Over and Out

by Fenella J Miller

Jack disconnected, still not sure if he was doing the right thing following Ellie’s orders. He made a jug of fruit cordial and put the kettle on. At least he wasn’t expected at work for a few days. What a bloody awful thing to happen – but it must have been so much worse for Fiona and George. No one, apart from Frankie, was aware of the pregnancy so that would make it a bit easier for him when he went back.

  He scrubbed his fist across his eyes. He was going to be strong for her and put his own grief aside. He dropped a glass into the top of the jug and then rushed upstairs. She was sitting exactly the same way she had been when he left her, just staring out of the window.

  ‘The doctor will be here later and he says you’re to drink as much as possible.’ He filled the glass and handed it to her. She drank it without argument and did the same with the second.

  ‘No more, not at the moment, thank you.’

  ‘Have you got any pain? I think there’s some aspirin in the bathroom cabinet.’

  ‘It was bad in the night, but it didn’t last long and now it’s just like a period pain. Don’t look so worried, darling, I’m going to be all right. We’re going to be all right. I wasn’t all that far along, thank goodness, and will be back on my feet in a day or two.’

  ‘Do you want me to ask Frankie… ?’

  ‘If I can go back as if nothing has happened? I don’t think so. Things are winding down now and hopefully in a few months we can start trying for another baby.’

  He heard the kettle whistling downstairs. ‘I’m going to make them breakfast. Do you want me to bring up the wireless?’

  ‘No, but I would like the new Georgette Heyer and the Agatha Christie you were reading the other day.’

  *

  Ellie was determined not to give in to her misery. The troops that had just landed in Normandy were facing imminent death and in comparison, the loss of their baby was trivial. They could try again and hopefully next time things wouldn’t end so abruptly – what these brave men were facing didn’t bear thinking of.

  Jack left her to rest whilst he took the dog out for a long walk and postponed the arrival of the builders. The phone rang a couple of times. Whoever it was would ring back if it was important. When he brought up a bowl of vegetable soup and some fresh bread and butter she was able to eat most of it.

  ‘I’ll eat downstairs if you don’t mind, honey, so I’m there to let the doctor in when he comes. He should be here soon as it’s almost midday.’

  She tried to immerse herself in her books but the tears kept trickling down her cheeks reminding her of what might have been. If only she hadn’t overdone it maybe this wouldn’t have happened. She ran her hand over her stomach. It was horrible knowing that there was no longer a baby growing inside her.

  The doctor arrived with an apologetic smile. ‘Sorry I’m late, Mrs Reynolds. Also sorry that you lost the baby.’

  He sat on the bedside chair. ‘Tell me exactly what happened.’

  When she stopped speaking, he nodded. ‘I’ll just have a quick look.’

  He kept his back to her whilst he examined the contents of the bucket. ‘Nothing to worry about, Mrs Reynolds, no need to go into hospital. I just need to have a quick look down there.’

  She closed her eyes and pretended it wasn’t happening. You couldn’t be pregnant and keep your dignity was something both Amanda and Fiona had told her.

  ‘I can’t tell you why it happened, but I can tell you it’s not that uncommon in the first trimester. It doesn’t mean that you won’t carry to full-term next time.’

  ‘Thank you, Doctor George. How long do I have to remain in bed?’

  ‘As your loss isn’t heavy now, just a couple of days and then you can go downstairs. Nothing strenuous mind you. I’ll call in tomorrow.’

  ‘There’s no need, thank you. My husband will ring you if anything changes.’

  He collected his things and she heard him washing his hands in the bathroom before he went down to speak to Jack.

  She rolled onto her side and settled the hot water bottle Jack had thoughtfully made for her on her aching stomach. Her breasts were still sore and the vague nausea she’d been feeling the past few days haven’t gone either. She should have asked the doctor how long it would be before her body returned to normal. It was going to be difficult feeling pregnant when she wasn’t.

  Twenty-Two

  Ellie was up and about again the following day and on the last day of his leave they sat in the garden enjoying the rare sunshine. They were both sad about their loss but philosophical.

