Beg for Me

by Natalie Anderson

  “Where’s Logan?” Dani smiled at her a little shyly. “You guys didn’t stay late at the party.”

  They hadn’t seen him? He hadn’t gone back to the party? “He’s... just resting.”

  She saw Connor glance sharply at her.

  “I’m just going to grab my jacket,” she smiled. So not hungry.

  Mortified, anxious, she walked through the great hall, then through the tunnel to the resort—and the guest pool and spa. There was no point looking out the window, it was all white. While the wind had died, cloud had crept in, obscuring all visibility.

  No sign of Logan. She tried calling him again. Still the answer phone.

  “Min?” Connor caught up with her as she walked back through to the hall. “Where’s Logan?”

  Min swallowed and looked at the large painting decorating the wall. “I don’t know.”

  She glanced at Connor for his reaction, but he nodded. He wasn’t surprised?

  “When did you last see him?” he asked.

  “Last n-n-night.”

  Connor stood very still. “He didn’t come to bed at all?”

  She shook her head.

  “He’s not answering his phone?”

  She shook her head. Not any calls from her, anyway.

  “And you don’t know where he went?”

  She shook her head again. Didn’t know where he went, or who he went with.

  “You guys had a fight?” Connor’s voice dropped.

  She froze.

  “Sorry,” he sighed. “You don’t need to tell me the details. I can see you care about him.”

  Min swallowed. She couldn’t have uttered a word, stutter or not. Connor saw that? But she saw Connor visibly trying to relax, not bark the questions at her.

  “What did he say when he left?” he asked softly “You got any clues?”

  Heat beat it’s way into her face. Did he think his brother had gone off with another woman? “He said he was going to blow off some steam.”

  Connor stiffened and shot a glance out the window.

  “What?” Min looked at him. “What would he have done?”

  A muscle worked in Connor’s cheek as he kept his gaze fixed on the whiteness outside. “There was bad weather last night. There’s been a slight fall.”

  “Fall?”

  “Avalanche, on the north side.”

  “What?” Min’s heart stopped as she tried to work out what Connor was thinking. “You don’t think he went up the mountain? In the dark?”

  That niggling doubt that had wormed in during the smallest night-time hours now unfurled. It was the kind of thing Logan would do—following a whim. An impulse. Setting himself some kind of wild challenge. Because he’d been in a wild mood.

  “He wouldn’t have,” she whispered. “He was in a tux.”

  But Logan, when the mood took him?

  Connor turned and regarded her steadily, saying nothing for a moment. “Look, for now we’ll keep it quiet. I’ll get Xander, Hunter and Roc to search the hotel and the town. I’ll get my ski-patrol guys to watch for any sign of someone up there. But they’re based in the tower. We can’t launch a proper search ‘til the whiteout clears anyway and we might have found him by then. He might be in one of the hotel rooms for all we know.”

  But he didn’t think so? Panic bled into the anger she’d felt, obliterating it. She’d never thought Logan staying outside was a real possibility. But Connor did. And Connor knew his brother better than anyone, right?

  What if he was up that mountain and hadn’t found shelter? What if he’d been caught in an avalanche?

  “Don’t worry. He’s tougher than his pretty-boy looks would have you believe.”

  “But we d-d-d—,” she gave up trying to talk. Turned away.

  “Min.”

  She turned back to Connor, not meeting his eyes.

  “I’ll walk you back to your room, okay?”

  She nodded.

  Connor was silent as he accompanied her up the stairs. It was only when they got to her floor that he spoke. “He ever tell you about my accident?”

  She shook her head.

  “We were kids. I was ten, he was twelve. We were training. We spent a lot of time training.” He grimaced and grinned at the same time. “Logan was always faster, stronger. Always more daring. He just had it—the courage. The fearlessness. The drive. We were off piste, shouldn’t have been there. But we were... unsupervised... and we’d dared each other. I went over a rock face and fell. Busted my leg. Blood, bone, the works. I couldn’t move. I told him to wait, that they’d send out a search party soon enough. But I was bleeding badly and he knew it was a serious problem.”

