Summer Rush (Because of Hope)

by Ashley Wilcox

  Stepping in front of me, Kelly grips my arms, squaring myself to her, and whips me back into shape like a true friend does. “Hope, you’ve gotta stop beating yourself up about this. Shit happens. People breakup, and fall for other people. It’s called dating. It’s normal–you’re normal. Now get over it. There’s a hot ass guy over there that puts a smile on your face like I’ve never seen before. Let yourself be happy, you deserve it!”

  Rubbing my face with my hands, I know she’s right. I know I’m young and bound to go through multiple relationships before finding “the one”, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel terrible about what I’ve done to Trent. Although I never physically cheated on Trent, I feel like I have over the past year. Since that first day when Joey walked into the restaurant and ruffled my feathers, I knew that we had a connection; I knew there was something there, but I tried to ignore it–I tried to fight it. I couldn’t accept the fact that someone like Joey could capture my heart when it belonged to Trent. I couldn’t fathom being with anyone other than Trent–he’s the perfect boyfriend, and would make the perfect husband, and someday the perfect father to my children. I can see it. I just can’t feel it.

  Filling two glasses with cola, I shake the depressing thoughts tormenting my brain, and head back to Joey’s table. He’s in deep conversation with the boy he’s sitting with, allowing me a moment to take in the perfection of his body without being stared down by his mesmerizing eyes. He’s nothing I’ve ever been attracted to, but everything I’m currently drawn to.

  Interrupting their conversation, I place their drinks in front of them and ask if they’re ready to order.

  “Hope, please tell my brother that he’s not going to be eaten by a shark if he takes surfing lessons!”

  Laughing, I respond, “You actually have more of a chance of injuring yourself by your board, than a shark.”

  “See! Stop making excuses,” Joey says, gently hitting his brother upside the head.

  Why do Italian men always do that? Weird.

  “Ow! Okay, okay…I’ll take a damn lesson,” his brother responds, rubbing his head. “But if I get eaten by a shark, I’m blaming it on you.”

  “If you get eaten by a shark, you won’t be around to blame it on anyone,” Joey laughs.

  “Now that’s really gonna get him out in the water,” I point out, hitting Joey upside the head.

  What the heck–now I’m hitting people on the head!

  “Hey!” Joey yells, shocked that I hit him.

  “I like this girl already,” his brother says with a huge smile.

  “I left our money on the table. See you in the morning?” Joey asks, approaching me next to the waitress stand.

  “It’s a date…no…I mean, yeah, I’ll be there, but not as a date…just to surf,” I answer, stumbling on my words.

  It’s a date. Way to go, Hope!

  “It’s a date,” he says with a sly smirk.

  I stand there, heart throbbing, butterflies flapping, as I watch him walk out the front door.

  “So, a date, huh?” Kelly comes up behind me, startling me.

  “No, I uh, don’t know why I said that.”

  “Anyways, where ‘ya goin’?” she asks, intrigued.

  “He’s just meeting me in the morning at the beach.”

  “Wait a second…you, Hope, are letting someone surf with you?” she asks like it’s the craziest thing she has ever heard.

  “Yeah, so?”

  “So? This is uncharted territory. No person has ever been allowed to surf with you.”

  “That’s not true.” Even though it is.

  “Name one person you’ve surfed with,” she asks, crossing her arms across her chest.

  “Um…”

  “Exactly! You never have,” she yells, pointing her finger at me.

  “Okay, so I’ve never surfed with anyone. Why is it such a big deal?”

  “The big deal is you’re letting Joey into your life, the life you’ve never opened up to anyone,” she responds with a smile.

  “Okay?”

  “You’re finally letting someone in. You’re sharing your passion.” Kelly smiles brightly before walking away.

  I don’t really understand what she’s talking about. Yeah, I’ve always surfed by myself, but I don’t know if anyone has ever asked to surf with me. It’s always just something I’ve done; it’s always been my escape, my rush.

  And just like that, the light bulb goes off in my head.