  ‘A few months ago we thought there was something wrong with me, and that I’d never have a baby. Now we know we can. We just have to wait for three months and can then start trying again.’

  He didn’t hide his look of dismay well enough. She poked him sharply in the ribs.

  ‘You’ll have to go for long walks and take cold baths, Squadron Leader Reynolds.’

  ‘I’ll just have to find myself another woman if you’re not available. A man has his appetites you know.’

  She hit him on the head with her book and Grey came to join in the fun. He jumped onto his lap and there was an ominous ripping sound. He arse hit the deck. It took him several minutes to remove the overexcited animal and scramble to his feet.

  Ellie was laughing and the sound was worth the indignity. ‘Bloody animal. You’re too big to be a lapdog.’

  Grey had somehow managed to get his head through the remains of the deckchair and when Jack tried to remove it the dog thought it part of the game and galloped off with the frame and torn canvas flapping wildly in the air. The more it banged on the ground the faster the dog ran, yelping and barking in excitement.

  Stan corralled him and removed it. ‘This ain’t no use to anyone. I reckon I could have put a new seat on, but it’s only good for kindling now.’

  ‘Stupid dog – and I forgive you because you made us laugh.’ He ruffled the dog’s fur.

  ‘Have you spoken to Eliza about changing her hours, Ellie?’

  ‘Yes, I did and she’s delighted to come every morning instead of every afternoon.’

  ‘Are you going to be okay when I go back to work and you don’t?’

  ‘Actually, I’m rather enjoying the leisure time. No one’s had a holiday for years and now I’m on a permanent holiday. Next week I’ll join the WRVS and so on, I won’t sit about doing nothing.’

  ‘Jimmy’s going to be here first thing. I can put him off again if you like.’

  ‘No, I’ll stay out here in the garden. I was going to ask Amanda to visit but I don’t think I could deal with seeing her baby at the moment.’

  ‘It will get easier, sweetheart. Great – Eliza is bringing us some lunch on a tray. Will be like a picnic. I can’t remember the last time I ate outdoors.’

  ‘I don’t suppose sitting on the grass waiting to be scrambled counts, does it?’

  ‘God, don’t remind me. I’m surprised that you don’t have an appointment to see the doctor.’

  ‘He rang yesterday when you were out with the dog. The bleeding has stopped and I feel fine. He said to go and see him in six weeks’ and I expect that he’ll check everything has returned to normal.’

  ‘Here you are, I’ve made you a nice sandwich each and a lovely bowl of strawberries with a bit of evaporated milk. I had a devil of a job getting that tin last week. It was the last one on the shelf.’

  *

  The next morning Ellie insisted on getting up with him. ‘I expect the builders will be here shortly after you leave. I’ve asked Eliza to be here in case they want anything moved.’

  ‘As long as you don’t do it. Aren’t you going to eat your toast?’

  ‘I’ll have some later. My stomach is a bit upset at the moment.’

  He’d decided to walk as his own bike had been left at the pool. Then he reconsidered. ‘Ellie, I thought we could donate this bicycle as you won’t be needing it now.’

  ‘You’ll do no such thing. I’ll need it to visit Amanda, go to the vil
lage or to WRVS meetings.’

  ‘Okay. In which case I’d better get off now as it takes much longer to walk. I’ll ring you when I get a moment.’

  ‘Please don’t, the phone should only be used for an emergency.’

  ‘Then promise me that you’ll ring me if there is one?’

  ‘Don’t worry, darling, the worst is over. Thank goodness we hadn’t told anyone as that would have made it so much worse. However, I do wonder what reason you’re going to give for my leaving so abruptly.’

  ‘It’s none of their bloody business.’

  She laughed at his bad temper. ‘Tell them I’ve got a perforated eardrum. That’s what stopped George from flying.’

  ‘Great – I’ll do that.’

  The first thing he did when he got to work was speak in confidence to Frankie. ‘So if you tell anyone that asks that she has a perforated eardrum, that would make things easier.’

