Summer Rush (Because of Hope)

by Ashley Wilcox

  “Thanks, but I already ate,” I say with a smile.

  Without a response he studies my face for a few seconds with a half grin, before continuing to eat the rest of his dinner. My heart aches seeing the pain my distance is causing him. He has done nothing but love me, cherish the ground I walk on, but it’s still not enough. My heart still isn’t whole; there’s still an emptiness that I feel and visions of Joey that haven’t disappeared. I wonder if I’ll ever see him again, and what will happen if I do?

  “Hope, party of two at table one!” Sheila announces from the front of the restaurant. I look at table one and see the old couple that comes in every Friday.

  “Well, I better get going,” I say, wrapping my apron around my waist and quickly pecking Trent on the lips.

  “Can I see you tonight?” he asks, resting his hand on my cheek.

  “Yeah, sure. As long as we aren’t here too late,” I say with a smile, pecking his lips one last time before turning in table one’s direction.

  “Love you, Angel,” he says as I start to walk away.

  Turning around halfway, I smile, “love you, too,’ before continuing in the direction of my table.

  After an hour or so the restaurant starts to fill up, so I’m thrilled to see Kelly standing in the waitress area, wrapping her apron around her waist.

  “Yay! I didn’t think you were back from school yet,” I practically shout, excited to have her back.

  “I actually got back on Wednesday and was going to give myself the weekend off, but I’m broke, so here I am.” She smiles, giving me a hug. “So, how’s everything going? You and Trent still together?”

  “Barely.”

  “What? Why? What happened?”

  “I don’t know, things have been weird. He wants to get more serious, and I just don’t feel like I’m there yet,” I admit, leaving out the huge elephant in the room again…Joey.

  “Eh, don’t worry about it. We’re still young. No need to start thinking about settling down yet.” She winks.

  I’ve so missed her.

  “Hey, girls.” Sheila comes up next to us, and smiles. “Hope, do you have a table opening up soon? I’ve got a party of four waiting that requested you.”

  “Um yeah. I just gave table six their check, so they should be getting up any minute,” I respond, glancing over at the table I mentioned.

  “Great! Let me know when you have it cleaned and set,” Sheila says before returning to the front.

  Anxious to see who has requested me I peek over the glass divider of the waitress stand, but don’t see anyone I recognize.

  After removing the dirty dishes, cleaning and setting the table, I head up front to notify Sheila that the table is ready.

  “Oh good, here’s their menus. They’re waiting outside, and are under the last name of Puccino,” she says, handing me their menus. Puccino? Do I know any Puccinos?

  Opening up the front door, I yell “Puccino, party of four!” and look in both directions to see who claims the table.

  A group of people sitting on the bench stand up, and my stomach just about drops to the ground when I see Joey.

  “Yup, that’s us,” a middle aged lady responds, holding up her hand.

  Feeling like I could hurl at any second, seeing the man I’ve been fantasizing about for the last year standing in front of me, I fake a smile, and manage to spit out, “this way,” as I motion for them to follow me.

  After feeling like I’ve been walking for miles, we finally reach the open table reserved for them. Placing the menus in front of each chair, I manage to crack another smile and tell them that I’ll be right back.

  Running to the employee bathroom, I swing the door open, locking it immediately after I close it behind me. The cold metal door feels refreshing against my already scorching back as I stand there, trying to bring my breathing back to a normal rate.

  What is he doing here? I thought I’d never have to see him again. And now he’s here with his family? Even better.

  Splashing some cold water on my face, I decide that I’m going to have to go back out there. I’m going to have to face the man who has been haunting my dreams and consuming my every thought. After quickly checking on my other tables, I slowly return to his.

  “Sorry about the wait. My name is Hope and I’ll be taking care of y’all tonight. Can I start you off with any drinks?” I ask cheerfully, even though every nerve and emotion I possess are running wild within.

