Finding June

by Caitlin Kerry

  “June, if you don’t want to take the job, don’t take it. It’s that simple.”

  But was it really? Could it really be that easy?

  I felt Reece’s hand move to my face; he cupped my chin and wiped the tears off my cheek with such tenderness I wanted to cry all over again. “You have to do what is true to you, because if you don’t listen to yourself, you will only be setting yourself up for heartbreak.” When he spoke, it was not of pity, but of a quiet strength he had within himself. I couldn’t help but wonder where it came from.

  I leaned into his hand, taking in his strength even though I knew it wasn’t the smartest idea, but it was what I wanted and when did I ever allow myself that without feeling guilty? I spoke, “I keep telling myself I will only do what I want, but then I second guess myself and backtrack.”

  “Don’t think. Just do. There is no rule out there about having everything figured out. Have fun, be a little reckless.”

  “I’m not really the reckless kind of person.”

  “We’ll work on it,” Reece said as he bumped me with his shoulder. I gave him a small smile as I continued to stare ahead. Hearing his voice was one thing, but looking into those green eyes was asking for trouble.

  “When do you have to go back to work?” Reece asked me.

  “I have a few hours before I have to be back.”

  Reece grabbed my hands, lifting me up from the upturned bucket, and started to walk backwards.

  “Let’s go cheer you up. Crying girls are my kryptonite.”

  We started to walk back down the alley, but Reece never let go of my hand. “You’re not supposed to tell people what your kryptonite is, then they can hurt you.”

  Reece stopped. “Unless you trust that person, unless you want them to know your weakness.”

  Reece started walking again, tugging me along. I never knew what to say to his words because it seemed he only spoke in perfect phrases. I was always left speechless and thinking about what his words meant, what was the meaning behind it all. Every day I wanted to know more about this man.

  We rounded the block and came to the door of a favorite of mine, Moonpie Cafe. I raised an eyebrow to Reece.

  “Ice cream.” He said like it explained everything. “Ice cream fixes everything for girls. I have a younger sister, I know these things.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at how confident he was. He seemed to know the inter workings of a girl, like ice cream was a fix all. Okay, it kind of was but he still made me laugh. We sat on the old style stools in the fifties fashioned dinner and I ordered a peanut butter and marshmallow milkshake while he ordered a scoop of vanilla ice cream in a cup.

  As I dug into my milkshake, Reece smirked and shook his head. “What?” I asked.

  “Peanut butter and marshmallow? Are you five?”

  “Says the old man and his vanilla.”

  “I like vanilla. It’s a classic and I always know what I’m going to get.”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I like to try new things. I’m bold with my ice cream flavors.”

  He gave me a pleased look. “Oh really?”

  I furrowed my brows. “Don’t make a comparison of my diverse and bold ice cream choices to the lack of the same choices in my life.”

  This time I got a full on grin. “Okay, I won’t. I’ll let you stew about it for the next day or two since you made the comparison yourself. I didn’t have to do anything.”

  I frowned. Dammit. He was right, and I was probably going to analyze my ice cream choices for the next two days and wonder why I didn’t do it in my life. Point—Reece.

  We were silent for a few minutes as I focused on the goodness in front of me. Oh, and the ice cream, too.

  In a moment of curiosity I asked, “Why are you so well adjusted?”

  Reece laughed. “That is the last thing I am.”

  I shook my head. “No, you seem to be full of a lot of wisdom and you are very comfortable with yourself. Why?”

  Reece finished the last of his ice cream and I could see his mind working. With a deep breath, he explained, “In my travels, I met a lot of people. I heard a lot of stories. I started to watch people and opened my ears to listen. Everywhere I went, I heard all of these stories of different people, different places, but the stories were all the same. They all want the same thing, June. Love, hope, forgiveness, and acceptance. Its universal, the basic threads of human kind. Whenever I was working a serving job I would always make note to talk to the older people. Old people have this tendency to tell long-winded stories, and you know what they always talk about? Their kids and how proud of them they are, the times they spent together, family vacations and holidays. Not the jobs they had or all the hours they put into making a living. They tell these stories of the adventures they had as a family or how their kids always come to visit on Sundays and they still sit around and play cards with them. They talk about the laughter that filled their homes and the love they had even when times were tough, when the only thing that kept them going was the love they had for each other. They get this look in their face of utter joy as they talk about the people they surrounded themselves with, the kids that love them and the life they live. I can’t help but try to take on that attitude, to focus more on the experience and the people I surrounded myself with. I want to ask myself, ‘Will this matter in fifty years?’ After I live my life, what is important? What do I want to leave behind? Will people talk about me and the job I worked, or will they see the man I was because of the people I loved.”

  I sniffed, almost in tears. It truly was beautiful what he was saying. As I blatantly stared at this beautiful man, he seemed embarrassed. “I know, I probably sound like an old sixties song about peace and love,” he murmured.

  “No, you don’t.” He sounded like truth and conviction, like he was taking what was inside his soul and bringing it to the surface. Many people couldn’t do this; they couldn’t see the world like Reece did.

