Summer Rush (Because of Hope)

by Ashley Wilcox

But what catches my eye, making my heart stop and my nerves run wild, is seeing Trent sitting at his usual table, eating dinner. Although this is nothing out of the ordinary, I’m a little surprised that he still came in. Though, whether I expected to see him here or not, he’s here, and I’m going to have to face him. So, taking a deep breath and ignoring the sudden urge to run in the opposite direction, I walk towards Trent, picking up a stack of napkins and silverware on my way, then take a seat across from him like any other night.

  “Hey…” I softly greet him, feeling a knot of tears moving up my throat.

  “Hi,” Trent responds, focusing on the plate in front of him and avoiding eye contact with me.

  Taking the hint that he’s not interested in making any conversation with me, I sit there in silence, rolling the silverware. I glance up periodically, but he never looks my way. He hates me. He can’t even stand to look at me, let alone converse. I guess I can’t really blame him.

  When I finish wrapping the silverware, I start to bundle it all up to put in the bin.

  “I don’t hate you,” Trent softly says as I stand from my chair.

  “Huh?” I ask, barely able to hear him.

  “I don’t hate you. I just don’t know what to say.”

  Letting out the breath I didn’t know I was holding, I answer, “Okay,” with a smile.

  Standing there for a moment longer, forcing a smile while he just stares at me blankly, I try to think of something to say next. I’ve never gone through anything like this before and I’m pretty sure there’s no instruction manual for how to interact with your ex after breaking their heart. Before I can open my mouth to say anything he gives me a quick half smile, then looks back down at his plate to continue eating his dinner. Realizing that this conversation is over, I turn and head towards the waitress stand with the bin of silverware.

  “Um, talk about awkward,” Kelly whispers as I approach her.

  “You’re telling me.”

  “Problems in paradise?”

  “Yeah…we broke up,” I respond, looking up to the ceiling, trying to focus on something to push back the tears.

  “What all happened?” she asks, oblivious to the pain and heartache I’m struggling with.

  “We just broke up. It wasn’t working out. Can we drop it?” I respond, a little more snarky than I was anticipating.

  “Hope, two at table one,” Sheila interrupts, having impeccable timing.

  Peeking over the divider, I yell “okay, thanks!”

  Wrapping my apron around my waist and grabbing my pen and notebook I had placed on the counter, I head to my first table. Luckily it’s my cute little old couple who don’t involve any thinking, and are totally predictable–everything my life was. Before I know it, the restaurant starts filling up with its busy Saturday evening crowd. I purposely avoid Kelly at all costs, not wanting to talk about anything.

  The thought of Trent, the sound of Trent, the mention of Trent–it’s heart wrenching and brings instant tears to my eyes.

  “G’night girls, I’m headin’ out,” Sheila announces from the front as Kelly and I clean up from the busy night.

  Even though Sheila has acted unaffected by the break-up, I do want to discuss it with her and make sure everything is good between us.

  “Sheila!” I yell, catching her just before she opens the door. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

  “Oh sweet girl, please tell me you’re not quitting!” Sheila asks with a frightened look.

  “No…no. It’s the opposite actually. I just want to make sure it’s okay with me working here after Trent and I…you know, broke up?”

  “Oh, thank you, baby jesus!” she breathes out with a sigh, placing her hand on my shoulder. “Hope, what goes on between you and Trent is your business. Yes, he’s takin’ it hard, but that boy of mine has broken so many poor girl’s hearts that he’ll be just fine. In no time, he’ll be back there fishin’ in that pool of single women, I’m sure.”

  Although, I don’t care to think about Trent with another girl, I know it’s going to happen eventually. Of course, I want him to be happy, but thinking of him with someone else is enough to make my insides curl.

  Being thankful for her understanding, I force a smile. “Thank you.”

  “You’re a sweet girl, Hope. Hearts get broken, it’s a way of growin’ up. All you can do is follow your own,” she says with a sincere smile. “See ‘ya Tuesday!”

  I watch as she turns and walks out the door.