  ‘I’m sorry things didn’t work out. I’ll certainly stick to your version. You don’t want people sympathising and all that nonsense. Got a busy day ahead, better get stuck in, old boy.’

  Jack wasn’t able to immerse himself in his work as he usually did and his heart jumped every time the phone rang. He supposed that having the builders crashing about the place would at least keep Ellie from thinking too much about what might have been.

  *

  The next two weeks Ellie was so busy clearing up after the builders that she scarcely had time to dwell on her miscarriage. The only thing that bothered her was that the nausea and sore breasts hadn’t yet faded. She wasn’t sure if this was normal so made herself an appointment at the doctor’s surgery without telling Jack. It wasn’t until the following month and she was hoping things would have returned to normal and then she could cancel it.

  There was the gravest news on the wireless on June sixteenth. She listened with horror. ‘Flying bombs? I thought the war was almost over, that the Luftwaffe was defeated and there’d be no more bombs dropping on us.’

  ‘What did he just say? That when the engine stops and the light at the end of the machine goes out the explosion will follow within five to fifteen seconds? There haven’t been any here so far, it seems they’re all on the Kent coast and heading for London.’

  ‘Just when we thought things were going to get better. Does your aunt still live in the East End?’

  ‘As far as I know, why do you ask?’

  ‘She could come and live with us until things are safer. I expect these doodlebugs, or whatever people are calling them, aren’t as dangerous as bombers but it must be horrible living through another blitz.’

  ‘I’ll go when the house is straight. I’m going to use my next leave to sort things out here. I won’t want you to come with me. No point in both of us being at risk.’

  ‘I wasn’t going to. I’m finding I rather like being at home especially now as I can see how much more convenient the house will be when the builders have gone.’

  ‘Having an upstairs bog is certainly a major improvement. We don’t need the radiators now but they’ll be great in the winter.’

  She cycled up to see Amanda and enjoyed playing with baby Elizabeth who was now tottering about on unsteady legs. ‘You must come and see the improvements we’ve made to our house as soon as Jimmy has finished redecorating. Eliza and I found a trunk of old curtains and lengths of material in the attic and a treadle sewing machine in good working order in the shed.’

  ‘I didn’t know that you could use one. What have you been making?’

  ‘Cushion covers and curtains for the spare rooms.’

  ‘I’ve been smocking some dresses for Elizabeth but would love to do the main seams on your machine. Nanny can look after her tomorrow, if that’s not inconvenient?’

  Ellie smiled. ‘Listen to us – talking about smocking and cushion covers like any normal woman. Last year all we talked about was flying. Do you miss it very much?’

  ‘All the time, but I think it will be better when Nigel leaves the ATA and goes back to being a stockbroker in the city.’ Amanda paused and from her expression had something unpalatable to say. ‘His pa wants us to go back and live with him. He’s lonely since his wife died last year.’

  ‘Are you going to go?’

  ‘We are, when this is over. Nigel can commute from there and I’ll have the horses. Do you remember that his family breed hunters?’

  ‘We don’t have to lose touch completely. We’ll have cars again when petrol rationing stops and we can come for a visit and you can come to us as well.’

  ‘You’re committed to staying at The Rookery at least until Jack’s finished his degree. Have you thought any more about what you’re going to do with Greg’s fortune?’

  ‘We did talk about it a while ago and thought we might use it to set up a company so that Jack can work for himself, but we’ve not mentioned it recently.’

  Ellie was about to say that maybe they would move nearer to Glebe Farm so she could have access to the grass strip and her beloved Tiger Moth. But then she realised she was supposed to be grounded because of a perforated eardrum.

  ‘I’m thinking of going to university myself. I’ve made enquiries and I could study architecture at the same college that Jack’s going to.’

  ‘Makes sense. If you’re not going to have children then there’s nothing to stop you doing whatever you want.’

  She swallowed the lump in her throat and was relieved that the toddler demanded attention from her mother at that moment or her distress might have been noticed.

