Starting Over (New Beginnings #1)

by Gillian Joy

  "So the girls seem to like him." Marianne said, giving Ash a quick pat as she pulled out of the hug.

  "You questioned the girls about him?"

  "Naturally. I can't have you dating anyone they don't like. And you did say they had met him on your weekend away."

  Ash shook her head and smiled "Where are they?"

  "Out the back with Christian. They've been gardening this morning."

  Ash walked out the back and the girls came racing up to her, full of hugs and kisses and excited stories.

  ****

  Connor dragged his sorry arse out of bed about midday and his first thought was of Ash as he realised she would be picking the girls up at about that time. He probably shouldn't have had the half a bottle of bourbon after he got home last night, and the late texts probably weren't such a good idea either, but glancing back over them she at least didn't seem upset by them, in fact she had even asked him to call her today.

  He was really worried she'd be upset with him for not staying the night, but he honestly wanted, no needed to take things slow. He enjoyed a lazy coffee while he flicked through the local paper looking for inspiration. Luckily, inspiration came wrapped up in the form of a tent; it seemed the circus was in town.

  Ash readily agreed to take the girls to the circus with Connor, they had never been. Mark would never have taken them to something so trivial, he would have considered it an utter waste of time, and she hadn't been able to afford to take them anywhere much since he'd left. Sure, she could have saved and managed to take them but there are so many other more important things they could do, so that every time they had driven past the circus and the girls had started with the "Please can we go, can we Mum, please?" she simply promised them they would one day. Even though they hadn't been yet, Ash was happy to be able to take them, even if it was at Connor’s expense.

  ****

  Connor was actually feeling nervous when he pulled up in Ash's driveway again. It was Sunday afternoon and they had tickets to the circus for four. He figured he'd be able to take them out for dinner after, even if they got take away fish and chips and ate on the beach. Ash had readily agreed when he'd called to ask her and the girls to the circus. He figured if he was going to get to know Ash better, he might as well start with the girls, since they were obviously her life. Knowing them, would be knowing her, and he figured if they took a serious dislike to him, then no amount of convincing would talk Ash into continuing to see him regardless of how much she liked him. Getting to know Ash better, relied on the outcome of this date and thus the nerves.

  He walked up to the door and didn't even get a chance to knock when it was pulled open to high pitched squeals and screams.

  "Mummy, Mummy, he's here. Mummy!"

  "Well, open the door and let him in."

  "I already did." Sarah called as she headed back towards the kitchen.

  Connor made the assumption that the opened door, and Ash's comment meant he was actually invited inside. So he opened up the screen door and walked inside, where the noise level was significantly increased. He wondered how it was possible for so much noise to come from only two such little bodies.

  "Hi!" Ash said as she came out of the kitchen and gave him a quick chaste kiss on the side of his mouth. "Sorry about the noise, they're a little bit excited and I thought it better to let them get it out of their system now, rather than to wait until we were in a car."

  Connor laughed it off.

  "No worries Ash, I'm glad they're looking forward to it." He said. All he could concentrate on though was the taste of her lips. He wanted to grab her and kiss her senseless as opposed to the quick peck she had just given him.

  "I'll only be a minute." She said, "I was putting a snack bag together for the girls. I can't afford to feed them at the circus."

  Connor put his hand on her arm, stopping her.

  "Don't worry about food Ash. I'm taking you and the girls out. Today's on me, totally, and I want the girls to have a good time, and eat fairy floss and drink soda and do all the things I'm sure they don't normally do."

  Ash laughed at him and patted his hand. "Fairy floss might not be such a good idea but we'll see how it goes. I'll go and grab my bag then."

  "Okay."

  Ash grabbed her bag and then called to the girls to head out to the car. Connor walked out with the girls and then stood beside the car waiting for Ash to lock up. He held the door open for her and closed it behind her when she climbed in.

  "Who's ready for the circus?" Connor asked as he backed out of the driveway.

  "Yes!"

  "Me!"

  The replies yelled out from the back seat.

  "Inside voices only in the car girls." Ash chastised.

  "Sorry Mummy."

  "Yes Mummy." said the girls in slightly more subdued tones from the back seat.

  Ash was slightly disappointed there were no animals at the circus. The only animals the girls got to see were the dancing dogs, but they still had a ball, watching the acrobats and they loved the clowns. Connor followed through on his promise for some Fairy floss for the girls and he even brought them some giant hands and glow sticks. Then when it was all done they bought some fish and chips for dinner and ate it down beside the beach. There was a big park with a wooden pirate ship and the girls played on it together while Connor and Ash sat quietly at the picnic table, picking at the left over chips.

  "Thank you for tonight Connor, the girls had an amazing time."

  "You're more than welcome. I had an amazing time. Sarah and Beth are great. I mean I enjoyed spending time playing with the girls in the pool the other weekend at my place. But tonight I've had a chance to see a whole new side to them, and they really are terrific kids. I can't believe how polite they are, and how appreciative they are of everything."