  Weeks have gone by since Trent and I broke up. Although I feel like a weight has been lifted of my shoulder, the guilt still lingers. Joey hasn’t been back to the restaurant and every night I cry myself to sleep, lost and lonely without the comfort of Joey or Trent.

  How am I ever going to forgive myself for what I’ve done to Trent and the future I could have had? And for what–for a guy I barely know? For someone I’ve never even carried on a full conversation with.

  What has happened to me? For so long my life has been simple, plain, and predictable. Every day comes and goes just as the last one did. For years this has been my life. Then, one day, this insanely gorgeous egotistical guy comes into the restaurant, flashes me his million dollar charm and just like that my plain and predictable world becomes a roller coaster of crazy, shame, and anything but predictable.

  In other words…a mess!

  Needing fresh air to clear my head, I pull my bathing suit out of my top drawer, put it on, throw my hair up in a ponytail, brush my teeth, and run out the door.

  Climbing out of my truck, I breathe in the crisp ocean scent, sending a rush of calmness through my veins.

  Yes, this is what I need.

  Zipping up my wetsuit and tucking my board under my arm, I walk towards my little piece of heaven. Lying on my board I paddle out into the calm ocean waters, filling my sad empty heart with euphoric peace. No matter what challenges are thrown in my direction, there’s one place, one constant that I can rely on; the beach. I’ll always have the beach.

  Feeling the still water start to ripple underneath me, I look up and see the rush forming in front of me. Turning my board around, I begin paddling, starting out slow and then building in speed as the wave pushes up on the back of my board. Planting my feet on top, I run my hand on the fold of the wave, feeling its energy pass through me, riding it out until the very last second, absorbing every last ounce of it. Coming up from under the water, I hear clapping coming from the shore. Surveying the beach, I see a very hot Italian guy standing in swim shorts with a board tucked under his arm. My heart rate increases, my breath grows heavy, and butterflies start flapping–seeing the man of my fantasies in front of me, dressed in next to nothing, carrying a tool used in my piece of heaven.

  He surfs?

  Not knowing what else to do, I walk toward him taking in the picture before me; focusing on each ripple of his chest, the tribal tattoos wrapped around his well-defined biceps, the way his lower abdominal muscle v’s into his shorts. He is head to toe gorgeous.

  My smile grows deeper seeing his eyes sparkle and graze my body, moving slowly from my legs and up, pleased with what he sees.

  “Pretty impressive,” he admits with a to die for grin that makes my body spiral with emotion.

  “Thanks. You surf?” I ask, nodding in the direction of his surf board.

  “I do,” Joey answers.

  “I’m surprised I’ve never seen you out here.”

  “Yeah, well, surfing kind of got put on the back burner for a while,” he says, looking past me at the ocean, lost in thought.

  Hoping that he is going to elaborate, I stand there silently, knowing that there’s an obvious change in the Joey I met last summer and the one that’s standing in front of me right now. Although his looks haven’t changed, something else clearly has.

  “I didn’t see much of the daylight actually…” he continues, looking down at his feet and pushing around the sand. “It was just a really bad summer…I think meeting you was the only good p
art of it.” He looks up at me and smiles.

  And, there it is–the smile that makes my heart go into overdrive and makes my body shiver with a delicious rush of desire. Not knowing what to say, I just smile back.

  “So, do you think your boyfriend would be mad if you surfed with another guy?” he asks, lifting his eyebrow with a grin.

  And that’s enough to push me back into reality. Feeling the pain return in my chest, I fight back the tears that are beginning to gloss my eyes already.

  “We, uh…” looking down at my feet pushing around the sand, I take a deep breath, hoping that it will be enough to hold back my tears. “We, uh, we broke up.”

  “What? Are ‘ya kidding? Who in their right mind would let someone like you go?” he asks confused.

  “It was my fault,” I mutter, focusing on a shell peeking out of the sand. If I can focus on something, maybe I won’t break down.

  “Hope, I don’t care what you did, he’s an idiot. Girls like you don’t come around every day.”

