Dying To Be Me

by Anita Moorjani

  Post-NDE, it’s easier for me to see that the cancer itself wasn’t the enemy or the disease. I know what it was trying to tell me, and in my case, it was in fact my body’s way of trying to heal me. For me, viewing cancer as an enemy that needed to be annihilated didn’t get rid of the underlying problem that caused it in the first place. Something deeper was addressed during the NDE, triggering the cancer cells to disappear.

  Q: You seem to be saying that healing approaches are all culturally based and that there’s no intrinsic superiority of one modality over another when it comes to cancer. Do I understand you correctly?

  A: Yes. This is essentially what I’m saying, based on my experience. Remember, from my perspective, many modern-day illnesses are actually mental and spiritual diseases that manifest in the body. Treatment that addresses the mind and spirit will have a much better chance of effecting change than an approach that merely deals with the body. And any modality that’s wholeheartedly supported by the surrounding culture will be more effective than one without such underlying strength—especially if the method addresses the patient’s mind-set and spiritual outlook.

  Q: Since your own experience, what are your thoughts on cancer and medicine? Do you think we’ll get any closer to finding a cure for cancer?

  A: Personally, simply because of my own experience, I believe that specific cases such as mine are a disease of the mind and the soul, not the body. The physical manifestation is merely a symptom of something much deeper. I don’t believe that the cure for these cases lies in medicine, because scientists look in all the wrong places—they’re only studying the symptoms, not the cause, and then creating drugs to mask the symptoms. They may be able to manage the symptoms, but I don’t believe they’ll find a “cure.”

  It seems to me that there’s a very rich field of inquiry surrounding the disease, based on what I understood from my own illness and NDE. Yet sadly, I haven’t seen any real well-funded research on what I view as the real causes of cancer, while billions of dollars are spent on drug-based approaches. I often wonder whether it’s easier to make money selling medication than it is to bolster people’s sense of their own divine magnificence!

  I believe that my cancer was related to my self-identity, and it feels as though it was my body’s way of telling me that my soul was grieving for the loss of its own worth—of its identity. If I’d known the truth of who I actually am, I wouldn’t have gotten cancer!

  Q: What’s your opinion about money from the perspective of the afterlife? Some believe that money is the cause of a lot of the problems and evil in this world. What do you think?

  A: Money in and of itself has no power other than what we choose to give it, and it’s the same with everything in this dimension. Anything can be used for good or bad, but in and of itself, it’s just neutral. We choose to give it power. We put our judgments (both negative and positive) onto money, religion, race, and so on. We create certain beliefs about them, give them an emotional charge, and presto, we’ve created a situation where people either become stronger or fight in defense.

  I’m not saying that this is a bad thing—it may even be a necessary part of existing in this realm. We live in a world of seeming duality, where we’re always deciding what’s bad or good, what’s negative or positive. We have emotions, and we put them into our beliefs, including those about money. We could have given those same emotional charges to something else, another commodity or system of exchange, and that would hold the same power that money currently does.

  But death transcends duality. It transcends religion, race, culture, and all our values and beliefs. We aren’t any of those things, but are merely expressing through them at this point in time. We’re something far, far greater.

  Q: Many who would like to heal themselves want to know how to go about things like “trusting in your own healing,” “letting go and allowing healing,” and “accessing your place of healing.” Are these platitudes of any use to the average person? People who want to heal their bodies need to know how to put such things into practice.

  A: I don’t like to advocate a set methodology, instructions, or anything like that, because if I do, I’m only creating more dogma, and the whole point is to be free of that. I do suggest, however, not viewing illness or symptoms as “something to be gotten rid of,” like an enemy. This a fear-based reaction. For me, the appearance of these symptoms is my body’s way of trying to heal me. I know that if I try to eliminate the illness with an adversarial attitude, I end up doing the opposite, antagonizing it and embedding myself deeper into the illness mind-set.

  This doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t go and see a doctor. I’m purely referring to how I view disease or physical manifestations of the body. The idea is not to obsess about it and have your days revolve around doing things for the sole purpose of getting rid of the illness. It’s actually far more productive to distract yourself and stay occupied with activities that stimulate you in a positive, creative way.

  As far as I could, I’d try to free myself from needing my health to be a certain way in order to find happiness and just create joy in the moment, as though I were already healthy. Living in the present means not carrying any emotional baggage from one segment of time into the next. Every instant is unique and can’t be replicated. It’s our choice whether to carry our fears with us, keeping us stuck in illness.