  Min stopped outside her bedroom door and waited, her pulse racing like she was the one in trouble.

  Connor turned to her, his expression forbidding yet somehow proud. “Logan skied down a part of this mountain no one had skied down, not before or since. How the hell he did it, I’ll never know. He risked his life to save me and he succeeded. Now I’m telling you this only so you know that if anyone can survive bad conditions out there, Logan can. He’s tough.”

  “But he told me he hasn’t skied in ages,” she whispered. “And he hates the cold.”

  “He hasn’t so much in recent years,” Connor acknowledged. “But it’ll come back to him. It’s in his blood. He was born to be up there.”

  And would he die up there too?

  “Don’t worry.” Connor reached forward and opened her door. “We’ll find him. You stay here. I’ll be back soon.”

  Min watched him go. He’d come across so businesslike. But underneath? He was kind. He cared about Logan. Perhaps more than anyone else.

  Except her.

  Yeah, now she knew it. She was gone on the guy.

  Time ticked by on slow-mo. She couldn’t sit, so she paced again. Kept hold of her phone in case he rang at any moment.

  When someone knocked on her door she flew across the room. Tried not to let her disappointment show when she saw Xander there with Chelsea. But Xander shook his head when she looked at him.

  He wasn’t in the hotel or anywhere they’d looked in the small town.

  “Is there anything I can do for you?” Chelsea asked, coming to sit on the corner of her bed.

  Min looked at her. “Do you think you could distract my mother? I can’t face dealing with her today.”

  “Don’t worry, Connor’s already booked her and Keith on a tour.” Xander answered.

  “In this weather?”

  “It’s a food tour, they’ll love it. And they’ll be out all day. I think they’re booked to return home tomorrow.”

  Connor was amazing.

  Min sat restless, wishing Chelsea and Xander would leave so she could curl into a ball and cry. But they didn’t. They just waited with her, silently offering support.

  Finally the cloud lifted a little. Connor arrived with Hunter in tow.

  “You guys go,” he said to Xander and Chelsea. “We’ve got this covered.”

  “We’re not going anywhere ‘til we’ve found him. And beaten the crap out of him for scaring us all,” Xander answered.

  “You can’t miss your flight, you’ll miss your connection.” Connor argued.

  “Forget it,” Xander sat. “We’re not going ‘til he’s back.”

  “Where are you going?” Min asked Chelsea as the men continued to argue.

  “Mexico, just for a short break from winter.”

  As Min nodded, the door suddenly opened. She vaguely heard the collective intake of breath, but she only had eyes for Logan.

  He stood in the doorway. His tux was sodden and dirt-streaked, clinging like a second skin. But he stood tall, his ice-eyes blazing, piercing right through her.

  For an instant no one moved. Min was pinned in place where she sat, feeling every possible emotion hit like punches to her gut.

  Relief, anger, hope, anger, fear, anger.

  Then Logan tore his glance away, taking note of the others in the
room.

  “I didn’t realize there was another party?” He stepped forward and casually flicked the door shut behind him. “What?” he asked, with a so-Logan swagger. “Why are you all sitting around looking like you’ve seen a ghost?”

  “If you don’t want a broken nose, you’ll shut up right now.” Connor growled. He looked Logan over. “No lasting injuries that I can see.” He strode to the door Logan had just closed and opened it. “You might want to spend some time with Min. The rest of us will beat you up later.”

  Logan stood still ‘til they’d all filed out and closed the door again. But he kept his gaze on Min, ignoring the muted comment from Xander. In the dishevelled suit he looked more like a fallen angel than ever.

  His mouth lifted in a small, self-mocking smile. “You were worried about me?”

  It was too much for Min. Acid tears burned in her eyes and that anger unleashed. “F-f-f-uck you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  #Win

  “I’m sorry if you were worried,” he said stiffly.

  “I thought you were d-d-dead,” she tried to snap. “I thought you’d gone on some crazy ski run.”

