The Shadows of Christmas Past

by Christine Feehan

  Cole watched as she brushed the animal and spoke softly to it, spending another fifteen minutes lavishing attention on it. He waited to ask her about the images until after she had fed the mountain lion and checked it over thoroughly. She was mostly worried about infection. The cat stared at Cole and Jase the entire time, and they kept a good distance away at Maia's insistence, but behind her back, Cole had a weapon out and ready if the animal made one wrong move toward Maia.

  "I'm telling her," Jase whispered, a grin on his face.

  Cole shrugged. "She can learn to live with it," he said, his jaw set in a stubborn line. "Someone has to look out for her."

  Maia stroked a hand through the cat's fur before leaving it to rest, backing out of the shed. "The two of you look as if you're up to some deep dark conspiracy." The truth was, the lines etched so deep in Cole's face were softening, and every once in a while a faint smile would appear. There were times he actually appeared at peace. Even Jase seemed more relaxed and laughed often.

  Her heart gave a funny little lurch. She felt a part of them, as if they were all connected in some strange way. As if she belonged. Maia had to look away, tears burning in her eyes. It was ridiculous to be so involved so fast. She could only put it down to the intensity of the Steele brothers' needs. The thought of leaving them was breaking her heart, so she just couldn't think about it. She would have Christmas with them, and that would have to be enough.

  "Whatever you're thinking about, stop," Cole instructed, his arm curving around her waist to draw her beneath his shoulder. "You looked so sad." He put his other arm around Jase's shoulders, pulling him closer as well. "I want you to help Maia inside with her baking. I'm expecting you to look after her, Jase."

  Maia glanced up at his face quickly. He was moving them both back toward the house at a brisk pace. A small spurt of fear burst through her. "What are you going to be doing?"

  "Just looking around a little more. I need for you to tell me if you have any other details for me." He reached past her to open the door to the mudroom.

  Maia waited until they were back in the kitchen and she had control of her frantically beating heart. He wasn't going to go looking around a little; he was going to bait a trap for a killer. She feared he was the bait.

  "You're shaking your head." His tone was very gentle. "Does that mean you don't have anything for me?"

  "No, it means I don't want you to do this. Go to the police."

  "I am the police."

  Maia sank into a chair. "I know, but you don't have anyone to help you."

  "Maia, I would never go into a situation without backup. I'm good at what I do. I trusted you with the mountain lion and the wolves. You'll have to trust me with this."

  She flashed him a faint smile. "Should I stand out in the yard with a gun?"

  "No, you can stay in here and have faith that I'm really not a nice guy at all." He sat down across from her. "What did you see that could help me?" He glanced at his brother, who was leaning against the counter, his face pale. "I'll need you to listen to her, Jase, and help me figure this out."

  The boy took a deep breath and nodded, dropping into the chair next to Maia.

  Beneath the table, Maia slipped her hand into the teenager's. "I didn't get much that made sense to me, but I can describe the area fairly well. It's definitely up in the mountains, where there are lots of trees. There are huge rocks and a formation that looks as if it's a fortress. I had the impression of a series of caves."

  "Yeah, I've been there," Jase said. "I went one time when the old man was gone on a business trip. I snuck away from the men watching me and got lost. I found a trail off of the streambed, just past where the waterfall is. I followed it because the trail was a little wider than a deer trail and my horse had almost automatically turned on it, as if he'd been there before. I was pretty certain I could find my way back, and eventually I did."

  "I remember those old caves. You didn't go into them, did you?"

  "No, I was only about nine at the time and pretty scared of all the stories the hands told about bears and mountain lions."

  "Which are true," Cole pointed out. He stood up and pushed back his chair. "I'm going to take the snowmobile out while the weather is holding." He glanced at his watch. "I've got about an hour and a half before the next storm breaks."

  "I don't like you going out alone," Maia objected, shaking her head adamantly. "Let's just call the police and let them investigate."

