Beg for Me

by Natalie Anderson

  “Does anything mean anything?” she asked.

  “Of course not,” he smiled. There was nothing warm about it. “You know me, I’m only ever about the game. Only good for short-term, meaningless...”

  She chilled. He was talking about sex now. About them. “You d-d-don’t think you’re being a bit hard on yourself? If you...”

  His nostrils thinned. “I’m not the right guy for any woman for long. You know this.” His voice hardened. “You’ve told me.”

  She shook her head. “You’ve told me.” Her heart split. He didn’t believe in himself.

  “Your team mate’s girl? You chose someone you knew you c-couldn’t have.” She realized it now. “You knew it couldn’t work.” In that weird way, he’d kept himself safe. “Now, if anyone gets too c-c-close, you push them away.” He was pushing her away. “Because you don’t believe you d-deserve... You let them down before they have a chance to reject you.”

  She’d been wrong about him. It wasn’t that he didn’t give a damn about what anyone thought of him. Quite the opposite. He cared deeply about the opinions of those who mattered most to him. Connor especially. His friends. And his parents. Deny it he might, but they still hurt him.

  And with women? He never let one get close enough.

  She looked at him, aloof, silent. He’d totally iced over. Shutting her out. The slicing away had started. And there’d be no coming back for her. For them. She knew it.

  “We survived the party,” he eventually said in a remote voice. “Connor has complete control. Father has retired. It’s probably time for us to end this.”

  “So we’re no longer engaged?” she asked.

  He said nothing.

  “And we’re no longer fucking?” Deliberately she used the crude word. Trying to force him into revealing some kind of emotion.

  But this was Logan Hughes. Swear words would never shock him.

  He stood unmoved.

  “You don’t want m-m-me anymore?” She was dangerously close to cracking.

  “I don’t have relationships that last,” he said determinedly. “I’m too used to getting my own way. You said it yourself, too spoilt. Too selfish—”

  “Too scared.”

  That silenced him.

  She walked up to him, suddenly past fear herself. “Then what was it you ‘loved’ last night, Logan?”

  He didn’t even seem to be breathing.

  “Just the sex? M-m-me m-moaning?” She shook her head. “You’re so pathetic.” Hurt howled through her the way the wind had scoured the snow from those mountains.

  He was as bad as Bryce. Worse than Bryce. Because he’d made her open up to him totally. He’d made her believe in herself. Made her believe in him.

  “You thrive on a challenge. And that’s what I was. The woman who didn’t want to want you. So you m-made me want you. You made me want you m-more than I’ve ever wanted any other man. You won. But now, where’s the challenge?” She flicked her fingers in his face, let them spread to show nothing but air. “G-g-gone. You’ve lost interest. You need some other challenge to go conquer. So shallow. So unfulfilled. But the thing is... you know there’s something m-missing.”

  His gaze shot to hers. She saw the banked anger, like blue flames. She wanted to make it explode. He’d yelled at his sister, why wasn’t he yelling at her?

  “Are you so afraid of failure, you’ll resist trying something in case you can’t make a success of it?” She goaded. “You’re not that much of a risk-taker at all. You’re not reckless where it really c-counts. You won’t risk your heart. And that restlessness will always be with you. You’re never going to be satisfied. You can be as gluttonous as you want, screw as many women as you can, but you’ll always hunger. It’ll never be enough. There’s a hole inside you that nothing can f-fill.”

  “Don’t think you can save me, Min,” he said roughly. “There’s nothing to save here. You don’t want to stay with me, trust me on that.”

  “You don’t trust yourself. You have no faith in yourself,” she spat at him. Furious with him. Fighting for him. “Of all the things to believe about you Logan, only you b-b-believe the worst.”

  He shook his head. “Stop thinking you can fix me.”

  “I know people can’t fix each other. But people can support each other. Love each other. But you have to let them. There’s nothing I can do to make you happy Logan. There’s nothing anyone can do to make you happy. Unless you let them.” She looked at him sadly. “But you’ve already made the d-decision. You think you’re not worthy. You think you’ll fail at it. And so you do.”

