You're Being Summoned, Darkness

by Natsume Akatsuki

  It was an expensive-looking pendant, with what appeared to be some kind of crest on it.

  I had no idea what it signified, but everyone else in the courtroom seemed to know exactly what it was.

  “Th-that’s… S-so you’re…!”

  The judge stood up in surprise and gazed at the pendant, eyes wide.

  With the entire courtroom focused on her, Darkness said quietly:

  “My sincere apologies, but I will be taking charge of this courtroom. I am not asking you to pretend this never happened. But give me time, and I will demonstrate beyond all doubt that this man is not a servant of the Demon King. Further, I will see you reimbursed for your mansion.”

  Sena and the judge had both gone stiff as boards, goggling at the crest Darkness held.

  Only Lord Alderp, although clearly somewhat cowed, raised any objection.

  “That’s—! B-but surely we can’t— Even at your request—!”

  “Alderp. You are the victim here, and I will be in your debt. Name any one thing I can do, and I will do it for you. I am not asking you to withdraw your suit. Only to wait.”

  His Lordship swallowed heavily as Darkness spoke.

  “Anything…? A-a-anything at all…?”

  “Yes, anything.”

  At that, Alderp’s eyes glinted, and he ran his gaze over her as if drinking her in.

  Then he sat back down.

  “Very well. For you, I will do this. Let us postpone this man’s sentence.”

  After the trial, Darkness followed me out of the courthouse. I asked her, “What was that about? Do you actually know that greasy old Alderp guy?”

  “…I guess. He’s had a certain fixation on me since I was a child. Since his wife died, he’s come with proposals of marriage more than once. But my father has always refused him on the grounds that the difference in our ages is too great.”

  That’s…actually pretty creepy. Fixated on her since she was a kid?

  “A-are you sure it’s okay to say you’ll do anything he wants?! He was watching you the way dogs stare at steak! There’s no telling what he might ask for!”

  “Y-yes…who knows…what…”

  “C’mon…I’m trying to worry about you here…!”

  With Darkness blushing and panting behind me, I went to bail out Aqua and Megumin.

  9

  Darkness’s gambit had landed me with two assignments: one, prove I wasn’t an agent of the Demon King. And two, pay for Lord Alderp’s manor.

  I was at Wiz’s shop with Aqua in tow, seeking any possible way to make money.

  I had actually planned to go by myself, but Aqua had invited herself along, and I couldn’t shake her.

  “I know just what you’ve got in mind, Kazuma! This whole thing started because that stupid undead screwed up. We repossess her store to make up the cost!”

  Aqua, who in fact had no idea what I had in mind, stood all but frothing at the door.

  “All right, undead, come out! Time for you to say your prayers!” With that ridiculous pronouncement, Aqua kicked in the door of the shop.

  “Wh-what’s going on?! Are you robbing me? Are you gangsters? …Eeek! L-Lady Aqua!”

  Yes, Aqua, who was evidently scarier than robbers or gangsters.

  I walked in a second later to find Wiz cowering under divine assault. I told her how the trial had gone.

  “I see… I’m so glad you’re all right, though! I’m very sorry, Mr. Kazuma. This is all because I Teleported that rock…”

  “It sure is! I’m so glad you understand what’s—” I slapped my hand over Aqua’s mouth before she could say anything even stupider.

  “It’s fine. If you hadn’t been there, we would’ve all been done for. I guess that princeling’s out a mansion, but no one was hurt. If I can just prove to Sena that I’m not working for the Demon King, that should clear my name. Er…I still have to figure out how to pay for the guy’s house, though.”

  Wiz answered with a small sigh of relief.

  “So that’s the story. At least you bought yourself some time. But money…? I’d like to help, but my store is in the red, and I don’t have any funds… In my days with the Demon King’s army, I had a friend who was extremely talented at making money but also a little crazy and hard to understand… If there’s anything I can do to help…”

  Wiz fretted at the counter.

  “Actually, I came here to ask you for something.”