  Looking up at him confused, I ask, “You don’t even know me. How can you be so sure?”

  “I don’t have to know you to see that you’re somethin’ special. Trust me,” he responds, grabbing my free hand, and smiling. “So, do you wanna surf then?”

  Staring down at his hand holding mine, caressing the top with his thumb and sending a wave of warmth throughout me, I smile and answer, “Yeah, I do.”

  Joey and I take turns catching waves, taking time in between them to talk and goof around. My stomach actually hurts from laughing so much.

  “Your turn,” I smile, nodding in the direction of the next wave growing in front of us.

  “Ride it with me,” he says with a grin.

  “What?” I ask, being caught off guard.

  “Let your board float in and ride mine with me,” he repeats with a soft grin.

  Giving him a skeptical look he continues, “Trust me–it’ll be fun.” He reaches for my hand.

  Noticing the wave getting close, I realize I need to make a quick decision. Stepping out of my box of predictability, I undo the strap around my ankle and let my board free.

  “Sit on the front. I’ll paddle, then jump up when I do,” he explains as I climb up on his board.

  My stomach is in knots and my heart rate is through the roof, feeling his face so close to my back as he lies on the board behind me, paddling away from the wave.

  Why did I agree to this?

  My inhibitions are nowhere to be found when I’m around him. He brings out a side of me that I didn’t even know existed…careless and free.

  Feeling the wave start to push up on the back of the board, I know it’s time. Glancing over my shoulder, I find him grinning at me.

  “Ready?” Joey asks. Nodding my head yes, he continues, “Up on three… one… two…”

  On three we both jump up, planting our feet on the board with my back against his chest. We both run our right hand along the inside of the wave for what feels like forever. It’s like everything has gone into slow motion, and we are in this exhilarating bubble together.

  Closing in on the end of the wave, we both jump off.

  Coming up from under the water.

  “How awesome was that?” he asks with pure excitement.

  “That was pretty incredible,” I respond, sharing his enthusiasm while squeezing the water from my ponytail.

  Remembering that I ditched my board out in the water, I start surveying the shore to see where it washed up.

  “It’s right there,” he points, knowing what I’m looking for. “Here, take my board, I’ll go get it,” he continues, undoing the strap on his ankle.

  “I can get it,” I respond, feeling bad that he has to chase mine down.

  “No need. Here,” he assures me, handing me his board. “I’ll be right back.”

  As I walk up onto the shore my eyes are fixed on Joey, watching him jog down the beach. Feeling the emotions running wild within, my eyes moisten with tears again, but this time I’m not sure why. My brain is a whirlwind of emotions–sad about the situation with Trent, confused about the situation with Joey. There’s so much going on that I don’t even know what to feel or what direction I’m heading in.

  Watching him scoop up my board and start back in my direction, I clear the insanity from my head, and wipe the tears from my eyes. There’s no way I want him knowing what a screwed up mess I am, if he hasn’t already noticed.

  “Shit, I need to start working out more,” Joey says, gasping for air once he returns.

  Yeah, he looks really out of shape…not!

  “So, do you surf every morning?” he asks once he catches his breath.

  “Yeah, pretty much. It’s like my morning ritual.”

  “Do you mind having a partner?” he asks with a charming grin.

  Surfing has always been my thing and I have never shared it with anyone else, so I’m

  surprised at the rush of excitement that fills me inside. Going with my gut instinct, I answer, “Can you be here by six-thirty in the morning?”

  “Geez, you’re up this early every morning?”

  “Yup.” I smile.

  He smiles back. “Then six-thirty it is.”

  For the first time in a long time, I can officially say that I’m having a good day. I haven’t cried since this morning, I’ve eaten three full meals, and my head doesn’t feel like a clouded mess. Although there’s still a part of me that worries about Trent, and wonders what he’s doing and how he’s feeling, I finally feel like there is a light at the end of this dreadful tunnel and someday I will find the end of it. It’s just going to take very tiny baby steps to get there.