  He looked down, hiding that beautiful blue from her.

  “Where will you go?” he asked.

  That was it? He wasn’t even going to try to engage? Of course he wasn’t. “Somewhere.”

  “There are paparazzi still outside the building. You’ll need somewhere safe—”

  “Don’t worry your p-p-pretty head about that now, Logan.” She turned. “I’ll be fine.”

  “Min.” He suddenly grabbed her wrist.

  Her skin sizzled, her silly heart leapt.

  “Let me go,” she whispered.

  She didn’t mean it. She wanted him to pull her to him. Tell her he was sorry, that he wanted this to work. That he’d try.... because what he loved wasn’t ‘this’, but her.

  But that only happened in Hollywood fantasies.

  And this was just an ordinary day for him. And a nightmare for her.

  His eyes burned into her for a prolonged, pained moment.

  “Pack your things,” he said, suddenly releasing her. “I’ll get Ed, he’ll escort you where ever you want to go.”

  She didn’t even get the satisfaction of slamming the door.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  #NoHeating

  Her apartment was freezing and in the three days during which she’d hid inside, it hadn’t gotten any warmer. She sat at her computer but didn’t turn it on. She wasn’t doing it to herself. Seeing those pictures? That whole online world of gossip?

  But she was going to have to leave her apartment soon, she was all out of ice-cream.

  She jumped as her phone rang, but her pulse settled as she read the caller display. It wasn’t him. It was never going to be him.

  “Hi B-B-Blake.”

  “Hey Min.” Her first and favorite client answered. “ You’ve been hard to get hold of lately. I was worried,” Blake said.

  Min almost smiled. He was concerned for her? That was sweet.

  “But then I saw you had happy news of your own,” he added.

  Her momentarily lifted spirits crashed again. “Uh, yeah.”

  “It’s fantastic. And I guess it makes things a bit easier, knowing you’re going to be busy with your own wedding and all.”

  Makes what things easier? Not trusting her voice, Min waited.

  “Uh, look, Sabrina’s going to take over the social media stuff for me.” He muttered awkwardly.

  “That m-makes a lot of sense,” Min said, trying to keep it together.

  “I really appreciate the work you did for me... I keep telling everyone to hire you, but you’re probably gonna scale back now, I guess.”

  Guessing wrong. But she wasn’t going to correct him.

  “Thank you. I liked working with you.” She really had. “But Sabrina’s right. She’s onto it.”

  “She’s amazing,” he sighed. “I’m so lucky.”

  “You sure are,” Min smiled. “Now don’t worry at all,” she said smoothly. “I’ll send you the final account later today. Just p-promise to stay in touch, okay?”

  “Sure thing. Thanks Min.”

  Min rang off, knowing he probably wouldn’t.

  Not only had she lost her heart, and her apartment. Her career was in tatters too. She was hemorrhaging the few clients she had. The only thing to do was leave town and start over completely. She could hear her mother’s words already.

  I told you so.

  But despite that one mamm
oth mistake, she was good at what she did. She could succeed at it again. Or something again. She’d leave New York, find a new place, and new job.

  Tomorrow.

  She’d just have the night to cry first.

  Min put her phone down and stared at her hand. She still had his big fat real diamond to prove their big fat fake engagement. She still hadn’t taken it off because she was so damn pathetic.

  Well it was beyond time to pull it together. She’d get the ring back to him. Then get the hell out of this town. And she’d start over.

  She wiggled her finger so the diamond caught the light. It wasn’t like she could send it by courier, it was probably worth more than her apartment. And there was no way she was returning it in person.

  She was never seeing him again.

  So how to get it back to him safely? She couldn’t go to his building. That creep photo guy had been past her window a couple times, they might still be at his place too. And she had no idea where any of his friends lived.

  Except Rocco. That guy had a hotel.

