You're Being Summoned, Darkness

by Natsume Akatsuki

  Yunyun scrunched up her face, but the other Wizard went right on.

  “You saved me earlier. My entire body is covered in frog secretions. But why do you hold back? Come at me! The moment you get near, I shall grab and pin you!”

  Having made this announcement, Megumin, her arms still wide, began to creep forward, but for every step she took, Yunyun took one back.

  “M-Megumin? Th-this isn’t funny… You’re joking, right? Th-this is just a strategy to shake my confidence and make me give in. Right? You always used to do that. Y-you can’t fool me anymore…”

  Yunyun slowly backed away, trying to maintain her bluff. Megumin, red eyes sparkling, slowly edged forward.

  She had the look of a kid playing a prank on a close playmate.

  “We’re friends, aren’t we? I believe a friend is one who shares your trials…”

  Finally, Yunyun turned and ran.

  Megumin gave chase.

  “I give!” Yunyun exclaimed. “I give up! I’ll give you the manatite—just don’t come any closer!”

  4

  Megumin successfully gooped Yunyun to tears and sent her on her way. We were on the road back home.

  “Oh, Kazuma. Here. It will fetch a good price. Use it to help pay off our debt.”

  She handed me the manatite crystal she had just won.

  I recalled Yunyun saying any mage would fall all over themselves to get it.

  “Are you sure? You don’t want to use it? Not that I know how it works.”

  To my surprise, Megumin chuckled.

  “Manatite crystals are quite helpful. They shoulder some of the MP burden when you use magic. But they are a consumable. A crystal of this size and purity could never power my Explosion. These gems are precious to your average magic user, but a great mage like myself has no use for them.”

  I see she managed to work in a little pat on the back for herself there…

  “Doesn’t that worry you? I know I’ve asked you before, but don’t you want to learn some non-explosion mag—”

  “No.”

  “Didn’t think so.”

  Her answer was immediate. I heaved a sigh.

  Well, what else was I going to do? This little incident just went to show that even Megumin could step up sometimes.

  …Right?

  That Yunyun girl had used Advanced Magic. It made for an impressive show and took care of those frogs no problem.

  Not only that, but she was pretty and stylish.

  Compared to such a striking spell-caster…

  “…What? What are you sighing about? …Crimson Magic Clan members excel not only in magic but in Intelligence. Shall I guess what you are thinking at this moment?”

  Megumin regarded me with suspicion when I sighed.

  ………………

  “…I was thinking how much prettier you are than that girl.”

  “Oh, thank you! Such thoughtful praise deserves a hug!”

  “N-no, don’t! You smell like frog! Keep away!”

  When we got back, we discovered Aqua wasn’t home yet. Nor was there any sign of Darkness, whom I would have expected by now.

  I made a beeline for the bath, deeply conscious of my goopy back.

  “Ugh… It stinks… I’ve never been less happy to get a hug.”

  “You may wish to be more grateful. There are people who pay money to be hugged by a slimy girl,” Megumin said nonchalantly as she followed behind me.

  When I started to enter the changing room, Megumin tugged on my sleeve.

  “…What do you want?”

  “I hate being slimy. Let me go first.”

  “Well, I don’t like it, either, and it’s your fault I got this way. Anyway, I have to go first so I can heat the bath. Our tub works by magic, remember? You don’t have any MP left, so how would you keep the water warm? I bet the MP I shared with you would barely be enough to make it lukewarm. So just go sit by the fire until I wash up.”

  I shooed Megumin away, and she shot me a dirty look.

  “If I sit by the fire, the goop will dry on my robes, and then I’ll never get the smell out. Haven’t you ever heard of ‘ladies first’? Show some chivalry!”

  “Me, I’m for equality of the sexes. You can’t crow about how special women are when it’s convenient, then turn around and get upset at men. And if you want to be treated like a lady, start by waiting until you’re old enough to actually be a lady.”

