Summer Rush (Because of Hope)

by Ashley Wilcox

Throwing their check on the table, I’m barely able to spit out a “have a nice day” through my clenched teeth. Just as I’m about to turn and walk away Joey grabs my hand, pulling me next to him. I originally try to tug my hand away, but feeling his soft, but firm, fingers wrapped around mine, I keep it where it is.

  “You’re not mad, are ‘ya? I’m just screwin’ around,” Joey asks with a sweet grin.

  My rage and irritation immediately start to melt away, feeling the warmth of his hand and seeing a softness in his eyes. Peeking through his cocky asshole shell, I see a gentler guy. Could there really be a nice, genuine person hiding behind this sex driven wall he puts up?

  Not having words, I just shake my head no.

  “Well, if you don’t hate me already, I’d love to take you out sometime?” he says, rubbing his thumb over the top of my hand. The simple gesture makes my heart swell in serenity.

  Coming back to reality, and remembering what an ass he has been to me all evening, I gently remove my hand from his. “I’m sorry, but I can’t …I have a boyfriend.”

  Although I know this is the appropriate response, because I do have a boyfriend, I can’t help but notice the hint of disappointment in my tone as I say it.

  “Eh, no worries,” he says, dropping my hand. “I’m sure I’ll see ‘ya around.” He nods his head at me with a cocky grin before getting up and walking away.

  Confused as to what just happened, I stand there frozen, staring at the empty seat that Joey had just been sitting in.

  What the hell was that all about?

  As much as I want to hate the guy, I can’t. He does something to me that no one has ever done before. He gets under my skin and into my blood like an irresistible drug. Although I know I shouldn’t want him, I do. I crave him and want just one taste to see what he’s like, if he’s worth the rush I get from him.

  Joey’s my drug in the worst way possible.

  The summer ended, and the fall came and went. I haven’t see Joey since the night he asked me out. Although this should be a good thing, my heart aches with the time that has passed since I last saw him. Attempting to move forward in my relationship with Trent, I try to force the thoughts and images of Joey to the back of my head. Whatever chemistry Joey and I felt this past summer is done and over with. I need to toss it under the table and forget about it; easier said than done, though. As much as I push any thoughts of Joey away during the daytime, he still haunts my dreams at night–he comes alive when I have no control over my mind.

  Although everything has been okay with Trent, things aren’t the same as they were before Joey entered my life. All these mixed emotions I have for Joey definitely make me analyze my relationship with Trent; wondering if Trent is the one and if what we have is real or just a temporary thing. Was Joey a hint that maybe there is more out there? Maybe I don’t feel complete with Trent, and that’s why I showed interest in Joey. As much as I want to forget about Joey, he has made a lasting impression that there’s no getting rid of.

  At least anytime soon.

  Today’s Christmas; a day to celebrate life, love, and happiness. As we did last year, we are having Christmas dinner with Trent and his family at Sheila’s house. Pulling out my only pair of black dress pants, and designated red Christmas sweater, I get myself all prettied up for the holiday.

  “Well, don’t you look beautiful,” my father greets me as I walk into the living room.

  “Thanks, Merry Christmas,” I greet both my parents with a hug and kiss.

  Growing up on a tight budget, we’ve never exchanged presents like most families do. Life is what we celebrate during the holidays. Knowing how close my family once was to being torn apart in a horrific accident, we use the holidays to be thankful for what we have and the life we still live, not letting the superficials of Christmas get in the way of what’s most important–family and togetherness.

  “You ladies ready to head out?” my father asks after they both wish me a Merry Christmas back.

  “Yup.”

  “Ready.”

  Trent greets us at the door to help lift my mom’s wheelchair up and over the stairs with my dad.

  “Merry Christmas, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor,” Trent says, shaking my dad’s hand and hugging my mom.

  “Merry Christmas,” they both respond.

  “Merry Christmas, Angel,” Trent whispers in my ear, pulling me to his side and kissing my temple.

