“Well I still loved the gift,” I smiled affectionately.
He rolled his eyes. “Don’t be soppy now.”
Snorting I refocused my attention on the road ahead, grateful when the turn-off for the London Blackwall tunnel came into view. “Thank God we’re almost home!” I stated as the walls of the tunnel swallowed us.
“Good, I’m starving!” Katie groaned out as she stretched her legs out.
Casper reached down into the bag and dragged out a chunky kit-kat bar. “Here kit-kat have a break on me.”
She giggled as she caught the sweet and started to devour it.
We cruised through Greenwich at a leisurely pace. I was in no hurry to get home but at the same time I was hungry. The roads were fairly empty despite it being peak time. Soon the small illuminated village of Blackheath came into view. We were nearly home. As I drove, Casper and Katie shuffled about clearing up the small mess of sweet wrappers.
I stopped the car, making both Katie and Casper jerk awkwardly. Katie let out a choked groan and Casper grunted as his head knocked against the headrest. “What’s going on?” he grunted as he glared at me.
I couldn’t answer him.
My body was frozen in shock, my gaze plastered to the front garden. I swallowed thickly and tried to pry my hands from the steering wheel. I could feel an ugly, hot rage boiling up inside me. “WHAT THE FUCK!” Unfastening my seatbelt I tore out of the car and up the driveway. The cool breeze made my skin sweat as I hammered on the front door. “MUM OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?” I shouted loud enough for my throat to crack.
Silence from the other side but I could practically feel her presence standing there in all her smug glory.
“MUM! OPEN THE DOOR!”
Still nothing.
I was just about to start kicking the damned thing when a voice behind me called out, “What the Hell is going on here!” I snapped around to see my Dad standing at the end of the driveway, looking as shocked as I’d been. However, unlike me, his temper was running rampant. He stalked across the front garden and stood in front of me. “What’s happened?”
“You tell me!” I seethed, “I just pull in here and you’ve bloody redecorated the front garden with my fucking stuff!”
“Calm down!” he snapped. I tried; I balled my fingers into fists and tried to calm myself. I could feel myself shaking with anger. He stepped past me to the front door and rapped the knocker, “Mildred? Mildred open the door and tell me what you’re doing!”
“I’ll not open the door until he gets away from my house!” came my mum’s shrill voice.
My dad’s arm rested on my chest and eased me a step back from the front door, “Mildred just tell me why his stuff is all over the front garden?”
“I don’t want him here! Not him or his gay conspiracies! I’ll not have him corrupt my Katelyn. Not anymore!”
“What’re you talking about?” he snapped.
“No, Paul! I’ve put up with him for long enough!”
He glanced at me. My anger was still simmering in my veins. How could she do this? Take advantage that I wasn’t even in the house and just chuck all of my things out the window. It was absurd! It was the sort of crap you read in the newspaper or hear on the news but never know anyone it’s physically happened to.
“Mildred, aren’t you at least going to let him get the rest of his stuff?” Dad asked, his voice firm but I could tell he was wavering. Why was he so weak? Of all times to cave and be spineless, now was NOT the time.
Leaning closer to the door I yelled out, “YEAH MUM! WHY NOT LET ME GET THE REST OF MY TAINTED, GAY SHIT?”
“That’s not helping!” he hissed.
“Neither are you!” I spat, “You let her hide behind this religious crap when she’s nothing but a fucking homophobe!”
“If you don’t calm down then you won’t be able to get your stuff!” he snapped.
I glared down at him. There was only about an inch difference between our heights, but I still intimidated him. A muscle twitched in his cheek. “Just go back into the car and calm down. I’ll talk her round.”
Still seething I spun around on my heel and stormed back to the car. The leather felt cold as I slumped into the driver’s seat and slammed the door shut. Grinding my teeth together, I gripped the steering wheel. I was in a haze. Hands on my arm made me tense and flinch away. Casper’s concerned features swam into focus. “Stay here,” he murmured, his tone measured and firm. “Katie and I will get your things.”
