Hayden gave you far too much info about Mark, and I can't go there again."

  "Ash, I would never. And honestly, I am getting tired of repeating that sentence."

  "Yeah I get that you're not him, I do. But neither was he to begin with, he was sweet and sensitive and caring and would do almost anything for me when we started dating." She fidgeted with the hem of her dress as she spoke.

  "I don't know what to say to convince you."

  "I don't think there is anything you can say Connor. Only time will tell. Unfortunately, I have no idea what sort of man you really are until you either morph, or don't."

  "So where do we go from here then? How do I convince you to at least get to know me?"

  "What if I agree to take things slowly, one day, one step at a time?"

  Connor smiled, a huge grin that lit up his face before replying, "That would be perfect."

  "But." Ash added, Connor raised his eyebrows in question.

  "I need you to understand, that I might freak out at times. I don't know how to do this and I might do it all wrong."

  "That's okay. I'll do things wrong too I'm sure. Let's promise to at least give each other one chance to make a mistake."

  "Only if it's not too big of a mistake."

  "What would you classify as a big mistake?"

  "Telling my girls you wished they had never been born!" Ash's face was deadpan and Connor wasn't sure if she was serious or joking.

  "Please tell me he never said that to his own daughters?"

  Ash's silence was all the answer he got.

  "I don't always think before I say things, but I could never think something so cold hearted and callous to begin with," He reached out and took Ash's hands in his, "anyone who could say something so cold isn't deserving of you."

  Ash nodded, and then smiled.

  "So, does this mean we're officially dating? I feel like a teenager even asking that."

  "Let's say we're officially dating, and enjoy feeling like a pair of teenagers.”

  Connor picked up his coffee and realised it was already gone. He didn't want to leave her but he knew if he didn't get up and go now, things would escalate and he wouldn't end up leaving at all, and then things would be moving way too quickly even though she had expressly requested that they take things slow. Even though sitting here on the couch next to her had his pants feeling uncomfortably tight, he was willing to suffer for as long as she needed to feel comfortable with him.

  He let go of her hand and stood up.r />
  "I'd better get going. Can I see you again next weekend? Is that too soon?”

  Ash's smile faded. "You don't want to stay?" She asked quietly.

  "If I don't get going, I'm afraid I won't go at all and that wouldn't be taking things slowly."

  "We've already had sex Connor. When I referred to taking it slowly I was talking about building up to a relationship, not just jumping right in."

  "Isn't sex part of a relationship?"

  Ash just stared for a moment, "You told me you've never been any good at relationships, but I know for a fact you're damned good at sex. Might even go so far as to say phenomenal."

  "Phenomenal hey!" He gloated.

  "So what exactly does one have to do with the other?"

  "Well you can't really have a relationship without sex."

  "No, but you can have sex without a relationship."

  "So you want me stay and have sex?"

  "Hell yeah. Even if no relationship ever develops between us. We might as well enjoy the sex while we can."

  Connor’s stomach twisted. He definitely wanted to have sex with Ash. But he didn't like that she could be so blasé about it. She made it sound like she wanted nothing more than a series of one night stands, and he even though he wasn't sure what he did want, he knew he didn't want that.

  Connor took his cup back out to the kitchen and rinsed it and placed it in the sink. Ash had followed him out and he came face to face with her as he turned back around. Without saying anything, he reached out for her cup and rinsed it and placed it in the sink beside his own. He turned back around slowly and faced her again. Reaching for her hand he took it and pulled her closer, watching her eyes widen when their bodies inevitably touched. Still holding her hand, he reached behind her back and pulled her body tightly against his. He knew she would be able to feel his erection pressed up against her, but that was okay. He wanted her to know how much he physically wanted her, he wasn't staying for sex, but he didn't want her to think it was because he didn't want her.

  His free hand brushed her cheek gently before he placed it behind her head and pulled her lips towards his. He only glanced at her lips briefly before he looked back to her now closed eyes and kissed her with all he had.