  "They don't get a lot Connor, their father never spent any money on them that he didn't have to, and now we can't afford much. I mean we get by, but there isn't a lot left over for extras. So they really do appreciate everything. Those blow up hands will be treasured for ages."

  "Well they really deserve so much more."

  "Thank you." Ash replied as she leaned over and grabbed another chip. Connor reached for the same chip at the same time and their fingers brushed in the middle of the paper sending a rush of tingles up Ash's arm. She pulled back to let him have the chip. Connor picked it up and held it up to her lips with a smile. Ash took a bite off the end of the chip and Connor ate the other half, smiling at her.

  "So how is the recording going?" She asked.

  "Good so far. We're almost done actually; it's been such a whirlwind. When the music's finished we have to start with the video side of it. That's the really hard work, incredibly long days, that drag on and on. It took us a week to shoot the first one, and they've only allowed another week to do the next two. We're only doing the two music videos for the time being because the label execs’ think that'll last us another six months. If any of the other songs take off, they said we can shoot the videos then."

  "Wow, that sounds so... Wow."

  "It is a bit. I can't believe it is happening myself at times. It's been so fast, even though it's taken me forever to get here. They're talking about a tour too, but at this stage I have no idea what's happening with that. I don't think anything's confirmed or locked in at all."

  Ash was surprisingly annoyed at the mention of a tour. She had agreed to get to know Connor and he might be taking off to heaven only knows where, for heaven only knows how long. What if they wanted him to do a world tour, he might be gone for months! She bit her tongue and smiled at him.

  "A tour, that would be awesome." She said.

  Connor shrugged. "It'll have its good points I guess. I'd rather not be taking off when I've only just met you though. Maybe you could come if I have to tour?"

  Ash laughed "Yeah because that would be taking it slowly, and entirely doable with my job and two kids."

  Connor shrugged again.

  Connor was feel
ing immense trepidation as he contemplated the direction he was about to veer the conversation into but his curiosity always ended up getting the better of him.

  "So, you still see Marks parents?" He asked.

  Ash looked into his eyes and tilted her head. "Are you about to start lecturing me, on our second date?"

  "What? No! But I am curious."

  "Curious about?"

  "Doesn't it hurt to see them all the time? Don't they remind you of what he did, and why he won't have anything to do with the girls now? Surely they're your ticket to hit him up for support Ash; he should be paying to support the girls."

  Ash shook her head, she was tired of having to defend herself to everyone all the time.

  "I know he should Connor, but the truth is, we are happier without him in our lives at all. I'm pretty sure Marianne and Christian get what they can out of him, when they can. They don't have much themselves but they always manage to buy the girls’ ridiculously expensive Christmas and birthday presents. I'm scared that if I chase him up for maintenance, he might expect visitation rights and I really don't want to do that to the girls." She stopped and looked over at the girls playing happily in the park. “You have no idea how much the girls have grown since he's been gone. They used to be so quiet and shy, it was heartbreaking. But now, they're open and confident and growing stronger and stronger every day. So yeah, I'm sure I could get contact details out of his parents. In fact, they have offered numerous times. They hate that he does nothing for the girls. It's not worth the risk though, I'd rather go without fiscally, and know they're happy."

  Ash looked back to Connor, and smiled in answer to the beaming smile on his face.

  "You are such a breath of fresh air Ash; you are the most amazing mother, and such a beautiful person."

  Connor lifted his leg over the bench they were sitting on so he was straddling it and slid closer to Ash. She turned back towards him as he leant closer, and closer. His right knee was pushing up against hers while his left knee slid along her backside behind the seat. When she was snuggled up against him, he reached up and cupped her cheek in his hand. Pulling her face around to meet his he pressed his lips down on hers sucking gently on her bottom lip and exploring her mouth with his tongue. Ash sighed softly as he pulled back.

  "Best be saving that for later I think." He said, slightly breathless.

  Ash just murmured her agreement.

  Dropping Ash and the girls off and leaving straight away was one of the hardest things Connor had done. It was almost as difficult as walking out on Friday night. He'd wanted to go in and say goodnight properly, but he knew that would only make it harder still to leave and he definitely didn't want to put Ash on the spot while the girls were at home. Maybe in a couple of weeks he figured, he could push to the next level and stay after the girls had gone to bed.

  ****

  Four weeks later and Ash was going insane with pent up sexual frustrations. If she couldn't get Connor to at least come inside after dropping them all off, and stay long enough for the girls to go to sleep, she was going to go crazy. She had no intention of asking him to sleep over yet. Not for a few months at least, not before the girls were perfectly comfortable around him. Not that they weren't, but she needed to be absolutely certain. They had seen each other consistently at least twice a week. He took them all out for dinner on Tuesday or Wednesday night and then they caught up again over the weekend. A beach day, a trip to the zoo. The girls were ecstatic with all the things they got to do and all the places they got to go. Connor never hesitated in holding her hand and sneaking kisses whenever circumstances permitted, but bugger that, she needed more, and after dinner tonight, come hell or high water she was going to get him to stay a little longer.