  “Merry Christmas, babe,” I respond, reaching up to kiss his lips.

  “The house smells amazing. I can’t wait to see what your mom has cooked up for us this year,” my dad says, squeezing Trent’s shoulder.

  “She’s been in the kitchen all morning. I’ve barely seen her since I arrived,” Trent jokes.

  “Help yourself to whatever you’d like to drink.” He motions to the bar set up on the center island in the kitchen. My father nods with a smile, before he pushes my mom in that direction.

  “Come with me, I’ve been dying to give you your gift.” Trent grabs my hand and pulls me into the family room. The Christmas tree looks beautiful in the front window, sparkling with white lights.

  He bends down and reaches for a small square box underneath the tree.

  “Babe, I thought we agreed not to exchange gifts?” We discussed this a few weeks ago and now I feel bad that I didn’t get him anything.

  “It’s just something I want you to have,” he responds with a soft smile.

  My heart is beating so hard that I think it’s about to leap from my chest. I tear off the wrapping paper, and stare at a square, velvet jewelry box. My breathing has now stopped and I am beginning to sweat profusely, scared to see what’s inside.

  “It’s not what you think. Just open it, Angel.”

  Opening the box, I see a shiny gold…key. Oh thank God, it’s just a key. I exhale the breath I am holding, relieved it’s not what I thought it was. But, a key? Why did he get me a key?

  “Angel, this is the key to my house…”

  Oh, god!

  “I’m not asking you to move in with me…”

  Oh, thank god!

  “but, I would like to move in that direction.”

  Shit!

  Speechless, I stare at the small box and shiny key. I try to calm my overactive nerves. It’s just a key. It’s not a ring; just a key. I look up at Trent. He is so handsome and so full of love, love for me. “Thank you,” I say, reaching up to kiss him. I drape my arms around his neck pulling him in closer. His soft lips are on mine and our eager tongues wrap together. A deep warmth runs through my veins, reminding me of the love and passion we share.

  “Mmmm, I love you,” Trent whispers against my lips as he pulls back a little. Smiling into his eyes, I whisper back. “I love you, too.”

  “What do ‘ya think about coming back to my place tonight?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

  “I think we can arrange that,” I answer, running my tongue along my lips.

  “Damn, Angel, do that again, and we might just have to skip out after dinner.”

  With smoldering eyes that could melt my insides, he fists my sweater pulling me in tight. “Come to think about it, I actually wouldn’t mind having you for dessert,” he almost growls against my lips.

  “Mmm, with whipped cream?” I whisper in a suggestive tone, surprising myself with my sexual insinuation.

  Apparently I surprise him, too, because his eyes dart open like I’ve told him my deepest, darkest secret.

  “Dessert will definitely be served at my house.”

  After filling our stomachs with a delicious Christmas meal made by Sheila, we help clear the table and I start the coffee for everyone. Trent comes up behind me, wraps his arms around my waist, and nips the bottom of my ear.

  “Ready when you are.”

  Turning around, I run my finger seductively down his chest and softly respond, “Get the whipped cream and meet me in the living room to say our goodbyes.”

  Licking his lips and inhaling deeply, he says, “On it,”
before he practically runs towards the refrigerator.

  Amused by his readiness, I smile to myself as I make my way to the living room where everyone is sitting, recovering from their food coma.

  “Trent and I are going to head out,” I say to my parents, leaning over and kissing them both on the cheek. Since half the town is here, I don’t feel bad about leaving my parents at Sheila’s. Even though it’s a family gathering, it’s really just another get together for all the townies to talk and gossip.

  “Leaving so soon?” my mom questions.

  “Yeah, we’re going to drive around and look at Christmas lights.”

  Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I love seeing all the lights covering the houses and all the decorations spread across the town, so using this as my excuse is not something my parents will question.

  “Aww, how fun,” she smiles.

  “I’ll probably be late, so no need to wait up,” I assure them.

  “Okay, sweetheart, have fun,” my dad chimes in before continuing his conversation with Trent’s uncle.