  Surfing is my escape. My escape from life and my surroundings–the good, the bad, and the ugly. And now, sharing this with Joey, I’m sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly of me. I’m putting myself completely out there, I’m letting him see all of me. Never have I ever done that with anyone, not even Trent, and it’s not even something I’m doing on purpose; it’s something I’m doing naturally. But, that leaves me with one question–what does this mean?

  “I’ve loved you from day one, Hope. Be with me, run away with me. Be mine forever and always.”

  Opening my eyes, I take in my surroundings; window, dresser, nightstand. I’m in my room. Sitting up, I rub my eyes, sighing in relief. It was just a dream. But again, so real. Joey and I were standing on the beach holding hands; completely in love with one another. It was so sweet, and believable. By the way my heart is swelling in my chest, and the butterflies are flapping uncontrollably, you’d think that I enjoy it, that I like the feeling of being in love with Joey. Glancing at the clock, it’s already ten after six. It’s time to meet up with the man that invades my dreams. Not wanting to be late, I throw on my suit, pull my hair back, quickly brush my teeth, and run out the door.

  After slipping on my wetsuit and grabbing my board, I walk down towards the beach. My stomach is in knots, and my heart rate increases as I see Joey, standing there with his gorgeous smile, awake and ready for our surfing date.

  “Mornin’ sunshine,” he greets me as I approach him. I smile back.

  “Good morning.”

  “It’s pretty rough out there today,” he says, nodding towards the water. “We’ll probably be able to catch some good waves.”

  “I guess there’s a storm brewing, they always bring some killer waves,” I respond, remembering my mom telling me about the storm yesterday.

  “Well, doesn’t that just make this date that much better?” Joey jokes, shooting me his million dollar grin that leaves me weak in the knees.

  Feeling the heat rushing to my cheeks, embarrassed by my date slip up yesterday, I answer, “Yeah, I guess so.”

  Apparently he thinks my answer is humorous because he’s laughing at me.

  “What’s so funny?” I ask, giving him a confused look.

  “Nothing…you’re just cute, Hope. That’s all,” he answers, smiling at me. “Come on, let’s go surf.”

  He thinks I’m cute?

  “Holy shit, babe–that was awesome!” Joey shouts as I paddle back out to him.

  Smiling because that was an insane wave, and also because he just called me babe, I shout, “That wave was freaking incredible!” with the largest grin imaginable.

  “You were incredible. You just killed it!” he says, full of enthusiasm.

  “These waves are unbelievable today,” I point out, coming up beside him.

  “Yeah, but those clouds are getting dark, and moving in quick. How ‘bout we ride the next one in together, and call it a day?” he asks, nodding towards the very dark clouds closing in.

  “You just want me to ride with you again,” I say with a knowing smirk.

  “Well, yeah, and I don’t want to ruin this perfect date getting caught in a craptastic storm.”

  “Fair enough,” Releasing my board strap from my ankle, I hop up on his.

  “Make sure you snug in close once we jump up. These are some pretty strong waves today,” he whispers in my ear, sending a blast of heat throughout my body.

  “You’re really pushing this date, aren’t you?” I glance over my shoulder with a grin.

/>   “Hey, I’m just looking out for your safety,” he responds, holding up his hands.

  “Uh huh.”

  Noticing the wave building in front of us, Joey starts paddling in the opposite direction. Feeling the back of the board starting to lift, Joey counts, “Up on three. One…two…”

  On three we both jump up, planting our feet on the board. The wave is massive and feels like it goes on forever. After only a couple of seconds, I feel Joey’s right arm wrap around my waist, pulling me closer to him. A wave of warmth passes through my body. I smile to myself, loving how my body feels snug to his; warm and secure. Running my hand along the inside of the wave my body feels at peace; free of heartache, as I take in the beauty of the wave. Being with Joey makes me forget about all the pain in my life, the pain I created by breaking Trent’s heart.