  The older couple, I’m presuming his parents, order waters and the younger boy orders a cola. Finally making my way to Joey, he smiles, and says politely, “I’ll just have a water, thanks.” Really? A water? Although he still looks the same, hair perfectly gelled, polo shirt with the collar popped, and a pair of faded blue jeans, he seems different. Not as obnoxious, and not so into himself. Sure, it could be because he’s here with his family, but I don’t think it’s that.

  Slightly squinting my eyes I look at him puzzled, trying to figure out what it is. Noticing that I’ve been standing here longer than anticipated and that I’ve got a pleased grin on my face, he says “it’s nice to see you too, Hope.” Startled by his voice that snaps me out of my gaze, I respond, “Yeah, it’s great to see you, too.”

  With a smile on my face I turn around, and head back to the waitress stand to start filling their drinks. Kelly is once again waiting for me with an intrigued look and grin. “Is that who I think it is?” she asks once I get behind the divider.

  “It is,” I respond.

  “So I’m guessing that he’s not getting under your skin this time?”

  “He seems different. It’s weird,” I answer, still puzzled.

  “Huh,” she replies like she knows something I don’t.

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” she laughs, filling her drinks.

  “Tell me!”

  “I think someone has a crush on a certain Italian guido,” she declares with confidence.

  “What? No. No way. Look at my boyfriend, and then look at him. How can you even think that?” I protest, but apparently I’m not convincing because the smirk on her face hasn’t faded.

  “Maybe Trent isn’t your type. Maybe you just want him to be.”

  Staring at her, frozen, I realize she has just said out loud what I’ve been fighting in my head since last summer. Trent has every quality that you dream your future husband will have–good looks, big heart, sensitive, hardworking, and an overall great guy. He’s the perfect guy, just not mine.

  “Nailed it, didn’t I?” Kelly asks, draping her arm on my shoulder. “It’s okay. The heart wants what the heart wants. You’ve got no control over it. You just have to follow it.” She rests her head on my shoulder.

  “When did you get so philosophical?” I look at her with a raised eyebrow.

  “It was in one of my books. I’ve always wanted to say it, and it seemed fitting,” she smiles, shrugging her shoulders.

  “I’m so happy you’re back,” I laugh, hugging her.

  Picking up my tray of drinks, I walk back over to Joey’s table. As soon as I turn the corner from the waitress stand, I spot him staring at me. Our eyes lock and don’t shy from one another; the closer I get, the more butterflies I have in my stomach.

  He’s giving me butterflies?

  Placing their drinks in front of them, and standing next to Joey, I ask if they’re ready to order. Starting with his parents, I make my way to him, smiling at Joey when it’s his turn.

  “I’ll take the personal pan pizza with sausage on it, please,” he orders with a sly smirk on his face.

  Letting out a soft chuckle, remembering how this conversation went last summer, I ask, “sweet or hot sausage?”

  “Sweet. Definitely sweet,” he answers with a wink, making my heart flutter and beat erratically.

  Nodding my head with a soft grin before writing it down, I pick up their menus, and let them know that I’ll put their order right in.

  With a little more zest in my step, I head to th
e kitchen to hang up their order.

  “Oh my, you’ve got it bad,” Kelly murmurs to me as I pass her.

  Instead of denying it I answer with a knowing smile, accepting the truth, and proceed to the kitchen.

  Clearing their dirty dishes from their table, I place the check down between his parents, and wish them a good night, smiling at Joey before turning around.

  Grabbing my hand as I turn, he says “Hope…” turning me back towards him.

  Feeling a surge of energy pass from his hand to mine, I barely breathe. “Yes.”

  “I’d really like to see you again.”

  “I um…I…”

  “Still have a boyfriend,” he interrupts, finishing my sentence with a hint of disappointment in his voice.

  “Yeah,” I answer, not being able to hold back the disappointment in mine.

  “Well, maybe I’ll see you around then,” he says, running his thumb over the top of my hand before releasing it.

  “Yeah…maybe.”