  “Hey! Are you treating me like a child?! I’ll have you know that we are only three years apart! In ten years we will be twenty-six and twenty-three, and that is not much of a—”

  “The future’s the future and the past is the past. I live in the present. And at present, you just look like a little kid to me. No ifs, ands, or buts. I’ll take my bath now!”

  As I spoke, I ducked into the bathing area, lit the water heater with a bit of magic, and peeled off my slime-covered shirt.

  “This man bares himself in front of me!”

  Megumin drew back a bit, but I wasn’t worried about some kid seeing me shirtless.

  “You want to see any more, you’re going to have to pay. No haggling.”

  The Wizard bit her lip in frustration, then gave a snort as if she’d thought of something.

  With a triumphant smile on her face, she began to taunt me.

  “…I understand now. You don’t see me as a woman, Kazuma. Well, let’s bathe together, then! If I’m nothing more than a child to you, that should be normal enough.”

  “Yeah, I guess it’d be just as refreshing to be in there together. All right, I’m going in now.”

  “What?!”

  Megumin was the one who’d brought it up, but my nonchalant agreement seemed to catch her by surprise.

  “P-pardon me, but is this not the part where you say in embarrassment, I-idiot, we can’t do that! and then politely allow me to go first?”

  “Why should I follow a hackneyed old script like that? Just so you know, unwritten rules don’t carry much weight with me. For example—just for example, now. Let’s say you fell in love with me, but I was being mobbed by other girls, and you got jealous and decided you were going to try to beat it out of me—you better believe I’d fight right back. When I do something, I do it right. And don’t you forget it.”

  “…I can see I’ve underestimated you, Kazuma. But I shall not fall in love with you, so there is no need for concern. I’m also not quite sure this is the appropriate time for the expression, ‘When I do something, I do it right.’ But I shall let that pass.”

  Perhaps Megumin finally saw she had lost, because she started to leave the changing room…

  “What’s this? All that taunting and now you’re going to leave me in here alone? Sheesh, you really are just all talk. And you wonder why I treat you like a kid.”

  “All talk?! Me?! What a thing to say! I’ll show you! I can get in a little bath! Now stop hiding behind that towel, Kazuma, and get in the tub!”

  “Hey, quit it! Stop trying to yank my towel off, you perv! Why are you so strong, anyway? Did Yunyun ever tease you for being like a boy? Have a little decency, will you?”

  Once she had dramatically ripped off her robe and covered herself in a towel, Megumin strode boldly into the bathing area.

  Huh?

  I thought I saw some kind of pattern peeking out from underneath the towel in the vicinity of her butt.

  “This water is lukewarm! Give it some more magic! Come on, hurry up and come here!” The Arch-wizard had dipped one hand in the water and was shouting for me.

  Maybe it was just my imagination? …Oh well.

  5

  “Ahhh…”

  “Ahhhhh… Maybe a midday bath isn’t such a bad idea every once in a while. I feel like I could just drift off to sleep…” I sank up to my shoulders in the huge tub, stretching my arms and legs luxuriously.

  The size of the bathtub was the best thing about this house.

  “Are you sure we shouldn’t have stayed with that Yunyun
girl? You guys hadn’t seen each other in, like, forever, right?”

  “I’m sure we’ll meet again. She does consider me her rival, after all.”

  Megumin, also submerged up to her shoulders, rested her chin on the edge of the tub and closed her eyes, enjoying the water.

  “Yunyun, huh? I guess it is kind of a weird name, but she’s a cute girl. Plus, she seems to have a lot of sense for being a friend of yours.”

  “The way you phrase that makes it sound as if you think I do not have sense. She is the same age as me, you know. Do you not see her as a child?”

  Chin still resting on the edge of the tub, Megumin opened one eye at me.

  So she and Yunyun were the same age… I looked afresh at the girl lounging in the tub with me.

  “…Hey. I will have you tell me what you were thinking when you looked at me just now.”