  “And I feel like I should add on, there is stock in finding a job you love, or I guess finding something you love to do. It is true, you will spend a lot of time with a career and it can be rewarding. I just think it’s not the most important thing and you shouldn’t stress out. My aunt would always say everything will work out, and for a lot of years I hated how she said that, but she was right. Everything will work out exactly how it is supposed to happen.” Reece sighed. “Jesus, looks like I am not the only one who can ramble on.”

  His sly smile only made me open my mouth with shock. “Ugh! Of course you noticed my rambling sessions the other day.”

  Reece snorted and said, “You couldn’t miss it. It was pretty bad.” I laughed and threw away the rest of my melted milkshake as we left the restaurant, walking back to The Shack. This morning, I had no idea I would feel like I’d hit a new low, only to be brought up by Reece.

  We decided to avoid the alley and walk along the street. The sun was setting, and as I walked past a window I saw my reflection staring back at me. Stopping, I saw a large For Lease sign in one corner, and behind the window was an empty shell of a room. It was the bottom floor of an older brick building, the wooden floors worn from years of use and the white walls recently painted. I put my hand on the window. “What do you see in there?” Reece’s reflection stood behind me. My initial thoughts were the barriers to filling this room, but I put those thoughts away, knowing that wasn’t what Reece was asking me.

  I looked again at the bare room and I visualized in front of me large couches, inviting people to stay a while. Tall bookcases with books, and between those Jolene’s art. A counter to make coffee and tea and a stage for the creative people to come and share their talents. I couldn’t help but think of what Reece had just told me, about the people you have in your life. This could be a place where you could enjoy the simple company of those who loved, or where you could watch the people of this world.

  In the reflection of the window, I looked back to Reece. “I see life.”

  Reece only smiled at
me, his kind eyes giving me comfort.

  It took me a few days to talk to Steve, but I felt secure in my decision. I decided to not take the manager position. Steve understood my reasoning and I felt better that I wasn’t letting another person down in my life.

  Later that week, I went in for an all day shift. I had come in around noon and wasn’t planning on getting off till that night. It flew by, and suddenly I looked and it was already six o’clock. Reece was closing, and I saw him walking in the door. He waved to one of his tables that were regulars and smiled. As he walked past me, he squeezed me on the shoulder and said, “Hey, June.”

  I hated to admit it, but I was attracted to him. I had always been, but with his kind words over the last week, despite my bitchy attitude and the fact that I kept pushing him away, he had become harder to ignore.

  I had a few tables when he walked back up front to start his shift, but I still made the effort to say, “Hey, Reece. Pretty busy day, should be a good night.” It was a very friendly statement, and that was my goal … to be friends with him. Unfortunately, after our talk over ice cream, I almost felt we had taken a step back. These niceties paled in comparison to the talks we’d had the last few weeks. Friends, I kept saying over and over in my head. If I kept saying it, I would eventually believe it, right?

  It wasn’t till almost eight that things changed. I wished I could have seen what was about to happen. I wanted to be a bystander in the event that took place, but I was pushed right in the middle of things.

  The restaurant was hopping and all of the tables were full. I was in a smaller section, but had a rowdy table of seven that was currently taking all of my attention. Reece was in the section next to me and moving at a fast pace to get to all of his tables situated. The Shack was a steak house, but wasn’t completely upscale, yet there was still a fun atmosphere. We always had music playing in the background, but I usually never heard it; I had blocked it out after so many years serving. Unless, of course, it was my music playing after we closed.

  I was walking back up front to my seven-top with a pitcher of water, when I glanced up and saw Reece talking to one of his tables. It was so loud I couldn’t actually hear him, but could see his mouth moving. His table started to clap along and talk with him. It was at that point I realized he was singing. I tuned in the song playing on the speakers. It was “Save the Last Dance for Me” by The Drifters. I looked again to find Reece full-out singing along and getting all his tables to join in. Soon the words were taking over from the chatter going on. I stood there motionless, holding the water pitcher in my hand. Reece started to move toward me, singing the song at full blast, a giant smile on his face. My eyes wide, I couldn’t move.

  Suddenly, the water pitcher was out of my hand and there was a hand on the small of my back. Reece grabbed my hand and started to dance with me. At first I was so freaked out I didn’t move, but Reece leaned in and said, “Go with it.” I still had a stunned look on my face as he drifted me along the restaurant. People were hollering at us as we moved along the floor. I couldn’t even believe this was happening. When the instrumental part came on, Reece swung me out and back in as he sang directly at me with a bright smile on his face. Even though this was beyond ridiculous, I couldn’t help but match his grin.

  As the last few notes came to a close, Reece dipped me and my ponytail swept the floor. We were both breathing hard. Reece had one hand on the small of my back, and the other holding mine closely to his heart; I could feel it pumping feverishly against my palm. There were a few brief moments of silence as the song ended and the place erupted with cheers. Reece slowly lifted me up. He turned toward me as he grabbed my hand and lifted it in the air before he bowed for the crowd. I quickly followed suit and bowed as well.