  You don’t have to be a spiritual guru or anything. Just make the most of every minute, living it to the fullest and doing things that make you happy, whether you have a month to live or 100 years.

  Q: Theories are interesting, but what about practical advice? How do you stay healthy now—what do you eat and what do you avoid in your diet?

  A: Well, my diet has changed since my NDE, but I’m afraid it’s not in the way you think! I used to be paranoid about what I ate. I was a strict vegetarian. I consumed only organic foods and was into macrobiotics, vitamin supplements, and wheatgrass juice—and that was before I got sick. I thought that everything caused cancer, from microwaves to preservatives. I used to eat very healthfully, but I did so out of fear.

  Now I eat whatever I’m drawn to. I enjoy chocolate and a good wine or champagne from time to time. I just make sure that I have a good time with food and life! I think that it’s more important to be happy than anything else.

  It’s no fun eating all the so-called right foods out of fear of getting sick and being miserable about it. Being anxious causes a whole other set of problems. Our bodies are actually a lot more resilient than we give them credit for, particularly if we’re happy and not under stress.

  Even when I choose to eat healthfully, I do so out of love instead of fear. That’s my method in every aspect of my life, and I invite you to live the same way.

  Q: If there were a message or lesson from your NDE that you wish everyone could know or understand, something that you wish you could shout out from the rooftops, what would that be?

  A: I would want you to know that every part of you is magnificent—your ego, intellect, body, and spirit. It’s who you are—a beautiful product of this Universe’s creation. Every aspect of you is perfect. There’s nothing to let go, nothing to forgive, nothing to attain. You already are everything you need to be. It can seem so complicated, but it’s not.

  If a religion makes you feel lesser than its deities, then you’ve either misinterpreted it or it’s not doing a good job of teaching you the truth. If a guru, teacher, or master makes you feel that you aren’t “yet” enlightened and still have more to “learn,” “release,” or “let go of” before getting there, then they’re not doing a good job of teaching you who you truly are, or you’re misunderstanding them.

  Remind everyone close to you to be themselves, and tell them that you love them just the way they are! They’re perfect and so are you. There’s nothing not to love. Most suffering stems from feeling “less than.” You aren’t less than anything or anyone! You are complete.

  The only thing you need to learn is tha
t you already are what you’re seeking to attain. Just express your uniqueness fearlessly, with abandon! That’s why you’re made the way you are, and that’s why you’re here in the physical world.

  Afterword

  Before I close, I’d like to leave you with a few final words. Always remember not to give away your power—instead, get in touch with your own magnificence. When it comes to finding the right path, there’s a different answer for each person. The only universal solution I have is to love yourself unconditionally and be yourself fearlessly! This is the most important lesson I learned from my NDE, and I honestly feel that if I’d always known this, I never would have gotten cancer in the first place.

  When we’re true to ourselves, we become instruments of truth for the planet. Because we’re all connected, we touch the lives of everyone around us, who then affect others. Our only obligation is to be the love we are and allow our answers to come from within in the way that’s most appropriate for us.

  Finally, I can’t stress enough how important it is to enjoy yourself and not take yourself or life too seriously. One of the biggest flaws with many traditional spiritual systems is that they often make us take life too seriously. Although you know that I abhor creating doctrines, if I ever had to create a set of tenets for a spiritual path to healing, number one on my list would be to make sure to laugh as often as possible throughout every single day—and preferably laugh at myself. This would be hands down over and above any form of prayer, meditation, chanting, or diet reform. Day-to-day problems never seem as big when viewed through a veil of humor and love.

  In this age of information technology, we’re bombarded with news seemingly at the speed of light. We’re living in an age of high stress and fear, and in the midst of trying to protect ourselves from everything we think is “out there,” we’ve forgotten to enjoy ourselves and to take care of what’s inside.

  Our life is our prayer. It’s our gift to this universe, and the memories we leave behind when we someday exit this world will be our legacy to our loved ones. We owe it to ourselves and to everyone around us to be happy and to spread that joy around.

  If we can go through life armed with humor and the realization that we are love, we’ll already be ahead of the game. Add a box of good chocolates into the mix, and we’ve really got a winning formula!

  I wish you joy as you realize your magnificence and express yourself fearlessly in the world.

  — Namaste!

  Anita Moorjani

  Acknowledgments

  To me, this is possibly the most important part of the book. This is where I get to express my gratitude to everyone who, in some way or another, is integral to this work coming about. Some were directly involved in its manifestation, and others indirectly, but all have played a major part in my journey from there to here.