  "I agree, Cole," Jase said, trying to sound adult and firm. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

  "I'm just going to take a look around," Cole said. "Nothing's going to happen to me. You both have to remember, the old man owned this town. The police, the school officials, even the counselors were afraid of him. They needed his money, and he had too much political clout to fight him. I don't know who at the police department I can trust. And if he was smuggling something, especially drugs, he's been doing it for years and getting away with it. That means corruption somewhere."

  Maia put her arm around Jase. "An hour and a half, Cole. Give me a number to call, someone you trust, if you don't come back."

  He studied her face, set in a determined expression, for a moment before scribbling a number on a tablet beside the phone. "Give me two hours, Maia. I'll be back, I promise."

  "You'd better be," she answered.

  chapter 13

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  The snow had been falling for hours. Maia stared out at the white, silent world. It had seemed so beautiful, a sparkling crystal world, and now it appeared hostile and suffocating. The world outside her window was so white; even though it was nighttime, it appeared light. Through the swirl of flakes she could see the trees and shrubbery encased in ice. Long icicles hung from the overhang of the walkways and decorated the outbuildings. The corrals had layers of snow topping each rail. There was no movement, the world was silent and still as if locked in a frozen time frame.

  Cole had come back from his snowmobile ride on time, but his entire demeanor had changed. He hadn't discussed anything with either Jase or her. He'd glanced at their baking project, an elaborate gingerbread house, nodded without really listening to them, and disappeared into an office to spend the rest of the evening on the phone. He was distant and almost frightening, his features expressionless, his eyes hard. He seemed so remote from her, almost as if he were a different person.

  "Maia?"

  She whirled around, her heart pounding, her hand going protectively to her throat. There'd been no sound to give him away, but Cole stood in the middle of her bedroom wearing only a soft pair of jeans. His face was in the shadows, and he looked intimidating, a man possessing raw power, filling the room with his muscular build and the force of his personality.

  "You aren't afraid of me, are you?"

  Maia took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She knew wild animals, had been around them in various environments, and she was well aware that Cole's instincts were those of a trapped animal. She could almost smell the danger emanating from him.

  "You've put on your DEA persona, the one you use to stay alive," she stated, her gaze meeting his steadily. "Poor Jase was frightened, and, yes, so was I. You become a different person, one neither of us is familiar with."

  "Dammit, Maia."

  She sent him a feint smile. "If it keeps you alive, Cole, it's all right with both of us. Whatever it takes to do your job, just do it and don't worry about us being a little uncomfortable with it Jase told me you were this way when he first met you. I don't blame him for being intimidated."

  "What do I do?"

  "You put distance between yourself and everyone else, and you shut down your emotions."

  "I work undercover, Maia. I can't be showing my emotions to the world, and if I discuss anything with anyone, someone might overhear me or be an enemy. That's the world I live in."

  "It's the world you've always lived in. As an adult, you simply went out and found the environment most comfortable for you, the one
you were familiar with, where you knew all the rules."

  He pushed a hand through his hair, his only sign of agitation. "Am I going to lose you because you finally figured out who I really am?"

  She smiled, her lips curving into a soft, amused smile that lit up her face. "I've always known who you are, Cole. I knew there was this side of you. It comes out at unexpected times, and it's disconcerting and intimidating, but it isn't anything I can't handle." She shrugged. "You don't know me very well. Most things don't throw me all that easily. I was raised to be my own person, to think for myself and follow my instincts. I can be afraid for you and not be afraid of you."

  "Come here to me."

  "You need to talk to Jase. He's too young to understand why you need to withdraw from him." She crossed the distance because she couldn't resist the dark sensuality of his voice. There was something in him she couldn't help but respond to, and tonight he wore that dark intensity she found so compelling.

  "I will, Maia," he promised, drawing her into his arms. "I didn't like not having you in my bed."

  "I've only been in your bed once, Cole," she pointed out.