  And if Logan trusted Rocco to take care of his sister, he’d trust him to take care of this ring. She could go to Rocco’s hotel, give the ring to him and get out of there.

  Sixteen hours later, she felt like a deranged person standing in the lobby of the stylish hotel. Only now did she realize the problem with the plan. She could hardly leave it at reception, but she didn’t want to have to go over there and ask the receptionist to call Rocco down. She didn’t want to see any of Logan’s friends. Didn’t want anyone to see her. And as it was, she thought there might be one of those horrible photographers out there.

  “Min?”

  Heart thudding, she whirled to face whoever had sharply called her name.

  Hunter?

  She hadn’t spoken much to the muscled, serious-looking man when they’d been at Summerhill. He seemed to say little but know a lot. And he’d take care of the ring, she was certain.

  But he was looking suspiciously at her. “What are you doing here?” he asked bluntly.

  Didn’t he know it was all over between her and Logan? “I w-w-wanted...” She trailed off, feeling faint. She didn’t want to talk. She just wanted to leave.

  “You’d better sit down.” He grabbed her elbow and guided her to the nearest chair. He took the one opposite and stared at her. “Where’s Logan?”

  Totally direct, wasn’t he? She wished she could be. Instead she swallowed and didn’t answer.

  “I’ve been away,” Hunter glanced around the lobby, his expression uncharacteristically tense. “I’m still catching up on everything that’s happened.” He shot another frowning glance towards the elevators. “You’re not with Logan?”

  She knew he didn’t mean just this exact minute. She shook her head.

  He pressed his lips together. “You wanted to see Rocco?”

  She twisted the diamond ring off her finger and held it out. “I wanted him to give this back to L-l-l...” she trailed off, abandoning the attempt to say his name.

  Hunter looked at the ring. He held out his hand, palm up. She dropped the jewel into it.

  “I’ll make sure he gets it.” He put the ring into his pocket.

  She nodded. That was it, disposed of. Just like her.

  “Where are you going now?” Hunter glanced around the lobby again before fixing his unemotional, assessing gaze back on her.

  She had no idea.

  “Home?” Hunter waited. His face remained expressionless even though she remained silent. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell him. I’m good at keeping secrets.”

  She bet he was. He was that coolly hard-headed. But it wasn’t like Logan was ever going to ask. To her horror, tears sprang to her eyes.

  “I’ll see you there safely.” Hunter said, his tone clipped. “I spotted Pete Boulder at the restaurant two doors along, I don’t think you want to bump into him just now.”

  She certainly didn’t. Him or any other photographer. Or anyone at all for that matter.

  “Come on.” Hunter stood. “I’ll take you there now.”

  Logan’s week went from atrocious... to just... there were no words.

  He felt like the freaking, walking dead. The zombie Min had once accused him of being. He didn’t know what he needed, but sitting in his empty apartment wasn’t doing it. But that call from Rocco hadn’t quite been the summons he’d been seeking either.

  “Whiskey, double. And a beer.” He sat on the stool in the bar of Rocco’s hotel and watched the bartender’s quick movements.

  Frustration surged. He’d gotten used to Min’s company. Now she wasn’t alongside him it was like his right arm had been cut off. He couldn’t turn to see the sparkle in her eye. Couldn’t share an aside with her. Couldn’t tease or laugh.

  He was close with Connor, but they hadn’t lived under the same roof in years. Xander and Hunter lived in the same building. And Rocco?

  Rocco had called him earlier today, asked him to come and see him here at the hotel. He’d been there with Dani and, yeah, Logan wasn’t ready to think about that much yet.

  He’d been alone a long while. Hadn’t shared an apartment in years. So why did it suddenly seem big and empty and soulless? Why was he suddenly feeling like he needed a goddamn friend?

  It wasn’t a friend he wanted.

  He could hop on a plane and go work on product development somewhere. Or he could have a night out. Get back to his usual way of life. The life that had been perfectly fine before. Plain perfect, in fact.

  What he wanted to do, more than anything this second, was forget the past fortnight. All the fun. All the nightmare. The last half hour.

