What Might Kill Us

by M. N. Forgy

All of the sudden, gun shots ring out and my internal instinct kicks in. I kick the table over and tuck Anahi into my side. Pulling my gun out, I look around for my boys. A couple of girls who are cowering underneath a booth beside us become even more alarmed when they notice my gun, screaming and nearly crawling on top of each other.

  “Shut the fuck up!” I bark at them, and they cry louder. Fuck, I can’t see or hear any of my men to know what is going on. Especially with these fucking bitches acting like they are.

  “We gotta go!” Lip informs, coming from the back, gun in hand. He grabs Anahi’s arm, looking everywhere as he escorts us out.

  “Who was it?” I question, following him out.

  “I don’t know, but I have a pretty good idea.” He points to Kane’s truck and the word hermana is written in the dust on the windshield.

  “It means sister,” Anahi exhales with a tired breath. Not so much scared like she used to be, but just plain fucking tired.

  “How did this happen, where were you guys?” I demand to know.

  “I was taking a piss, Shadow and Kane were getting a re-fill. Bobby was the one out here and saw everything,” Lip informs.

  Bobby stands by his bike, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously.

  “What happened?” I ask him.

  “I spotted someone near the truck, I hollered at them to fuck off and they shot at me before jumping in a black truck,” Bobby informs, his voice wavering with adrenaline.

  “Was it Alvaro?” Anahi questions, her eyes determined and fierce as she awaits Bobby to answer her.

  Bobby bites at his bottom lip before looking down at his boots.

  “I didn’t get a clear look,” he admits shamefully.

  “Fuck,” I whisper, rubbing the back of my neck. I look at Anahi and find her looking around with a wary face. She’s come so far since the day she ran into me outside that bar. I’ll be damned if Alvaro scares her back into being his pet again.

  “Let’s get her back to the club,” I order.

  “You want her to ride with Kane?” Shadow asks. “Might be safer if they try to sideswipe you with their truck.”

  “No, I’m riding with, Bull. Only Bull,” she blurts out before I can respond.

  I wrap my arm around her waist feeling more than grateful she trusts me to take care of her.

  “Come on, Bee.”

  Lying in bed I stare into the deep abyss of darkness that paints the ceiling. Bull is demanding Alvaro’s head, calling all the charters in the tri-state area to find him.

  I hoped he’d moved on, or that Uncle Benito killed him.

  I was wrong.

  I knew this dream was temporary. You can’t sell fairytales and happily ever afters to someone who knows the halls of a nightmare so well.

  Rolling over I look at the light coming from under the door. It’s barely there, but enough to light up the darkness.

  Darkness. I bite my inner cheek thinking about the word.

  I have that inside of me, that cold dangerous part few people know I’m capable of.

  A saint that is capable of setting the world on fire and getting away with it because she has a pretty face.

  I never brought my full worth out, at least not since the night I tried to escape back in Mexico. Before I never had anything worth losing, other than my life.

  But now I have a lot to lose.

  I hear Bull laugh, and my body instantly responds with warmth.

  This is my new family, and I can’t lose it.

  I won’t lose it.

  Three Weeks Later

  Three weeks have gone by and things have slowly calmed down since Alvaro made it known he was close by. Shadow has been gone trying to find him, but he’s come up empty each time. I told Bull he won’t find him. Alvaro had the best mentor in the business, Uncle Benito. He covers his tracks well, only being found when he wants to be found.

  Bull has reassured me he has this covered, and has been keeping my mind occupied elsewhere lately. I wake up smiling and with Bull’s hands on me, my mind and body at a complete loss of the fear it once had for Alvaro.

  When Bull walks in a room I can’t help but smile and blush. I’ve been fed French toast in bed, only to have syrup dripped over my breast while Bull licked it up.

  I glance at my shoulder, which is healed for the most part. The holes where the bullets hit are going to scar though. Between Doc and Bull watching over it, I hardly had to do anything to take care of it.