  “Yeah—to let us send you to the next life!”

  I ignored Aqua’s incomprehensible blathering and told Wiz what I’d actually come for.

  Bluntly speaking, I was already buried in debt and entirely lacking capital. It wouldn’t be easy to come by the money I needed to rebuild the lord’s manor.

  That meant maybe it was time to try something I’d been thinking about for a while now…

  This world’s technology was far behind Earth’s. People who couldn’t use Kindle were still lighting fires with flint and tinder.

  If I could market some kind of lighter, I was sure it would fly off the shelves. I even had some confidence in my ability to build it. But what store would stock a random lighter I’d happened to come up with out of nowhere?

  I had hoped I could display them in some vacant spot in Wiz’s shop for a while.

  Basically, though, what I said to her was, “I’m going to make a really useful item, and I’d like to display it in your store, if I could.”

  If it sold, of course I’d share the profits with Wiz. And she didn’t have to decide until after she’d seen the item.

  “It’s all too obvious I’m never going to become rich as an adventurer. Which leaves entrepreneurship… You’re kind of the only person I can ask to work with me on this on such short notice.”

  “What Kazuma’s saying is, we’re taking over this joint, so hurry up and fork over the dee— Yowch!”

  I smacked Aqua on the back of her head with the hilt of my dagger to stem her tide of nonsense. Then I bowed to Wiz.

  She smiled sweetly even as she flinched away from Aqua, who was clutching her head and rolling on the floor.

  “That sounds just fine to me. In fact, I’d be thrilled to have a wider selection to offer. My store has never been that successful… And anyway, I can’t pretend I’m unrelated to the whole manor incident. I don’t know what you plan to sell, but I look forward to finding out.”

  She smiled again, and with her eager agreement to help me out, I couldn’t help smiling back.

  The moment might’ve been a little more pleasant without someone rolling all over the floor, though.

  Then Wiz’s expression darkened.

  She was obviously trying to decide whether or not to tell me something.

  “…? What’s up? If there’s something on your mind, let me know. I don’t want to force this on you. If you’ve got any ideas…”

  Wiz hurriedly waved away my concerns.

  “N-no, not at all! I’m very grateful that you want to sell something in my shop! Actually, it’s about… It’s about Milady Aqua…” She trailed off, clearly hard-pressed.

  “…? Her? Oh, you’re afraid that if you start stocking my item, she’ll be in here all the time. If you’re too worried about her, I can try my best to leave her at home.”

  Aqua was a goddess, after all—much as I hated to admit it. It only made sense that she might make an undead uneasy.

  “N-no, that’s not… Milady Aqua is welcome here. But every time she comes, she tells my customers that everything in the shop is made by unspeakable, inhumane methods and they’d be better off not buying anything…”

  “You. What’s she talking about?”

  Aqua, still on the floor cradling her head, gave a start.

  “W-wait!” Wiz exclaimed. “I-I’m not worried about it! For some reason, sales of holy water to male adventurers have gone way up since then! So I’m not—”

  I was glad for her that something was selling well, I guess.

  I wonder if it’s reall
y okay for a Lich to be selling holy water.

  Then again, I wonder if the adventurers of this town are really okay in a number of ways.

  “I’m more worried about… Well, milady has a habit of touching everything in the shop, and a lot of my magical herbs and necromancy ingredients end up getting cleansed. Quite a few of my products have become unfit for sale…”

  “What’s she talking about, you dumbass goddess?”

  Apparently this idiot had been coming to Wiz’s shop behind my back just to harass her.

  I dragged Aqua to her feet, then put one hand on her head and shoved it down in a bow in Wiz’s direction.

  “I’m so sorry, Wiz! I’ll take responsibility for your lost products and take money from this moron to pay you back! H-hey, don’t struggle! Come on, apologize!”

  “Stop, Kazuma! No way! Why should a goddess bow to a Lich?! Anyway, any liquid I touch is just naturally purified by the divine power that flows out of me! It’s not my fault! If you put a plant in the sun, it’ll photosynthesize, and if I touch liquid, I purify it! It’s just the way the world works!”

