Just Jayne

by Ripley Proserpina

  The TV was on, the hosts of the morning show chattering in the background. Ignoring it, I seated myself and pulled my sketchbook from my bag.

  I wanted to draw Lee as he’d been last night. His face was so clear in my mind, and the way he’d stared at me, gaze soft. Soon, I was so absorbed in my drawing that I forgot about everything else.

  “I like it,” Lee whispered, and I yelped.

  The guys had snuck in and all watched me with matching half-smiles.

  “You didn’t hear us,” Tennyson said, “and we weren’t quiet.”

  Lee sat next to me and held out a hand for my book. I handed it to him, staring at him as he studied it.

  “It’s beautiful,” he said. “But you flatter me.”

  “I just draw what I see,” I replied, reaching for it back. Like his friend had done at the last show, he flipped through the pages slowly.

  “You got all of us.”

  Maybe I shouldn’t have been drawing them? Was it like taking photos of them? I’d signed an NDA about photographs. “Do you want them?” I asked. “I probably shouldn’t have drawn them now that I think about my contract.”

  Narrowing his eyes, Lee shook his head. His hair had been gelled and styled into perfection, so it didn’t move. I liked when it fell in front of his eyes and he looked through it to me. “Your contract…” He glanced at his friends. “We should probably get rid of that.”

  “Why?” I asked. The door opened before he could answer.

  The production assistant from earlier told the guys it was time to perform, and informed me I could wait here. There was something about the way she said it, like there was more than just keeping too many people from crowding onto the stage. The guys stopped.

  “She’s with us,” Diego said.

  The PA shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. “It’s not up to me, I’m sorry.”

  I understood being the messenger so I waved it aside. “It’s totally fine,” I assured them. “I’d probably step in front of a camera or trip on a wire. It’s safer for everyone if I’m here.” I smiled to show them I really was okay with it.

  Diego took a step toward me and hugged me. “I don’t know what’s going on. I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  I wrapped my arms around his waist. “It’s fine.” He lifted his eyebrows and shook his head like it wasn’t really. But it was just staying in the Green Room. In the world of problems, this didn’t merit freaking out at all.

  “New rider,” Tennyson said to Lee. They waved, looking a little bummed—which I appreciated, because it was nice to be wanted—and went on their way.

  I went back inside and turned up the TV so I could hear their interview and when they played. The band was interviewed first, and the questions weren’t so different than the ones I’d heard them asked before. But since this was a talk show, there were more questions about girls and people they dated. There were questions about the songs and if they were about anyone in particular.

  That was an interesting question. I leaned forward, listening carefully. They had one song from their second album that was sort of an anti-love anthem. It was all about betrayal. I guessed it was sort of the rock equivalent of my wife left me, she stole my truck, and then my dog ran away.

  “There have been so many questions about this song,” the host, a former sitcom star, said. “Let’s look at some of the culprits.”

  Behind the guys, a series of photos of past girlfriends flashed by.

  “Ugh,” I said aloud. Not because they were ugly but because they were so beautiful. It sucked to have their perfect faces flashed across a screen. Most of the photos were of one of the guys with a girl. There was Diego with the Spanish telenovela actress. And Lee with—oh! I remembered her—she was an international human rights lawyer or something. Klaus with Miss Universe. Tennyson with a tattoo artist who had her own reality show. Lee with the same tattoo artist.

  Lots of girls in their pasts.

  At one point, Diego looked directly at the camera, and I had the feeling he was silently apologizing to me. I laughed aloud. This was their past and they were rock stars.

  “We’re going to be joined in a moment by Blanca Travis, who promises to give us a little sneak peek into what life is like with Rochester’s Pathos.”

  The screen went to black. For some reason, my stomach dropped. Blanca could be talking about flirting, or maybe the house party they threw, but I didn’t think so. Her smile and laughter yesterday suddenly took on a more ominous tone. This was a woman who publicly shamed the people she felt wronged her.

  And I had a feeling I was on that list.