I nodded numbly. They slipped out of the car. I was left, stewing in my own rage. My temples throbbed and all I could hear was my own heavy breathing and the blood roaring in my ears. My chest ached with every breath and I felt physically sickened by both parents. How could they do this to me? I was their only son. Besides, I couldn’t leave; how could I leave Katie all on her own with those people? They might as well just stick two rods in her brain and corrupt her now.
I didn’t know how long I was in the car, gripping the steering wheel so hard I’m surprised it didn’t snap in half. I jumped back against the headrest as someone tapped on my window. Casper pointed down at the dashboard and mouthed ‘the boot’. Jabbing at the button, a heavy ‘clunk’ echoed out. The car jostled a little as my belongings were hoisted into the boot. Out of the corner of my eye I saw that they’d cleared my things out of the front garden. Flexing my fingers, I readjusted my grip on the steering wheel, ignoring the cold sweat on my palms. Casper knocked on the window again. I looked out to see both him and Katie hunched over and looking in at me with concern and –in Casper’s case –indifference. Katie beckoned for me to get out. I sighed and stepped out into the cool air.
She looked up at me, huddled over with her arms wrapped around her waist. She was on the verge of tears. “Please don’t let this get to you!” she whimpered as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I felt so detached from my emotions in that moment that I barely felt her warmth through my shirt. “Don’t get bad because of them. I s-still love you,” she murmured, her tears slicking my neck.
She pulled back and wiped her sleeves over her face. She squeezed my hand and sobbed. I understood; there were literally no words that could be said. Katie turned her back to me and slowly made her way to our front door where dad was waiting for her. At the door they both turned to look at me, their outcast son, and disappeared.
The sound of the door closing echoed like the final nail in my coffin. A tremor ran down my spine. The bottom dropped out of my stomach and I gagged awkwardly before turning away, my eyes dry and burning. As I reached for the driver-side door, Casper caught my wrist.
“No, you’re in no fit state to drive,” he said as he drew my hand away. His skin was warm and dry whereas I was still damp with sweat.
“You can’t drive.”
“Yes I can. I just don’t brag about it. Now get into the passenger seat before I shove you in the boot.”
Shrugging my shoulders, I turned and walked around to the passenger’s door and climbed inside. The leather was cool as I leaned into the seat. Casper didn’t say anything. I was grateful for the silence as he turned the engine on and backed out of the driveway and pulled onto the road. The night was cool as I watched the lights of shops and houses flash by. My stomach growled. I had no will to eat. Not after that.
We continued to drive until we left London behind us. I watched without seeing as we pulled back onto the motorway. Casper seemed to know where he was going. I left him to it. I didn’t care where we ended up so long as there was a warm bed, food and him. As long as I had the basic necessities, I’d survive.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Sometimes when you get rid of all the bad things inside you, you also get rid of all the good things as well. It's not your fault and you can't stop it from happening. You need some things inside you, otherwise you're hollow with nothing to anchor you down, or keep you afloat. There is just a darkness, an emptiness, so vast it encompasses everything. And sometimes you'r
e just drifting, a tiny empty shell suspended in nothingness.
I felt incredibly small and awkward as Casper pulled into the driveway of his mum’s house. We’d driven in silence with no touching all the way there. It was only now as he parked and turned the engine off, that he reached over and placed his tense fingers on my thigh. Giving a gentle squeeze, he turned and climbed out of the car. I watched him before I drew in a deep breath and followed. My body felt jittery as he our things. He nodded towards the front door, “Come on they won’t bite.”
His words did little to comfort me. It wasn’t that his house was overly large and intimidating. It was simply the prospect of meeting the woman who had given Casper his name, but also the dad and brother who had helped him grow and defended him. What if I didn’t match up to their expectations for their son? My palms started to grow clammy as I edged up the path behind Casper.
“W-What about the rest of the stuff?” I asked my voice tight in my throat.
He glanced at me and frowned, “It can survive a couple of hours in the boots, can’t it? It’s just clothes.”
