You're Being Summoned, Darkness

by Natsume Akatsuki

Lord Alderp looked me up and down, then cast a lascivious gaze at my three companions.

  He seemed to eat up Aqua and Megumin with his eyes, then moved on to Darkness…

  …whereupon he froze, an expression of shock on his face.

  “Hey, that fat, old guy is super staring at us,” Aqua said. “I don’t like the vibe I get from him one bit. Mind if I go over and poke him in the eye?”

  “Stoppit, don’t cause any more trouble… But doesn’t he seem kind of fixated on Darkness?”

  “Yeah! Super fixated. He’s got kind of the same look you get when she walks around the house in clothes that barely cover her.”

  “H-hey, I never do that! …Mostly! Seriously, when did I ever look at Darkness like—?”

  As I protested, I glanced at Darkness—she was staring right back at Lord So-and-So.

  “What’s up, Darkness? Does it bug you that he’s looking at you?”

  “Hmm? Oh, no… Never mind. I’ll tell you later.”

  There was something off about her response, but there was no time to worry about it, as the gavel came down again.

  “Order! No private conversations on court time. Now, Prosecutor, please step forward. If anyone lies, we’ll know it by the ringing of this magic bell. All are advised to consider their words in light of that fact.”

  The judge emphasized his point with another bang of his gavel. At the same moment, Sena stood up.

  “I will begin by reading the charges. At the time of an attack by Mobile Fortress Destroyer, the defendant, Kazuma Satou, along with other adventurers, bested said fortress. On that occasion, the defendant gave orders to teleport a piece of Coronatite moments before it exploded. The Coronatite was teleported to the mansion of the victim, Lord Alderp, whereupon it detonated. The victim’s mansion was destroyed, and Lord Alderp has been forced to obtain lodging in a room at the town’s inn since then.”

  The entire time Sena was reading, the victim in question was focused single-mindedly on Darkness.

  “The use of Random Teleport to transport monsters, poisons, hazardous materials, or explosives is prohibited by law. The defendant has violated this law, and his act is aggravated by the fact that in doing so, he endangered the life of a lord, posing a very real threat to the stability of the government. Hence, prosecution seeks a judgment of sedition!”

  “Objection!”

  The shout came the instant Sena finished speaking.

  Next to me, Aqua had stepped forward, her arm out and her voice raised.

  “The defense will have its chance to speak. If you have something to say, ask the permission of the Court before you talk… As I presume this is your first trial, I’ll overlook your outburst this once. Now, counsel, you may speak.”

  The judge nodded, but Aqua merely shook her head with a satisfied expression.

  “I just wanted to shout ‘Objection!’ That’s all.”

  “Counsel will speak only when she has something to say!”

  That idiot! It was all I could do not to smack her.

  Aqua, having angered the judge practically before we’d begun, calmly settled back next to me, appearing genuinely pleased.

  The episode had thrown off Sena a bit, and she didn’t seem to have quite collected herself as she got back on track.

  “…Ahem, that’s all from the prosecution. In short, prosecution, uh, seeks a judgment of sedition against defendant Kazuma Satou.”

  She sat back down as she concluded.

  “Very well,” the judge said. “The defendant and his counsel may now speak. Your statement, please!”

  “…and that’s the story of how I brought down the Demon King’s general, Beldia, not to mention Destroyer. Would someone who’s sacrificed so much for this country actively plan to overthrow it? Hardly! If anything, you could probably stand to be a little more lavish in your praise of me!”

  I stood in the middle of the hall, making an impassioned plea in my own defense.

  How awesome I’d been fighting Beldia.

  How exemplary my command had been in the battle against Destroyer.

  It didn’t bother me that the judge repeatedly cast a doubtful eye at his magic lie-detecting bell. My descriptions might have been a bit over-the-top, but nothing I said was untrue.

  “Th-that will be enough. I think the Court is well acquainted with the defendant’s arguments. Now, Prosecutor. Please submit your proof that the defendant is guilty of sedition.”