  The screen flashed and the guys were back. This time, Blanca sat between them. Lee raked his hand through his gelled hair. Klaus was stony faced, Tennyson looked ready to stab someone, and Diego… Diego was doing his best Klaus impression.

  I stood, shoved my notebook in my bag and crossed my arms. Something was coming. Like a storm on the horizon, I could sense dark clouds gathering.

  “We’re with Blanca Travis. Blanca, tell us about working and traveling with Rochester’s Pathos.”

  “Diego and Tennyson are two of the most talented lyricists I’ve ever worked with. Klaus works himself to the bone and there’s no one with more dedication to his craft than Lee.”

  So far, that wasn’t bad at all.

  “And for the most part, the guys are professional…” She smiled a little secret smile. “Until girls are involved.”

  The host laughed.

  “And then forget about it,” Blanca finished.

  My breath left me in a whoosh. She’d said the guys were girl-crazy, so what? It would probably make the female population in the English-speaking world starry-eyed.

  The guys seemed to agree. Klaus dropped his arms and gave a small smile.

  “Let’s hear this new song that’s getting so much buzz!”

  The audience hooted and hollered and the five of them waved and went to their instruments. Instead of sitting next to Diego, this time Blanca stood in front of the piano.

  Ten drew his bow over the strings of his violin, and they started. It didn’t matter how many times I heard the song, it bowled me over.

  And then behind them, on a screen that was taller than they were, photos started to flash. Klaus and the tennis player. Lee and the lawyer.

  The guys weren’t that old, but the pictures went back in time. Fashion changed, the girls changed, and the lyrics synced up perfectly with the pictures.

  Klaus couldn’t see them, but Lee turned, watching the photos flash by. His posture straightened and his movements seemed stiff.

  “Through the crowd of blonde girls, sharks, gold glittering, is where you are. You’ve got purity in your eyes. You brush away the lies and you’ll believe me.” Diego sang the lyrics of the final chorus as a single picture appeared behind them. It was the one of them at the Grammys. The one where Ten made that horribly disappointed face.

  This was the Grammys where they had brought one date. A golden girl. Blonde hair. Tan skin. She looked like she’d been swimming in the ocean, made a deal with a sea witch, and grown legs just to woo the boys.

  Diego’s voice echoed in my ears. “Through the crowd of blonde girls, sharks, gold glittering is where you are.”

  It was about her. No one had to tell me, because I watched each one of the guys turn their head toward that photo and freeze. Klaus was the last to look, and when he did, he dropped his drum sticks. They clanged to the ground.

  Even Blanca was frozen. She’d gotten a reaction, but I was certain it wasn’t the one she’d expected. With this prank, she’d uncovered something she couldn’t laugh away.

  The band didn’t wait for the host to say goodbye. Diego walked away. Ten unplugged his violin and stormed off stage. Lee followed a second later.

  Klaus was last to leave, and as he did, he turned such a look of hate on Blanca that she paled. She’d shown what kind of person she was to the world, and she’d done it on national TV. This was the sort of th
ing that would be played and replayed in the years to come: the day Blanca Travis sunk her career trying to get one over on Rochester’s Pathos.

  36

  Jayne

  Ten reached the room first. He threw open the door and held out his hand. “We’re going.”

  I could feel a dozen sets of eyes on us as we went through the studio and out the door. Steve was waiting for us at the entrance. If he was surprised to see us so early, he didn’t say so. He opened the car door and waited for all of us to pile in.

  “Call your mother,” Lee said. “Tell Flora to meet us at the airport.”

  Diego pulled out his phone and made the call.

  “We’re leaving?” I asked. Warner had a slew of shows for them. Were they going to cancel everything? And why? They were celebrities and had to be used to people rubbing their noses in the past. “Why?”

  “I’m done with the bullshit,” Ten said. “I don’t need to be under a microscope. We have enough money to release cover albums of fucking Chicago tracks if we want to. We don’t need Blanca.”