  Ash melted. As soon as he took her hand she started tingling, when she felt his erection pressed up against her, her mind started to zone out. When he kissed her, she was completely lost. Her mind gave way to the myriad of emotions that were pouring into her body through his lips. There was nothing gentle or seductive about his lips at the moment. It was raw possession surging forth from within and claiming her. Without even thinking about it she reached between them and started to undo the buttons on his shirt. He pulled back slowly and her mind quickly pulled back into itself.

  "I'd better go." He said.

  "What! Why? I don't have to pick the girls up till lunch time tomorrow. You can't honestly tell me you don't want to stay."

  "Of course I want to stay. I want to carry you off to your bedroom right now and make slow passionate love to you all night long."

  Ash felt the warmth low in the pit of her stomach.

  "But I'm not going to. I know we've already had sex. Phenomenal sex even,'" he added with a grin, "but we have to pace ourselves here a little bit."

  "But it might be weeks before I can get the girls looked after overnight again."

  "Then I'll just have to wait weeks. I happen to think your worth waiting for Ash."

  "Argh...! You're going to kill me. You know that, right?"

  "I think you'll live." He said, kissing her on the forehead.

  Ash slapped him on the chest. "Just go then; you big mean tease. Argh, you're frustrating me already.”

  "I hope so," Connor said, heading to the front door. "‘Cause I'm seriously frustrated to the point of pain."

  "I can fix that for you, you know." Ash said giving him the most seductive smile she could muster as she followed him.

  Connor sighed, loudly. "I know you can, and I'm counting on it, just not tonight."

  He kissed her forehead again and then brushed his lips slowly over hers. Ash opened her mouth on a silent moan and he lightly touched his tongue with hers before pulling back.

  "I'll call you during the week; see if you want to get together at some stage next weekend."

  Ash nodded and Connor sprinted down the drive to his car. She waited until he was inside the car before she closed and locked the door behind her. She leant up against the back of the door and sighed as she heard his car pull away. It was only eleven thirty and she had no kids until after lunch tomorrow. She had no idea what to do with herself now.

  She pulled her phone out of her pocket to send Hayden a quick text.

  JUST SO U KNOW, UR COUSIN IS AN ARSE :(

  I KNOW THAT, BUT WHAT HAPPENED?

  NOTHING!!!

  WHAT?

  NOTHING HAPPENED, HE JUST LEFT!!!!

  ROFLMAO

  NOT FUNNY!!!!

  AWW. IS ASH FEELING LONELY? WANT ME TO COME KEEP YOU COMPANY?

  NO. I THINK I'LL GO HAVE A BATH.

  LUCKY, ‘CAUSE I'M ON A HOT DATE...

  OOPS, SORRY TO INTERRUPT. HAVE A NICE NIGHT, ONE OF US SHOULD. LOL

  CALL ME TOMORROW.

  OKAY

  Ash tossed her phone onto the dining table and went to run a bath. If she wasn't going to get laid, she figured she might as well try to relax. She could have a nice bath and a quiet read and try to get Connor Maise out of her mind.

  ****

  The reading and bath didn't work. Reading might have, if she wasn't laying naked in the bath thinking about all the things his hands should be doing to her body. But with those thoughts in her head she couldn't even concentrate on the book she was reading, a new romantic thriller that should have had her on the edge of her seat. Instead, she reread the same paragraph five times before she decided to put the book down and enjoy the fantasies that were playing on repeat in her head instead.

  Ash climbed out of the bath and was wrapping a towel around her when she heard a message beep on her phone. She walked back out to the kitchen and picked it up, expecting another text from Hayden. Who else would be annoying enough to send her a text at midnight?

  It was from Connor.

  ARE YOU STILL AWAKE?

  YES.

  I MISS YOU ALREADY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT! WHAT R U DOING?

  I JUST GOT OUT OF THE BATH.

  REALLY? R U DRESSED YET?

  Ash snickered to herself. He wanted to play this game did he?

  NO!

  ARGH, R U WEARING ANYTHING?

  JUST A TOWEL. OOPS, I WAS!