  I feel like I’m a part of something here and it’s amazing. I even helped cook dinner last night with some of the old ladies and we sat around a big table like a family. It felt surreal.

  However, with every sunny day comes a lingering storm, and mine was coming. I could feel it. The dark ominous clouds in sight, the wind picking up, and the smell of destruction strong.

  Deep down, I feel like this freedom isn’t really mine, like it’ll be taken from me at any moment.

  The name Augustus has been heard around every corner in the club, and every time I hear it my spine breaks out in a sweat. I have to figure out if their Augustus, is my Augustus. I’m taking my time because I’m nervous they are one in the same.

  Doc walks in the kitchen, with her blonde hair flowing behind her, her pink scrubs an eye sore in a club full of leather and tattoos.

  “Hey you!” she beams cheerfully when she sees me.

  “Hey,” I smile, cutting into tomatoes.

  “Ooh, what are you making?” she hovers over the skillet, smelling the beef I’m cooking.

  “I’m making Bull a dish we used to make back home, it’s like a burrito and nachos rolled into one,” I try to explain. It was something my mother used to make. I found it in her recipe book and have been making it ever since.

  Her eyes light up. “Tell me you’ll let me have some, it sounds amazing and has to be better than Taco Bell!”

  I laugh, I remember Alvaro bringing it back to the motel once. It was very different than what we make back home. “I’m making extra, so sure. Have you seen Bull?” I ask, looking over my shoulder.

  She sighs, leaning against the counter. “Church. Shadow came back with some info on Augustus and his crew or something,” she informs, but her voice wavers. My brows furrow, curious why she’s acting so nervous all of a sudden.

  “I’ve heard a lot about this Augustus guy, where is he from, does anyone know?” I probe.

  She shakes her head, her teeth biting her bottom lip.

  “Does he have family left around here, or maybe somewhere else?” I continue, and instantly wish I could grab the questions back and shove them in my mouth. Doc’s eyes wrinkle at the sides as she looks at me. Feeling nervous myself, I look away. Fucking stupid!

  “Why are you asking me all of this?” She lifts a brow, her eyes boring into me hard. “Do you know him? Did you know Augustus?” she fires question after question at me as she steps closer. I step back, my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. My heart beating a mile a minute, so fast that I feel high.

  The kitchen doors open and London walks in. She stops, looking between Doc and I, before rolling her eyes and continuing to the fridge. Doc takes a step back and my shoulders relax some.

  “What are you making?” London asks, her accent sounding sexy to me even.

  “She’s making something for, Bull,” Doc informs, her brows raised. By the sound of Doc’s voice, I can tell she isn’t fond of London either.

  London smirks, taking a step back and pulling the cap off her water bottle. I can tell she is about to spew a bunch of bullshit and I’m in no mood for it. After just leading Doc on that I might know Augustus, my head is in another place.

  “Did it ever occur to you that you’re just the rebound, Anahi? Or maybe something new to play with? I’ve been here for Bull for months, and we have a connection no little taco making bitch is going to come in here and destroy!” Her voice drips with as much hatred as it does hurt. Darkness sweeps in over my newfound happiness and I grip the spatula hard.
Closing my eyes, I try to breathe through the anger and stress that is making me feel out of control.

  I give a tight lipped smile. “Don’t worry, when he makes me his old lady I’m sure he’ll still let you take the trash out occasionally.” My tongue runs along my upper lip before I bite my lip pleased with myself.

  Her face turns red, her nostrils flaring.

  “I wouldn’t close my eyes if I were you sweetheart because in a blink of an eye, Bull will be back in bed with me,” she taunts.

  Before I can get myself under control, my hand whips back, spatula in hand and I slap her across the face with it so hard it breaks in my palm.

  She screams, her mouth gaping open in horror as she cups her face as if I just went postal. Apparently, I’m not very good at this back and forth bickering, because I just snapped.

  “You barmy bitch!” she insults using British slang.

  Pulling her hand back little lines from where the still hot spatula marked her perfect cheek.