  After Joey and his family leave, my mind is in overdrive with thoughts of Joey consuming it. He was so sweet and gentle, so different from last summer. Last year he was the epitome of a sex-driven asshole and it drove me crazy that someone like him could ever affect me the way he did. But now, seeing his softer, kinder side makes my body crave him even more and makes my heart do crazy things.

  Knowing that I’ve let this go on for long enough and have been preventing the inevitable, I decide to drive over to Trent’s house after work to finally break it off with him. As I drive up, I notice all the lights are off in the house, so I pull out the key he gave me and let myself in. Hearing the television on in his room, I walk down the hall and push open his already cracked door.

  “Hey, Angel,” he greets me, lounging on his bed watching TV.

  A knot instantly forms in my stomach, seeing his face brighten at the sight of me.

  I can’t do it–I’m not ready.

  Deciding that the timing just isn’t right, I softly answer, “Hey,” as I sit down next to him on the bed.

  “Thanks for coming over,” he whispers in my hair as he pulls me in close to him and kisses my head. “I missed you.”

  Instead of responding, I just snuggle in closer, wrapping my arms around his waist–fighting back the awful feeling forming in my gut. We sit there in silence watching TV, snug in each other’s arms.

  “Oh baby, I’ve been waiting so long to be in you.”

  “Please, Joey, faster.”

  “Come with me, baby.”

  “Oh god, Joey!”

  “Hope…wake up…Hope!”

  “Huh…what?” I jump, seeing Trent leaning over me.

  “You were…um, dreaming I think,” he softly says with glossy eyes.

  Shit! I know exactly who I was dreaming about.

  “Did I say anything?’ I ask nervously, moving up onto my elbows.

  Closing his eyes like he is fighting back tears and trying to find the right words he says, “Um, yeah…but, I uh…I uh, couldn’t really understand any of it.”

  His eyes paint a different story as the words are toxic coming off of his tongue. Seeing the pain in his eyes, I know he knows. The thought of him seeing and hearing me dream and fantasize about being with Joey makes me feel ill.

  Leaping out of bed I run to his bathroom, slamming the door behind me, and hurl up all the lies and unfaithful thoughts that I’ve had for Joey up until now. Once there’s nothing left in me I sit on the floor, resting my back on the wall with my head in my hands and sob; not able to come up for air kind of sob.

  “Hope?” Trent cracks the door, and peeks around it. Seeing me a mess on the floor he comes to my side, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, providing me the comfort that I don’t deserve.

  Shaking my head no, I whisper, “Trent…I’m so sorry.”

  “Shh,” he speaks softly.

  Why? Why can’t he be the one I want? Why do I have to want the one that’s so wrong? Why did Joey have to interrupt my perfect world with my perfect boyfriend? Everything is a mess now; I just want to go back to how things used to be, before Joey came into my life and shook it upside down.

  “So what happens now?” Trent asks once I start to calm down.

  “I don’t know,” I answer honestly.

  “Do you love him?”

  What?

  “No. I barely know him,” I answer, staring at the ground, too much of a coward to look him in the eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Hope, I’m not understanding. Who is he then?”

  “A customer… we met last summer. He came in a couple of times then and again tonight. Nothings ever happened. We just, uh…” How do I say this? How do I tell my boyfriend I’ve been infatuated with someone I’ve barely know for over a year?

  “Tell me, Hope. You just what?” He says with a little more firmness in his voice, moving his head down a little to look at me in the eyes.

  Squeezing my eyes shut, I swallow the bile that’s trying to make its way back up my throat, and mentally prepare myself to tell Trent the excruciating truth that’s been eating at my insides since last summer.

  “We just had an instant attraction. I’ve tried to fight it, I really did.” I can feel the tears start to prick my eyes again. “Oh God, Trent. I didn’t want any of this to happen…I want to be with you, I really do, but I just don’t know how to be anymore,” I confess, losing control over the tears that have been welling in my eyes.