  After saying our goodbyes to everyone else and explaining our early departure, we head out to Trent’s truck. Scooting into the middle seat, I start teasing Trent by running my mouth up and down his neck, leaving a trail of warm, seductive kisses along the way.

  “Keep doing that, and we’ll never make it home,” he interrupts, running his hand up my thigh.

  Biting my lower lip and only inches from his face, I stare passionately into his eyes as I move my hand down his side and over the already hard bulge in his pants.

  “Somebody is a little excited,” I whisper into his ear. He grins.

  “You have no idea.”

  Pulling into the driveway, Trent quickly shifts the truck in park and yanks me out of his side like a man on a mission. Laughing at his eagerness I suddenly get nervous, wondering what is going to happen once we get inside.

  "What about the whipped cream"? I ask. Adding whip cream to the table just seemed sexy and fun, but now that we’re here I’m feeling a little apprehensive about it.

  Once we get through the front door. Trent pulls me in close to him and pushes his mouth over mine. "You already taste delicious enough," he answers against my lips.

  Bringing my arms up around his neck while pressing my mouth tightly against his, I open slightly granting his tongue access to mine. Feeling the intensity behind our kiss increase, Trent runs his hands up under my sweater sliding his rough, calloused hands up and down my sides leaving a trail of heated bumps behind them. Feeling the temperature rise and the throb between my legs grow stronger, I slide my hands down Trent’s chest and start anxiously undoing his buttons. Just as I pop the last one free, Trent pulls my sweater up over my head and picks me up so that my legs naturally wrap around his waist. Pushing his mouth back on mine, he carries me down the hallway and into his room.

  Once inside, Trent puts me down, rips his shirt off the rest of the way then pushes me down onto the bed. Staring at me through hungry eyes he climbs up over me, making every bone in my body melt beneath his touch. Instead of pressing his lips back on mine, he trails hot passionate kisses along my neck and jaw.

  “Oh, Angel, you taste so good,” he breathes into the fold of my neck. Feeling his heated breath brush against my skin leaves my body burning with desire.

  Continuing down, he unclasps my bra, exposing my hard nipples that yearn for his touch. Sliding his hand over one breast and his mouth over the other, he begins licking, sucking, and teasing my eager peaks, making my body overwhelm with pleasure.

  In search of more, I run my hands down his sides and unbuckle his pants. Slipping my hand underneath his briefs, I grip his hard and ready shaft. Trent moans with pleasure against my breast, enjoying my warm sensual hand moving up and down his length.

  Panting with heavy breaths, he looks up and asks, “what do you want, Angel, because right now all I can think about is being inside you, but you call the shots. Tell me how far we can go.”

  Being completely turned on, and wanting to fill the gap in our relationship, I decide that it’s time to give myself to Trent. He’s everything I could ever ask for in a boyfriend and someone I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. Losing my virginity to Trent is the next step moving forward in our relationship.

  “All the way,” I respond, intoxicated with desire.

  “Oh, Angel. Positive?” he asks as he places hard eager kisses along my jaw.

  “Uh huh,” I moan, taken over by his readiness.

  Without another word he forces his mouth over mine, pushing his tongue inside with authority while yanking my pants off. Wanting to expose every inch of his body, I push his khakis down further, placing my leg in between his so I can kick them off the rest of the way. The only clothing still separating us is my panties. Moving his lips down my neck, he finds his mouth back over my breast while his right hand continues down my stomach, slipping under my underwear until he’s covering my sex. I can feel the wetness between my legs increase as he slides his finger up in me. My hips instantly react, pushing up against him.

  “Mmmm, you’re so wet,” he moans against my breast.

  “Please,” I plead, barely able to hold on.