  “You thought I’d gone up the mountain?” He looked stunned. “I might be a bit reckless, but I’m not an idiot.”

  “But... you’re drenched.”

  “I’m only wet from the walk back. I’m fine.”

  Fine. He was fine? He wasn’t going to be fine for much longer. “Walk b-back from where?”

  He hesitated.

  “Hunter and Connor... they checked the hotel,” Min said. “You didn’t stay there.”

  If he hadn’t been in any of the hotel rooms, and not up in the snow, then where had he been? Who had he been with?

  “Were you with that woman?” she asked. “That... Cynthia?”

  He looked more amazed than when she’d suggested he’d gone up the mountain. But astonishment morphed into outrage in a heartbeat. “No.”

  “Some other woman?”

  “No.”

  “Then where the fuck were you?” she demanded, those tears stinging her eyes again. “You didn’t call, you didn’t answer my calls... I can tell you, you’re in more d-danger now than you would have been if you were out in that snow.”

  “I thought you didn’t care.”

  Was he actually smiling? Seriously? She pushed past him, had to get out. Away. He was an absolute jerk.

  He grabbed her, pulled her close. Wet, dirty tux and all.

  She stiffened. So pissed.

  Only then she felt his strength, his heat. The vitality as his heart slammed against his ribs, the vibrations reverberating within her.

  His heart was racing. And his arms were suddenly so tight around her.

  “I’m sorry. Sorry. That was... I’m sorry.” He held her in place. “I went for a run.”

  She closed her eyes and rested her forehead on his chest. “You what?”

  “Went for a run. I know. Stupid.” He grunted. “But I was hot and angry and I needed to clear my head. I didn’t mean to stay out so long. Knew the storm was coming, but once I got going I lost track of time.”

  “Where did you go?”

  “Along the road. Just was gonna go there and back. But I got there and the sky fell in...”

  “Where’s there?”

  He was silent a long moment. “There’s a chalet we own about ten miles away. Isolated, off the main road. It’s very private.”

  “You ran ten miles in your dress shoes? In the snow?”

  “There’s a fireplace. I broke in and stayed warm. Rode out the storm.”

  “What about your phone?”

  “Out of range. The chalet is up the hill. No reception.”

  Up the hill, in the snow, in the dark, in a freaking tux. He’d really wanted to get away, hadn’t he?

  “That woman... Cynthia.” His heart picked up speed again. “She’s part of what bothered you last night?”

  “I heard you talking,” Min whispered. “It seemed p-personal.”

  “Why didn’t you ask me about it?”

  She hadn’t wanted to hear it. And it wasn’t really her business. She had no real claim.

  “She’s not my ex,” Logan said. “She’s Rex’s ex. One of my father’s many mistresses.”

  “Oh.” Min bit down on her lip. No wonder Elaine had been watching her so closely. Logan’s mom knew. Min lifted her head and pushed on his chest. He loosened his arms enough so she could look up and see his face. “I’m sorry.”

  Logan met her gaze, the stormy blaze still in his eyes. “You know that accident Connor had when we were kids?”

  She nodded “He told me that you saved him. That you know how to survive in this environment.”

  “He tell you why we were alone?”

  She shook her head.

  “Our father was supposed to be coaching us. But he was too busy fucking his assistant in that small chalet.”

  She made a small sound in her throat. His arms loosened, like he was about to step back.

  “It’s what he does,” he said huskily. “It’s where he always went. He’s had countless affairs. So many.”

  “Your m-m-mother knows?”

  “Of course. She turns a blind eye. Everyone pretends everything is perfect.”

  And it so wasn’t. It was so broken. And Logan had been left alone. Min’s heart ached. “When did you find out?”

  “That day. I needed him and he wasn’t there. The chalet was the first building I got to and I found him with her. Connor was bleeding out on that mountain and it was my fault and dad was getting off... I walked in on him.”

  Min bit her lip to stop from interrupting him. Because she could feel him trembling against her, his heart still thudding. Still hurting.