  Hunter walked into the bar. “What are you doing?” He looked at the line-up of drinks in front of Logan. “You realize it’s the middle of the afternoon?”

  Logan looked at the drinks, neither of which he’d yet touched. “I want to get blind fucking drunk.”

  “So you can do some blind fucking?” Hunter asked harshly, leaning sideways against the bar so he could glare at Logan. “Pick some random hottie and do her everyway ‘til Sunday?”

  “What’s wrong with that idea?” Logan asked belligerently. “You used to do it all the time.”

  “I don’t have a fiancée,” Hunter replied. “I don’t have Min as my woman.”

  “She’s not my woman.”

  Hunter snorted. “I saw the way you were together.”

  “Just lust. She doesn’t want to marry me for real. She only became my fiancée because I blackmailed her into it in the first place.”

  “Did you blackmail her into your bed?” Hunter asked.

  “I made it hard for her to say no.” Logan lifted his beer and swigged from the bottle.

  But equally she’d made it hard for him to resist.

  Impossible to resist.

  Hell he missed her. Only her words burned—that he had no faith in himself? That he didn’t believe in himself?

  “Where is she?” Xander took the seat on the other side of him.

  Jeez, they were all turning up? “Shouldn’t you be in Mexico?”

  “It was only a short trip. Seems a lot has happened since I’ve been gone though.”

  “Don’t Xan.” Logan took another sip of his beer. “Rocco called you, right?”

  “He’s concerned,” Xander said.

  “He doesn’t need to be. Nor do you.”

  And Logan was not thinking about Rocco this moment. Or Dani. And definitely not Min.

  “I’ve been concerned for months Logan,” Xander said. “I was distracted for a while—”

  Logan snorted.

  “Okay I’m still distracted. Chelsea’s a handful. But you’ve not been happy for a long time. You need to sort it out.”

  Logan sighed. “You were right. I’m in trouble.”

  “You’ve not got her pregnant?” Xander looked stunned.

  “No.” Logan rolled his eyes. Though it wasn’t a bad idea. He could see her looking soft and pretty all rounded
with his child.

  He smacked his forehead into his palm. It was a dreadful idea. Trap the woman into staying with him? She’d resent him forever.

  Besides, look what had happened the last time a lover of his had gotten pregnant.

  Pain sliced into his chest. A pain he’d never allowed himself to feel. He never thought about it. Never wanted to acknowledge it. Never remembered.

  But it was there. Always had been. And the truths hurled at his head that day?

  Still rang true, right? He was the short-term screw.

  “Leave it, Xan,” he said. “There’s nothing more to say.”

  “Fine. But I’m having some lunch.”

  Logan turned his back on his buddies and looked out at the room. Watched as temptation walked in. A woman. Tall, beautiful, available. She glanced at him, her attention lingered.

  Six months ago Logan would have been over her like a rash. The invitation in her eyes, the sultry sway of her hips...

  He was so not interested now.

  She walked over to him, her gaze focused on his face. “You haven’t been out much recently.”

  She’d recognized him but he couldn’t place her. A model most probably.

  “I’ve been busy,” he said.

  “Too busy for some fun?”

  “Thanks but I’m taken.” He smiled but turned away, ignoring the woman’s small pout.

  As far as the rest of the world was concerned he was still engaged and he was happy to let that idea stand a while yet.

  He’d needed someone novel and fresh. Min was definitely fresh. Minty cold and biting. Like a sorbet, a palate cleanser.

  Did that mean he was ready to return to the rich spread—to taste all the different dishes on offer? The thought of rich variety made him feel sick.

  He didn’t want anyone else. He wanted Min. But she? She’d used him the way he’d used so many others. She’d played with him and found some sexual confidence and freedom along the way.

  And that’s all she’d wanted from him, right? She hadn’t meant it when she’d challenged him about not having faith in himself. She was the one who lacked the faith in him and he didn’t blame her. She didn’t want the life she thought he’d offer.