  "You were there all night. I've never wanted anyone in bed with me all night. I can't sleep because I'm always on edge and feel I have to be alert just in case. I didn't feel that way with you. I wrapped my arms around you and fell asleep. It felt right."

  "You didn't do much sleeping."

  His hand cupped her face, his thumb sliding over her soft skin. "I'm planning on not sleeping much tonight either."

  "Oh really?" She slid her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his. "That's a good thing. Are you going to tell me what you're up to with the snowmobile and phone calls?"

  "Later. I'll tell you later." His teeth tugged gently at her ear. "Much later." He slid his hands under the hem of the soft flannel shirt she wore to find bare skin. His hands cupped her bottom, and lifted her to bring her more in line with his own body, holding her there for a moment, savoring the way she fit against him. Her soft body stilled the pounding in his head and tamed the roaring of his nightmares, the terrible memories he could never quite push into oblivion.

  Her hands skimmed over his chest, her lips sliding over his neck, his jaw, her teeth nibbling on his lip until he was kissing her, losing himself in her heat. He drank her in, devoured her, needing to be closer to her to keep the demons at bay. "I have too many clothes on," he whispered into her hot mouth.

  "Yes you do," she agreed, her hands dropping to the waistband of his jeans.

  He felt the brush of her knuckles against his belly, over his hard arousal. Every thought went out of his head but his need to feel her body surrounding his. Heat and flame danced over his skin and invaded his veins, spread through his muscles. Whatever roaring beasts had threatened to consume him with rage and hatred fell quiet under the caress of her stroking fingers, under the assault of her hot mouth gliding over his chest. He was harder than he'd ever been in his life, more in need, his mind crowded with erotic images, with hunger and need that left no room for nightmares.

  His hands slid over the curves of her hips, along her thighs, his fingers dipping into the moist heat of her body. He loved the way she responded to him, the way she gave herself so generously to him. She made it clear she wanted to touch him, needed to feel and taste him with the same urgency he felt for her. He slid the flannel shirt from her body and dropped it onto the floor before catching her up in his arms and carrying her to the bed.

  "I'm not going to let you go, Maia," he warned, wanting to be honest, hating to be so damned vulnerable. "I can't let you just walk away from me."

  Her fingers skimmed his face, caressed his shoulders, and moved down his back. "Who said anything about going anywhere, Cole? A little action would be appreciated."

  "You want action?" His eyebrow shot up, his face darkly sensual.

  Maia arched up to press her aching breasts against his chest, to rub the tips of her nipples across his skin while her teeth nipped at his chin. "I'm on fire here."

  He felt it then, a wild rush of excitement coursing hotly through his body. She tightened every muscle, brought every nerve ending alive. He wanted to pound into her, drive so deep she could never get him out. Brand her. At once he stiffened. Pulled away from her, sitting up on the bed and wiping his face.

  Maia sat up, her arms sliding around his waist "What is it?"

  He shook his head. "You shouldn't be here with me. The things I think about are wrong. There's too much violence in me. I don't want you to get hurt, Maia, not you."

  "Do I look fragile to you? I want you just the way you are, Cole. I know what you are and who you are. You just have to figure out I'm quite capable of handling anything you can throw my way. You think you're rough with me, but you're not. You're strong, and the way your body is so frantic for mine only makes me want you more."

  "Do you think I don't see the bruises on your skin from my gripping you too tight? Dammit, Maia, I thought I could find some way to be normal with you."

  She laughed. "That's just silly. I have bruises every day from the work I do. I'd rather you put them there when you're giving me so much pleasure you're driving me out of my mind."

  He should have known she would laugh. He turned his head and met her eyes. Desire, hot and intense and filled with some emotion he shied away from trying to identify. He couldn't stop himself from having her, not when she was so hungry for him. Cole spread her across the bed, coming down on top of her, his hands sliding over silken skin as his mouth settled over hers.