  No, I’m pretty sure you’re going out of your way to touch those items.

  Since Aqua was putting all her strength into stiffening her neck so I couldn’t force her head down, I bowed mine even deeper instead.

  You know, I feel like I’ve done an awful lot of apologizing for Aqua recently.

  “Oh! Please don’t do that! It’s all right—it’s in the past. Just… If possible, maybe don’t purify my products in the future… I know I’ve caused you a lot of trouble lately—asking Lady Aqua to help the souls at the graveyard, asking you to exorcise that haunted house…”

  This time it was Wiz who hurriedly bowed her head.

  Faced with Wiz’s unrelenting earnestness, the person whose lax approach to cemetery duty caused that very haunting averted her eyes.

  …Blast you. You and Wiz oughta switch jobs…

  Chapter 2

  May There Be a Friend for This Crimson Magic Girl!

  1

  “Hey, Kazuma. Where’s Darkness? Isn’t she home yet?”

  Aqua was curled up on the sofa in front of the fireplace, which she’d claimed as her exclusive territory. She sounded almost bored.

  It had been several days since the trial. Lord Alderp had summoned Darkness to fulfill her promise…

  She had gone out last night and still hadn’t yet returned.

  The thought of how Alderp had reveled in leering at her, the ugly glint in his eyes—it made my chest tighten.

  Then again, this was the person whose instincts and, uh, preferences made her practically throw herself at a general of the Demon King’s army. Maybe she actually wanted this.

  I didn’t have any romantic feelings to speak of for Darkness. It didn’t matter to me what she did or who she did it with.

  But she’d been away all night to “fulfill a promise.” That meant she was at the inn where that lord was staying, and right about now they were…

  “Aaaaaaahhhhhh!”

  “Yeek! What? What? Don’t scare me like that, suddenly grabbing your head and screaming! You’re always a little crazy, Kazuma, but today you seem extra weird.”

  Aqua was cowering at my sudden outburst.

  Then in walked Megumin with…something.

  She didn’t say anything to the two of us about the commotion we’d been making, just silently held the thing in her arms.

  You know, I’ve been wondering about that thing for a while.

  “Neeow!”

  It was a cat. Megumin was holding a cat.

  And she was staring silently at me.

  “Are you trying to say you want to keep that thing in the house?”

  “…Yes. She is quite tame and will not cause trouble… May I?”

  It was the little black cat I saw periodically with Megumin. I had no idea where she usually kept it.

  Nestled in Megumin’s arms, the cat squinted happily.

  “I guess I don’t see why not. I don’t think anyone in the house is allergic to cats. Hey, she’s pretty friendly.”

  When I reached out my hand to the cat Megumin was holding, the cat laid a paw sweetly on my finger.

  It was a pretty rough world out there. And in a party full of problem children, we could all use a little stress relief. A heartwarming addition to the cast would do us all some good.

  “Yowch! Why does she only scratch me?! Look at her… That black fur, that rotten attitude. I think I sense an evil aura here!”

  Aqua was incensed that the cat had taken a swipe at her when she tried to pet it.

  I took the cat from Megumin to protect her from the blue-haired beast. I set her on the carpet, keeping my back to Aqua to shield her.

  Come to think of it, we had some fish left over from breakfast.

  “Hey, Megumin,” Aqua said. “What do you call your evil little magic friend, anyway?”

  “Chomusuke.”

  I took the fish off the table, plate and all.

  “…Wait. What did you say her name was?”

  “Chomusuke.”

  I leaned over toward the black cat—I mean, Chomusuke—with the leftover fish in my hand.

  Life with such a messed-up owner isn’t easy, huh…?

  I set the plate down, but Chomusuke didn’t eat the fish right away. Instead, she gave it a delicate sniff.

  “Hey, Megumin,” Aqua said, “isn’t that cat a girl? Doesn’t she need a more girlie name?”

  “No. Her name is Chomusuke.”