  Connor tried to drop Ash and run, but he knew he'd been conned as soon as they pulled up in the driveway and the girls started begging him to come in for ice cream with Milo topping. Aside from the fact it had been forever since Connor had eaten Milo on ice cream, he couldn't resist the girls’ smiles when they asked.

  As he escorted Ash and the girls inside he overheard Sarah whispering to her Mum.

  "What was that Sarah?" He asked smugly, risking a knowing smile at Ash.

  "Nothing," Sarah answered quickly. "I'll get the ice cream." She called, escaping to the second freezer in the laundry where the ice cream was kept.

  Connor stood when Ash came back into the lounge after putting the girls to bed.

  "I'd better get going." He said.

  "Please don't." Ash said taking his hand and pulling him back down on the couch beside her. "Please stay a bit longer."

  Connor didn't resist as he answered. "I'm scared if I don't go now, I won't ever be able to leave."

  Ash laughed, a quick chuckle, before she replied. "I'll make sure you do, I'm not asking you to stay forever Connor, I'm not even asking you to stay all night. I'm asking you stay a bit longer."

  "Just a bit longer?"

  "Just a bit longer." She replied as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

  "Ash?" He murmured when she finally pulled back a little bit.

  "Mmmm." She started kissing him again.

  Connor didn't even bother asking, he picked her up and headed up the hallway in the direction of her bedroom. When he got to the closed but not shut bedroom door he stopped.

  "Are you sure?" He asked before pushing the door open slightly.

  "Positively positive," She replied, pushing the bedroom door with her foot so it swung open.

  Connor had only seen her room in passing before and he was touched by the femininity of it. It was pure Ash, in the furnishings and accessories. He walked through the door and pushed it shut with his foot. He threw back the brightly coloured floral bedspread before sitting down on the edge of the bed with her wrapped in his arms on his knee. He twisted his body and lowered her back across the bed as he started slowly unbuttoning the front of her blouse, his fingers skimming across her breasts as he went. He ached for her in a way he couldn't even fully comprehend. His entire body was on fire as he removed her clothing piece by piece.

  "God Ash." He murmured in her ear when he had her stripped down to only her bra and undies. She was stunning. He had no idea how he was lucky enough to have her in his life at this point in time, but he was going to enjoy it while it lasted. For however long it lasted.

  "Connor?"

  "Mmmm?"

  "Why are you still fully dressed?" She asked pulling at his back in an effort to untuck his t-shirt from his jeans so she could pull it over his head. He laughed as he wriggled against her trying to loosen it for her. When her fingers brushed across his erection in an effort to undo the button and fly of his jeans he stilled for the briefest moment.

  "Ash?"

  "Mmmm?"

  "I...." He knew what he wanted to say, but he was struggling to get the words out. He'd never said something like this before and he wanted to get it right.

  "What?" She pressed gently.

  "I love you." He said.

  Ash's fingers stilled, she stopped and looked up at him without saying anything in reply.

  "I mean it. I love you."

  Connor was fully aware of the fact that she hadn't said anything in reply, he worried he'd scare her off and he tried to figure a way to back pedal, to take it back. He'd meant what he said from the bottom of his heart, but the last thing he wanted to do with his declaration was push her away.

  Ash reached up and placed a hand on either side of his face, she gave him the tiniest smile before she pulled him down to her and kissed him with a passion he didn't realise had ever existed.

  He knew in that moment, in that kiss, that although she hadn't said the words back, her feelings for him were as strong as his were for her. If she wasn't at a place within herself that she could say it out loud, then he was perfectly happy to wait for however long it took until she was.

  ****

  Chapter 17

  Three months later


  "I'll fly back at least once a week." Connor promised as he kissed her again. "Argh, I can't believe they're making me do this. I don't even want to go." He kissed her again.

  Ash laughed at him and gave him a gentle shove towards the taxi waiting at the kerb.

  "Go, have fun. You'll forget all about me as soon as you do the first gig."

  Connor shook his head vehemently "Not a chance. I will miss you like crazy the entire time I'm gone."

  "Yeah, yeah, you'll be too busy fighting away all those teenage girls." Ash thought about what she said for a second before adding. "You better push them away."

  Connor took her hands in his and looked deep into her eyes.

  "You're the only one for me Ash. I love you, with a passion I've never felt for anybody before."

  Ash reached her hand up and brushed his cheek. She tried to form the words to say it back, but she still couldn't force herself to do it. She could feel the love burning a hole in her chest and it scared the hell out of her, but she couldn't say it out loud.

  Connor kissed her again and then climbed into the taxi, he really didn't want to go, but the record label had booked him in for a three-month tour; twelve weeks of running around the country, doing radio and TV spots and concerts. Twelve weeks without Ash.

  He'd asked her to come, he'd even tried begging, and he knew she was right, but it didn't help eliminate that sinking feeling in his stomach. The most she'd agree to was the possibility of flying up to Brisbane and spending the weekend with him while he was there, not even a promise. Only a possible, "If we can make it work I'll look at it." Connor would pull out all stops to make sure it happened though. He knew he was in for a jam packed three months, but he also knew he was going to miss her while he was gone. He hoped it wasn't too much for Ash.