  Her thighs tightened and she shifted her hips, aligning her body more perfectly to rub against him in temptation, a siren's call. His palm stroked over her breast, captured it to roll her nipple between his thumb and finger. Her breath caught in her throat, and she arched back, open to him, wanting him. His mouth left hers at the invitation, and he kissed his way over the creamy mound to settle there, fingers stroking and massaging while she cried out, unable to prevent the sound of pleasure from escaping.

  "I need you, Maia," he whispered softly.

  Maia trembled, shuddering with arousal, lifting herself almost desperately into his mouth. "I need you too." Her hands skimmed over his back, caught at his hips to guide him into her.

  His knee nudged her thighs wider apart so that he could easily settle there, pushing into her slowly, penetrating with a deep, long stroke that pushed through velvet-soft petals, forcing her tight muscles to open for him. Immediately he was bathed in tight, hot-silken heat. The breath left his body in a rush, and fire streaked from his toes to the top of his head. She did that. Maia. She did things with her body he still couldn't comprehend.

  His hands pinned her hips, holding her firmly, giving him the ability to set the pace and control the ride. He needed that, needed to allow his own driving violence to well up slowly, to mingle with the passion and emotion he felt for her. He began to move harder, deeper, until he was plunging into her over and over as her breathless cries urged him on. Her fingers biting into his buttocks nearly drove him wild. He held on to his sanity as long as he could, pushing her higher and higher, holding off her release until she was writhing beneath him, every bit as desperate as he felt.

  When it came, their release was shattering, her body gripping his so tight he thought he'd explode as they came together. They stared into one another's eyes for a long time, then he was kissing her over and over, greedy for the taste of her, needing her sweetness, afraid of saying or not saying the right words to her.

  He held her to him, his hand stroking through her hair, aching to say something, anything to make her feel what he was feeling. "Maia?" His heart pounded in a kind of terror. His mouth went dry.

  She turned her head and smiled at him. "I'm here."

  Her smile always affected him. He dreamt of her smile now. Just as he dreamt of her body open and soft for him, a haven, a refuge he never wanted to give up.

  He tried to say the words women needed. He wanted to tell her to stay forev
er. What did he have to offer her? He was consumed with rage at times. At those times he needed the rush of working undercover. He was driven to find and arrest men who thought themselves above the law, more clever and superior to all others. There were parts of him he was afraid of. A violence he sometimes dealt with by beating a boxing bag for hours, or racing a horse over a mountain trail. So many things he held in little compartments in his mind, deep where no one saw.

  Until Maia. She looked through the emptiness in his eyes, somewhere beyond the shadows, and she seemed just to accept him. It was terrifying to think he could be wrong. And if he asked her and she turned away from him, he'd be lost.

  Cole sighed. "I found the old man's stash," he confessed. He turned on his side, rising above her to prop himself up on his elbow. He could hear the regret in his voice and knew she would think it was because of his father. "I didn't want to know anything more about him. And I didn't want to have to tell Jase."

  "Jase has you now, Cole," Maia said, placing her palm over his heart to comfort him. If anyone needed comfort it was Cole. He just didn't recognize it.

  "It wasn't all that hard to find it. When I was a kid I used to go up to that large rock formation, and there was a series of caves. One of them was very small, but when you accessed it, if you crawled to the back, there was a larger chamber. I couldn't find it and I knew immediately the old man had covered it up. I knew approximately where it was, so it didn't take long."

  "It was a shipment of drugs?"

  "A large shipment. The remains of the pilot were propped up in the back against the wall of the cave like some macabre pirate skeleton left to guard the bundles. I should have known having oil wells, natural gas reserves, and a thriving cattle business wouldn't be enough for the old man. He needed to feel superior. He needed the rush of pitting his brains against law enforcement."

  "Maybe you did know what he was doing, or suspected on some level as a child, Cole. You became a DEA agent. Subconsciously you may have been trying to find a way to separate and define yourself."