  My hands tremble, regret flushing over how badly I overreacted. Why couldn’t I just continue to cuss her out, have the upper hand in comebacks? Her mouth purses, and she stomps out of the kitchen.

  “I better go look at that,” Doc rolls her eyes, pushing herself off the counter.

  She stops, looking over her shoulder.

  “Good for you for sticking up for yourself,” she praises.

  “It was nothing to praise, I overreacted,” I argue. I don’t like it when people compliment my dark behavior.

  “No, you stood your ground. Nothing wrong in letting her know you’re not playing games when it comes to your man,” she says, before walking out.

  I drop the handle of the spatula and slide down against the cabinets until my ass hits the floor. Letting my head fall in my hands, I cuss myself for not only hitting London, but my interrogation of questions at Doc.

  She senses I know more than I’m letting on.

  The storm is coming.

  The music is loud, and everyone is having a good time but the club is still on lockdown. Meaning the main gates are locked out front. Nobody is to enter or leave without Bull’s permission and it is a bummer because I’d love to go for another ride. There’s a bonfire in the courtyard and people hanging around.

  You’d think it was a family barbecue if it weren’t for a few wild girls running around half naked and nearly everyone in leather. The kids of the club are inside tucked away upstairs with video games, and movies to keep them at bay incase things get out of control.

  Bull comes behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

  “We found a gas tank for your bike,” he informs me, excited.

  “Really?” I beam, wanting to see it now.

  “Yeah, it’s an older Bobber model like you had on Fixie. I’ll show you later,” he says, and excitement flares in my belly to see it. “Have you eaten?” he nuzzles in the crook of my neck.

  “No, I’m not feeling well.”

  He feels my forehead and I roll my eyes, sometimes his protectiveness is over the top.

  “Do you want to go lay—”

  “No, this is a party and I want to be here,” I interrupt. I want to show Bull I am here for him and I want to be here. Besides, if I leave his side more than ten minutes London will be on him like a cat in heat.

  “I got something for you,” he whispers into the back of my hair. My heart beats in excitement and I turn around.

  He pulls his hands out from behind his back and holds a leather jacket. My eyes widen and my mouth pops open.

  “Is that?” I point at it, flabbergasted.

  He turns it and there it is. Property of Bull. My eyes swell with tears and I feel like I need to pee. I’m filled with so much emotion any outsider would think Bull just proposed to me.

  Everyone hoots and hollers around us and Bull grins with pride as I put my very own leather on.

  “This is my old lady! My Queen Bee, and you all better show her some fucking respect or you’ll have me to answer to!” Bull hollers, placing a hand on the small of my back and pulling me into him.

  He lifts me and kisses me senseless. My hands cup his face, his scruff scraping my palms, a feeling I’ll never grow tired of.

  “Are you sure?” I ask against his lips. Knowing this is a big commitment to any member of The Devil’s Dust club.

  “Are you trying to talk me out of it?” he laughs, setting me to my feet.

  “No, I just mean…”

  “Bee, I knew you were mine the day you ran into me,” he says softly, thumbing my chin.

  My cheeks flush and I’m instantly turned on. I fan myself, feeling overexcited.

  “You alright, darlin’?” He rubs the nape of my neck, and I clear my throat to answer.

  “I’ll get you some water,” he pats my ass, leaving me next to the bonfire before I can answer him. My eyes catch London across the fire. Her head is lowered and she has a smile on her face that has me more than worried about what the hell is going on in that head of hers.

  My arm is tugged on, dragging my attention away from the British bitch.

  Doc is tugging me, her face pale.

  “What is wrong?” I question.

  “Do you know what information the club has on Augustus?” she asks in a whisper, her eyes darting around everywhere nervously. My shoulders tense and I shake my head. “Bull doesn’t tell me club business.”

  My stomach feels queasy at the mention of Augustus and I clutch my abdomen.

  “You okay?” she asks, jumping back into doctor mode. As if she didn’t just ask me about Augustus with a worried expression.