  Closing in on the end of the wave, we both jump off the board and dive into the water. As I surface, I am greeted by Joey’s rock hard abs and his smile sparkling at me. My heart instantly races, feeling an overwhelming feeling of…something. Speechless, I stand there and wait for him to speak. Apparently he is having the same technical difficulties because he is just standing there and smiling, speechless.

  Not noticing the large wave, we both fall backwards as it crashes over us, pushing us under water. When we are finally able to stand we both laugh hysterically, knowing that we probably looked like idiots flapping under the water.

  “I’m gonna go get your board,” Joey laughs, handing me his.

  “Sounds like a good idea,” I respond, trying to control my laughter.

  Sitting on the beach, I wait for him to return. Because of the strong tide this morning, my board washed in quite a ways down the beach. Watching him carrying it under his arm, running in my direction with an adorable smile on his face, my heart and body feels whole, full of warmth and happiness.

  But feeling happy just brings my guilt scale higher. While Trent is mourning a broken heart, I’m filling mine with another guy. Although our breakup is fresh, it was a long time coming. It’s probably something that should have happened a long time ago, but I refused to see the truth–the truth that I was no longer in love with Trent. My days and nights were spent thinking, fantasizing, and dreaming about someone else, someone I barely knew.

  As soon as I saw Joey again and realized my attraction for him was still there, if not stronger, I knew it needed to happen. I knew that things were over with Trent and I. But now, I just don’t feel worthy of happiness; I feel awful. When I’m with Joey, I forget about everything; anything holding me back disappears, but as soon as I’m by myself, all of the guilt and heartache return.

  Is this how it’s always going to be? Am I ever going to feel worthy of happiness again?

  Startled by the loud clap of thunder, I snap out of my internal struggle to realize that it is now pouring out.

  “Hey, come on…we can wait out the storm at my house!” Joey shouts as he gets closer, nodding to the house behind me.

  Turning around, I see the beautiful beach front mansion that I’ve always dreamed of living in since I was a little girl.

  “That’s your house?” I yell, pointing at it.

  “Yeah, it’s our vacation home,” he answers, taking my hand and quickly pulling me in the direction of the house.

  His vacation home? Are ‘ya kidding me?

  We enter through the back gate which opens up to an unbelievable outside living space complete with a three tier brick patio and an infinity pool with a hot tub cascading into it. Why you need a pool when you live on the ocean is beyond me, but I guess when you have this much money, who cares? Joey grabs our surfboards, and hangs them on a rack next to the outdoor shower. I’ve always wanted one of those; I have to resort to the outside hose to spray the sand off myself before entering the house. Grabbing my hand again, which I’m beginning to really like, he runs up the back steps, past the outdoor kitchen, and through the sliding glass door.

  “Jesus, it’s like a monsoon out there,” he says once we step inside.

  Being a little overwhelmed with this house and the fact that it’s not even his real home, but his vacation home, I softly respond, “Right?” while staring at the ground.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” Joey asks, lifting my chin with his finger.

  Shaking my head no, I respond, “it’s nothing…really,” and give him a half smile.

  “There’s something bothering you…tell me.”

  Looking at him, his eyes so warm and his smile so innocent, I wonder how I ever imagined he was a horrid person. I need to know what happened; why the transformation?

  “What happened?” I ask quietly.

  He looks at me, confused.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Last summer. You were... different. You carried yourself differently.” I try to explain it as nicely as possible.

  “You mean, why was I such a drunk asshole last summer, and now I’m not?”

  Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.

  Nodding my head yes, he lets out an apprehensive sigh and rubs his face. “Hope, last summer...well actually the last few years, but especially last summer, I did a lot of things I’m not proud of. I drank a lot, partied a lot, thought I was above everyone else–including the law.”

  My eyes open like a deer in headlights, surprised by his reference of being above the law. He closes his eyes, clearly pained to be admitting this. “God, I hope you don’t hate me after hearing this, Hope,” he sighs, dropping his chin to his chest.

  “Look, whatever happened has clearly had a positive effect on you. You are nothing like the person I met last summer,” I softly say, resting my hand on his shoulder.