  However, the pit that I get in my stomach every time I walk into work hasn’t gone away. Trent no longer comes in for dinner; it’s been weeks since I’ve seen him. Rolling silverware in front of an empty seat isn’t getting any easier. I mention something to Sheila one night; how I feel bad that, because of me, Trent doesn’t come in for dinner anymore after work. It is his mother’s restaurant after all. She laughs at my concern, saying that he has never come in for the home cooked meal–he has a zillion of her meals stuffed in his freezer–it was my company he came in for. Still, it leaves a heavy feeling in my gut.

  “Holy crap! Could that actually be grin on your face? Hold still so I can take a picture,” Kelly jokes, pulling her iphone out of her pocket.

  I guess it’s no secret that I’ve been slightly depressed the last few weeks, but hello, I broke up with my boyfriend that I at one point saw a future with, for some guy that I barely knew. I’m pretty sure that gives you the right to sulk and be depressed for a little bit. But yeah, seeing Joey and hanging out with him this morning sparked something in me that I’ve been missing.

  “Ha ha, you’re so funny,” I sarcastically reply.

  “So what happened? Details, I need details!”

  “Well, I saw Joey this morning,” I say with a giddy grin.

  “I knew it! There’s only one other time I’ve seen a smile like that on your face, and it was the last time he came in,” she says with such excitement, like she has just pinned the tail on the donkey.

  “Hope, two at table one!” Sheila calls out from the front.

  “K, thanks.”

  “We are so not done with this conversation, by the way,” Kelly says matter-of-factly as I head in table ones direction. Glancing over my shoulder, I shoot her a grin before I turn back around towards my table.

  Once I turn the corner, I see Joey and another boy sitting at table one. He’s staring in my direction with his heart throbbing smile plastered on his face, throwing a blanket of goosebumps over my body.

  I smile as I walk past them to take another table’s order. “I’ll be right with y’all.”

  Distracted by the eyes I can feel burning right through me, I have a hard time focusing on the order the couple in the booth is giving me. Never have I ever had someone affect me the way Joey does. His presence sends my body into overdr
ive, feeling things I’ve never felt before.

  After repeating their order back twice to make sure that I’ve got it correct, I collect their menus and take a deep breath as I approach Joey’s table.

  “Twice in one day,” I point out, feeling the nervous butterflies picking up in speed.

  “I know. Crazy, right?” he jokes with sparkling eyes and a mouthwatering grin. “It’s not my fault that you work at the best restaurant in town.”

  “Fair enough,” I agree. “So, what can I get y’all to drink?”

  “Coke, please,” the boy next to him orders.

  “Make that two,” Joey says with a wink.

  Feeling like a giddy school girl, I giggle and tell them I’ll be right back with their drinks.

  Now he has me giggling?

  Not even paying attention, I bump into someone as I turn the corner to the waitress stand.

  “Oops, sorry…,” I start to say, but lose my words when I see the person I just bumped into.

  “Hi Hope,” he says, looking down at me straight faced.

  “Um…hi, Trent. How are you?” I’m shaking like a leaf, my nerves completely out of control.

  Suddenly my stomach twists in knots, reminded that both Trent and Joey are under the same roof, right now. Then my stomach turns sour, thinking about how giddy and excited I was just seconds ago, swooning over Joey while Trent looks exhausted and plain out awful. The guilt that I’ve felt for so long starts to resurface and my heart aches again for what I’ve done to Trent.

  “I’m alright. I just had to drop something off to my mom. I’m on my way out, though. I’ll see you around.” That’s all he says before heading for the exit.

  I stand there frozen, not really knowing how I’m supposed to feel.

  “Hope, snap out of it! What the hell happened to the smiling girl that was just here ten minutes ago?” Kelly comes up next to me, snapping her fingers in my face.

  “It left with the sight of Trent.”

  “Wait, what? Trent was here?” she asks, confused.

  “Yup, and he looked like shit which makes me feel like shit,” I say in a pitiful dry tone.