  The judge nodded wearily at Sena, who motioned to one of the Knights at her side. He headed for the courthouse waiting area as Sena read from a sheet of paper.

  “The prosecution will now present proof that the defendant is a terrorist harboring plans of sedition and an agent of the Demon King’s army. Bring in the witnesses!”

  At her signal, the Knight ushered several people into the room. Most were other adventurers.

  Wait a second…

  “Ah-ha-ha-ha… They kinda summoned me…”

  It was Chris, right down to the scar on her cheek, wincing apologetically.

  And Chris was only the start of the parade of witnesses. They’d summoned every single person who knew me.

  7

  This was bad. Real bad.

  “So, Chris, is it true that the defendant used Steal to take your panties right out in public?”

  “Well, uh, I guess it’s true, but—but that was an accident!”

  “We’re only interested in the facts of the case. Thank you.”

  “What?! Hang on! I don’t—! It doesn’t bother me anymore!”

  Chris was hustled from the courtroom as Sena abruptly concluded her questioning.

  I eyed the rest of the witnesses. This didn’t bode well for me.

  There was the Sword Master Mitsurugi, with his two hangers-on. He was from Japan, just like me, but I had taken his magic sword and sold it.

  “Mr. Mitsurugi. You claim the defendant stole a magic sword from you and sold it. You further claim that when these two attempted to get the sword back, the defendant threatened them with stealing their panties in public. Is this correct?”

  “Y-yeah, it is, but— I mean, I was the one who challenged him, and—”

  “Yeah, he threatened us! ‘I don’t discriminate. I’m perfectly happy to beat up a couple of girls’!”

  “She’s right! ‘We’re out in public here. And there’s no telling what I might Steal…’!”

  Mitsurugi’s two groupies, whom I had indeed threatened—just a little—cut him off mid-sentence.

  When their eyes met mine, they stuck out their tongues. They really knew how to hold a grudge.

  Ngh… Everyone in the courtroom was looking at me, and I didn’t think they liked what they saw—including the judge.

  No sooner had Mitsurugi been shoved out of the room than Dust was on the stand. Why would they call him as a witness? I didn’t remember specifically wronging him.

  He was the one who suggested we should trade parties, anyway.

  Dust was just giving me a lazy greeting when I heard Sena again.

  “This man is the defendant at our next trial. I believe Your Honor already knows him. He’s a thug and a frequent guest in our courtrooms.”

  “Hey, I’m just quietly waiting for my trial when you drag me out here—and this is how you greet me? I oughta grab those big old boobs of yours!”

  Dust was never far from his boiling point, and the prosecution’s words put him right over the top.

  The judge frowned at the outburst. Sena pointed at me.

  “Mr. Dust. Prosecution is told you are friends with the defendant, Kazuma Satou. Is this true?”

  “You’re damn right it is. He’s my buddy, my man. We’ve been out drinking together and everything.”

  At that, Sena turned toward me.

  “Kazuma Satou, is this ill-mannered thug your friend?”

  “An acquaintance.”

  “Hey! Kazuma!” Dust exclaimed, but the bell didn’t ring, despite the judge and Sena both watching it int
ently.

  “I—I see. My apologies. I had intended to argue that all your friends were brutes like this, but…”

  “It’s all right. It’s true we know each other.”

  “Kazuma! Does our friendship mean so little to you?!”

  A Knight dragged off the howling thug as Sena turned to the judge.

  “Notwithstanding the unsatisfactory nature of our last speaker, I believe these witnesses have sufficiently testified to the defendant’s character. Further, the defendant is known to have borne a grudge against the victim. This leads me to conclude that the defendant is only pretending these events were an accident. He didn’t use Random Teleport but a regular Teleport spell, and he deliberately sent the Coronatite to the victim’s residence—”

  She really needed to stop making up accusations willy-nilly.

  “You have proved nothing!” Megumin exclaimed. “I admit Kazuma is rather twisted, but I will not stand for you trying to pin these false charges on him! Bring some better proof! You know, I think something odd is going on here. Do you not see how far she is reaching? Does none of this feel wrong to you?!”