  “Is it because of the girl?” I asked quietly. I wasn’t stupid. That last photo was the one that made them freeze. “The girl the song is about?”

  “It’s not about her,” Lee said. “The song or leaving. Ten is right. We don’t need to be around Blanca’s toxicity. We’re cutting our losses.”

  “When we get home, we’ll hire a new manager. I’m calling the lawyers now,” Klaus said and proceeded to ignore us as he made the call.

  “Why don’t you talk to Blanca?” I asked. “Tell her to cut the shit.”

  “She’s not one of your students,” Ten ground out. “We’re not going to teach her a lesson so she’ll grow as a person.”

  Ouch. Okay. Well. He had a point. This was their business, and they could do whatever they wanted. I folded my hands in my lap and looked out the window. We were stuck in traffic—surprise, surprise—so it would be a while before we got to the airport.

  “I want you to look at the contracts, and if she’s broken it, I want you to follow through with the threats.” Klaus’s accent was thicker as he argued with the person on the other end of the phone. “I don’t care if it’s going to look bad, that’s not your concern. Now do what I fucking pay you to do and follow through!”

  Anger flowed off of him in waves. I wanted to touch him, but like Ten, he seemed reactive. If I did, he might turn that anger on me.

  I wasn’t worried about him hurting me physically. But I didn’t want to be yelled at again. It made me feel like dirt.

  “Who was the girl?” I asked. “In the photos. I’ve seen her with you all before.”

  “No one,” Diego answered. “Just a girl from the past. She didn’t mean anything, just like all the other girls.”

  He was seated behind me, so he couldn’t see me.Which was a good thing. I’ve heard of the blood draining out of people’s faces. It left me a little light-headed, it happened so fast. I clenched my hands together. No one. Just like the other girls.

  Like me? Was I no one? Would I be no one later one?

  The uncomfortable silence lasted until we got to the airport, and even Sophie’s excitement and Marisol’s worried looks didn’t ease the tension.

  “What happened?” Marisol whispered in my ear as she hugged me good-bye.

  I answered honestly. “I’m not sure.”

  Sophie was hanging off of Diego, but his rigid posture had her eyeing me. I held out my hand, and she dropped Diego’s in order to run to me. Glancing down, he stared at his hand. Finally, he shook his head and looked around. When he saw Sophie with me, he gave me a tight smile, but he didn’t join me. And he didn’t wave his daughter back.

  “Have a good trip, my sweet girl,” Marisol said to Sophie. She leaned over and kissed her cheek, then stepped back and watched us embark. At the top of the steps, Soph turned and waved before looking at me with worried eyes.

  “It’s okay,” I told her. “Everything will be okay.” She nodded, but didn’t seem to believe me. I hoped I wasn’t lying, but now that she was back, I could feel a change come over me. I wasn’t girlfriend-Jayne anymore. I was teacher-Jayne, and the little girl clinging to my hand would get all my focus.

  “Jayne.” Ten reached for me as I walked by his seat, but I shook my head and sat with Soph a few seats up.

  He didn’t follow me, and I didn’t expect him to. I settled into the seat, buckling my belt and then made sure her belt was buckled, too. “Did you have fun at your abuela’s?” I asked.

  “Yes!” Launching into a play-by-play of her visit, Sophie detailed everything she’d done. By the time we took off, I had learned all about her cousins, her abuela’s pool, and the room they had just for her.

  She was jittery as the plane reached cruising altitude, but settled down when I found a movie for her. Soon, she was happily munching popcorn and singing along with her show.

  I leaned back in my seat and sighed before glancing at my watch. We’d been in the air an hour or so, and we had another eight to ten in the air.

  I shut my eyes and tried not to think about the way Ten talked to me, or the obvious secrets they were keeping.

  “Jayne.” I opened my eyes to see Diego crouched next to me. “Can you sit with me for a minute?”

  Soph was thoroughly enjoying her movie, but I didn’t want to leave her just because Diego decided he wanted me. “Not right now,” I said. “I’m on the clock.”