  Reece broke contact with me, and with a dashing smile and a wink, he walked back to the drink station, acting like nothing had happened. As my heart raced in my chest, I grabbed the pitcher of water that was left on a smaller table and went into the back. The endorphin rush was starting to come down, and the realization of what had just happened was hitting me. I had very publicly danced with Reece in a totally unprofessional stance. Oh my God.

  I walked back to Steve giving a stern talking to Reece. I could hear Reece say he forced me to do it, that it wasn’t my fault and the guests loved it. Steve shook his head and turned around to head back into the kitchen. I was grabbing drinks when I heard Jo come up behind me.

  “Holy shit, June, what was that? That was fucking awesome!”

  “Jo, shut up. I don’t want people to hear you,” I faked whispered, like I was trying to keep a secret.

  “They can’t hear me, trust me. They are still talking about that flash mob type of dance you and Reece did. That was so cool, your tables are going to be throwing money at you after that performance.”

  “I can’t believe I did that!” I really couldn’t. Holy shit was right.

  “Me neither. That was totally non-June behavior. You swept the floor with Reece! You should do ballroom dancing with him. I bet he could find all the right places to put his hands,” Jolene said with a wink as she walked away.

  I gave Jo a weak laugh, but she was right. People were pretty generous with tips afterwards. Sadly, my mood got worse as the night went on. I was starting to get pissed about the fact Reece had totally put me on the spot in front of probably a hundred people and made me look ridiculous. I was an innocent bystander in his singing extravaganza, and suddenly he was making me the main attraction. I was not a circus act.

  As I mentally ranted at him, Bethany walked up to me and said, “Hey, how much do you love me?”

  “Um, not a lot. Why?” Apparently my impromptu dance was not good for my current mood.

  “With the little love you have for me, will you close? My bartender suddenly has the night off and we want to go hang out with his friends.” I was already irritated and didn’t want to deal with Bethany and her little fling.

  “Does your bartender have a name, or do you just scream out drinks to him while you’re doing it?” There was my bitchy mood in full force.

  Bethany shot me a glare. “Classy, June. You always know what to say to make a girl feel special. Yes, hooker, my bartender has a name. It’s Timmy.”

  “I didn’t know anyone named their kid Timmy after 1989.”

  This time Bethany huffed, literally huffed, and said, “June, shut up and answer my question! Close for me or not?”

  “Technically, it’s difficult to answer your question when you tell me to shut up.”

  Bethany’s glare turned into an evil one. Since I had taken out my frustrations on her from the earlier incident and a stupid green-eyed man, I decided my apology would be closing for her, even though I really didn’t want to.

  “Fine,” I snapped. “Who am I closing with?”

  “Reece. Thanks, June,” Bethany said as she walked away to tell Steve.

  Reece? Shit, I knew that! I had forgotten as my mood plummeted. I was trying as hard as possible to avoid him so I had forgotten who was closing. I kicked the crate sitting next to the wall and walked back out front to bus a table. Reece came up to the table to help and said, “Hey, heard you were closing with me now. Cool, but long day for you.” Always so considerate. Damn him.

  “Yep,” was my single note reply. I didn’t say anything else as I stacked glasses.

  “Well, luckily for you I’m a super quick and efficient closer, so we should be out pretty fast. Hey, maybe want to grab a drink after work? Worked up a bit of a thirst after that dance,” Reece said with an upbeat tone in his voice.

  “No, I’m good.” I kept my tone as even as possible. I grabbed the glasses and walked away, for once leaving him standing there with nothing to say.

  It died down pretty fast and soon the one table in the restaurant left as I finished cleaning. After Steve locked the doors, I cashed out and realized I had made a ton of money. Even for my shitty attitude, I was still able to fake it. I grabbed my purse and my car keys; it was alm
ost midnight and I was ready to be home. I heard Reece behind me as Steve finished turning off the lights.

  “Here, let me walk you to your car,” Reece stated as he grabbed his coat. All I wanted was to escape the tension he was oozing.

  I spun around. “No, I’m fine. I can get to my car perfectly fine by myself.”

  Reece gave me a slightly annoyed look.

  “You just made a ton of money, I am not letting you walk to your car alone with all that cash. Anyone could come and take you out.” His considerate ways, for some reason, were really starting to get to me. I didn’t need to be looked out for. I was a big girl who could take care of herself.

  I sighed, knowing I would lose this battle, and figured the quicker I got into my car the faster I could get away from this weird ass night.

  “Fine,” was all I said as I went out the back door, not waiting for him. He quickly caught up and we both silently walked to my car across the parking lot. I unlocked it as he stood there, staring at me. “With you walking me, I made it to my car unmugged. I guess this is the time I praise you with thanks for being my prince charming?” I said with slight anger in my voice. I wasn’t even sure where it was coming from, but there was no way to take it back now, so I went with it. He simply smiled and there was a slight pause.

  “What?” I asked as I turned to face him.

  “Just want to make sure you get in your car and started.”

  I grew more annoyed as each second passed and he stared at me with those intense green eyes. I got in and started the ignition; Lana Del Rey’s “Summertime Sadness” boomed out of the speakers.

  He had a smirk on his face when he said, “Even your car is mocking you.”