  “Restrain yourself, counselor! You will ask permission before you speak.”

  “You want proof? Very well. I have even more evidence that the defendant is a terrorist who was plotting the destruction of the town—and is an agent of the Demon King!”

  Sena began to read from a sheet of paper to the furious Megumin.

  “First! Though they succeeded in defeating the Demon King’s general, Beldia, Kazuma Satou and his party summoned enough water to cover half the town during the battle, resulting in massive flood damage.”

  Aqua trembled visibly.

  “Second! They erected a massive spirit barrier around the town’s common graveyard, depriving evil spirits of a place there and causing a spate of hauntings in town.”

  Aqua had turned around and put her fingers in her ears. I pulled her hands away, forcing her to listen to the prosecution’s statement.

  “On several successive days, his party used explosion magic near town, altering the local terrain and ecosystems; further, during this time, magic was used near town at night, bothering residents at a very late hour…”

  Now Megumin was turned around and covering her ears.

  Some lawyers they turned out to be!

  “Hey, hang on a minute! This can’t be right! Nothing you just mentioned has anything to do with me personally. I know they’re my party members, but—show me what this has to do with me!”

  As if taking my challenge to heart, Sena pressed on.

  “In addition, witnesses observed the defendant using Drain Touch, a skill only available to the undead. Mr. Satou, if you are not associated with the Demon King’s army, please explain how you know Drain T— Covering your ears won’t make this go away!” Sena jabbed a finger at Aqua, Megumin, and me.

  I have my rights! Like the right to remain silent!

  “Finally, the most damning evidence. During your interrogation at the police station, I asked you if you had had any interactions with any elements of the Demon King’s army. You said no—at which point the magic bell signaled a lie. If that’s not proof, then what is?!”

  Aww, dang. Awww, dang.

  I was cornered. There was nothing I could say—and that’s when it happened.

  “No, that’s wrong!”

  The startlingly confident voice belonged to none other than Aqua.

  Who would’ve thought she might be my trump card at a moment like this…!

  “You tell ’em, Aqua! Show them the undeniable proof that I’m innocent!”

  “Huh? What are you talking about? I don’t have undeniable anything. That was just something else I’ve wanted to say.”

  “Escort the counselor out of the courtroom!”

  “I’m sorry! I really apologize for my lawyer!”

  “Owww! Ow-ow-ow-owww!”

  I apologized profusely and pinched Aqua right on the head.

  You stupid, stinking idiooooot!

  A voice tore through our little fight.

  “Surely you’ve seen enough! He must be in league with the Demon King! One of his men! He transported an explosive into my mansion! Kill him! Off with his head!”

  The victim, Lord Alderp, who had been silent until that moment, began pointing and shouting at me as I stood there, lost for words.

  Okay, old man—this is my chance!

  “You’re all wrong! I don’t work for the Demon King! And I’m not a terrorist! It’s true I was upset about the debt, but I would never deliberately send Coronatite to someone’s house! Take a good look at your little magic toy, because I’m going to say this nice and clear: I am not the Demon King’s man, or agent, or anything!”

  The bell didn’t make a sound. Alderp, watching it closely, didn’t know what to say.

  Sena furrowed her brow and bit her lip as she stared at it.

  If she could use the bell as proof, well, so could I.

  The lordly victim’s outburst turned out to be my salvation.

  The judge slowly shook his head.

  “As we can see, discerning truth and falsehood by magical item is not an exact science. In light of this, I’m afraid I cannot admit the bell’s reaction as evidence, nor accept the prosecution’s conclusions drawn therefrom. There is simply too little to go on. As such, defendant Kazuma Satou, I judge the suspicions against you unconvincing, and—”

  Just as he was about to pronounce his judgment…

  “I told you, he’s an associate of the enemy. He’s the Demon King’s man. You must put him to death!”

  Alderp, still standing, was now repeating himself.

  This time it was Sena who responded.