  To Dr. Wayne W. Dyer—what can I say? Your generosity of spirit continues to leave me speechless—and that doesn’t happen often! I know that the universe conspired to bring us together even before we were aware of it, at the perfect time. You’re such an intrinsic part of my journey, and I couldn’t have accomplished this without you. Your kindness and advice along the way have meant a lot to me, and it’s no wonder that the world is inspired by you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart for opening the door for me to share my story with the world and for making my life so magical. But most of all, thank you for being you. I love you dearly!

  To my best friend and soul brother, Rio Cruz—whatever I say in gratitude sounds trite and doesn’t even come close to how I feel about our friendship. During these years, you’ve been such an integral influence in my life, helping me along as I tried to fit into a world that wasn’t always ready to hear what I had to share. Your vast knowledge of NDEs brought me tremendous comfort, and your unyielding support when others challenged me kept me sane; and I can’t thank you enough for that. You’re my best friend and believed from day one that my story needed to be shared with the world. Thank you for gently nudging me throughout the journey of this book, encouraging me to finally bring it to its fruition. I love you mucho, amigo!

  To Mira Kelley—you are such a beautiful soul! Thank you so much for being part of the synchronicity and for bringing my story to Dr. Dyer’s attention. Your actions actually brought the theory of allowing to fruition. I love you!

  To Jessica Kelley, my editor—thank you so much for helping to bring my story alive on these pages. I’m so grateful for your patience and for always being so astute in understanding what I was trying to say. You were fantastic to work with. Thank you!

  To Reid Tracy, Shannon Littrell, and everyone at Hay House—thank you for your support! I’m so thrilled to be part of the Hay House family.

  To Dr. Jeffrey Long, owner of Near Death Experience Research Foundation—thank you for recognizing the importance of my message, for posting my experience on the home page of your website, and bringing it to the attention of the world.

  To Dr. Peter Ko—I’m so grateful to you for taking an interest in my case and flying to Hong Kong to meet me and research my medical records. Thank you for your perseverance and all your great detective work in going through that huge pile of medical records and files!

  To Dr. Brian Walker, our family doctor and friend—I know I gave you a scare! Thank you for not giving up on me and for being there for all of us through those difficult days.

  To the wonderful team of doctors and caregivers at the Hong Kong Sanatorium who saw me through my darkest hours—thank you for allowing the universe to do its work through your hands.

  To my beautiful NDERF family—you’ve been my community, my family, and my friends for the last five years. Thank you Dave Thaler, Lucas Tailor, Mark Sweeney, Alison Bruer, Bailey Struss, Cloe Solis, Dave Maswarey, Don O’Connor, Wayne Hart, Carla Dobel, and Lorraine. I couldn’t have survived this journey without all of you, as you provided me with a community where I felt like I belonged and gave me so many laughs along the way. I really adore all of you!

  And finally, to my beautiful family—my brother Anoop, who means the world to me; his family, Mona and Shahn; and my dear mother, whose love for me has always been unwavering and unconditional. I love you, dear Mother, and am sorry I put you through so much pain. And last but not least, to my darling husband—I’m so blessed to have you in my life and trust that you’ll always know how much I love you. I treasure what we have with all my heart and hope that we may be together for all our lives. I love you, darling.

  About the Author

  Anita Moorjani was born in Singapore of Indian parents, moved to Hong Kong at the age of two, and has lived in Hong Kong most of her life. Because of her background and British education, she is multilingual and grew up speaking English, Cantonese, and an Indian dialect simultaneously; she later learned French at school. Anita had been working in the corporate world for many years before being diagnosed with cancer in April 2002. Her fascinating and moving near-death experience in early 2006 tremendously changed her perspective on life, and her work is now ingrained with the depths and insights she gained while in the other realm.

  As a result of her near-death experience, Anita is often invited to speak at conferences and events around the globe to share her insights. She’s also a frequent guest at the University of Hong Kong’s department of behavioral sciences, speaking on topics such as dealing with terminal illness, facing death, and the psychology of spiritual beliefs. She is the embodiment of the truth that we all have the inner power and wisdom to overcome even life’s most adverse situations, as she’s the living proof of this possibility.

  Anita currently lives in Hong Kong with her husband, and when she’s not traveling and speaking at conferences, she works as an intercultural consultant for multinational corporations based in the city.

  Website: www.anitamoorjani.com

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