  ARGH... CAN I COME BACK?

  OF COURSE.

  Ash waited for the reply that didn't come. Eventually, she did drop the towel and slipped into her pyjamas. She was about to climb into bed when her phone beeped again.

  SORRY, DEB JUST STOPPED BY TO ANNOY ME. R U STILL NAKED?

  LOL. NOPE, IN BED NOW.

  ARGH AGAIN. THE IMAGE OF U IN BED IS AS BAD AS THE IMAGE OF U NAKED.

  OFFER STILL STANDS. U R WELCOME TO COME BACK OVER.

  I REALLY WANT TO, BUT IM STILL GOING TO ENDEAVOUR TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

  BY SEXTING ME?

  THIS ISN'T SEXTING.

  NO?

  NOT EVEN CLOSE. THIS IS ONLY SOME INNOCENT FLIRTING.

  INNOCENT FLIRTING?

  YEP. GIVE IT A FEW WEEKS AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT SEXTING IS.

  A FEW WEEKS?

  R U GOING TO REPEAT EVERYTHING I SAY AS A QUESTION?

  EVERYTHING YOU SAY?

  SMARTARSE... AND NOW I'M PICTURING YOUR TIGHT SEXY ARSE.

  I'D RATHER YOU WERE TOUCHING IT.

  YES, PLEASE. AND WITH THAT IMAGE, I'M GOING TO BED TO DREAM ABOUT YOU.

  THAT'S SWEET. CALL ME TOMORROW IF YOU LIKE.

  I'D LIKE VERY MUCH. TALK TO YOU TOMORROW.

  NIGHT CONNOR.

  NIGHT BEAUTIFUL, SWEET DREAMS.

  Ash plugged her phone into the cha
rger and rolled over and snuggled into her pillow. She drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face and had some very pleasant dreams.

  ****

  Chapter 16

  Ash arrived at Christian and Marianne's place spot on twelve to pick up the girls.

  "How was your date?" Marianne asked as soon as Ash walked in the front door.

  "Um. Hello to you too."

  "Yeah, yeah, how was the date?"

  "Marianne, is that all you care about?"

  "Pretty much. My son left you, some two years ago, and you went on the first date - at least that I'm aware of, since then - last night. So, yeah, I want to know how it went."

  Ash smiled as she thought about the dinner, the conversation and the late night texts. "It was nice."

  "Come on, just nice?"

  "We had a romantic dinner, then he came back for coffee, then he went home. I had a bath and went to bed."

  "He didn't stay the night?"

  "Nope. I asked him to. But he decided to play the gentleman card."

  "Really? That's so sweet."

  "I didn't think so at the time." Ash replied.

  "But now?"

  "But now... I really like him Marianne. He's so… So… Perfect." Ash sighed in exasperation.

  "But?"

  "How long will it last?"

  Marianne frowned and shook her head. "Not everybody is like Mark, Ash. You know he's my son, and I love him, but I really don't understand where we went wrong. Christian is nothing like that, I don't get it. I wish I could get through to him, make him realise what he lost in you."

  Ash hugged her mother in law, she had no idea how such a beautiful kind hearted woman had managed to raise such a cold, manipulative, controlling man. She'd never put those thoughts into words around the woman though.

  Christian and Marianne had no more than Ash did. Christian had worked his entire life as a boiler maker, while Marianne was a stay-at-home-mum. Now he was retired and they lived off a minuscule government pension. They owned the home they lived in, the first home they ever bought together and an older model Holden Commodore and that was it. Some months they struggled to pay their bills, so Ash knew, when they gave the girls iPad's for Christmas they had somehow managed to trick the money out of Mark. He wasn't keen to share his money with his parents, but when he thought they were about to have the electricity or their phone cut off, he would throw them a little bit of cash. Ash was willing to bet that it had taken a few months of begging for help for them to get the money from Mark for such expensive Christmas presents for the girls. Despite Connor’s comments, Christian and Marianne were good people who did what they could for their granddaughters.