  “I have felt sick to my stomach for a few days now.” I look at her and laugh nervously. “Probably weather change from Texas to here or something,” I shrug it off.

  “Have you been running a fever, or did you maybe eat something bad?” she asks, feeling my head like a parent would a child.

  “No,” I answer her series of questions with one answer.

  “You and Bull have been careful, right?” She raises a brow and I give a deer in the headlights look. “Condoms, or pulling out? Something?” she continues.

  “No.” My heart begins to pick up its pace, knowing what she’s getting at.

  Her face goes stoic before snapping back into its regular look.

  “Follow me,” she whispers, lugging me behind her.

  We enter the club and go in her and Bobby’s room. She digs in her purse and pulls out a long object printed in pink lettering. A pregnancy test. “Bobby and I have been trying to get pregnant, so I keep these on me at all times. Go pee on it,” she points to the bathroom.

  “Pee on it right now?” I ask skeptically.

  “Yeah, it will tell us if you’re pregnant or not,” she informs, ushering me toward her bathroom. Taking the stick from her I go to their bathroom, close the door and stare at it.

  When was my last period? I wrack my brain trying to come up with something, but I’m unsure. I can’t even remember.

  Glancing around Bobby and Doc’s bathroom, I notice it’s pristine and clean. You wouldn’t think a man used this bathroom, let alone Bobby at all.

  Inhaling a breath, I tear the test open, pull my pants down and sit on the toilet. With shaky hands I position it between my legs and pee on it. After this, I’m definitely getting on something to keep this from happening again.

  Pulling the stick out from in between my legs, I set it on the counter while I clean up. Then I cap it, place it back into its plastic packaging and tuck it in my back pocket for later.

  I wash my hands and turn to dry them finding Doc’s hand towels folded perfectly and of vibrant color. Like they’re to be seen and not used.

  I give a quizzical look and decide to dry my wet hands off on my pants instead.

  Stepping out Doc is pacing the room, her head popping up when she notices me.

  “What did it say?” her face seems almost excited, except I can tell she’s just trying to be nice. If I am pregnant, deep d
own she’d probably be sad. She’s been trying to get pregnant and hasn’t been able to, seeing someone else conceive who wasn’t even trying would be a hit in the gut.

  “I am going to wait and look at the results with Bull I think.” I twist my lips knowing it sounds crazy but if I am pregnant I think it’s something we should experience finding out together.

  She blinks a few times before finally nodding her head. “Yes, that is a good idea.”

  “Thanks, for looking out for me,” I say with gratitude.

  Tilting her head to the side she gives a small smile. “Of course. I know this club is hard to take in all at once, it’s good to have someone on your side. Most of all, I’m happy to see Bull happy. He’s worked hard for it.”

  She hugs me, surprising me. I stall, not sure what to do with the affection. Knowing I should hug her back, I do. The feeling is so welcoming and comforting, I can’t help but hug her harder. She sobs and I try to pull back to look her in the face, but she hugs me tighter.

  “Are you okay?” I whisper into her hair, the smell of lavender strong.

  She nods, wiping her eyes and pulling from my grip.

  “Yeah, sorry. Just they have me on so many hormones and shit,” she half laughs, turning her back to me.

  Sensing she needs a minute I rub her back one last time and head out of the room. London is sitting outside the door, her arms crossed and lips pursed in a wolfish smile. The dim lighting in the hallway giving her an ominous glow.

  Quickly I pull my shirt down over the test in my back pocket, her eyes watching my movements so close I become tense.

  Her jaw clenches and then she steps up to me. Her eyes assessing my vest. She scoffs, picking at the patch that says my road name.

  “I hope you enjoyed your time here, Bee,” she hisses, shoving past me.

  I turn to ask her what that means, but she’s already halfway down the hall. Not wanting to deal with it I head into mine and Bull’s room and set the test on the dresser.

  Anahi slides up against me, watching some of the girls and their men dance on the bar to “Sweet Home Alabama,” everyone singing the lyrics.