  “No injuries or deaths resulted in the event. I hardly think the death penalty is an appropriate—”

  The lord stared hard at Sena.

  “—th-thing to deny in this case. Yes?”

  …What?

  “H-hey, hang on! Something’s wrong here!”

  “He is right—what was that? The prosecutor changed her opinion mid-sentence!”

  Under attack from Megumin and me, Sena looked almost pained—even though we were just pointing out what she’d said.

  At that moment, Aqua jabbed a finger at the judge, Sena, and then Lord Alderp.

  “I felt a wicked power just now! Someone here is using evil power to try to twist the truth!”

  Aqua’s incredible assertion stunned the courtroom into silence.

  Unfortunately, thanks to her earlier outbursts, everyone looked more than a little tired of her.

  The collective attention focused on the bell. But when it didn’t ring, the air in the room changed noticeably.

  This was Aqua, a member of the clergy, an Arch-priest.

  The judge’s face changed color as he clearly started to think there might be something to her claim.

  “Evil power…? You mean to say there is someone committing injustice at our sacred trial?”

  “Yes, I do. My eyes are even sharper than that magical dealie-whomper of yours. Nothing can be hidden from me, the goddess of water, who has more than ten million followers in this world! For I am the goddess Aqua!”

  Riiing.

  The clear sound of the bell could be heard throughout the silent courtroom.

  “What?! Wait! I’m not lying!”

  “Defendant. You are advised to choose your counselor more carefully.”

  “I’m sorry, Your Honor. Believe me, I’m as disappointed as you are.”

  Megumin tried to calm the wailing Aqua after her utter failure to convince anyone she was telling the truth. For some reason, though, Lord Alderp was biting his lip and watching her closely, his face white as a sheet.

  “All right, so I exaggerated a bit! The magic bell rang because of the number of followers I gave. It’s not ten million. It’s more like 9.8 million.”

  I dearly wanted to point out to the muttering Aqua that she could say a thousand followers an
d the bell would probably still ring—but this wasn’t the time. The judge was about to hand down his verdict.

  He cleared his throat.

  “Defendant Kazuma Satou. In light of your numerous immoral deeds, to say nothing of your total—indeed, sociopathic—disregard for public safety…”

  This was definitely not going in the direction of his earlier verdict.

  “…I consider the prosecution’s recommendation to be appropriate. I find you guilty—”

  What?

  “—and sentence you to death.”

  8

  “This is soooo wroooong! Wait—just—wait! You guys are making this trial up as you go along! How about some proof that actually proves something?! You can’t sentence a guy to death like this! You must be crazy!”

  “The defendant will mind his tongue!”

  “Kazuma’s right this is wrong—this is all wrong! Sure, he wouldn’t shut up about the debt we were saddled with after flooding the town, and sure, he had a grudge against the local lord, and sure, I thought he would snap one day, but he doesn’t have the guts to teleport Coronatite into someone’s house!”

  Sheesh! Was she trying to defend me, or get me in even more trouble?

  As I struggled to shut Aqua up, Megumin removed her eye patch.

  “Very well. If you are so eager to dub Kazuma a terrorist, let me show you what terrorism truly— Oh! What are you doing? Let me go!”

  The bailiffs jumped on Megumin as her crimson eyes started to sparkle.

  “Heyyy! Really, something is off here! My unclouded eyes can see the oppressive evil in this courtroom! Just hang on—I’ll get this place purified in no— Wait! This is good magic! Not bad magic! Let me work!”

  “All magic is banned in the courtroom! Otherwise someone might interfere with our magical lie detector.”

  “You, get those two out of here!” Sena stood up, too, shouting orders for Megumin and Aqua to be taken away.

  “Order! Order! …I said order, you cretins!”

  The judge finally lost his temper and began shouting and pounding his gavel.

  As the bailiffs led Megumin and Aqua out of the courtroom…

  “Your Honor. Here.”

  Darkness, who hadn’t said a word until that moment, pulled something out from her neckline.