  Responding to my plea, Trent slides up off of me, and reaches into the top drawer of his end table, pulling out a condom. Standing at the bottom of the bed he rolls it over his length, then pulls off my underwear. Our eyes fuse together with wild anticipation as he climbs back over of me. Starting just above my navel he trails soft sensual kisses up my stomach and along my neck, stopping over my mouth. Resting his hands on each side of my head, he whispers, “I love you” against my lips before deepening the kiss with a mix of love and passion. Feeling his arousal resting on my folds, I rock up against him, wanting to have him inside of me. Noticing my lack of patience, he reaches down and lines the tip up to my opening, pushing only the top in first.

  “Ahhhh,” I moan, feeling my insides stretch around him.

  “Tell me if I’m hurting you,” he whispers, making sure I’m okay.

  “No, it feels good. Keep going,” I assure him.

  Gently holding my face with his hands, he rests his forehead on mine, and pushes in a little further until he’s completely inside me. Giving me a second to adjust around him, he starts moving in and out slowly. Wanting to feel him deeper, I wrap my legs around his waist and breathe “faster” against his lips.

  With my approval he quickens his rhythm, filling my body with an overwhelming warmth. I feel my body fill with pleasure and with all loss of control I let myself go, finding my release.

  Within seconds I feel Trent’s body tense then unravel above me, finding his release.

  “Wow love,” he says after pulling out and lying down next to me.

  Not having any words to describe what just happened, I smile and enjoy how pleased and satisfied Trent looks right now; thrilled that I’m the reason for it. But as incredible as that just felt, my stomach is in knots feeling like something is wrong, almost like guilt.

  “Is everything okay, Angel?” he asks, noticing me not matching his enthusiasm.

  “Yeah, just a little sore and tired,” I lie. Yes, I’m a little sore and tired, but that’s not the reason why I’m not all here with him.

  “Do you wanna stay tonight, and I’ll bring you home in the morning?”

  “I told my parents I’d be home tonight. I don’t want them to worry.” I really don’t know what they’d say if I didn’t come home and stayed over with Trent instead. I am going to be twenty this year, so it’s not like I’m a kid anymore with a curfew. But it doesn’t matter anyway, I really just want to go home and curl up in my own bed.

  “That’s right, baby. Say my name–tell me who you like inside you?”

  “You, Joey…only you.”

  Throwing the covers off of me, I sit up panting and sweating profusely. Looking around my room, I realize it was just a dream. Oh, but it felt so real! Joey and I were on the be
ach behind the sand dunes, lying on my surf board completely naked. His chest and arms were so muscular and smooth and felt divine covering my body. He tasted delicious and felt incredible inside of me. I didn’t want it to end. I wanted more, and didn’t want it to stop.

  Covering my face with my hands, I sob. How can I do this to Trent? How can I go from making love with Trent to fantasizing about Joey in my dreams? I’m trying so hard to move forward with Trent, I really am, but thoughts of Joey just keep creeping inside of my head. I thought maybe if I let myself go with Trent and gave him everything, including my body, that we could fill in the distance that’s been growing between us and go back to normal, go in the direction he wants us to go in. It obviously didn’t work. I don’t feel complete after we’d made love. Instead, I felt awful and ashamed and I came home to dream about another man inside of me.

  I can’t move forward–I’m stuck.

  Winter grew into spring, and spring grew into summer. We’re now preparing for another busy tourist season. I wish I could say that things have become better between Trent and I, but they haven’t. Yes, we’re still together, but hanging on by a thread. We haven’t made love since Christmas and being the wonderful man that he is, he hasn’t said a thing about it. Although, there’s an obvious tension in our relationship, Trent never asks questions–he just goes with the flow. It’s like there’s a huge elephant in the room that we just don’t approach.

  Walking into the restaurant, Sheila greets me with her usual perky, “Hey, pretty lady!”

  After smiling and returning her greeting, I make my way back to the waitress area where Trent is sitting, eating his dinner. I grab a handful of napkins and silverware to roll for tonight before sitting down at the table across from him.

  “Hey babe, how was work?” I ask making conversation.

  “Oh, you know, the same,” Trent responds scooping a spoon full of mashed potatoes in his mouth. “I saved you some if you want,” he continues, gesturing to them on his plate.