  Rolling back on his heels, he shook his head. “No, you’re not. Flora?” The bodyguard moved up the aisle. “Sit with Sophie for a bit, will you?”

  “Sure,” she said and waited for me to stand.

  I didn’t appreciate being steam-rolled, but I wasn’t going to throw a fit in front of my student. Unbuckling, I slid out of my seat and waited until the other woman was settled before following Diego up the aisle to the bench seats. The other guys were waiting for us.

  When I came in, they looked up and stood. “I’m sorry,” Ten said. “I didn’t mean to.”

  “Didn’t mean to what?” I asked. “Embarrass me? Put me in my place? Make me feel like I didn’t matter?”

  Ten rubbed his hands down his face. “All of those, Jaynie. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.”

  “What’s going on?” I asked. “You cut Sophie’s visit short. Cancelled all your shows. I get that you’re pissed at Blanca, but why?”

  “Because she’s a nosy bitch,” Klaus spat. “And I don’t want to be around her another second. She can go fuck herself and write a song about what assholes we are.”

  Like they had with Warner, they were cutting Blanca off just like that. And they weren’t going to tell me why. I was going to have to live with the explanation that she was nosy, mean, and rude, because that was all they were going to say about it.

  “I’m your employee,” I said to Ten. “But I’m not your doormat. And I’m not your scapegoat. You don’t get to take your anger out on me.”

  “I know.” He stood and reached for my hands. When I didn’t immediately take them, he tugged me into his arms. “Jayne, I can’t lose you. We can’t lose you.”

  “I’m just a girl,” I said, spouting back the words Diego had used. “Just like all the other girls.”

  “That’s not true,” Diego said from behind me. Ten let me go, and Diego grabbed my arm. He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. “You mean everything. We’ve never felt anything like this before. You have us wrapped around your finger.”

  “You challenge us, and you don’t take our shit. And you put everyone else before you.” Klaus leaned forward on the bench, propping his elbows on his knees.

  “You make me sound like a saint, and I’m not,” I said to him. “You really hurt my feelings, and you’re not telling me everything.”

  “Can you live with that?” Klaus asked. “We have a past, we’re not hiding that. We’ve been with other women, that’s true, but they don’t mean anything. They never did.”

  “Don’t say th
ings like that to me! How can you think I’ll believe that when I’ve seen who you’ve been with and heard what you say about them? I’m just me. Just poor, plain Jayne. But I’m not a robot. I have feelings and desires and hopes and dreams.”

  “We know.” Klaus stood fast and they all crowded around me. Wherever I looked, I met someone’s impassioned gaze. “You have to understand, little teacher, we love you.”

  That was it. I was finished. It was one thing for them to say they wanted me, but to love me? I struggled to get away from Diego, but Lee caught me up in my arms.

  “I’m Sophie’s teacher, and that’s what I’m going to stay. You don’t have to make fun of me.”

  “We’re not making fun of you!” Lee said. “Will you stop trying to get away!”

  “I have a free will, and I’m using it to sit with Sophie. When the plane lands, I’m going to be Boring Jayne the teacher, and you can forget all about me.”

  “We’d soon as forget how to play music or forget Sophie,” Ten said. “We’re not forgetting you. We’re telling you we love you.”

  “No, you don’t,” I argued, but I stopped struggling to get away from Lee. Tears ran down my face, and I wiped them away angrily. “You want me, but you don’t love me.”

  “Don’t tell us how we feel,” Klaus said.

  “We know what we feel.”

  “We’ve been talking about this since the day you applied to be Sophie’s teacher,” Lee added. “Not that we loved you in that moment, but every single one of us was drawn to you.”

  “Why do you think I chose the other teacher?” Diego asked. “She was safe. You, on the other hand, you’ve been through hell and come out the other side. You didn’t just survive, but you thrived. Look at you, Jayne. Your compassion. Your spirit. You didn’t let that school, or your aunt, beat it out of you. Of course we’d fall in love with you. It was fate.”

  “You make your own fate,” I whispered.