  ‘I’d better be going; I like to be there when Jack gets home.’

  Once the war was over and factories could go back to making domestic items and not munitions and so on, she intended to buy herself a decent bike. This one was heavy, meant for a man, and she could only use it if she was wearing slacks.

  The dog trotted along beside her but when she reached the house he carried on. Somehow the animal always knew when Jack was going to come home. The builders had packed up for the day and her first task was to open the windows. Jack would then inspect what had been done and make a list of anything he wasn’t happy with. This was usually a very short list as Jimmy and his two ancient workers had been doing a splendid job.

  When they left, they locked the back door and hung the key in its secret hiding place in the shed that was now left open. The cat was delighted to see her and wove in and out of her legs purring loudly. ‘Have you brought us any presents today, Ginger?’

  He’d taken to leaving them in the shed but his hunting was usually confined to his nocturnal rambling, so far they’d not been any nasty surprises during the day.

  The smell of paint didn’t agree with her and she held her breath whilst she rushed about throwing up the windows. Both the back door and front door were wide open as well in the hope that the fumes would clear quickly.

  Then she realised that Jimmy’s buckets, ladders and so on were no longer stacked neatly in the boot room. He must have finished and they wouldn’t have to eat in the garden every night in future. Luckily the weather had been kind to them so far.

  She dashed back into the garden and flopped down on a deckchair to wait for the smell to clear and for Jack to come home. It was cold and damp, again, but she’d rather be outside than gagging at the smell in the house. The aircraft would continue to land and take off until dusk but Jack rarely had to stay until the end.

  Her stomach had settled by the time he arrived. ‘Anything exciting happen at work today?’

  He joined her and poured himself a glass of mint-flavoured strawberry crush. This was something she’d invented using some of the abundant crop they had in the garden.

  ‘Things are changing. I don’t think I’m going to be needed for much longer.’

  ‘Why, what’s happened?’

  ‘There aren’t many kites to be ferried and the ATA has more or less returned to its original purpose of transporting supplies and personnel. It’s mainly just arranging for Ansons to ferry thin
gs back and forth to the continent.’

  ‘Surely there must still be bombers that need repairing?’

  ‘Yes, but a lot of the guys are now sitting about twiddling their thumbs waiting for work. Frankie suggested I resign at the end of the month.’

  ‘That’s wonderful. We’ll be able to go wherever we like as long as there’s transport to take us.’

  ‘That’s what I was thinking. How about spending a couple of weeks with Fred and Mabel?’

  ‘I’d love that. We could get the Tiger Moth out of the hangar and check that it still works.’

  ‘If we could cadge some petrol from somewhere, we could drive back in my Austin Seven.’

  *

  Leaving the ATA wasn’t as much of a wrench for Jack as it had been for Ellie. Doing paperwork was nobody’s idea of fun. He now had two months to do the required reading before he started his degree and he was eager to get started on the next phase of his life.

  As he pedalled the last time from White Waltham ferry pool, he couldn’t help remembering how much had gone on before this day. So many of his friends had died fighting this war, he had only one hand and poor sight in one eye, but he and Ellie were alive and had so much to be thankful for.

  She waved to him as he wheeled his bike past the kitchen window. Her smile made him feel ten feet tall – he was the luckiest guy in the world to be married to her. The fact that he was her second choice no longer bothered him as he was confident the love they shared was genuine and would last a lifetime.

  ‘You look remarkably cheerful for a man whose just left the ATA.’ She turned her face so he could kiss her but carried on washing the salad leaves in the brand-new sink that the builders had installed in the kitchen. This meant they no longer had to go into the scullery for water or to wash up.

  ‘New potatoes from the garden?’

  ‘Stan dug them up just before he left. Egg salad and then fruit salad for dessert.’ She pointed to the bowls of soft fruit on the draining board. ‘In fact, everything is home produced.’

  ‘I’m going to get out of this for the last time and then it can go in the attic along with yours and my old RAF uniform.’