  Inhaling deeply and removing his arm from my shoulders, he rests his head and back on the wall and closes his eyes. The silence is almost unbearable, and I need to know what’s going through his head. “Please talk to me…tell me what you’re thinking.”

  Turning his head to the side, he opens his eyes and looks at me with a questionable look. “We made love…you made love to me on Christmas…”

  I stare at him blankly, knowing what he’s about to say next.

  “You had feelings for another guy when you made love to me, Hope?”

  Knowing that he deserves the truth, I shamefully nod my head yes.

  “Unbelievable,” he murmurs, shaking his head in disbelief.

  With a sickened yet painful face, he removes his gaze from mine and stares expressionless at the floor.

  “I better go,” I whisper, feeling as though I’ve worn out my welcome.

  Without saying another word or glancing in my direction, he nods his head yes in agreement.

  “Trent, I–”

  “Just go,” he interrupts me, still focused on the floor.

  I wish there was something more I could say or do to comfort him, but there isn’t. I’m the reason for his pain. I’m the reason for his heartache. So instead, I bite my lower lip and make my way towards the door, giving him one last glance before walking out.

  Waking up this morning, my eyes are red and swollen from crying so much. I fell asleep last night crying and have tears in my eyes as I wake up today, recalling the series of events from last night. The image of Trent staring down at me with immense pain in his eyes when he woke me from my intimate dream with Joey is one that I can’t seem to erase.

  For the first time in a long time I don’t even feel like surfing this morning. My mind, body, and soul are numb and lifeless. Instead, I lay in bed and drift in and out of sleep until I hear a knock on my door, startling me awake.

  “Sweetheart?” My dad inches his head around my door. “Are you feeling okay?” he asks, knowing that I never sleep in.

  Rubbing my eyes, and looking at the time, it reads twelve o’clock. It’s Saturday, so they’re probably wondering about lunch.

  “Yeah, I’ll be right out,” I grumble.

  Using every ounce of energy, I pull myself out of bed, and without even looking to see if it matches, I grab the closest shirt and shorts available. Not bothering to comb my hair, I throw it up in a messy bun. After stopping quick to brush my teeth, I make my way out to the living room where my mom and dad are waiting for me.

  “Tren
t called. Said he’s sorry, but he won’t be able to make it to lunch, that he’s got a lot going on,” my dad tells me as I enter the room.

  Hearing Trent’s name makes every bone and muscle in my body ache with sadness.

  “Yeah, I don’t think you guys will be seeing much of him for a while.” I look at the ground, not wanting to see the confusion and disappointment on their faces.

  “Is everything okay?” my mother sweetly asks.

  “Um, not really. We actually broke up last night,” I admit in a whisper, taking a seat on the couch, feeling the numbness take over my body again.

  “Oh honey. I’m so sorry.”

  “Yeah, me too. I know how much you guys love him. I just…I just didn’t have the same feelings for him as he did for me. I’m sorry.” I stare at my hands and pick at my nails, trying to channel my nervous energy somewhere.

  “Sweetheart, you need to do what’s best for yourself. You being happy is all that your mother and I care about. Yes, Trent’s a nice guy, but you’re our little girl. We’d never be disappointed with you for following your heart,” my dad says, sitting next to me and squeezing me to his side.

  Having my parent’s support and having the comfort that just a simple hug from my dad provides, makes me sigh with relief. I really have the best parents in the world and would be lost without them.

  “So, your mom and I are starving. Wanna go get some lunch?”

  Lifting my head off of his shoulder and smiling with silent appreciation, I respond, “Sounds like a plan.”

  Taking a deep breath and placing my truck in park, I prepare myself to do something I’ve been dreading to do all day–walk into work. There’s no denying my nervousness, wondering if Trent will be here for dinner or if I even have a job still.

  With my anxiety through the roof and shaky hands, I swing the door to Sheila’s open. No different than usual, Sheila is standing at her regular spot behind the front counter.

  “Hey pretty lady!” She greets me.

  “Hi Sheila,” I casually respond.