  “He said nothing.” Logan lifted tortured eyes to hers. “He never talked about it. Never admitted it. Never apologized. Never asked me to say nothing—I guess he knew I’d stay silent. He just yelled at me for taking Connor that far off the trails.”

  Min twisted her fingers into his wet shirt, holding on to him. “Connor’s accident wasn’t your f-fault.”

  But Logan looked sombre, marked with an old, deep scar. “I dared him. I pushed him. He was younger and not as strong and I should have known better.”

  “Your father should have known better.” Not to leave two competitive kids on the mountain alone. Not to stray from his wife. Not to destroy his son’s innocence and faith that way.

  “I always said I wasn’t going to be like him...” Logan muttered.

  Min hurt, silenced. Because he had been, right? He’d told her he cheated.

  His arms tightened fractionally and Logan looked straight into her eyes. His were that pale ice blue. Honest, resigned.

  “I had an affair with my team-mate’s girlfriend,” he said. “She cheated on him with me. I let that happen, no, I made it happen. Wanted it to.”

  “W-w-why?” Min pressed down on her lips. Why had he wanted to do that? To destroy someone else’s happiness? Because she knew how much that hurt—to be the one betrayed.

  “At the time, I thought I liked her,” he said huskily. “But looking back, I think it was the challenge. He was my greatest threat on the slopes and I...”

  “...wanted to win.” She got that about him.

  His head lowered. “I guess I was trying to prove that I could. At least that way. Doesn’t make me a nice person, huh?”

  It made him a needy person. Needing to win no matter the cost. Needing to win something—anything. Needing to be wanted. Needing to be loved.

  He seemed to have it all—to be utterly spoilt. But maybe he’d missed out on the fundamentals. The basic security of loving parents and that acceptance, the knowledge they loved you no matter what. Because he hadn’t been loved, unless he won.

  It didn’t make his actions excusable, but perhaps understandable.

  “What happened?” Min asked.

  “Eventually she told him. It blew up.” He looked to the f
loor as he answered. “Blew up the whole damn team. In the end he forgave her. They’re married now and have a couple of kids.”

  She’d gone back to the other guy?

  “She b-broke your heart?” Min asked quietly.

  “No,” he shook his head, his gaze snapping back to hers. “She made the right choice.”

  Had she?

  “I never could have made her happy for long,” he said simply. “It never would have lasted.”

  So Logan had been the other guy. He hadn’t been playing off two women at once. It shouldn’t make any difference, it shouldn’t make Min feel any better about it. Because he’d lied to a colleague. Betrayed a team-mate. A team-mate who was also a competitor. It must have been such a mess.

  “Did you stay skiing as a t-team?”

  “The week after they got back together, I crashed out in that race.”

  The one when he’d hurt his back and made the decision to end his competition career. Now she understood. In trying to win what wasn’t his, Logan had lost it all.

  “Connor is so different. He’s this disciplined man,” Logan said. “You’ve seen him. So rigid and tough—with him there’s never doing anything wrong. His self-control is legendary.”

  Whereas Logan’s? Not so long ago she’d said he didn’t have any. But he did. He had more self-control than any man she’d met. Time and time again he’d shown her his ability to deny himself.

  “I don’t want to be like Rex,” he said, his words rushing like he couldn’t say it all fast enough. “I don’t want to be that selfish. I don’t want to use people the way he does. I don’t want to use you... I’m so sorry I made you come here with me. I’m sorry I put you in a position where you felt so uncomfortable. I fucked up. I thought it’d be fun and I didn’t think there’d be these consequences like your mom...” He broke off, breathing jerkily. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “It’s not okay.”

  “Logan.”

  “And I’m sorry I was out all night and made you worry. All of you,” he grimaced. “It was the last thing you needed.”

  She lifted her hand to cup his jaw. His skin felt hot. He needed to stop beating himself up. He was so beautiful, so tortured. So sorry.

  And so was she. She’d let her own insecurities make her doubt him on something as small as a half-heard conversation. And there he was, tormented by his own family’s mess. By his own past. As was she.