Grunting, I nodded. I wanted to do something with my hands but everything felt awkward and unnatural. Even standing close to Casper on the doorstep I felt on edge. I was about to turn to him and protest the situation when the front door swung open.
A rush of warmth and the smell of cooked food hit me full on. Everything swam into focus as did the rosy-cheeked face of Tabitha Stokes. My eyes sprang wide as she beamed up at us. My jaw was unhinged as Casper stepped in for a comfortable hug. He’d barely even hesitated. It made my heart ache as I watched Tabitha’s eyes grow wide and then close as she leaned into her sons embrace. Clearly she was as stunned as I was. She chuckled and let Casper step back. Her eyes landed on me; they weren’t like Casper’s eyes, they were warm and a soft brown that complimented her features well. She had long honey-coloured hair that hung in waves around her shoulders. It was hard to believe that they were truly related.
“You must be Avery?” she smiled up at me. Where was the awkwardness? Her soft approach startled me as she opened her arms, “Come on you look like you need a hug.” I barely had time to protest as she wrapped me in her arms. Behind me, Casper chuckled low in his throat as his mum let go and stepped aside to let us in. “In you get you two. We delayed dinner for you.”
There were no words to explain the gratitude I felt as I stepped into Casper’s home, the place where he’d grown up, and followed them both into the dining room.
As it turned out Casper looked a lot more like his dad, Martin, than his mum. He had her face shape but that was it. He and his dad both had the same grey eyes and the same button nose. Ben had his dad’s dark hair and his mums brown eyes giving him the over-all ‘tall, dark and handsome’ cliché. According to Tabitha –and the family photos mounted on the walls –Casper’s original hair colour was, in fact, blonde. At least it had been when he was a kid. Try as I might I couldn’t imagine him with blonde hair. It seemed too out-of-place and didn’t sync with his persona. He suited dark hair and I loved how it contrasted with his clear, grey eyes. I must have been staring at him because a snicker from his older brother and his grinning mum snapped me back to reality.
“Avery, I was just asking how your project was going?” Tabitha asked as she poured herself another glass of wine.
“Oh um ...” I blinked, my mind running blank. Truthfully, I hadn’t spared a second thought on the project.
“It’s finished,” Casper interjected.
He’d inherited it from his dad who had much the same stand-offish, sarcastic personality as his son. However, his dad did smile a lot more and was more than happy to touch his wife and children, be it a peck on the cheek or ruffling their hair in an embarrassing way, much as a father would. I felt a small pinprick of envy deep inside but brushed it aside.
“Really?” Tabitha’s eyes widened, “Will we get a sneak preview?” she grinned. Her cheeks were still rosy, giving her entire appearance a soft, comforting glow.
“Maybe … If Avery doesn’t mind.”
Startled, I frowned at Casper. “Why would I mind?”
He stared at me for a few moments. “It’s rather personal, don’t you think.”
“Well considering our professor and classmates will also be seeing it, I think we can survive your family seeing it, right?”
The slow smile that curved onto his lips made my stomach flip. “Alright then, we can watch it after dinner.”
“So if you’ve been doing all the animation then what has Avery contributed to it?” Ben asked his voice curious as he looked between the two of us.
“He did the music,” Casper deadpanned with a quick look at his brother. I tensed a little, worried in case either of them turned aggressive, but Ben just grinned and ruffled his little brother’s hair.
“Which instrument do you play, Avery?” Martin asked.
“I play the piano.”
“Interesting. Casper dabbled in that but seemed to prefer the violin.”
“I know,” I smiled at Casper, “I like listening to him play.”
For the first time ever, I could’ve sworn I saw Casper blush. I grinned as I watched him duck behind his fringe and pay extra special attention to his food. Tabitha turned her attention to all our plates. “Alright, looks like everyone’s about done. Who wants dessert?”
A murmur of ‘yes’ followed her as she went out to the kitchen. As she shifted back and forth with Casper taking the plates out, Martin and Ben suddenly turned to me with shrewd eyes. They were stern and focused on me as I shrank under their gazes. “So Avery what are you intentions with my son?” Martin asked in a low voice, one that sounded so much like Casper’s and yet somehow more menacing with the warmth in it.