  “I was thinking everyone grows up at different rates, that’s all— Hey, stoppit, don’t do your Explosion chant! I know you don’t have any MP left, but you’re still gonna give me a heart attack!”

  I put my chin on the edge of the tub in imitation of Megumin.

  “So she’s thirteen, huh? I don’t go for girls more than two years younger than me, so thirteen-year-olds are out. If she were fourteen, at least that would make her middle school second year and me high school first year. That’s almost doable.”

  I was just sort of talking to myself, but Megumin replied anyway.

  “Second year middle school and first year high school? I don’t know what you mean, but I will be fourteen next month. Will you stop treating me like a child then?” Her eyes remained blissfully closed as she spoke.

  “No way, really? Your birthday is next month? Wait—fourteen? So you’re gonna graduate from your jailbait persona?”

  “Who are you calling jailbait? And I don’t recall ever adopting a persona like that! …What? What is it? Why do you look so—?”

  The girl I’d treated as a sort of ill-behaved younger sister had suddenly started to seem like an ill-behaved younger schoolmate instead.

  “Wh-what do I do now? Suddenly this situation seems kind of embarrassing…”

  “What do you mean? You changed your mind? Stop it—I’ll get embarrassed, too! Anyway, does just one year make that much difference to you? I mean—stop stealing awkward glances at me!”

  What was the story here? Why was my heart pounding?

  All of a sudden, I realized I’d gotten myself into a pretty tight spot.

  “Hey, why are we in this bath together anyway, Megumin? If you really think about it, isn’t this kind of…bad?”

  “You’re saying that now?! Stop it! Why would you turn all levelheaded now?”

  Megumin scuttled backward, trying to put as much distance between us as she could. I tried to do the same thing in the other direction.

  “I mean—what if someone sees us here? There’s no way to play this off as a joke. It’s exactly at times like these when someone who can’t read these kinds of situations—”

  So, naturally, right at that moment…

  “I’m hooome!”

  …we heard the voice of somebody famous for not being able to read any situation.

  “You jinxed us, Kazuma!”

  “This isn’t the time to be pointing fingers! One of us has to hurry and get out of here!”

  Megumin and I both jumped up to leave the tub at the same time, then both sank back down in embarrassment.

  “Why are you trying to leave with me? Are you trying to see what my wet towel reveals? Are you not worried I will see what yours does?”

  “Hey, I’m getting out of here, so you stay in the water. Wait—the key! Please tell me we locked the changing room…”

  “N-no, we didn’t! And you know this is when Aqua will come straight here. Wh-wh-what do we do? Do something, please!”

  Whatever the hell the options even were, obviously the first step was for one of us to get out of the bath.

  If Aqua found us here, I was sure she would come up with some slanderous nickname for me—loliNEET or loli-lover or who knows what.

  “Kazumaaa! Megumiiin! I’m hooome! Aren’t you going to greet me? I brought the money we got for the frogs!”

  Her voice was getting closer.

  I sprang out of the tub and zipped toward the changing room.

  At the sound of my footsteps, Aqua seemed to realize where I was.

  “Kazumaaa! …Oh, taking a bath?”

  An instant before the changing room door could open, I summoned all the magical power in my body, and with my right arm outstretched, I focused on a spell like I never had before.

  “Freeeeze!!”

  With my entire store of magic behind it, the spell froze the doorknob instantaneously, while I, my MP spent, collapsed to the floor in the wave of exhaustion that followed.

  “Kazuma, I left your and Megumin’s money on the table, okay? When you’re done with your bath, let’s go get something to eat!”

  Then she walked away, never even trying to open the door.

  …Of course she didn’t. She knew I was in here. What did I think this was, a manga?

  “A-are you all right, Kazuma? Did you use up all your magic? I mean…that was a close one. We almost—”

  “I almost got certified with a Lolita complex! That was really a close one… Hey, Megumin. Sorry, but could you dry me off? I can’t move, and I don’t want to catch a cold…”

  I couldn’t see Megumin from where I lay prone on the floor. But…

  “You say you will be considered a jailbait lover for getting in the bath with me? I shall have you explain this! You make awfully bold demands for someone who can’t move a muscle!”