  Looking from my hand to my face he says, “I regret everything. I wish I could take back what I did, how I acted, how I treated you...” He cups my face with his hand.

  “It’s okay,” I whisper, although it really wasn’t; he was an ass to me last summer. But ass and all, I still developed feelings for him.

  “No, it’s not, Hope!” Joey says in an angry tone, removing his hand from my face and fisting them at his side. “You are a nice girl, amazing actually. I had feelings for you immediately, but the way I treated you and the way I went about it…that’s just not okay. I don’t even know why you’re standing here with me right now!”

  “But…”

  “No, it’s true,” he cuts me off, holding up his hand to stop me. “I was awful to you and pissed that you weren’t feeding into my bullshit lines. So the last time I was in to see you I left the restaurant, annoyed, and partied hard and…”

  “Just stop!” I interrupt him. “You made a mistake. You learned from your mistake, and you’re a better person because of it. That’s all that matters.”

  I forcefully hold his cheeks with my hands, making him listen to me. I’m not going to stand here and listen to him beat himself up, emotional over a mistake he made that I’m sure he has already paid for. The transformation he has made because of it is amazing, and that’s all I care about.

  Staring me down with eager eyes he pushes his lips against mine, holding my face to his with such force that I couldn’t get away if I tried, which I’m not. His full lips press harder against mine, sending a flood of hunger through my veins. The warmth of his hands leaves me weak in the knees, melting me under his touch.

  With just one kiss, I’m at the mercy of this man.

  Removing his lips from mine, he takes a step backwards and pushes his hands in his pockets. He drops his chin to his chest and closes his eyes, like he’s ashamed of what he just did. Still numb from his kiss I stand there, speechless.

  “God, Hope, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to…” Joey rambles, trying to justify his actions.

  “I liked it,” I admit, cutting him off.

  Looking up at me, surprised by my confession, he takes a step forward and removes the space between us. “I liked it, too.”

  Driving home from Joey’s house, I have a smile plastered on my face and I feel�
�happy. No shame or guilt is holding me back. I’ve broken through the mold and I’m accepting this new me with someone new. I’ve been denying myself happiness for over a year and it feels great to finally let it back in, like taking a breath of fresh air.

  Ahhhhhh…

  It’s Sunday, and my day off, so Joey and I are going out on our first real date. I was given the “wear something nice” order, so I’m pulling everything out of my closet, frantically looking for something nice to wear. Doesn’t he know I’m a plain Jane, and my wardrobe consists of jeans, shorts, t-shirts, and cami tops? The closest thing to nice I have is the black pants I wore on Christmas and, well, thinking about what happened the last time I wore them, it doesn’t seem appropriate to wear them on my first date with Joey. Not to mention it’s the summer and too hot to be wearing black pants anyway.

  “Honey, is everything okay in there?” my mom yells from the living room, obviously hearing my frustrated rant.

  Stomping my feet down the hallway, and huffing to myself, I meet her in the living room.

  “No! I’ve got a date tonight, and I’m supposed to be wearing something nice, but I don’t own anything nice,” I blurt out in frustration.

  “You have a date? With who?” she asks with a big smile.

  Smiling at her enthusiasm, I answer, “A customer from the restaurant.”

  “That’s exciting! When did you meet?” she continues.

  “Well, uh…we met last summer, but didn’t talk much, but now he’s back and…”

  “Does this have anything to do with you and Trent breaking up?” she asks with a skeptical look.

  “Kind of…let’s just say he left a lasting impression on me last year and seeing him again this summer made me realize a lot of things,” I respond, cutting the story down to just the basics. The important stuff.

  “Do we get to meet him? It’s such a joy seeing you happy again.”

  Looking at her confused, she continues, “Hope, your father and I had noticed for a while that things were going downhill between you and Trent. You lost the sparkle in your eyes and the pep in your step. We’d known for a while that Trent wasn’t the one for you, but we wanted you to see it for yourself.”