“I assure you, sir, that my intentions with Casper are decent. He means a lot to me.”
“Would you hurt him?” asked Ben.
I stared at him, clenched my jaw and tried to breathe normally. My mind was still reeling –the entire day had given me whiplash. Swallowing thickly, I looked back up at them both. “I can’t promise that I won’t hurt him, just like he couldn’t promise the same of me.”
Ben glanced at his dad and then back at me, “Has he punched you yet?”
My cheeks flamed a little. “No … He did nearly strangle me though.”
Ben snickered whilst Martin rolled his eyes. “What I meant was, would you intentionally break his heart?”
Resisting the urge to roll my eyes I shook my head, “Anyone can tell that this question means a lot to you, so just by saying that you’ve practically accosted me into saying ‘no’. However, my answer is still no. I have no intention of breaking his heart and I can only hope he feels the same.”
Martin frowned heavily, “So he hasn’t said … anything to you?”
“He’s told me what’s happened to him, yes. As for his feelings, I know he wants to but he can’t. I don’t think he can let himself be that vulnerable.”
Ben cocked his head. “And you’re okay with that?”
“I don’t have much of a choice. If that’s all he can offer me then I’m okay with that.” Directing my gaze to the salt-and-pepper haired man adjacent to me; “I’m in love with your son, Mr. Stokes. There’s nothing you can say that will change that.”
“I’m just concerned that someone your age is fickle in these matters.”
“I’m as broken as your son is, sir, but I see no reason why we can’t be happy.” My heart was racing in my ears and I was starting to sweat. The annoying white noise was starting to buzz in my ears. Rubbing my ear and trying to not let the awkward tick bother me.
“My son isn’t broken!” Martin practically hissed, “And what’s so wrong with you that you think you can understand what he’s been through?”
“It’s okay dad,” Casper’s soft monotone broke through the tension. The buzzing in my ear cleared almost instantly. Tabitha hovered behind him, a look of concern marring her features. Casper placed his hands on m
y shoulders and squeezed. I couldn’t look at him; I couldn’t look at any of them.
“Avery has bipolar disorder; he knows better than anyone about being judged and alienated. Not three hours ago he was kicked out of his family by his mother.” He squeezed his fingers tighter on my shoulder, as though trying to inject his words into my bloodstream. “We’ve been friends for the last couple of months and only recently did we decide to be … together.” His words were strained as he continued, “Don’t make him out to be a predator or an arsehole. He’s none of these things. He’s my boyfriend and I’d love it if you could give us your blessing.”
Martin sighed looking conflicted. “You seem like a nice enough kid, Avery, but I can’t give you my blessing until I get to know you.”
“I understand that.” I did. “I wouldn’t expect anything else. All I can ask is for you not to judge me by other people’s actions.”
Relaxing even more he leaned back in his chair, as did Ben, and replied, “I can do that.”
“Thank you.”
I offered a small smile and was relieved when he returned it wistfully. Tabitha smiled and edged further into the room. “Okay everyone grab ice cream and head into the living room. Casper, why don’t you set up your laptop with the animation and we’ll watch it okay?”
I felt a little awkward as I waited for Casper to finish setting up his laptop. Holding my bowl of ice-cream I watched as he plugged various cables into the back of the TV, fiddled around with a few settings and then retreated back to share the large armchair I’d sunk into. I edged back a little to give him more space. He leaned against my chest.
“Is it all ready?” Tabitha asked curling up under her blanket.
“Yeah just press play when you’re ready.”
“Okay get cosy everyone!” She pointed the remote at the TV.
The screen was blank as the first few notes of a violin quivered out of the silence. A lone silvery leaf twirled down from the top of the screen and flittered in time to the music before settling. The darkness rippled. The leaf disappeared and was replaced by the swirls of wind, slowly moulding into the form of a boy.
Caspers Ghosts Page 34