  “Hey—hey, stop that! What are you doing, taking my towel off?! Now who’s the perv?! Hey— A-Aquaaa! Aquaaa! The jailbait won’t leave me alone!”

  6

  Aqua did burst in to help me, and when the dust settled, I had acquired the nickname of loliNEET.

  We ate our second, strangely lonesome dinner without Darkness.

  And then, the next morning…

  “What, you two are up already?” I asked as I came into the living room.

  The night before, we had concluded that going on quests without Darkness was dangerous. So today was going to be free time for all of us.

  In the end, Darkness hadn’t come home yesterday, either.

  I knew she’d said that lord was obsessed with her, but did he actually kidnap her?

  Or had something unexpected happened…?

  If she didn’t come back tonight, I would take matters into my own hands.

  I was wandering around town, on the hunt for food after deciding it was too much trouble to make breakfast, when I spotted a certain Crimson Magic Clan girl.

  She pattered along by herself, casting a greedy eye at every food stall.

  Finally she stopped and gazed at a place selling grilled kebabs.

  A moment later, a customer came up, laughed with the clerk, then bought three skewers.

  That seemed to help her make up her mind. She made for the stall and bought three, just like the last customer.

  …I got the impression she had never ordered street food before and wasn’t sure what to do.

  I thought about calling out to her, but seeing how she was stuffing her face, I decided to leave her be.

  “I’ve heard there have been some weird monsters around town lately. They’re not that strong, but…”

  “Oh yeah, I’ve heard that, too. They look really strange, and if they see a moving object, they latch onto it and then explode. You’re talking about those things, right?”

  I overheard this conversation between two adventurers while I strolled around town, after getting breakfast from a random shop.

  Weird monsters…?

  I mean, personally, I find all the monsters around here weird.

  But it might be worth keeping in mind anyway.

  Such were the thoughts running through my head when
I saw that same familiar girl again, this time loitering in front of a shooting-gallery stall.

  This wasn’t quite like the carnival target-practice places in Japan, though. It featured a real bow and arrows with blunt tips.

  Many of the customers enjoying the game were couples. The guy would win a prize and hand it to his girlfriend.

  This area must be the place to go for dates around here. And this particular stall seemed to be marketing itself to people sharing a romantic time together. That much was obvious from the prizes.

  Maybe the girl was embarrassed to be there alone, because she waited until every one of the couples had left and the stall was deserted before she stepped up to try her hand.

  She evidently didn’t know much about archery, though, because none of her shots came anywhere near the prize she wanted.

  She kept handing money to the stall owner to try again, until finally a couple came up and began shooting, and the girl returned the bow and awkwardly made to leave.

  Hmm…

  Let’s think this through, here. My party includes this girl’s rival, so I guess we’re not necessarily on the best of terms, but…

  “Hey,” I said, nearing her.

  “…? Oh! Um, Mr. Kazuma, hello…!”

  With barely a glance Yunyun’s way as she greeted me, I marched straight up to the shooting-gallery owner and handed him some money.

  “Deadeye!”

  With my sniping skill, I was able to get the prize for Yunyun with one shot.

  It was a samurai-like plush toy. As it tumbled off the shelf, I thought it looked somehow like General Winter.

  “Here. This is the one you wanted, right?”

  I handed it to Yunyun with feigned disinterest.

  If I had been in her shoes, I wouldn’t be surprised if I fell in love with me on the spot.

  Yunyun’s cheeks went a pale red, and for a second she didn’t seem sure she could accept the toy.

  But then a smile spread across her face, and she said joyfully, “Th-thank you very much…!”

  “I’m sorry, sir, but the sign clearly says Archers and the Deadeye skill are not allowed. You can keep the prize, but I’ll need you to pay double the fee…”