  With the girls babbling behind me, I watched Chomusuke.

  Watched her exhale a tiny flame to grill the fish.

  ……The hell was that just now?

  I sat on the carpet hugging my knees as Chomusuke dug in to the leftovers.

  “Hey, Aqua,” I said quietly. “Do the cats around here…breathe fire?”

  I mean, the cabbages fly. Why shouldn’t cats breathe fire?

  “What in the world are you talking about? Are you feeling all right?”

  “Cats do not breathe fire,” Megumin added. “Cats go meow.”

  “That’s right. And they like fish, and they’re very cute.”

  Thanks. I already knew all that.

  “I swear I just saw this thing breathe fire, though. She grilled the fish before she ate it!”

  “…Kazuma. I think you need some rest.”

  “You did go to jail and then endure that trial. It is a lot to deal with.”

  “I’m telling the truth! I’m not crazy!”

  As I pointed at Chomusuke and yelped, Megumin cut back in.

  “By the way, what were you two so excited about earlier? Darkness isn’t a child anymore—she can stay out all night if she wants. You should both calm down.”

  Clearly, I had failed to convince her.

  “You seem pretty laid-back about this. Do you know what could be happening to Darkness right now? I’ll bet Lord What’s-His-Face is doing something awful to her at this very minute!”

  Megumin just snorted.

  “With Darkness, not even a lord could… I—I mean, there are certainly lots of unpleasant rumors about him, but Darkness can hold her own as an adventurer. I don’t think it would be so easy for him to force himself on her.”

  This idiot! She didn’t get Darkness at all!

  “Geez, you’re such a kid! You’ve known Darkness for how long? And you still don’t understand that perv! I’m sure she’s blushing and saying something like, Hrk! You can do as you wish with my body, but you can’t have my heart! I refuse to give in to you!”

  “?!”

  Megumin hugged Chomusuke, who was still nibbling on the fish, apparently grasping the situation for the first time.

  “Wh-wh-what do we do? Darkness—Darkness might be in trouble! What do we do, Kazuma?!”

  “She’s been gone since yesterday, right? A whole night’s already passed—we’re too late. When Darkness comes back, just be nice to her like you always are, okay, g
uys?”

  “S-sure! That means don’t ask what her most recent step on the stairway to adulthood was like.”

  “Darkness! Ohh, Darkness!”

  Aqua clenched her fist in a You can count on me gesture while Megumin stood and moaned.

  If Darkness hadn’t done what she did, they’d probably have executed me by now. No amount of thanks would ever be enough.

  Arrrgh, dammit!

  Again, I wasn’t, like, in love with Darkness or whatever. But still…for some reason, it just made me really angry.

  It was kind of like how when one of your female friends gets a boyfriend, it can cause some pretty confusing feelings.

  At that moment…

  “Kazuma Satou! Kazuma Satou, are you there?!”

  There was a shout, then the front door opened.

  It was Sena, her face red, her shoulders heaving with ragged breaths as she flung open the door.

  “H-hey, I don’t have to prove anything yet! Sorry, but I don’t have time for you right now. My friend—”

  “You don’t have time for me?! Cram it! I knew you were an agent of the Demon King all along! I can’t believe I let you play us again!”

  Setting aside the false accusation, everything about her behavior gave me a bad feeling. Trembling, I asked, “P-played you how…?”

  “The frogs! The frogs all over town are supposed to be hibernating for the winter!”

  She seemed to be talking about Giant Toads, low-level monsters that were sort of a local nuisance. But I didn’t know anything about…

  “You cannot just accuse a person of everything, you know,” Megumin said, sounding like she was spoiling for a fight. “You suggest we can control monsters and summon them out of their hibernation? Then show us the proof!”

  “According to a Guild employee’s report, the frogs appear to have surfaced because something frightened them. Something like the explosion magic that has been used near town repeatedly the last several days and has caused so much trouble for residents.”

  I grabbed Aqua and Megumin by their collars as they attempted to flee deeper into the house.